Why Would A Young Woman Even Entertain This?

[Crackers Phinn]

I am absolutely befuddled at the number of women who think that goals is a dude who pays bills then rubs it in your face.

ETA. Found the video





This women I admire posted a video of a man giving his wife/gf gift wrapped boxes with slips of paper with rent, light bill, car note and etc written out on them.

She was visibly upset and he was making comments about him paying the bills all year as her Christmas gift. It seemed scripted but whatever.

My fb friend said the woman was ungrateful and the posted the song, cleanup woman.

I was shocked but it reminded of this thread and what we’re supposed to feel grateful for.

 

[intellectualuva]

I am absolutely befuddled at the number of women who think that goals is a dude who pays bills then rubs it in your face.

Like I am legit shocked. I know I shouldnt be, but ......wow. They really think him rubbing it in her face to make her "appreciate him" is acceptable. I can't compete with that level of bottom shelf standards. Though interestingly enough those women are always single took, so their bottom shelf standards arent working for them either I guess.

 

[giigii613]

You've got a good aunt. Not everyone has people in their lives who give good advice.

She’s a good egg. She’s why I stopped dating men with children.

 

[Sarabellam]

I am absolutely befuddled at the number of women who think that goals is a dude who pays bills then rubs it in your face.

DH’s male cousin showed this at Christmas. All the women at the table agreed that he needed to be dumped right then for his petty, Drama Kang behavior.

They seem young enough where if they could not afford gifts because of bills and other responsibilities then that’s acceptable. Heck, it’s more mature than many adults who hold off paying bills just to buy more stuff.

However, that’s a simple one-on-one conversation no cameras needed.

 

[Browndilocks]

I am absolutely befuddled at the number of women who think that goals is a dude who pays bills then rubs it in your face.

had to rp that one.

 

[Daina]

This is a young woman who has been conditioned to believe that becoming a wife and mother is a milestone that she needs to accomplish sooner rather than later and above all else without the consideration of whether or not the men in her immediate environment are worthy. So she's going to try to make it happen with the best she can find. The men at her job are broke, her family is probably broke and dysfunctional, her friends are either involuntarily single or dating young, broke dudes, and she's making pennies at a job she probably hates. Such a life can be extremely lonely and isolating. With no goals or direction of her own, the 35 year old man with a career, home, and no debt feels like her only option-- even with the 5 by 5 situation.

There is no one close to her that will tell her that she might have to suppress that instinctual desire to be in a committed relationship right now and instead focus on getting out of her comfort zone and start engineering her life so that she can move into another ecosystem with more favorable conditions for finding a quality mate. Nope, instead she will be told that he is a "good man" and she should figure out a way to make it work. Or she will be told to walk away, but will be given no guidance on how to navigate the world as a single, lonely woman surrounded by busters. Her lack of funds means that single life looks more like sitting at home alone stressing about bills every month and nothing like the "single and loving it" lifestyle of backpacking through Europe solo, or turning up at the beach in the Dominican Republic, or sipping cocktails with girlfriends at a rooftop bar in Vegas. Even with all of his baggage this man provides an escape from the mundane, and that is dangerous. I can see how she would entertain this. She feels stuck. She's given up.

If her environment is one where 5 women have signed up to share a baby daddy and they happily accept $500/month for support-- it's toxic. If her main dealbreaker is that he won't make her bm #6 so that her kid can share a room with 2-3 other children, she's normalized dysfunction. The only cure is to leave it all behind so she can reset her expectations. She needs to dump this dude, change her number, go to coolworks.com and see if she can use her receptionist experience to work front desk at a lodge far away from this foolishness. I'm serious.

Wish I could like this post a million times...truer words have never been spoken!

 

[Daina]

I am absolutely befuddled at the number of women who think that goals is a dude who pays bills then rubs it in your face.

Cause they expectations are low...so many have men that can't be trusted to go to the market let alone be a responsible provider that when they find one that can be responsible for the cable bill and will buy Fruit Loops unprompted it becomes a celebration like they had in Zion from the Matrix! We have become so conditioned to expect so far less from men that: 1. A man that provides for his family is now a mythical unicorn; 2. When one finds such a unicorn, the mere fact they provide should be celebrated daily with a ticker tape parade for the masses to see and worship; 3. It should give them a pass for having to do even a minimum amount to make his Queen feel valued and special; 4. When said unicorn feels unappreciated, clearly social media has become the new village meeting of Elders so that said unappreciative woman can be shamed and ridiculed by all...especially her other low expectation having fellow female villagers...

Smdh...this would be a much different conversation if a woman had did this to a man and posted. The outrage of how she could treat a trifling Kang that way would be world wide...coupled with the advice that she need to work with, uplift and celebrate a brother. This whole narrative and mindset exhausts me...

 

[awhyley]

She needs to dump this dude, change her number, go to coolworks.com and see if she can use her receptionist experience to work front desk at a lodge far away from this foolishness. I'm serious.

Just went to coolworks.com and that site is awesome! That whole post was fab, but esp. the highlighted. Thanks for the recommendation.

 

[Nikkiluv254]

Why even bring this foolishness over here? NHG is a friggen joke, the questions there are faker than those dumb arse Strawberry Letters.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Why even bring this foolishness over here? NHG is a friggen joke, the questions there are faker than those dumb arse Strawberry Letters.

Cuz I felt like it. That's why.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Cause they expectations are low...so many have men that can't be trusted to go to the market let alone be a responsible provider that when they find one that can be responsible for the cable bill and will buy Fruit Loops unprompted it becomes a celebration like they had in Zion from the Matrix! We have become so conditioned to expect so far less from men that: 1. A man that provides for his family is now a mythical unicorn; 2. When one finds such a unicorn, the mere fact they provide should be celebrated daily with a ticker tape parade for the masses to see and worship; 3. It should give them a pass for having to do even a minimum amount to make his Queen feel valued and special; 4. When said unicorn feels unappreciated, clearly social media has become the new village meeting of Elders so that said unappreciative woman can be shamed and ridiculed by all...especially her other low expectation having fellow female villagers...

I understand the framework of all of the crazy that you describe.

The heart of my question is about why someone so young and unburdened would sign up for such a burdensome situation. The only thing that she gushes about this dude is his body. Ok great, there's dyk everywhere that you get to have more than once a week and not watch your volume because his mama, brother, and 5 kids are on the other side of the wall.

I just don't understand trading off your 25 yr old carefree life for what's got to feel like a prison sentence.

 

[Evolving78]

I understand the framework of all of the crazy that you describe.

The heart of my question is about why someone so young and unburdened would sign up for such a burdensome situation. The only thing that she gushes about this dude is his body. Ok great, there's dyk everywhere that you get to have more than once a week and not watch your volume because his mama, brother, and 5 kids are on the other side of the wall.

I just don't understand trading off your 25 yr old carefree life for what's got to feel like a prison sentence.

Because people don’t value freedom! They don’t value being single, so they will do whatever it takes to be attached to somebody, even if that somebody isn’t a good match for them. I have heard so many women say they just want somebody to come home to, and to sleep next to at night.

 

[dancinstallion]

Like I am legit shocked. I know I shouldnt be, but ......wow. They really think him rubbing it in her face to make her "appreciate him" is acceptable. I can't compete with that level of bottom shelf standards. Though interestingly enough those women are always single took, so their bottom shelf standards arent working for them either I guess.

Always single and stay with busted up, broke and ghetto men.

I realized I can't change people into having better or different standards. They want what they want even if it doesn't make sense as long as they are happy. Which I can't and don't want to understand.

 

[Sarabellam]

I understand the framework of all of the crazy that you describe.

The heart of my question is about why someone so young and unburdened would sign up for such a burdensome situation. The only thing that she gushes about this dude is his body. Ok great, there's dyk everywhere that you get to have more than once a week and not watch your volume because his mama, brother, and 5 kids are on the other side of the wall.

I just don't understand trading off your 25 yr old carefree life for what's got to feel like a prison sentence.

She probably grew up without having her necessities and small wants covered by her parents. Now that she is an adult it feels like a come up to be in this situation.

I think this just highlights one of the major benefits of attending a major university (PWI or HBCU) as a Black LES American. It expands your horizons by showing the benefits and opportunities of a middle class and upper middle class lifestyle. Otherwise LES people grow up seeing the struggle in real life and being sold the idea that the American dream is the lifestyle of celebrities which is largely unattainable.

You have to see a comfortable life up close to envision it for yourself too.

 

[giigii613]

I understand the framework of all of the crazy that you describe.

The heart of my question is about why someone so young and unburdened would sign up for such a burdensome situation. The only thing that she gushes about this dude is his body. Ok great, there's dyk everywhere that you get to have more than once a week and not watch your volume because his mama, brother, and 5 kids are on the other side of the wall.

I just don't understand trading off your 25 yr old carefree life for what's got to feel like a prison sentence.

She is probably d**kmatized. Being infatuated by lust is probably stronger than heroin. Someone mentioned the only positive attribute she mentioned about this man was his body. I can almost guarantee he is probably one of the best looking men she feels she has pulled looks wise. He probably knows how to talk to her and has that bit of swag that she likes. This can cloud a woman's vision to the point that they romanticize the idea of what the relationship is. In her make believe world everything is positive and the issues in their relationship are conjured by the external world not a bed he made which he is now pushing for both of them to lie in.

It seems she also attempted to idealize her relationship because she didn't want people to tell her to leave him. There are some people who go to jail purposefully so they can get 3 squares and a roof over their head. She may be in that place emotionally where she feels this is her only way to survive in love.

 

[Evolving78]

He is also 10 years older than her. She got Daddy issues.