Common Games Men Play

[shortycocoa]

I was love bombed by my ex and I went against my own instincts because I was too busy listening to my friends. They actually meant well for me too. My gut was telling me no but my friends were screaming YES. "girl his career is this, girl he owns that, girl you're about to be this and that..."

Even if you cannot articulate why, if it doesn't feel right, just trust yourself more and follow your gut.

Yes! All of this... I actually have a friend that this happened to. She was really uncomfortable and wanting to chuck up the deuces so many times. I and several other people in her circle had to talk her off the ledge, so to speak, but in retrospect, she was so right.

I have also ignored my own intuition and common sense in these situations. It's very easy to do and overlook, but it's there for a reason and is rarely ever wrong.

I would like to think with time and wisdom (that also comes from experience and age) I have gotten better at my level of discernment when it comes to this, as well as actually respecting it and listening to it.

 

[shortycocoa]

What makes a man play all these games with one chick and then marry the next? Is it because one allows games and the other doesn’t?

I think that's part of it, but also some men do grow up and/or naturally fall out of the rigamarole of playing games. At the end of the day, it gets exhausting doing all that, especially if it comes to the point of not getting them the same or better results with different women as time progresses.

 

[PrissiSippi]

@PrissiSippi

What did you mean by this part (What he told the therapist? Who was he talking about?) "

1. This is when a guy makes you feel bad about not giving him what he wants. Turn things around to make u question yourself. Him: I was talking to my therapist and said people are crazy to. You: Yeah they are crazy and they need to re-evaluate why they would stay with a person that disrupts their peace and makes them Unsafe."

My bad I typed this stuff on my phone so some of it doesn't make sense I will go back and edit this one.

So this guy was about to lose his family. His girl told him to go to the therapist. He never went. At the last straw when he was about to lose his family he went. He is a coherent abuser. The therapist told him that the people he are in a relationship with need to take a step back and analyze themselves. They are crazy too. This would insinuate that the person in the relationship with him was the problem was the problem, not HIM. He took it as that the person in the relationship was PUSHING him to act abusive.

The person (the supposedly crazy person) was like yeah....they are crazy and they need to re-evaluate why they would stay with a person that disrupts their peace and constantly makes them feel on edge and unsafe.

 

[Browndilocks]

Yes! All of this... I actually have a friend that this happened to. She was really uncomfortable and wanting to chuck up the deuces so many times. I and several other people in her circle had to talk her off the ledge, so to speak, but in retrospect, she was so right.

I have also ignored my own intuition and common sense in these situations. It's very easy to do and overlook, but it's there for a reason and is rarely ever wrong.

I would like to think with time and wisdom (that also comes from experience and age) I have gotten better at my level of discernment when it comes to this, as well as actually respecting it and listening to it.

It was borderline abusive. He became very controlling and was a level of insecure that I had never seen. Deeply rooted issues. I knew about 4 months in that something was off and this wasn't it. I would complain to my friends and family about it and was made to feel like I was high maintenance and damn near got told off by my own grandmother. They were enamored with him to a point where they turned on me, if you will.

I spent the vast majority of that relationship fighting for myself. I never knew someone who could bring out the ugly in me like that, but I would not concede to him. Then he broke up with me by saying "you're not in line with what I want". I said good because I've been unhappy for a long time... and that's when things got really ugly. I guess because when he threatened me with a break up, I was supposed to beg or convince him that I'd change . Instead I said "bye ni&&a!" and he got big mad. He did a lot of really nasty and vindictive things but NOTHING would make me talk to him again. He even started going to my church and hanging around places where he'd know I'd be, like he was trying to prove something to me. To this day, he contacts my friends, trying to manipulate them into forcing me to reach out to him, 5 years later. Like recently when his granny died and I had to reiterate how much I didn't GAF about him or his dead decrepit granny.

 

[Browndilocks]

And I'm not trying to hijack this thread, but @PrissiSippi has some excellent points that bring attention to games guys play that you might not immediately notice. I can can go into full on detail about this particular experience if yall want because I never want any woman going through it.

 

[Saludable84]

And I'm not trying to hijack this thread, but @PrissiSippi has some excellent points that bring attention to games guys play that you might not immediately notice. I can can go into full on detail about this particular experience if yall want because I never want any woman going through it.

You never know who it will help.

 

[Evolving78]

@Browndilocks
You aren’t alone and glad you shared your story.

 

[shortycocoa]

It was borderline abusive. He became very controlling and was a level of insecure that I had never seen. Deeply rooted issues. I knew about 4 months in that something was off and this wasn't it. I would complain to my friends and family about it and was made to feel like I was high maintenance and damn near got told off by my own grandmother. They were enamored with him to a point where they turned on me, if you will.

I spent the vast majority of that relationship fighting for myself. I never knew someone who could bring out the ugly in me like that, but I would not concede to him. Then he broke up with me by saying "you're not in line with what I want". I said good because I've been unhappy for a long time... and that's when things got really ugly. I guess because when he threatened me with a break up, I was supposed to beg or convince him that I'd change . Instead I said "bye ni&&a!" and he got big mad. He did a lot of really nasty and vindictive things but NOTHING would make me talk to him again. He even started going to my church and hanging around places where he'd know I'd be, like he was trying to prove something to me. To this day, he contacts my friends, trying to manipulate them into forcing me to reach out to him, 5 years later. Like recently when his granny died and I had to reiterate how much I didn't GAF about him or his dead decrepit granny.

That sounds so scary! I'm sorry you went through that.

And I'm not trying to hijack this thread, but @PrissiSippi has some excellent points that bring attention to games guys play that you might not immediately notice. I can can go into full on detail about this particular experience if yall want because I never want any woman going through it.

Likewise! That's why I have gotten into the habit of speaking candidly on these types of subjects and threads. It will definitely help someone and also remind us so we don't get roped into their games again.

 

[hopeful]

What makes a man play all these games with one chick and then marry the next? Is it because one allows games and the other doesn’t?

Sometimes marrying doesn’t equal more respect or love. It can be out of convenience, because he can control her, she may make him look better to others, help his careeer, or he may actually really fall in love. Whatever the case may be the woman he may end up marrying will likely assume it’s because he fell in love with her because she is different or special. Saying all that to say don’t assume he chose to marry the next lady because that woman somehow helped him mature or grow up. It takes a lot of hard work to grow up, heal, mature etc. People rarely wake up one day and are different. And another person can’t make someone change so drastically.

 

[shortycocoa]

Sometimes marrying doesn’t equal more respect or love. It can be out of convenience, because he can control her, she may make him look better to others, help his careeer, or he may actually really fall in love. Whatever the case may be the woman he may end up marrying will likely assume it’s because he fell in love with her because she is different or special. Saying all that to say don’t assume he chose to marry the next lady because that woman somehow helped him mature or grow up. It takes a lot of hard work to grow up, heal, mature etc. People rarely wake up one day and are different. And another person can’t make someone change so drastically.

Bishop, PREAAAACCCHHHHHH!!!! Come through with that word!!!!! There are so many talking points in this post, I don't even know where to start. I can't even collect my thoughts.

Let me get my life all the way together and come back.

 

[PrissiSippi]

And I'm not trying to hijack this thread, but @PrissiSippi has some excellent points that bring attention to games guys play that you might not immediately notice. I can can go into full on detail about this particular experience if yall want because I never want any woman going through it.

And some of these games I don’t necessarily men you have to cross them off the list but boundaries are DEFINITELY needed.

 

[PrissiSippi]

This guy has sent me three random (video clips of nothing that I’m even interested in) Instagram DM’s. This is a game to force me into leading. Either I will say did you mean to send that to me or say lol or SOMETHING to lead the conversation instead of him being a man and saying hey I was thinking about you and decided to hit you up. Our last convo he was asking me on a date but he kept asking me where do I work and pushing me to give him compliments (calling himself ugly). Ladies never let them push you into the masculine. Everything that you chase always runs away. Let HIM chase YOU. And trust and surrender he knows what he wants and how to get it.

 

[hopeful]

Bishop, PREAAAACCCHHHHHH!!!! Come through with that word!!!!! There are so many talking points in this post, I don't even know where to start. I can't even collect my thoughts.

Let me get my life all the way together and come back.

I’m just saying ...

 

[Saludable84]

I’m not sure where this fits in, but I have something I call sugarcoating. It’s when men basically “sugarcoat” their past and present to make themselves not seem better than what they are but not seem worst either. They also do it depending on the female.

So I think men will start slow and depending on what the woman gives up about herself, he looks at how he can get a chance. Downplay his living situation to saving. Downplay his work situation to “I need this job for benefits but my part-time job is my passion though it doesn’t pay much”. Downplay low credit scores. Downplay past relationships to make it seem like the other person was the problem. And now downplay like it’s nothing. Downplay it by sugarcoating the real issues so you can feel sorry and think “I understand”.

It’s definitely a real trap. Being “mysterious” can help with this, but the key is saying enough without saying too much or saying nothing at all. Men will tell on themselves, just give them time and be ok with silence.

The other thing about sugar coating is that you feel weird but still want to find out. Right? Those are yellow flags. That turn into red flags. You can just block at the yellow flag. It’s pretty much, a game.

 

[PrissiSippi]

This is another game. He’s the one who reached out and asked me on a date. However, it’s in picture form. He never wrote it out.

Anyway, he asked me out on a date. Time, date, and location is what a proper date is composed of. If you don’t have all three aspect, IT IS NOT A DATE. But look at how far out the date is. He texted me in December for a date in May. AND he refuses to call it a date. “I thought you were in a relationship”. Oh well why are you texting me?

This is to say “girl we’re going somewhere in the future” and then smash/color you until the date comes up. Then something will come up. You won’t get the date. Get your dates up front. Make him invest before he gets the cookie.

Be wary of men that don’t like to call dates dates or they claim they don’t like titles. They don’t like titles with YOU.

 

[PrissiSippi]

Wolf Tickets- They make it all up. They say whatever they can to get to you. He says in the future he can't wait to take you all over the world. He is going to take you to meet his family. Instead he comes around and tries to have casual meet up dates in which you have fun but he doesn't DATE you. He distracts you with a good time but never talks about the things he told you in the beginning. STAY in observation mode. Notice this and play your cards accordingly.

 

[hopeful]

Great posts @PrissiSippi.

 

[biznesswmn]

Straight from the horse ladies. I hope this is helpful

 

[Browndilocks]

Here's another game that is more geared toward someone in a new relationship, a little more than dating.

Be wary of the guy who shows no traces of an ex.

I know that might sound weird, but usually, if the guy is truly a catch, he has some remnants of an ex girlfriend or relationship in some capacity. Not talking about the typical cheater or fboi, but just a regular guy who has a past like the rest of us. She'll pop up in some capacity... she'll either call or reach out via social media, her name will come up with his friends, an item of clothing or beauty product might be in the back of a cabinet at his house. There's usually something.

My ex had a broken engagement about a year before we got together. He made a comment about how he could have gotten a car instead of some tiffany's ring he got her. I asked him why they broke up and he told me that she went and found a job in another state. He didn't want her to go and said that if she took the job it would be the end of their relationship. Homegirl was on the first thing smoking. It makes you ask, why would someone leave an engagement like that?

Outside of him telling me this, there were ZERO signs of any woman ever. My gay boyfriend told me that's a red flag. If you're nice looking, you treat people well and on paper everything is bomb about you, why is it that the women with whom you were once involved are untraceable? If you're a dude with money, even a homegirl might flirtatiously hit you up here and there. His game might be to make you feel like you're the only person the world, but you might have to pause and ask... What are you doing to make women want absolutely nothing to do with you?

Some may disagree but in hindsight, it made total sense to me.

 

[hopeful]

Straight from the horse ladies. I hope this is helpful

Thank you! You find the best videos!

 

[PrissiSippi]

Here's another game that is more geared toward someone in a new relationship, a little more than dating.

Be wary of the guy who shows no traces of an ex.

I know that might sound weird, but usually, if the guy is truly a catch, he has some remnants of an ex girlfriend or relationship in some capacity. Not talking about the typical cheater or fboi, but just a regular guy who has a past like the rest of us. She'll pop up in some capacity... she'll either call or reach out via social media, her name will come up with his friends, an item of clothing or beauty product might be in the back of a cabinet at his house. There's usually something.

My ex had a broken engagement about a year before we got together. He made a comment about how he could have gotten a car instead of some tiffany's ring he got her. I asked him why they broke up and he told me that she went and found a job in another state. He didn't want her to go and said that if she took the job it would be the end of their relationship. Homegirl was on the first thing smoking. It makes you ask, why would someone leave an engagement like that?

Outside of him telling me this, there were ZERO signs of any woman ever. My gay boyfriend told me that's a red flag. If you're nice looking, you treat people well and on paper everything is bomb about you, why is it that the women with whom you were once involved are untraceable? If you're a dude with money, even a homegirl might flirtatiously hit you up here and there. His game might be to make you feel like you're the only person the world, but you might have to pause and ask... What are you doing to make women want absolutely nothing to do with you?

Some may disagree but in hindsight, it made total sense to me.

This was also the case with my ex husband. They were engaged. She broke up with him moved to Atlanta and was pregnant and MARRIED within 6-7 months with someone she didn’t know before. She never contacted my ex husband after she left for atl. That’s a red flag. They had been together for years. What makes you jump up and NEVER talk to your fiancé again. His story was she needed protection from her abusive dad. You couldn’t protect her? Y’all were getting married and she was being abused. You didn’t move her into another house?!

 

[BellaRose]

I was love bombed by my ex and I went against my own instincts because I was too busy listening to my friends. They actually meant well for me too. My gut was telling me no but my friends were screaming YES. "girl his career is this, girl he owns that, girl you're about to be this and that..."

Even if you cannot articulate why, if it doesn't feel right, just trust yourself more and follow your gut.

Ah yes. I was a victim to this with my first boyfriend.

 

[PhonyBaloney500]

This is another game. He’s the one who reached out and asked me on a date. However, it’s in picture form. He never wrote it out.

Anyway, he asked me out on a date. Time, date, and location is what a proper date is composed of. If you don’t have all three aspect, IT IS NOT A DATE. But look at how far out the date is. He texted me in December for a date in May. AND he refuses to call it a date. “I thought you were in a relationship”. Oh well why are you texting me?

This is to say “girl we’re going somewhere in the future” and then smash/color you until the date comes up. Then something will come up. You won’t get the date. Get your dates up front. Make him invest before he gets the cookie.

Be wary of men that don’t like to call dates dates or they claim they don’t like titles. They don’t like titles with YOU.

Omggggg those screen shots are so annoying. Asking if YOU are taking HIM. Boy bye.

 

[PrissiSippi]

Omggggg those screen shots are so annoying. Asking if YOU are taking HIM. Boy bye.

I'm the one in the blue. I asked him was it a date and even though he is the one who sent me the event he asked...would you want to go instead of saying yes. And then when I said would you want to take me? He said Oh I thought you were in a relationship. BUT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CONTACTED ME! lol And then I looked and the event is in North Carolina. I live in the Sip. So, this whole date was a flop that he never intended on taking me to at all. It's all games lol. BUT I could have been like yeah girl he planned for us to go see blah blah blah but it's in May and then start giving him pillow talk in the meantime. I would have played myself.

 

[kxlot79]

I have never heard of a man making a date more than 2 weeks in advance with someone he’s not in a relationship with. Is this real life?
I side eye dudes who try to make dates more than a week in advance with me, honestly lol
Really! Who has the time? Who is really that busy?
If you’re too busy for a date, how do you have time for meaningful sex?
The more you know...!

 

[PrissiSippi]

I have never heard of a man making a date more than 2 weeks in advance with someone he’s not in a relationship with. Is this real life?
I side eye dudes who try to make dates more than a week in advance with me, honestly lol
Really! Who has the time? Who is really that busy?
If you’re too busy for a date, how do you have time for meaningful sex?
The more you know...!

Men don’t even think that far in advance for a woman he’s just dating lol. They take it day by day. I called shullbit on this lol

 

[Saludable84]

I saw this yesterday and thought of this thread. The original poster is a woman and the issue was that she went to a work-related function because her boss (woman) told her a client wanted someone to attend an event with him to represent the company. Asked for her. The way she was told was that it was work related, because that’s what the client said and that’s how her boss presented it to her.

She went to represent the company. Talked to pretty much everyone there and everyone at the table. Then the guy asked her to go somewhere with him for a drink alone. She declined, said she had a boyfriend and he said that she either deceived him or led him on. Why would she come if she dated someone, but that’s not how it was presented to her. She was distraught but she got an uber and left. Then felt bad because she began wondering how it went wrong.

So this poster broke down the game he played. Tbh, it really is slimy. I hope she updates.

Anyway, this is what men do at times where they try to get with women through their friends/family/trusted individuals.

 

[phynestone]

@Browndilocks Go ahead and share. We could all use wisdom, including the lurkers.

@biznesswmn I love RC Blakes and listen to his videos when I workout. There are some girls and women who need to hear his advice. He truly gives father/daughter advice.

@Saludable84 Downplaying the past is a great one! I've re-read some chick lit books now that I'm older and can point out the red flags quickly now.

Let's keep this coming.

 

[PrissiSippi]

@Browndilocks Go ahead and share. We could all use wisdom, including the lurkers.

@biznesswmn I love RC Blakes and listen to his videos when I workout. There are some girls and women who need to hear his advice. He truly gives father/daughter advice.

@Saludable84 Downplaying the past is a great one! I've re-read some chick lit books now that I'm older and can point out the red flags quickly now.

Let's keep this coming.

I've never heard of RC Blakes. I'm going to look him up today!

 

[PrissiSippi]

Negging: When they say you're never going to find someone that is willing to.... (wait until marriage, find you attractive, deal with your older age, put up with your "spoiled" nature, and etc.) They so this to diminish your femininity, self-value, and self worth and put up with them and their bad behavior.