Why Would A Young Woman Even Entertain This?

[intellectualuva]

I paused at she knows he's not on child support because she pulled his CREDIT report.

He makes 80K a year, so after taxes, benefits...2500 in child support, he brings home at best maybe 3K a month? I guess this story is a come up for a woman making pennies, even if he's working 6 days a week and that money must go to the house, mother, brother....etc.

I bet this dude with 5 kids still demands a childless woman. Lol. She is delusional if she believes it will be different for her. He's got a whole 4 year old out there. With that vasectomy, he is likely still being a reckless with his penis as he was before got snipped.

Fact is, she wants kids and he couldn't afford to have kids with her anyway. She doesn't know this. Where are her momma or aunties? Real aunties?

Run, black girl, run. His situation could be ok for a mid 30s+ woman who doesn't want kids/grown kid AND this 6 days a week working and 3K a month take home man with 5 kids is a hypergamous choice for her. I don't know any women like this, but a pot for every lid.

 

[LivingInPeace]

@intellectualuva People need to stop saying this man would be good for a certain kind of woman. He’s not good for anybody. He has nothing to offer but penis and problems.

 

[Ivonnovi]

@Crackers Phinn My interpretation of why she's entertaining this is in Purple Font; along with the idea she thinks that that "this" won't happen to her because she's different.

So I been with my boyfriend for over a year now. He’s 35, I’m 25. He is 6 feet and all muscle. [Girrl, he's got a bawdy to die for] He’s a truck driver and truck mechanic as well. He is also an independent contractor for a truck company. He's got skills, and is established, unlike the boys my age. He’s also trying to open up his own moving truck company. [He has lots of potential!] He makes 80k+ a year plus overtime. [Shhhhht, he makes BANK!] He has 5 kids by 5 different women. He is not on child support for any of his kids. (I pulled his credit report so I know). [....what's the problem if he can afford them?]

I met all his children and baby mothers. All kind women. [they were very nice to me. [..it's like that show Sisterwives..]...He gives every baby mother a check for 500$ on the first of every month. That’s 2500$, every month. [Shht 5'hunnit a month (free money)? I could accept that!] He sees his kids every Sunday faithfully since I met him. They get dropped off early and don’t leave until bedtime. That’s the only day he has free time for them. [My daddy didn't even do that; this is so admirable; besides I could tolerate the extra kids around for only one day a week]. He is always on a tight schedule. I mainly see him on weekends. I work as a receptionists making pennies.

He owns a duplex, [Gurrl, He OWNs his own home!] Upstairs is a 2 bedroom where his mom and younger brother(16) stay. Neither of them work. His mom gets a disability check and food stamps. [Hmmph, I'm better than them...] Downstairs is a 3 bedroom where he keeps for his children. One bedroom for the girls (ages 10,9,6). And one for the boys (9,4) and one for us. (I have no idea how he got the mothers to accept the project triplets on a cordial level; I assume it’s the money[Sisterwives logic again]). So he makes good money, take care of his kids and family, no debt. [Siiiiiiign me up!]"


ETA: Oh, and I hope she's using birth control; just in case he didn't really get Snipped.​

 

[intellectualuva]

@intellectualuva People need to stop saying this man would be good for a certain kind of woman. He’s not good for anybody. He has nothing to offer but penis and problems.

It's a pot for every lid and I think there is a woman out there struggling where this man with his 1 day a week fatherhood may be better than her current options. You think this isnt a come up for a homeless woman? At least temporarily.

 

[LivingInPeace]

It's a pot for every lid and I think there is a woman out there struggling where this man with his 1 day a week fatherhood may be better than her current options. You think this isnt a come up for a homeless woman? At least temporarily.

Okay, I’ll give you the homeless woman come up. For the first six months. After that, she’ll be weighing the pros and cons of a shelter.

 

[meka72]

@intellectualuva the child support-credit report connection had me so confused.

 

[Lylddlebit]

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[Lylddlebit]

So yes this is a mess but I am surprised that everyone is acting shocked. Be for real. How many of us know someone or multiple people who

1. Has a child/ren that someone else is raising.
2. Is a non-custodial parent.
3. Would have that many kids or more if abortion didn't exist.
4. Would have that many or more baby daddies/mommas if abortion didn't exist.

Because I do know plenty of men and women(quiet as it's kept) who live like they are single and without kids because someone other than them is raising their kids. Hell I even took care of a few nieces, nephews and cousins when I was younger. I know plenty of men who found a woman who will raise their kids while their actual mother runs the streets. I know plenty of women who find men who will raise kids as if they are his and the dad gets a free pass to start whole new family as if the first set of offspring doesn't exist. In some of the cases even the parent who found a partner to raise their kids isn't even a good parent but because their partner is putting in the work they look good. The parent who does the minimum like put a couple hundred in a month and see their kid sporadically will show up for a birthday, graduation or income tax season and get treated like parent of the year. No exaggeration. Oh and don't you dare refrain from telling horrible mother happy mother's day. Don't you dare expect the actual father to pick up the slack when the mom starts slacking. Instead one of the parents mommas, sisters, girlfriends, wife(a female they are close to) needs to raise them kids, never daddy stepping up to the plate. Of course I am highlighting negative examples to drive a point but I wish I was exaggerating. I know that there are fantastic single dads. There are fantastic single moms. Their are parents who beast it even when they have a gang of kids by multiple people. However the point I am trying to make is lot of people only look at the surface. Yeah he has a lot of kids, yeah he has a lot of baby mommas but plenty of people get rid of theirs either by passing them for someone else to raise or aborting them. Yeah a couple hundred dollars a month doesn't do nothing but how much money does a person save when they abort? It's easy to form opinions on what you can see but sometimes what you don't see is just as damaging. From experience, it's really easy for my sister to have a man and live the good life when myself, my mom or my sister is/was keeping her kids. Really easy for her man to not be concerned when there is never the expectation that he will ever have to do anything for her children because hey not even she or the kids actual fathers do much for them. I can't be the only one who knows both men and women who don't really raise their kids. Understand I am not patting him on the back but when I was keeping my nieces and nephews 500 consistent extra bucks a month would have been more than I got. That lady needs to run. She is accepting it because she doesn't have to do anything for his kids but he will use her like the rest of them.

 

[Ms. Tarabotti]

$500 a month is fine for now since they are young. What happens when they become teenagers and need more things? Who's paying for college for thees youngsters? He'll have at least two going to school at the same time.

Is he on the road constantly that she sees him only on weekends? And then they really only have Saturday if he is spending all day Sunday with his children.

 

[intellectualuva]

$500 a month is fine for now since they are young. What happens when they become teenagers and need more things? Who's paying for college for thees youngsters? He'll have at least two going to school at the same time.

Is he on the road constantly that she sees him only on weekends? And then they really only have Saturday if he is spending all day Sunday with his children.

I assumed he worked Saturday as well because she said Sunday was his only free day. She may see him Saturday evening when he returns from being on the road, but I don't think he has a full Saturday off like he does on Sundays when he has the children.

 

[mrselle]

$500 a month is fine for now since they are young. What happens when they become teenagers and need more things? Who's paying for college for thees youngsters? He'll have at least two going to school at the same time.

Is he on the road constantly that she sees him only on weekends? And then they really only have Saturday if he is spending all day Sunday with his children.

Car insurance for a new driver, junior prom, senior prom, college applications, extracurricular activities, somebody needs braces, etc... Everybody gets along fine now. What happens when she shows up with a ring? The ring that the others wanted, but never got. What happens if they actually do get married? All this cordial, mature business will fly out the window the second these ladies think she is getting something they aren't.

 

[intellectualuva]

Okay, I’ll give you the homeless woman come up. For the first six months. After that, she’ll be weighing the pros and cons of a shelter.

Thank you.

I'm saying if she only has to play gf 1.5 days a week for a roof over her head, well ...maybe. This could be a come up for a poor/homeless woman to get a job, some skills while he's on the road, save money and get away. Lol. This is certainly not one for a BW in her prime.

@intellectualuva the child support-credit report connection had me so confused.

Yep. She's young and doesn't get it. The only way it MAY show up on the credit report is if he has a judgement for nonpayment. I don't even think that shows up immediately. To find out if he has orders, she needed to be on her state's case search or pulling the file downtown. Either way, she already knows he's paying 2500 a month so as far as I am concerned, he is on a child support agreement.

I also didn't understand the project triplets comment because there are only 2- 9 year olds....that would be irish/project twins, not triplets. So someone please explain.

@Crackers Phinn Could you PM a link to this Facebook group? My timeline has been too stale with its positive posts about marriage/babies.....and general happiness.

 

[kimpaur]

If it was me, it would be a no. That’s too much on you at age 25.
I’ve always been leery of truck drivers because of stories like these. The prostitution at the gas stations too.


It’s hard enough out here , why add all of this on top of it. At my age , it wouldn’t fly.

The first guy I ever dated, his stepdad was a truck driver.Long story short , he turned out to be a whole bigomist.
Edit:

Edited some details, story was too specific

 

[fula97]

^^^ Agreed expected this level of desperation from someone 45 (maybe even 35), but 25. It's all too much.

Not even then. 6 BM 6 kids nope. Are the chances higher that men in that age range are divorced etc or with an ex with a kid yes. But 6 with multiple mommas nope. Exactly what is the upside? This is nothing more than a drain on her finances if she makes over a certain amount. It may be beneficial if you make less than him then you can elevate by cutting down on expenses, but there is the mental drain that goes with it.

 

[intellectualuva]

Not even then. 6 BM 6 kids nope. Are the chances higher that men in that age range are divorced etc or with an ex with a kid yes. But 6 with multiple mommas nope. Exactly what is the upside? This is nothing more than a drain on her finances if she makes over a certain amount. It may be beneficial if you make less than him then you can elevate by cutting down on expenses, but there is the mental drain that goes with it.

Wait is it 6 kids of 5 kids?? Not that it makes a difference, just that the 500 per baby momma math no longer adds up. Or are people including his mother/brother who are also supported by him as the "6th child"?

 

[fula97]

Wait is it 6 kids of 5 kids?? Not that it makes a difference, just that the 500 per baby momma math no longer adds up. Or are people including his mother/brother who are also supported by him as the "6th child"?

eh it is 5 kids +5 moms (still too many) but he also has mom and deadbeat brother so his numbers are still more than $2500 a month.

 

[sunnieb]

I'm just mad at the woman talking about 'if you don't want him, send him my way'.

Women are told to be dang near perfect in order to get a man (any man) to even date her.

Is this guy seriously considered a catch? I don't understand.

 

[Bette Davis Eyes]

I dated a guy and at the time he had one child. Fast forward some ten odd years. He has and don’t quote me, about 6-7, I think. The last bunch are by the same woman. I think it’s 2-3 mothers. I didn’t keep up.

He was mad when I brought up women being leery of marrying a man with so many kids. He stated as long I take care of my kids what does that have to do with women dating me.

He didn’t understand how he would have to support outside his household first. He’s a hardworking guy but he needs to see it from the women looking in.

 

[RUBY]

@intellectualuva People need to stop saying this man would be good for a certain kind of woman. He’s not good for anybody. He has nothing to offer but penis and problems.

 

[intellectualuva]

I dated a guy and at the time he had one child. Fast forward some ten odd years. He has and don’t quote me, about 6-7, I think. The last bunch are by the same woman. I think it’s 2-3 mothers. I didn’t keep up.

He was mad when I brought up women being leery of marrying a man with so many kids. He stated as long I take care of my kids what does that have to do with women dating me.

He didn’t understand how he would have to support outside his household first. He’s a hardworking guy but he needs to see it from the women looking in.

^^^^ Yeah, they don't seem to realize that even with "middle class" salaries, having 2 or more children is ALOT. Its significant time and money leaving the household. I see why they don't, though. To be considered a good catch in the black community....just have a job and the appearance of taking care of your kids (and even then.....).....poof....you da man.

What's really funny about these guys is they usually have so much to say about single mothers, but they expect to have access to all women, childless and all, and we all should be grateful for their attention.

 

[giigii613]

He setting her up for the okie doke. He can’t afford his lifestyle and wants to move her in to pay for his mistakes. Bess believe he will be looking for her to cook and financially contribute to the household in some way. He already asking her to take care of his momma.

Also, he has no time for her. When I was 23 I dated a guy who was 31 and had a child. I was falling for this guy. My aunt pulled me to the side and straight up said to me “Are you content with being second place in his life?” His kids and the women who gave him those children will always come first. Their needs will always trump yours. Therefore you will constantly be expected to pack away your feeling to make other people happy. You will be the emotional doormat who came into that situation eyes wide open. She needs to find a man who adds value to her life not one who is looking to suck up the little pennies she has and waste her prime. God bless her. I hope she finds a way out of this emotionally abusive and absurd situation.

 

[Evolving78]

He setting her up for the okie doke. He can’t afford his lifestyle and wants to move her in to pay for his mistakes. Bess believe he will be looking for her to cook and financially contribute to the household in some way. He already asking her to take care of his momma.

Also, he has no time for her. When I was 23 I dated a guy who was 31 and had a child. I was falling for this guy. My aunt pulled me to the side and straight up said to me “Are you content with being second place in his life?” His kids and the women who gave him those children will always come first. Their needs will always trump yours. Therefore you will constantly be expected to pack away your feeling to make other people happy. You will be the emotional doormat who came into that situation eyes wide open. She needs to find a man who adds value to her life not one who is looking to suck up the little pennies she has and waste her prime. God bless her. I hope she finds a way out of this emotionally abusive and absurd situation.

This post sums it up!

 

[curlvana]

@intellectualuva People need to stop saying this man would be good for a certain kind of woman. He’s not good for anybody. He has nothing to offer but penis and problems.

Basically. And women need to stop thinking they have to settle at ANY age. I'm 31. If I divorced today, even with a kid, I could bag a man a hell of a lot better than this. Women selling themselves short is an understatement these days.

 

[curlvana]

And I make more than this man. If you want a decent lifestyle, that is not a lot of money. Wtf is $500 a month? I spend more than that just on my three-year-old's schooling. I live in a relatively cheap area too. He's doing the bare minimum for those kids. These women are all delusional and stupid.

 

[momi]

She is 25 and wants kids someday- he is 35 with a vasectomy.
80K is nothing after 2500 of child support not to mention taxes if he is 1099.

Sadly, depending on her environment he might actually be considered a catch because he is employed.

Bless her heart.

 

[shespoison]

ETA. Found the video





This women I admire posted a video of a man giving his wife/gf gift wrapped boxes with slips of paper with rent, light bill, car note and etc written out on them.

She was visibly upset and he was making comments about him paying the bills all year as her Christmas gift. It seemed scripted but whatever.

My fb friend said the woman was ungrateful and the posted the song, cleanup woman.

I was shocked but it reminded of this thread and what we’re supposed to feel grateful for.

 

[fula97]

ETA. Found the video





This women I admire posted a video of a man giving his wife/gf gift wrapped boxes with slips of paper with rent, light bill, car note and etc written out on them.

She was visibly upset and he was making comments about him paying the bills all year as her Christmas gift. It seemed scripted but whatever.

My fb friend said the woman was ungrateful and the posted the song, cleanup woman.

I was shocked but it reminded of this thread and what we’re supposed to feel grateful for.

Grateful for what he is supposed to do? Oh well. And notice the FB friend is divorced what happened to the excellent provider ex, she didn't show enough gratefulness?

 

[brownb83]

ETA. Found the video





This women I admire posted a video of a man giving his wife/gf gift wrapped boxes with slips of paper with rent, light bill, car note and etc written out on them.

She was visibly upset and he was making comments about him paying the bills all year as her Christmas gift. It seemed scripted but whatever.

My fb friend said the woman was ungrateful and the posted the song, cleanup woman.

I was shocked but it reminded of this thread and what we’re supposed to feel grateful for.

A mess

 

[RUBY]

He setting her up for the okie doke. He can’t afford his lifestyle and wants to move her in to pay for his mistakes. Bess believe he will be looking for her to cook and financially contribute to the household in some way. He already asking her to take care of his momma.

Also, he has no time for her. When I was 23 I dated a guy who was 31 and had a child. I was falling for this guy. My aunt pulled me to the side and straight up said to me “Are you content with being second place in his life?” His kids and the women who gave him those children will always come first. Their needs will always trump yours. Therefore you will constantly be expected to pack away your feeling to make other people happy. You will be the emotional doormat who came into that situation eyes wide open. She needs to find a man who adds value to her life not one who is looking to suck up the little pennies she has and waste her prime. God bless her. I hope she finds a way out of this emotionally abusive and absurd situation.

You've got a good aunt. Not everyone has people in their lives who give good advice.

 

[SurferBabe]

This is a young woman who has been conditioned to believe that becoming a wife and mother is a milestone that she needs to accomplish sooner rather than later and above all else without the consideration of whether or not the men in her immediate environment are worthy. So she's going to try to make it happen with the best she can find. The men at her job are broke, her family is probably broke and dysfunctional, her friends are either involuntarily single or dating young, broke dudes, and she's making pennies at a job she probably hates. Such a life can be extremely lonely and isolating. With no goals or direction of her own, the 35 year old man with a career, home, and no debt feels like her only option-- even with the 5 by 5 situation.

There is no one close to her that will tell her that she might have to suppress that instinctual desire to be in a committed relationship right now and instead focus on getting out of her comfort zone and start engineering her life so that she can move into another ecosystem with more favorable conditions for finding a quality mate. Nope, instead she will be told that he is a "good man" and she should figure out a way to make it work. Or she will be told to walk away, but will be given no guidance on how to navigate the world as a single, lonely woman surrounded by busters. Her lack of funds means that single life looks more like sitting at home alone stressing about bills every month and nothing like the "single and loving it" lifestyle of backpacking through Europe solo, or turning up at the beach in the Dominican Republic, or sipping cocktails with girlfriends at a rooftop bar in Vegas. Even with all of his baggage this man provides an escape from the mundane, and that is dangerous. I can see how she would entertain this. She feels stuck. She's given up.

If her environment is one where 5 women have signed up to share a baby daddy and they happily accept $500/month for support-- it's toxic. If her main dealbreaker is that he won't make her bm #6 so that her kid can share a room with 2-3 other children, she's normalized dysfunction. The only cure is to leave it all behind so she can reset her expectations. She needs to dump this dude, change her number, go to coolworks.com and see if she can use her receptionist experience to work front desk at a lodge far away from this foolishness. I'm serious.