Co-habitate or nah?

[Fine 4s]

How do you manage the day to day? Let's put aside future relationship planning for now.

Is it best to find a new place together?
Does he move in with you or you with him?
How much space do you make for the other person?
Do you split bills 50/50?
Do you sleep out like you used to?
Does the newcomer have a say in your home decor? Plates, utensils, housewares? Who buys?
Should they contribute to renovation projects? Or other home capital improvements not just simple repairs?

How does it work and how is it different from married life day-to-day planning?

Basically, how much control do you relinquish if they move in with you? My artwork, my color scheme, my furniture mine mine mine....lol

 

[Transformer]

Don't do it.

But if you do, find a new place together.

Answers to the other questions.....all that's up to you....even if you're married.

Oh, never give the male a say in interior design...you will have a 90 inch television with a huge Dallas cowboy logo in the family room.

 

[Fine 4s]

Don't do it. But if you do, find a new place together. Answers to the other questions.....all that's up to you....even if you're married. Oh, never give the male a say in interior design...you will have a 90 inch television with a huge Dallas cowboy logo in the family room.

I love my place
And my mortgage is cheaper than most rent in the city. And by leaving I'm increasing my expenses. I have a roommie.

Just playing out scenarios....

 

[Transformer]

Oh, I would never leave a mortgage to move in with someone unless it is marriage.

 

[oneastrocurlie]

I've done it and if I had to do it, I wouldn't. Buuuttt to answer your questions.

Is it best to find a new place together? We almost did but I'm glad we didn't
Does he move in with you or you with him? He moved in with me
How much space do you make for the other person? None lol. Stuff fit where stuff could fit
Do you split bills 50/50? We based it on income and split using percentages
Do you sleep out like you used to? You lost me here lol
Does the newcomer have a say in your home decor? Plates, utensils, housewares? Who buys? Nope.
Should they contribute to renovation projects? Or other home capital improvements not just simple repairs? I was in an apartment but none of that.

 

[Fine 4s]

I've done it and if I had to do it, I wouldn't. Buuuttt to answer your questions. Is it best to find a new place together? We almost did but I'm glad we didn't Does he move in with you or you with him? He moved in with me How much space do you make for the other person? None lol. Stuff fit where stuff could fit Do you split bills 50/50? We based it on income and split using percentages Do you sleep out like you used to? You lost me here lol Does the newcomer have a say in your home decor? Plates, utensils, housewares? Who buys? Nope. Should they contribute to renovation projects? Or other home capital improvements not just simple repairs? I was in an apartment but none of that.

Where I lost you....I crash at gfs and even male friends home sometimes. Does that mean I have to come home every night like I'm a married woman? oneastrocurlie

 

[LiftedUp]

How do you manage the day to day? Let's put aside future relationship planning for now.

Is it best to find a new place together? Yes
Does he move in with you or you with him? If it has to be a choice, me with him.
How much space do you make for the other person?
Do you split bills 50/50? No. He covers mortgage and major bills (electricity and water). Me,food, minor bills, joint/family recreation.
Do you sleep out like you used to? No sleeping out by either party unless agreed on prior and preferably by family or very close mutual friends.
Does the newcomer have a say in your home decor? Plates, utensils, housewares? Who buys? I buy most home decor, joint purchases on more expensive items.
Should they contribute to renovation projects? Or other home capital improvements not just simple repairs? Depends on the cost. My father paid for all renovations so I use that as a standard

How does it work and how is it different from married life day-to-day planning? A roommate situation is very different from a married couple situation imp. In the prior, either party can leave at any time so why invest heavily into something without prior commitment. Anyone can say anything.

Basically, how much control do you relinquish if they move in with you? My artwork, my color scheme, my furniture mine mine mine....lol

Moving in together after marriage will be so much easier imo. My answers are in red and are based on an after marriage scenario.

 

[oneastrocurlie]

Where I lost you....I crash at gfs and even male friends home sometimes. Does that mean I have to come home every night like I'm a married woman? oneastrocurlie

Ahhh I see. I think that would depend on how you two feel about that.

 

[MizAvalon]

Don't do it.

But if you do, find a new place together.

Answers to the other questions.....all that's up to you....even if you're married.

Oh, never give the male a say in interior design...you will have a 90 inch television with a huge Dallas cowboy logo in the family room.

Completely agree with this entire post. Especially the last line.

 

[krikit96]

Where I lost you....I crash at gfs and even male friends home sometimes. Does that mean I have to come home every night like I'm a married woman? oneastrocurlie

If he didn't come home, would you feel some time of way? If he called and said, "Oh, I'm at Tasha's house, I'm tired, I'm just gonna crash here and see you tomorrow..."
Would you be fine with that? I say, if you live together, and its not just a "roommate" situation, you better take your tail home - and DEFINITELY no sleeping at homes of the opposite sex... that's just ASKING for it...
If y'all gonna live together like you're married... and split bills like y'all married... then go home at night... like you're married.

 

[C@ssandr@]

How do you manage the day to day? Let's put aside future relationship planning for now.
I don't understand what's in bold.
Is it best to find a new place together? Not necessarily. But it might be easier since the first one living there might feel they have more "ownership"
Does he move in with you or you with him? I've heard that a women should let the man move in with her since she can ask him to leave when he acts up. Honestly, I somewhat agree, but for different reasons.
How much space do you make for the other person? Huh? If you are sharing a space, you are sharing a space. Naturally each party will gravitate to which room they like the most ie, I decorated the bathroom, he decorated the living room.
Do you split bills 50/50? That's a personal choice. I didn't and I wouldn't.
Do you sleep out like you used to? No. Sleeping out alot is suspect. Why would I do that when I have my very own comfortable space? Whenever I did crash somewhere, notice was given to my bf, or it was an emergency.
Does the newcomer have a say in your home decor? Plates, utensils, housewares? Who buys? Whoever wants to buy.
Should they contribute to renovation projects? Or other home capital improvements not just simple repairs? If you live there you should contribute...

How does it work and how is it different from married life day-to-day planning? It is not that much different from being married, which is why people, including myself strongly advise against it.

Basically, how much control do you relinquish if they move in with you? If he moved into your place, then you still have some control...but honestly, if you want someone to split the bills with you, why would you ask this question? Lol

 

[Fine 4s]

Moving in together after marriage will be so much easier imo. My answers are in red and are based on an after marriage scenario.

LiftedUp I'm leaning towards this thinking as well.

If he didn't come home, would you feel some time of way? If he called and said, "Oh, I'm at Tasha's house, I'm tired, I'm just gonna crash here and see you tomorrow..."
Would you be fine with that? I say, if you live together, and its not just a "roommate" situation, you better take your tail home - and DEFINITELY no sleeping at homes of the opposite sex... that's just ASKING for it...
If y'all gonna live together like you're married... and split bills like y'all married... then go home at night... like you're married.

@kritkit96 Yes I would feel some type of way. If he fell asleep at his friend's (male) house, maybe I wouldn't mind too much. You are right, probably not best to set this precedent.

How do you manage the day to day? Let's put aside future relationship planning for now.
I don't understand what's in bold.
Is it best to find a new place together? Not necessarily. But it might be easier since the first one living there might feel they have more "ownership"
Does he move in with you or you with him? I've heard that a women should let the man move in with her since she can ask him to leave when he acts up. Honestly, I somewhat agree, but for different reasons.
How much space do you make for the other person? Huh? If you are sharing a space, you are sharing a space. Naturally each party will gravitate to which room they like the most ie, I decorated the bathroom, he decorated the living room.
Do you split bills 50/50? That's a personal choice. I didn't and I wouldn't.
Do you sleep out like you used to? No. Sleeping out alot is suspect. Why would I do that when I have my very own comfortable space? Whenever I did crash somewhere, notice was given to my bf, or it was an emergency.
Does the newcomer have a say in your home decor? Plates, utensils, housewares? Who buys? Whoever wants to buy.
Should they contribute to renovation projects? Or other home capital improvements not just simple repairs? If you live there you should contribute...

How does it work and how is it different from married life day-to-day planning? It is not that much different from being married, which is why people, including myself strongly advise against it.

Basically, how much control do you relinquish if they move in with you? If he moved into your place, then you still have some control...but honestly, if you want someone to split the bills with you, why would you ask this question? Lol

keyawarren The bolded was to avoid answers focused on whether one should co-habitate or not before marriage (not the point). I wanted answers focused on the day-to-day living arrangements. I've gotten good food for thought.


I understand your 'HUH' at the my space question, prolly stupid. I think it addresses my fears on living with a man and giving up control. That's what it boils down to when I really ask myself the tough questions. Yet, I don't want my fears to hold me back.


On repairs...It seems a little unfair to ask someone to give up thousands on roof replacements or sidings or other big ticket improvements when they didn't buy the home or agree to the long term projects of the home etc. etc. Perhaps this is implicit when the person moves in? This supports the argument for living in a seperate place. But again, I"m not willing to pay the premium of increase renting expenses as my mortgage is less than the rental market.


Agreed, this doesn't sound different from a marriage. I'm not even sure I want marriage now either! Lawd, I have some soul searching to do!


You lost me on the last point though. It wouldn't be for splitting bills.

Thank you for your thoughts!

 

[C@ssandr@]

keyawarren The bolded was to avoid answers focused on whether one should co-habitate or not before marriage (not the point). I wanted answers focused on the day-to-day living arrangements. I've gotten good food for thought.


I understand your 'HUH' at the my space question, prolly stupid. I think it addresses my fears on living with a man and giving up control. That's what it boils down to when I really ask myself the tough questions. Yet, I don't want my fears to hold me back.


On repairs...It seems a little unfair to ask someone to give up thousands on roof replacements or sidings or other big ticket improvements when they didn't buy the home or agree to the long term projects of the home etc. etc. Perhaps this is implicit when the person moves in? This supports the argument for living in a seperate place. But again, I"m not willing to pay the premium of increase renting expenses as my mortgage is less than the rental market.


Agreed, this doesn't sound different from a marriage. I'm not even sure I want marriage now either! Lawd, I have some soul searching to do!


You lost me on the last point though. It wouldn't be for splitting bills.

Thank you for your thoughts![/QUOTE]

Fine 4s

What I meant is, why are we still talking about "control" when you are supposed to be sharing space? If you intend on splitting the bills with someone, then they should have as much freedom as you do.

I understand that you wanted to avoid the argument of whether cohabitating before marriage should be done or not, but the thing is that you cannot separate the two. The questions that were stated in the OP gives the appearance that you are not ready for that type of commitment...When you live with a man it gets complicated. It makes no sense for someone who isn't in it for marriage to operate in the same manner that one would operate in in a marriage. Beeeeecauseeee, cohabitating mirrors marriage! Ya dig?

This is something people don't learn until ish hits the fan and you have to move all of your stuff out after an ugly, not so amicable break up. (Btw, been there done that)

When you live with someone, and you both really care about each other, no one would be concerned about "control", "ownership" and "who pays" for certain repairs. Now, I am not outright telling you not to do it. I'm simply giving you some background on my answers

 

[january noir]

Don't do it. Keep your own living space until married or until co-habitation is necessary (loss of your home or job due to some uncontrollable event). You can still visit and spend long weekends or a few weeks together but DO NOT give up your spot!

 

[SuchaLady]

I don't want to sound like a tape recorder but don't do it

 

[Maynard]

Nah.

(10 char limit)

 

[Fine 4s]

keyawarren The bolded was to avoid answers focused on whether one should co-habitate or not before marriage (not the point). I wanted answers focused on the day-to-day living arrangements. I've gotten good food for thought. I understand your 'HUH' at the my space question, prolly stupid. I think it addresses my fears on living with a man and giving up control. That's what it boils down to when I really ask myself the tough questions. Yet, I don't want my fears to hold me back. On repairs...It seems a little unfair to ask someone to give up thousands on roof replacements or sidings or other big ticket improvements when they didn't buy the home or agree to the long term projects of the home etc. etc. Perhaps this is implicit when the person moves in? This supports the argument for living in a seperate place. But again, I"m not willing to pay the premium of increase renting expenses as my mortgage is less than the rental market. Agreed, this doesn't sound different from a marriage. I'm not even sure I want marriage now either! Lawd, I have some soul searching to do! You lost me on the last point though. It wouldn't be for splitting bills. Thank you for your thoughts!

Fine 4s What I meant is, why are we still talking about "control" when you are supposed to be sharing space? If you intend on splitting the bills with someone, then they should have as much freedom as you do. I understand that you wanted to avoid the argument of whether cohabitating before marriage should be done or not, but the thing is that you cannot separate the two. The questions that were stated in the OP gives the appearance that you are not ready for that type of commitment...When you live with a man it gets complicated. It makes no sense for someone who isn't in it for marriage to operate in the same manner that one would operate in in a marriage. Beeeeecauseeee, cohabitating mirrors marriage! Ya dig? This is something people don't learn until ish hits the fan and you have to move all of your stuff out after an ugly, not so amicable break up. (Btw, been there done that) When you live with someone, and you both really care about each other, no one would be concerned about "control", "ownership" and "who pays" for certain repairs. Now, I am not outright telling you not to do it. I'm simply giving you some background on my answers [/QUOTE]

Got it loud and clear....stuff to think about.
Ugh!

 

[Fine 4s]

Nah. (10 char limit)

Can I just say that been listening to that ratchet song and uhm....please don't shoot...that mess is catchy!!!!!