Daughter-in-law Versus My Spouse Drama

[KimPossibli]

is this the DIL and DS where you contributed to their household so that there could be a Stay at home parent?

or is this another member?

 

[Transformer]

I'm curious to know how much your DS and DIL know about your husband's condition and what talks, if any, have been had with them to prepare for the future. I think if you and your husband are straightforward, no beating around the bush, then that will open the door for more open, honest communication. It will also give DS and DIL a choice of whether or not they want to take part in things going forward. This is such a delicate time with the illness and the holidays right around the corner. It would be a shame to spend this time at odds with one another when the healing can begin with just one conversation.

First let me say, we all continued to have a good vacation after the photo shoot with no cattiness or mention of the event. I try not to internalize family matters..when it will negatively impact my enjoyment.

They really know everything....diagnosis and prognosis.
We are open about estate planning because it is the season in our lives to do so. I wanted it that way because I actually hate surprises, and speculation ( my wealthy sisters changes her will constantly based on who she is now mad at). Both kids consider it fair. DS has stated multiple times...”you guys need to spend your money, I will be fine.” I say, I know that because I’ve done a good job for the most part.” They also know how strongly I feel about preparing for the GKs future.

I also think I have open lines of communications with both of my kids but they are adults and are free to make their own decisions (including clothing choices) which comes with consequences. Monetary leverage is not there because they are both doing financially well at the moment. While I noted the clothing choice, I was less bothered than hubby. Again, it makes for some interesting photos but without the desired outcome. I can laugh about it....hubby can not. The question remains rebellion or just not thoughtful? I am more sensitive talking to DIL and would never negatively comment on anything she does personally (including clothing) nor on her child rearing techniques. So I can honestly say, I would have never requested she change out the crop top.

Does DS fawn over his in-laws yes. Again that bothers hubby more than it does me. I just say he is ensuring a happy wife, happy life. DS is over now watching football on the channel hubby refused to give up the password. Yes this would be a good time to address the pictures but I’ll probably have to bring it up while hubby sulks.

 

[Transformer]

is this the DIL and DS where you contributed to their household so that there could be a Stay at home parent?

or is this another member?

Yes, and I contributed to her and not the household. By making it to her, she could expend the way she wanted without delegation to thrifty son.

 

[Transformer]

I know that hubby is really sensitive at the moment. While on vacation, I asked for a morning just with the granddaughter. There were some things I needed to pass down to her. We didn’t get that time alone because hubby joined in after the first hour.

 

[biznesswmn]

Didnt read thru but...
I wonder why is wasnt important enough to your son to make sure DIL complied. She couldv changed clothes after the shoot
I would be mad too. Did DH let her have it?

 

[okange76]

As for me, after the health scare my Dad had this year and I almost fell apart, I would wear anything he requested for a photo shoot. I dropped $2K on a plane ticket and was on the first thing smoking to Nairobi without a second thought and I was in between jobs at the time. He's recovered and I'm still not over it. I know the time is coming when I'll never hear his voice again or put my arms around him. Until then, I'll do what I can to make him happy within reason.

 

[Ganjababy]

I’m sorry but I am with dh. Are these people millennials? So many of them are soooooo selfish my god.

This post does not include the millennials on here just the ones I know irl

 

[luckiestdestiny]

…………………………..dead thread or already resolved I guess I came in too late lol.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

……………...

 

[NICOLETHENUMBERONE]

This is a tough call. Given all the planning and conversations about colors and buying clothes in advance DIL knew this was really important so making this change is inconsiderate. Having said that, the amount of planning for this photo shoot seems a little over the top. Nothing wrong with that but I can see her and DS thinking it’s not a big deal because there’ll still be family pictures. I wouldn’t personally pull a stunt like this if my in-laws paid for the trip and do so much for my family. Some things you do just to keep the peace and this is one of them. She should also know better than to voice any concerns about her stomach sticking out when she had a better option that she got for free.

With DH all you can do is talk to DS. Has he said anything about it? He must realize there’s tension. DIL was wrong but DS is the head of that house and your primary connection. Let him know how you both feel and hopefully he’ll see how important this was to DH.

Exactly! She dropped the ball but now wants to voice concerns. You don't get to say nothing...nada because all of this was you're and ds's fault.

And if you know the style of dress for a photo shoot, you can exchange items within that style of dress and color code. OP is using euphemisms and calling it inconsiderate but let's just go ahead and say that it is a form of disrespect. OP took months of her time and energy planning an event so that her dh could look back and feel happy/peaceful feelings about "that time we took family pictures on XYZ family vacation." DIL didn't consider none of that, it was all about her...bump everyone else and what I initially agreed upon.