Calling in the One Challenge

jprayze said:
I relate to your post in so many ways, tigerrose. I'm always in that place of patience becuase I see potential and I say if only this or if only that.

I admire you for taking that step. I have a hard time letting go of possibility with no possibility to take its place.
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jprayze
I have spent so much time trying to be patient for the sake of potential in a man that I have finally reached a point where I have no more time to waste.
I understand that I will have to help build my man up and make him better, but he already needs to have a solid foundation in place to build upon.

Yes, it is very hard to let go but it has become harder for me to think about the possibility of missing the One for me because a counterfeit is in the way. :perplexed
 
hopeful said:
tigerrose

I'm saddened by the fact that the relationship coach didn't support you. I'm kinda taken aback by that. You didn't hire her to help him. I find it odd that she feels his pain more than yours.

Other than that, I understand the holding onto hope thing. Sometimes you just gotta let stuff go though. No need to be angry or anything. But you have every right to wish someone well and send them on their way. This man is not your husband, your brother, or your childhood friend. He is a man stringing you along and wasting your time.

Thank God for the internet and forums like this. Sometimes our immediate circle cannot help us or support us. It hurts and it's frustrating, but we are here for you, and we have your back.
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Thanks hopeful

Lesson 10 on releasing toxic ties has been helpful for me, because I have also been releasing relationships that no longer serve me. My professional relationship with the relationship coach no longer served me and I have terminated it. I also feel like it did more harm than good because I noticed a pattern of her trying to make me feel guilty for trying to put my needs before his. It could possibly be that she was taking my situation too personal by taking his side too much, but that is not professional.

I thank God for this forum and group because it has helped me more than the people I expected to help me along this journey. After this experience I will let you all know about my next potential the One before I tell my close friends.:grin:

Thanks for having my back and I have yours as well!
I look forward to the engagement testimonies that are about to start happening on our journey to become wives! :yep:
 
This book has made me dig and dig... I'm happy that I've gotten much further than the first time years ago... I'm on my way to finishing this..
 
I'm behind already! I've been in a writing mood so that's a lot of it. And I have to write if I'm every going to consider it an occupation. I actually think assume of the introspection may have spurred it. Whenever I start thinking about relationships and people and how they fit together it always makes me want to write.

I'm still going to hang in there though, just not at a lesson a day pace. If I've learned anything in the past few years, it's that moving forward however slowly is better than giving up. I'm in week 2.

I think I took a step forward recently. There was this guy who I knew I wasn't interested in, but who seemed fascinated with me. Anyway, I let him down gently, but as men seem to do with me (because I guess they sense I like people buying me stuff ) in came the financial offers... Like "do you need this" or "I can do this for you" to weasel his way in. This almost never works with me. I spend their money and disappear. I was tempted to do the same with this one. He really got on my nerves (one of those obsessed with hair type men) but it is Christmas after all and who am I to begrudge him the joy of gifting me things?

Very uncharacteristically of myself, I decided it wasn't worth it. There is nothing compatible about us and I'm just occupying my mind with nonsense when there could be someone real out there I should be looking at. I know it's just fear and ease that keeps me in these patterns and it's not as harmless as I've always convinced myself. Plus I'm trying to be a better person and I'm tired of leaving a wake of foaming at the mouth men in my wake. I always justified it by the fact that I tell men upfront that I don't really want to date or I warn them I'm crazy, but it's not truthful to myself because I know what they want and that men always think they can wear you down.

So I'm not doing it anymore. I'm going to be a better me.
 
tigerrose

Im so happy for your clarity and resolve!!! Im so glad that you're in the place of allowing him to be and deal with his choices and that you've taken yourself out of his tangled web of emotional confusion. Have you looked back at your first post about him? Does it seem like you were a different person then? I can see a real difference between that person and the person who wrote this post>>>
tigerrose said:
I am so thankful for this book and our group, because it is helping me to put me first. :grin:

I mentioned before how I ended my friendship with the guy after spending Thanksgiving with him and his family. I did what was best for me because the guy made me realize that he was unable to have a healthy friendship (or any type of relationship) with me, and it was too toxic for me to allow him to keep me drawn into his drama with his ex-wife. He made me realize that not only was he not the One for me, but that he was also not someone I could have a healthy platonic friendship with.

Anyway, I feel frustrated because the guy told me I hurt him and was wrong for ending my friendship with him. And my close friends felt I shouldn't have completely cut him off so abruptly. My frustration is primarily with a relationship counselor I spoke with who tried to put all of the blame on me for what happened, because she said the guy was already feeling rejected by his ex-wife and now I have made him feel more rejected by ending my friendship with him. Did I mention this guy is an adult over the age of 40??? :nono:

I told her he is an adult and 100% responsible for his own life, just as I am 100% responsible for my life. He knows he is not over his ex-wife and instead of trying to flirt and get constant attention from a bunch of females, he needs to grow up and take the time to heal so he won't keep getting hurt. I had actually hired a relationship counselor to help me work on me and prepare myself for marriage. But this book and group is helping me to do the work I need to do.

I wasn't expecting the relationship counselor to basically take his side and try to place all of the blame on me for him getting hurt. It made me think: What about me? I need to put myself first and protect myself from getting hurt.
This guy has been so emotionally draining on me because he is such a needy child. That was also a turn off for me because he is over 40, and I expect to deal with a grown man, not a needy child. :nono:

I wish the guy all the best in life, and hope he eventually heals and gets over his ex-wife. But it is definitely not my job to save him. I refuse to sacrifice my well-being to help someone who will only keep draining my energy and wasting my time. Most importantly, I refuse to allow a guy who has proved to me that he is not the One for me get in the way of me attracting the man who is the One for me.

And after this experience one thing I know for sure is that the next man who comes into my life better be a grown man or I will cut him off with the quickness. :yep: It is not too much to ask for a man over the age of 35 to be emotionally mature and well...GROWN! :blush: And he also needs to be completely single like I am...meaning healthy and whole. And ready for marriage.

My biggest mistake was trying to be patient hoping the man would mature and change, so he could become the One for me. The One for me will already be ready for me to become his wife, and I will be ready for him.
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Y'ALL!!!!! I FINALLY, FINALLY got through chapter 5. OMG!!! I think I'll post about it in more detail in the private group but *happy dance* I did it. I feel like I have just walked through a door Ive been trying to figure out how to unlock for years. I did the fairy tale without putting much forethought into it. I just let it poor out of me and take on a life of its own and it did not turn out like I would have planned it, but it was certainly extremely, extremely cathartic. Whew!!! Hurray for progress!!!

I know this is a no judgement zone but I felt so bad for not making progress the way I wanted that I stopped posting in here. Im now comfortable with the process and having to stop for as long as it takes for me to emotionally and spiritually process the steps in this process. Like InsertCleverNameHere mentioned ^^. I may need to move slowly to really get the benefits of growth. So, I may not finish in 7 weeks, but that's okay. Im really impatient with a lot of things, mostly myself. Thats another bit of self-discovery I've made in this process.
♡Happy heart growing♡
 
Avyn said:
tigerrose

Im so happy for your clarity and resolve!!! Im so glad that you're in the place of allowing him to be and deal with his choices and that you've taken yourself out of his tangled web of emotional confusion. Have you looked back at your first post about him? Does it seem like you were a different person then? I can see a real difference between that person and the person who wrote this post>>>
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Avyn
Yes, I can see how I have changed since my first post about him.
I don't even feel a spiritual connection with him anymore. That was broken once I decided to end our friendship. I took some time out from doing this course because I had to process my experience with him so I could learn from it.
I have spent hours writing about that experience in my soulmate journal.

One thing I have learned is that a spiritual connection was created once he started being so vulnerable with me. He was very honest with me, and felt so comfortable being himself with me that he shared stuff he said he hadn't told anyone else. After it was over I remember thinking that it felt like he had latched onto my spirit. :look: That was the only way I could explain the incidents when I would pray for God to remove him from my life, and he would contact me less than 15 minutes later.

I think the fact that he was so vulnerable with me and shared so much of himself with me is what really hurt him when I ended our friendship. I don't think he realizes that his unhealthy obsession with his ex-wife was one of the reasons I ended it.

This made me realize that a risk I will have to take during this journey is being vulnerable with someone; and being willing to risk being rejected once a man gets to really know the real me. It is definitely not easy to deal with someone rejecting the real you once you have peeled back all of the layers of you to give yourself to them. But having a marriage where we truly accept each other for who we really are and are destined to become is worth it.:grin:


P.S.: Today I decided to print out all of my posts and put them in my CITO folder. They are like a part of my soulmate journal, and I can look back and see how far I have come during this journey. :yep:
 
Avyn said:
Y'ALL!!!!! I FINALLY, FINALLY got through chapter 5. OMG!!! I think I'll post about it in more detail in the private group but *happy dance* I did it. I feel like I have just walked through a door Ive been trying to figure out how to unlock for years. I did the fairy tale without putting much forethought into it. I just let it poor out of me and take on a life of its own and it did not turn out like I would have planned it, but it was certainly extremely, extremely cathartic. Whew!!! Hurray for progress!!!

I know this is a no judgement zone but I felt so bad for not making progress the way I wanted that I stopped posting in here. Im now comfortable with the process and having to stop for as long as it takes for me to emotionally and spiritually process the steps in this process. Like InsertCleverNameHere mentioned ^^. I may need to move slowly to really get the benefits of growth. So, I may not finish in 7 weeks, but that's okay. Im really impatient with a lot of things, mostly myself. Thats another bit of self-discovery I've made in this process.
♡Happy heart growing♡
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Avyn
Congratulations!!! I am so happy for you! :grin:
Now that you have unlocked the door it will be easier to complete the rest of the lessons. You are on a roll!

I'm glad you are back and will keep posting and keep going.
Remember, it doesn't matter how long the process takes. What matters most is that you complete the entire process and attract your husband! You will accomplish your goal of being ready for your husband! :grin:
 
tigerrose said:
Avyn
Yes, I can see how I have changed since my first post about him.
I don't even feel a spiritual connection with him anymore. That was broken once I decided to end our friendship. I took some time out from doing this course because I had to process my experience with him so I could learn from it.
I have spent hours writing about that experience in my soulmate journal.

One thing I have learned is that a spiritual connection was created once he started being so vulnerable with me. He was very honest with me, and felt so comfortable being himself with me that he shared stuff he said he hadn't told anyone else. After it was over I remember thinking that it felt like he had latched onto my spirit. :look: That was the only way I could explain the incidents when I would pray for God to remove him from my life, and he would contact me less than 15 minutes later.

I think the fact that he was so vulnerable with me and shared so much of himself with me is what really hurt him when I ended our friendship. I don't think he realizes that his unhealthy obsession with his ex-wife was one of the reasons I ended it.

This made me realize that a risk I will have to take during this journey is being vulnerable with someone; and being willing to risk being rejected once a man gets to really know the real me. It is definitely not easy to deal with someone rejecting the real you once you have peeled back all of the layers of you to give yourself to them. But having a marriage where we truly accept each other for who we really are and are destined to become is worth it.:grin:

P.S.: Today I decided to print out all of my posts and put them in my CITO folder. They are like a part of my soulmate journal, and I can look back and see how far I have come during this journey. :yep:
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Thank you!!!!^^^^

Im so happy for you. Vulnerability is the hard part for me. Maybe this guy's purpose for coming into your life was to help you understand vulnerability and make it a desire/requirement of your mate in your future relationship, since it was his and your vulnerability that helped form a strong connection between you two.
 
Avyn said:
Thank you!!!!^^^^

Im so happy for you. Vulnerability is the hard part for me. Maybe this guy's purpose for coming into your life was to help you understand vulnerability and make it a desire/requirement of your mate in your future relationship, since it was his and your vulnerability that helped form a strong connection between you two.
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That's true :yep:
 
Ladies to get over my fear of rejection I'm putting myself out there in a huge way! I decided I'm going to text the guy i like every single day for a year straight! Even if he ignores me, even if he doesn't text back or say the things I want I'm still doing it! i tend to be petty about that sort of stuff. He didn't text me back so I won't text him ever again! Whenever i get tempted to quit I just have to remember that he tried for years to tell me how he felt but I wasn't ready or unresponsive. This is uncomfortable but I need to do this. No more living in fear!
 
caribeandiva said:
Ladies to get over my fear of rejection I'm putting myself out there in a huge way! I decided I'm going to text the guy i like every single day for a year straight! Even if he ignores me, even if he doesn't text back or say the things I want I'm still doing it! i tend to be petty about that sort of stuff. He didn't text me back so I won't text him ever again! Whenever i get tempted to quit I just have to remember that he tried for years to tell me how he felt but I wasn't ready or unresponsive. This is uncomfortable but I need to do this. No more living in fear!
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Wait not to sound rude, please don't take it that way but if he doesn't respond or is not receptive why waste energy on that? Also are you wanting this particular guy or are you really open to meeting "the one" which may or may not be him. I thought this book was for true love to come into our lives not a how to catch a guy type of book.
 
caribeandiva said:
Ladies to get over my fear of rejection I'm putting myself out there in a huge way! I decided I'm going to text the guy i like every single day for a year straight! Even if he ignores me, even if he doesn't text back or say the things I want I'm still doing it! i tend to be petty about that sort of stuff. He didn't text me back so I won't text him ever again! Whenever i get tempted to quit I just have to remember that he tried for years to tell me how he felt but I wasn't ready or unresponsive. This is uncomfortable but I need to do this. No more living in fear!
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PLEASE DONT DO THAT!!!!
I know you want to put yourself out there but the way you want to go about it is a extreme, self sabotaging and stalkerish. A key component of getting over rejection is accepting it and moving on. If he rejects you, accept it and keep growing and building your life. You might be hurt or disappointed but you'll grow and live to meet another wonderful man.
Have you started the course?
 
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caribeandiva said:
Ladies to get over my fear of rejection I'm putting myself out there in a huge way! I decided I'm going to text the guy i like every single day for a year straight! Even if he ignores me, even if he doesn't text back or say the things I want I'm still doing it! i tend to be petty about that sort of stuff. He didn't text me back so I won't text him ever again! Whenever i get tempted to quit I just have to remember that he tried for years to tell me how he felt but I wasn't ready or unresponsive. This is uncomfortable but I need to do this. No more living in fear!
Click to expand...

How about varying it up a little and reach out to someone every day for a year straight. This way it's even less about him and more about you. Love is a boomerang so if you keep putting it out there it will come back to you. Try texting him once, then forget about it. The next day initiate contact with someone else, try smiling at strangers or talking in the grocery line. It could even be something as simple as making sure you don't slam a door on someone at work, or helping an elderly lady with her groceries. Don't worry about rejection or rather your efforts not being returned just focus on getting it out of you.
 
NinasLongAmbition said:
Wait not to sound rude, please don't take it that way but if he doesn't respond or is not receptive why waste energy on that? Also are you wanting this particular guy or are you really open to meeting "the one" which may or may not be him. I thought this book was for true love to come into our lives not a how to catch a guy type of book.
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I have to agree. Be open to whoever *the one* is. Don't focus so much on this one man. He may very well be the one but you don't have to resolve to text him everyday. If he wants to talk, he will. You made your feelings known. A man will do what he wants to do.

He pursued you when you weren't receptive. This may have been part of the allure...the thrill of the chase. He already knows you, knows how to contact you etc. I believe he will come to you if he wants to come based on what you have shared.

How about challenging yourself to talk to one new man a week or a month or whatever timeframe is comfortable?
Or aim for 1 date a month?
Or challenge yourself to go to activities where you will meet new people.

We are all here to help!
 
caribeandiva said:
Ladies to get over my fear of rejection I'm putting myself out there in a huge way! I decided I'm going to text the guy i like every single day for a year straight! Even if he ignores me, even if he doesn't text back or say the things I want I'm still doing it! i tend to be petty about that sort of stuff. He didn't text me back so I won't text him ever again! Whenever i get tempted to quit I just have to remember that he tried for years to tell me how he felt but I wasn't ready or unresponsive. This is uncomfortable but I need to do this. No more living in fear!
Click to expand...


caribeandiva No!!!:nono:

The best way to get over your fear of rejection is to risk being rejected.
You have already told the guy you like him so that was the first step. Risk being rejected by him by not contacting him anymore, and letting him initiate contact with you. If he is interested he will eventually contact you.

Do not text anyone every single day for a year. If you are trying to get out of your comfort zone by being more assertive and bold, you can blog about your CITO experience every day for a year. The primary goal is to become your best so you can attract the One who is the best for you. :yep:

It can be uncomfortable to have enough patience to work on you while you are waiting for your One to come into your life...but you are so worth it!
 
caribeandiva - whoa!

Well, I finished the book. There were quotes from books that I mentally added to my reading list so I will be shifting gears now.

Thank you ladies for allowing me to participate. I will post my thoughts in the Lesson/Section specific threads in the days to follow.
 
I reached my first lesson after reading the preface and introduction yesterday. I haven't completed it yet but i will do so once i get home from work today. Avyn tigerrose Kimbosheart you ladies provided some very sound advice to caribbeandiva; that is what a love about this group, its a true support system for this course.

I myself am going through a 30's crisis of not being where i want to be in my life right now and as i do this course on working to be a better me i am scared of what this course will ask me to do as it progresses.

Right now i have the opportunity to achieve my main dream and will be pulling out all the stops to get to the first phase in 2 years. The way i would like to do it will impact my current relationship as it will create a long distance between us and he is not up for that. I really need to do this for myself but i'm afraid this course and my plan will adversely change things. What do i do?
 
tigerrose said:
caribeandiva No!!!:nono:

The best way to get over your fear of rejection is to risk being rejected.
You have already told the guy you like him so that was the first step. Risk being rejected by him by not contacting him anymore, and letting him initiate contact with you. If he is interested he will eventually contact you.

Do not text anyone every single day for a year. If you are trying to get out of your comfort zone by being more assertive and bold, you can blog about your CITO experience every day for a year. The primary goal is to become your best so you can attract the One who is the best for you. :yep:

It can be uncomfortable to have enough patience to work on you while you are waiting for your One to come into your life...but you are so worth it!
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tigerrose Thank you! :hugs: i really thought I was putting myself out there. You know, do something different to get different results. That decision made me very uncomfortable because I was basically doing his job by pursuing him. Thank you for caring about me enough to tell me the truth, in a loving way of course. :grin: I will take your suggestions to wait and let him come to me AND to post every day in the CITO support group. I thank God everyday for you ladies and that group. It really keeps me on the right path.
 
Nomadiclady said:
caribeandiva - whoa!

Well, I finished the book. There were quotes from books that I mentally added to my reading list so I will be shifting gears now.

Thank you ladies for allowing me to participate. I will post my thoughts in the Lesson/Section specific threads in the days to follow.
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I know! :lol: huge! I was jumping the gun big time! Thank goodness for you ladies!
 
Nomadiclady said:
caribeandiva - whoa! Well, I finished the book. There were quotes from books that I mentally added to my reading list so I will be shifting gears now. Thank you ladies for allowing me to participate. I will post my thoughts in the Lesson/Section specific threads in the days to follow.
Click to expand...


Congrats on finishing!!!
 
PureSilver said:
Right now i have the opportunity to achieve my main dream and will be pulling out all the stops to get to the first phase in 2 years. The way i would like to do it will impact my current relationship as it will create a long distance between us and he is not up for that. I really need to do this for myself but i'm afraid this course and my plan will adversely change things. What do i do?
Click to expand...

PureSilver
You have to review your goals and your actual purpose in life and see if he fits into your life... Doing this book may shake things up... Better may be out there, or he may change and become better for you
 
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