Vent About Nephew: Updated

The minute my brother told me he assumed "I got it" but I was violating his rights as a parent I would have been like ok then your son is in a taxi on his way back to you and yours then. Since you have custody until July OP just wait until then. I feel like there's nothing to be done until then. The court has spoken for now. You are the temp guardian. When July hits you withdraw your motion, tell them he wants to be with his parents maybe even tell them the parents say they want him back (because it's what they've been saying but not meaning it). Then after that it's not your problem anymore. They will have to figure it out. I'm sorry you're in this situation. Another 5 months and you should be done. Until then, if your brother is paying child support like he said you better make sure you are getting that money and not the mother.
 
hopeful said:
I’d let him go based on his age, his lying, no one seeming to appreciate your efforts, and the drama it’s causing you. I’d drop the motion and tell him to get the address of where his parent’s live, and put him in a cab. I’d help him pack too. The courts can pick him up from their house and put him in foster care if they want to. You have taken on a problem that is not yours to solve. I think the longer you stay entangled the more damage it’s going to cause you and your family. Maybe you can request an emergency hearing to drop your rights? Or maybe someone at the school can help you untangle yourself. I would feel differently if the nephew wanted to be with you and made you feel appreciated.
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All this. He can't be talking about me in my own house. Nah.
 
And also, this ain't 1950 where family members can take kids "without papers" and all that jazz. I remember when graduating high school and my friend kept having issues with getting financial aid for college cause she was never legally adopted by her grandmother. Her dad was a dealer and her mom was a user. She had been living with her grandma for 10+ years.
 
Black Ambrosia said:
But she already said that’s where he’ll go. The options are staying with her or going into the system. If she takes him to his parents he won’t be able to stay because it’s already been determined they’re unfit.[/QUOTe)
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Family dynamics are strange although she is his aunt, the child wants to be with his parents. The more the OP fights that young man may grow to resent her and cause her problems in the future.
The child clearly wants to be with his parents, he was even willing to lie. The OP's brother is also actively fighting her both in court and with phone calls, There is a high probablity the child will end up in the system but its not written in stone.When that happens , Op can once again regain custody. Personally, I think if Op's mother had custody of the nephew, like she does for his sister, the parents wouldnt fight it as aggressively.
 
Here's a quick update.

I've thought long and hard about this and after Friday's incident I called the guardian ad litem lawyer to inform him I will be withdrawing either Monday or Tuesday and sending my nephew back with his parents. Friday morning I woke up and my nephew was dressed heading to the bus stop as usual. About 10 minutes later he comes back in the house and says "the bus driver didn't show up for work". I asked him how do you know that to which he didn't answer.

As I'm getting my son ready for school I tell my nephew to call his mother so they can figure out a way for him to get to school. She stated her and my brother are coming to get him and they will be at the house shortly. That was at 7:30am I waited until about 8:45-8:50 they still weren't there so I left.

Around 11 I get a text from my brother at work that says he has my nephew and he will drop him back off at the house Tuesday. So I instant wonder if he's at school. Literally less than 20 minutes later my mother calls and says my nephew is at her house walking around with a face mask on saying he has the flu.

So I'm thinking when did they have time to take him to the doctor between 8:50 and 11 and why would he be at his grandmother's house if he has the flu? Also that morning he was fine talking, eating, on the phone, etc. At that point I had enough, I called my brother and told him I will be withdrawing from the situation and he needs to come get my nephew's stuff out of my house by the end of this weekend. He also needs to come when either myself or SO is home. My brother said ok and hung up.

He then proceeds to text my mother and tell her what I said on the phone about withdrawing and then asks her if my nephew can move in her house for at least a week or two until they move into their apartment. My mother responded and told him no take him to his mother.

Now both of my nephew's parents are on Facebook writing full on paragraphs about how nobody is helping them, they're always in their kids lives, they will die for their kids, me and my mother are always sitting on our high horse, etc.
 
Just goes to show this isn't about them having their son, they just moved him to your house to your mother's knowing darn well he should be in school. And him participating in the charade.... SMH. Y'all are not a foster care system or babysitters that are supposed to stop your lives any time being a responsible parent isn't convenient for them. It's asinine.
 
So that whole bus thing is strange. But these people have a lot of nerve. They just pick him up and and drop him off whenever they want, they don't give you any money for you to care for him and then when they do take him they just drop him off at grandma's like nothing. What is really going on here? Pretending to want him back but then when they get him they do something like this? And now they're on facebook talking about no one helps them? When you tried to help them you were "violating his rights as a parent". You can't win with people like this and that's why you shouldn't even try. What they wanted was for you to keep their son and not say boo about it. Gaining temp custody of him was never part of the plan for them, that way they could keep on pretending like they were actually trying to do right by him. Poor kid. But I am glad you have decided to untangle yourself from this mess.
 
Yeah they wanted you to keep him unofficially without any assistance of any kind. That way the door is always open for them to come get him and wreak havoc because that’s what these types do. My aunt is going through this right now with her grandson and she’s trying to get my other cousin on board to help her care for the boy. I told my cousin run like hell. You will be saddled with this kid while his parents live a child free life physically and financially. Hell to the no.
 
What those parents are doing to this boy is dispicable. He has been starved of their attention his whole life, of course he is going to lie for them. He is desperate for them to want him.

To go out of their way to further alienate him from a normal, healthy home is so cruel.

I feel bad for you and your son also. You deserve acknowledgement for all you have done. Your bro and his woman are trash
 
ClassyJSP said:
I don't either but i'm over this whole mess.
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Good for you and your mom. You have both had enough and are standing your ground. Both of you deserve happiness and peace, to enjoy the fruits of your labor. And regardless of what happens to the nephew it is not your or your mother’s fault or responsibility. Don’t let anyone lay that guilt or responsibility at your feet. And ignore your brother on Facebook. Block him if you have to. He’s trying to re-engage and re-entangle you. He said he wanted his son so now he has him :) Isn’t that what he wanted?

I am so proud of you. And your mom. Be strong. They will pull out every trick in the book now to avoid responsibility for their son. Just keep standing your ground. Your nephew is NOT your responsibility. You take care of you and your son. That’s it. Your mom take care of herself and her granddaughter. That’s it.

Humph, big old 14 year old boy walking around with a face mask on talking about he got the flu. Girl ...
 
hopeful said:
Good for you and your mom. You have both had enough and are standing your ground. Both of you deserve happiness and peace, to enjoy the fruits of your labor. And regardless of what happens to the nephew it is not your or your mother’s fault or responsibility. Don’t let anyone lay that guilt or responsibility at your feet. And ignore your brother on Facebook. Block him if you have to. He’s trying to re-engage and re-entangle you. He said he wanted his son so now he has him :) Isn’t that what he wanted?

I am so proud of you. And your mom. Be strong. They will pull out every trick in the book now to avoid responsibility for their son. Just keep standing your ground. Your nephew is NOT your responsibility. You take care of you and your son. That’s it. Your mom take care of herself and her granddaughter. That’s it.

Humph, big old 14 year old boy walking around with a face mask on talking about he got the flu. Girl ...
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I'm not going to lie apart of me wanted to go off on both of the parents on Facebook since they want to be so petty. But you know what I deleted what I wrote and kept it moving.
 
ClassyJSP said:
I'm not going to lie apart of me wanted to go off on both of the parents on Facebook since they want to be so petty. But you know what I deleted what I wrote and kept it moving.
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Good! I would have wanted to go off too! And maybe one day you will get that chance. But right now you and your mom have to stay focused and not get caught up in emotion. You have to be methodical, business-like and completely untangle yourself and your family from this foolishness. Your LHCF sisters got your back.

Shoot, I remember you were talking about re-decorating your office. You deserve to focus on things like that.
 
ClassyJSP said:
My son is doing well with all of this. I explained to him early on I was taking in his cousin because his parents were not able to properly care for him and as a 9 year old he actually understood. My son isn't going without and I've been shielding him from a lot of the drama.
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I'm just going to say that I've been in your sons place, if you know that your nephew has been talking about you in your own house, he has said some out of pocket stuff to your child. The dynamic between cousins will very likely reflect the dynamic between you and your brother. Take a minute and talk to your son about his feelings and observations about what's been going on while your nephew has been living with ya'll. It may not be as bad as what I went through (physical and mental abuse by the kids taken in) but I doubt he's been unaffected because you have been affected.

ClassyJSP said:
Last year around May I took my nephew in for what was supposed to be two weeks while his mother found a place of her own to move into. Those two weeks came and went and we quickly approached the first day of school (Sept 5th). Mind you prior to the first day of school I literally did not hear from his mother so I had no idea how he was going to get to school.
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ClassyJSP said:
He then proceeds to text my mother and tell her what I said on the phone about withdrawing and then asks her if my nephew can move in her house for at least a week or two until they move into their apartment. My mother responded and told him no take him to his mother.
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If people with trifling family don't take nothing else from this story, please pay attention to how the hustle is set up. The favor, whether it's borrowing money or taking somebody in is always going to take 2 weeks. You see how the OP been caught up almost 9 months and her mother been stuck for 10 years.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
I'm just going to say that I've been in your sons place, if you know that your nephew has been talking about you in your own house, he has said some out of pocket stuff to your child. The dynamic between cousins will very likely reflect the dynamic between you and your brother. Take a minute and talk to your son about his feelings and observations about what's been going on while your nephew has been living with ya'll. It may not be as bad as what I went through (physical and mental abuse by the kids taken in) but I doubt he's been unaffected because you have been affected.



If people with trifling family don't take nothing else from this story, please pay attention to how the hustle is set up. The favor, whether it's borrowing money or taking somebody in is always going to take 2 weeks. You see how the OP been caught up almost 9 months and her mother been stuck for 10 years.
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Black folks and that magical two weeks. My cousin caught me up like that with her cat :lol: I had her almost 3 months before I unceremoniously dropped her off at her mama's house. Let alone a whole human child.
 
I would hate to send him to the system, but you're not going to walking around my house talking smack and lying.

I agree with hopeful.

Give the people what they want. It's not like he can't come back to your house after he's had his wakeup call.

He's 14 too? Nah son. Won't make me the sacrifice.
 
intellectualuva said:
I would hate to send him to the system, but you're not going to walking around my house talking smack and lying.

I agree with hopeful.

Give the people what they want. It's not like he can't come back to your house after he's had his wakeup call.

He's 14 too? Nah son. Won't make me the sacrifice.
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And we must keep in mind that if he goes into the system, it is his parents who sent him there. OP bears no responsibility or fault regarding where he ends up. OP has the right to her happiness, the fruits of her labor, and self-preservation.
 
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BEAUTYU2U said:
Black folks and that magical two weeks. My cousin caught me up like that with her cat :lol: I had her almost 3 months before I unceremoniously dropped her off at her mama's house. Let alone a whole human child.
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Same.
Evrytime someone needed a loan, a place to stay, extension on "repayments"...it was always a magical 2 weeks. :lachen:

I've had 3 cousins at my house that started out as 2 week intervals. Lol.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
If people with trifling family don't take nothing else from this story, please pay attention to how the hustle is set up. The favor, whether it's borrowing money or taking somebody in is always going to take 2 weeks. You see how the OP been caught up almost 9 months and her mother been stuck for 10 years.
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Yes that's true 2 weeks does seem like the magic number for whenever someone needs a favor.
 
BEAUTYU2U said:
Black folks and that magical two weeks. My cousin caught me up like that with her cat :lol: I had her almost 3 months before I unceremoniously dropped her off at her mama's house. Let alone a whole human child.
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True. I always think what is going to happen in 2wks fam?! Are you going to get a job im 2wks? Your piss poor situation is going to change...in 2wks?! I think not :lol:
 
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