Calling in the One Challenge

ClassicChic said:
Well ......

I've had two gentlemen from my past, reappear this past week. I take this as a sign that I am on the right path. They are nothing but distractions!!!! One told me he dreamed about me. The other wants to go out. ............ Oh boy!!!

Im gonna continue on my journey ......
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ClassicChic

Watch out now!
Somebody popped up yesterday and I was very interested. Im not going to do or say anything right now. I need to get my mind right. I agree with previous posters. I dont think I'll engage in any dating until I finish the course. The fact that I've been challenged by each lesson so far lets me know I ain't quite ready.

Also, thank you for tagging me and pushing me lat week. I was stalling to start and all I could hear was your e-voice asking if started yet.

Now if I could just get past lesson 5. Im going to spend some time on it tonight after I grade papers. I have been putting it off since last Friday.
 
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I need to focus on this book, I get sad sometimes reading it instead if empowered. I feel that I'm so pessimistic that in the back of my mind while reading it, I'm thinking "yeah right, this won't work". I have a long way to go..
 
NinasLongAmbition said:
I need to focus on this book, I get sad sometimes reading it instead if empowered. I feel that I'm so pessimistic that in the back of my mind while reading it, I'm thinking "yeah right, this won't work". I have a long way to go..
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NinasLongAmbition

Interesting. I picked up the book to gain perspective and work on myself. Maybe looking at it in that way will take off the pressure of getting results.
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
There is still time to join in the PRIVATE Group before it closes Ladies!!! :grin: :grin: There are still some just starting Week 1, so don't feel bad for joining in late! :yep:

Also, I have invited some of you ladies at your request, but some of you haven't yet confirmed/or seen my invitation. :yep: I don't want you ladies to miss out!

aprils13
scarcity21
sgold04
SugarRush
VelvetRain
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Crystalicequeen123

Can we leave the group open?
I think with there being subheadings by week/chapter people can benefit from previous posters' discussions and add to the conversation for each week. I dont know if that'll be overwhelming for you as the group moderator, but I know others will see this thread after the 30th and want to join the group. I could help moderate the group if you want.
 
NinasLongAmbition - do you read the book only and skip the exercises? I'm not saying that makes a difference - I'm just curious.

I think I remember the author addressing your concern in the preface or the beginning chapters? if I find exactly where - I'll update the post.
 
NinasLongAmbition

I think that as you work through the exercises you'll uncover why you're pessimistic and may find your perspective change as you go. I think its completely fine if you start out with this mindset. Its good that youre aware of your doubts. Dont judge yourself for it, just start the process and see what happens.

You and all your doubts are worthy of love if thats what you want.
 
Avyn said:
@Crystalicequeen123

Can we leave the group open?
I think with there being subheadings by week/chapter people can benefit from previous posters' discussions and add to the conversation for each week. I dont know if that'll be overwhelming for you as the group moderator, but I know others will see this thread after the 30th and want to join the group. I could help moderate the group if you want.
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Avyn

Hmmmm.....Well you might want to consult with the ladies in the group already and see what the majority consensus is. :yep: When I asked for group input on whether to keep the group open or private, the majority said they would prefer the group stay private, since as the weeks go by, the course gets deeper and deeper, and some might not feel as "comfortable" sharing such intimate details on a PUBLIC forum. :look:

I was asked to take the forum/group down from being public and to keep it private (and then eventually closed) in prep for Dec. 1st. People stated they didn't want new members after Dec. 1st. Maybe we need to have a poll lol...:lol:

I'll do whatever the majority wants. While I would prefer some privacy, I don't mind keeping it "open" until Dec. 1st or a set time limit. :yep: If people are going to join that would be better imo. :yep: What I DON'T want is a bunch of ppl just "lurking" in the Group and not posting/commenting and never joining. :nono:

If the group helps others then by all means I would love people to join! :yep:

Anyone have any thoughts/ideas??
 
Crystalicequeen123

Sorry! I misspoke. I didnt mean open as in public. I meant not put an end date to people joining the private group. I think it might be good for people who find this thread later to be able to join the private group and benefit from previous posters' insights posted on the private group page.
 
Avyn said:
Crystalicequeen123

Sorry! I misspoke. I didnt mean open as in public. I meant not put an end date to people joining the private group. I think it might be good for people who find this thread later to be able to join the private group and benefit from previous posters' insights posted on the private group page.
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Avyn Ohhhhh! I see. :yep: I mean, it's okay with me as long as everyone else is okay with it. I put the question out there on the group section, so by all means feel free to put your input out there.

I'm open to different suggestions. :yep:
 
Avyn said:
ClassicChic

Watch out now!
Somebody popped up yesterday and I was very interested. Im not going to do or say anything right now. I need to get my mind right. I agree with previous posters. I dont think I'll engage in any dating until I finish the course. The fact that I've been challenged by each lesson so far lets me know I ain't quite ready.

Also, thank you for tagging me and pushing me lat week. I was stalling to start and all I could hear was your e-voice asking if started yet.

Now if I could just get past lesson 5. Im going to spend some time on it tonight after I grade papers. I have been putting it off since last Friday.
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I am not gonna date anyone either.

Soooo ...... Another 2 guys have "appeared". So this would make a total of 4!:drunk::spinning: I'm finding this all too funny!

Had a relationship with one. Dated another. Only flirted with the last two.

I know that none are "The One".

........ I shall continue on my journey ..........
 
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NinasLongAmbition said:
I need to focus on this book, I get sad sometimes reading it instead if empowered. I feel that I'm so pessimistic that in the back of my mind while reading it, I'm thinking "yeah right, this won't work". I have a long way to go..
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Girlllll ...... I become sad and cry while reading. I think since you are feeling something, it is working within you.

I wouldn't say I feel empowered. However, I have had "AHA" moments. We haven't been reading it that long so please continue.
 
This quote is worth typing:

"It was through self-examination that I found the root cause of disappointments: not stating your true intentions very clearly at the onset of any endeavor. When you fail to do that, and when you fail to let everyone involved know exactly what it is you want, chances are you will be disappointed. "

- Iyanla Vanzant, In the Meantime
 
Please add me to the group. Buying the book. I'm at a major crossroad right now. Over 35 and freaking out.
 
Hi, i purchased the book last month, but i am struggling to read it. I would like to participate in your private group. Can you please add me.
 
ClassicChic said:
I am not gonna date anyone either.

Soooo ...... Another 2 guys have "appeared". So this would make a total of 4!:drunk::spinning: I'm finding this all too funny!

Had a relationship with one. Dated another. Only flirted with the last two.

I know that none are "The One".

........ I shall continue on my journey ..........
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ClassicChic WOW Girl you are on a ROLL!!! :lachen: :rofl:

I agree with you though, I don't think I'm going to date anyone while doing this program. I don't mind MEETING new people, but dating?? Idk.. The guy would have to be DYNAMITE for me to break away and start dating someone before I've finished this program. :yep:

Idk if it's just "coincidental" but my aunt tried to hook me up with this guy in my homestate, and I DID meet him while I was in town. :yep: He was nice, cute, and seemed like he was on the up and up....BUTTTT.... I don't want any long distance relationships. :nono: Plus, I didn't "feel" enough chemistry to want to make me want to date a guy in a totally different state all across the United States.... :nono: :perplexed

But at least he's an option that I guess I can revisit down the line if I feel the need to, and at least it feels nice to be finding guys who are interested in me again.:yep: It's a GOOD feeling. :grin: I feel so much more CAREFREE now. At least I feel like I'm now on the pathway to attracting the RIGHT guy for me in my state/area. :grin:

I'm learning SOO much about myself through this program! :yay:

Nomadiclady said:
This quote is worth typing:

"It was through self-examination that I found the root cause of disappointments: not stating your true intentions very clearly at the onset of any endeavor. When you fail to do that, and when you fail to let everyone involved know exactly what it is you want, chances are you will be disappointed. "

- Iyanla Vanzant, In the Meantime
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^^WOW....that is deep!!! :yep:
 
I posted this update on Thanksgiving night in the private group, but I also wanted to share my update in this public thread too. (I had mentioned trying to release this guy in this thread before, and I ended our friendship on Thanksgiving night).

================================================================


I hope all of you soon to be wives had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

I enjoyed spending Thanksgiving at my friend's house today. I also made a major decision about our relationship during a conversation I had with him while we were alone. He told me he is still not ready for a relationship, but he did it in his usual way of not telling me that directly. He will talk about how other women are interested in him and are trying to talk to him, and then he will tell me he is not interested in them and that he is not ready for a relationship. He did that tonight and then mentioned that he tells women he is not ready for a relationship, and if they don't believe him that is on them and they are opening themselves up to get hurt. He said they need to find the next dude who is ready. I thought to myself: He is not the One.

The kicker was when he started talking about his ex-wife and how they have a history regardless of what happened between them. He insists he is not getting back with her though. He always insists that he is not giving her another chance. But...he then said she was supposed to come over to his house for Thanksgiving today!!!

I was like this guy still has major healing to do to get over his ex-wife.
So I decided to end our friendship tonight and already told him so.
 
^^WOW.....

I say GOOD for you tigerrose :clap: :clap:

You deserve SO much better. This guy is definitely still holding on to some past baggage. :nono:

I'm SO glad that this book has helped you to see that this guy is not the right one for you....at least, not RIGHT NOW. :ohwell: His words were VERY telling.

I will also NEVER forget a quote in a relationship book I read a while back that stated something to the effect that when a man tells you that he's not "ready" for a relationship, BELIEVE him. What he's REALLY saying is that he doesn't want a relationship with YOU or any of the OTHER women he's been stringing along for years. :nono: A lot of women tend to make excuses for these men because we want to see the best in them, and we genuinely like these men. BUT, if a guy is EVER telling you reasons why he's "not ready", how he'll "hurt you", or why you shouldn't date him, then RUN!!!! Find someone else!

A guy who is REALLY into a woman will NOT want to tell her that he's not ready for a relationship. He wouldn't even want those words to utter from his mouth. He would be too worried he would push her away and make her leave. Even if deep down inside he's feeling scared and unsure, he would NEVER tell her that she shouldn't date him or that he doesn't want a serious relationship. He'd be trying to do his BEST to impress the woman he wants, and trying hard to HIDE any faults of his that he has.

This guy sounds like a time-waster. :nono:

I say keep him as a buddy (if that's what you want), but ultimately, I would definitely scratch him OFF of the potential list for right now. Who knows, maybe the fact that you stood your ground and decided to end the "friendship" might make him realize that he lost a good thing, and He MAY change in the future, but RIGHT NOW he is not the one. :nono:

I'm SOOO thankful for this book....it is opening my eyes to MY SELF WORTH. :yep:
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
^^WOW.....

I say GOOD for you tigerrose :clap: :clap:

You deserve SO much better. This guy is definitely still holding on to some past baggage. :nono:

I'm SO glad that this book has helped you to see that this guy is not the right one for you....at least, not RIGHT NOW. :ohwell: His words were VERY telling.

I will also NEVER forget a quote in a relationship book I read a while back that stated something to the effect that when a man tells you that he's not "ready" for a relationship, BELIEVE him. What he's REALLY saying is that he doesn't want a relationship with YOU or any of the OTHER women he's been stringing along for years. :nono: A lot of women tend to make excuses for these men because we want to see the best in them, and we genuinely like these men. BUT, if a guy is EVER telling you reasons why he's "not ready", how he'll "hurt you", or why you shouldn't date him, then RUN!!!! Find someone else!

A guy who is REALLY into a woman will NOT want to tell her that he's not ready for a relationship. He wouldn't even want those words to utter from his mouth. He would be too worried he would push her away and make her leave. Even if deep down inside he's feeling scared and unsure, he would NEVER tell her that she shouldn't date him or that he doesn't want a serious relationship. He'd be trying to do his BEST to impress the woman he wants, and trying hard to HIDE any faults of his that he has.

This guy sounds like a time-waster. :nono:

I say keep him as a buddy (if that's what you want), but ultimately, I would definitely scratch him OFF of the potential list for right now. Who knows, maybe the fact that you stood your ground and decided to end the "friendship" might make him realize that he lost a good thing, and He MAY change in the future, but RIGHT NOW he is not the one. :nono:

I'm SOOO thankful for this book....it is opening my eyes to MY SELF WORTH. :yep:
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Crystalicequeen123 Thanks for your words of wisdom!

Yes, this book has definitely increased my self worth, because one of my thoughts while deciding to terminate our friendship was: "I am worth so much more than this, and I deserve God's best for my life." I refuse to settle for less than God's best when it comes to the man I will eventually marry. And I refuse to continue to waste time on a man when he has made it obvious that not only is he not the One, but he is not worthy of any type of relationship with me.

I agree with the advice to run far away from a man when he utters the words: "I'm not ready for a relationship", especially when you are ready for a relationship. And for me, I am ready for marriage...the ultimate relationship that I can have with a man. After this experience, I am kind of leery of dealing with divorced men going forward. But I know the main problem is dealing with a man who still has soul ties with a woman. That is like having his ex as the other woman in your relationship because he keeps talking about her and dealing with her. :nono:

The puzzling thing to me about this guy is that his ex-wife broke his heart into a million pieces by cheating on him with a guy that she is still with. I wonder if he would have been okay with his ex-wife bringing her current boyfriend -- who is also the man she left him for -- with her to his house for Thanksgiving? :blush: I don't have time for that drama or a man who is willing to stay caught up in that mess.

It is funny because when I seriously tried to release him earlier this month, he came back and told me he was ready to do the work he needed to do to heal.
He even uttered the words: "I love you" to me and acted like he was not willing to lose me and risk not having me in his life.
I don't have time for those types of games either...where he is only trying to keep me when I am ready to go.

This is why I feel it is best to not have any type of relationship with him right now...or ever if that is what is best. I refuse to allow a man to keep me hanging in the wings hoping that he will finally love me the way I need to be loved. I am letting this time waster go completely, so I can allow in the man who is the One for me...and is ready for me now...into my life. :grin:
 
tigerrose
Good for you! This guy sounds like a hot mess and a piece of work. He has the nerve to brag to you about other women pursuing him? Really? What is the point? To make you jealous? To let you see he is a prize? Or maybe it's only to be passive aggressive and use them in order to indirectly tell you he doesn't want a relationship? Either way he is TRIPPING. And then the bringing up the ex-wife. You can tell the opposite is true when he talks about her. You can tell that he would take her back in a heartbeat. You deserve a guy who is direct, honest, available, into YOU, and not in love with someone else. Anyway, like I said, good for you. He is definitely not the one, not by a long shot.
 
hopeful said:
tigerrose
Good for you! This guy sounds like a hot mess and a piece of work. He has the nerve to brag to you about other women pursuing him? Really? What is the point? To make you jealous? To let you see he is a prize? Or maybe it's only to be passive aggressive and use them in order to indirectly tell you he doesn't want a relationship? Either way he is TRIPPING. And then the bringing up the ex-wife. You can tell the opposite is true when he talks about her. You can tell that he would take her back in a heartbeat. You deserve a guy who is direct, honest, available, into YOU, and not in love with someone else. Anyway, like I said, good for you. He is definitely not the one, not by a long shot.
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hopeful
Thanks!

Yes, he had a history of bragging to me about how other women were pursuing him and then making a point of telling me how he didn't like any of them and wasn't even ready for a relationship. It looks like I was the only woman not pursuing him, and I told him I don't believe in chasing men because that is not the woman's role. I think he needed the boost in self esteem from having women pursuing him, because it seemed like he lost a lot of it when his wife cheated on him and left him for another man.

I think he is a lost cause because his ex-wife really messed up his head and heart. I realize now that he has a pattern of not wanting a relationship with anyone who wants a relationship with him, because the one person --his ex-wife-- that he wants a relationship with doesn't want a relationship with him. I also believe that he would take her back if she wanted to leave her boyfriend for him, regardless of how he keeps insisting that he would not take her back.

She has been with the boyfriend for a few years now, and was willing to leave a man who was willing to marry her and take care of her, for a man who is only willing to make her his main girlfriend. That seems like she loves the boyfriend more than him, and he is still having a hard time accepting that and moving on with his life.

So I am going to do what is best for me and move on with my life...without him in it at all.
 
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tigerrose said:
"I am worth so much more than this, and I deserve God's best for my life." I refuse to settle for less than God's best when it comes to the man I will eventually marry. And I refuse to continue to waste time on a man when he has made it obvious that not only is he not the One, but he is not worthy of any type of relationship with me.
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This is worth the price of admission. Thank you
 
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