Calling in the One Challenge

tigerrose said:
@Crystalicequeen123 Thanks for your words of wisdom!

Yes, this book has definitely increased my self worth, because one of my thoughts while deciding to terminate our friendship was: "I am worth so much more than this, and I deserve God's best for my life." I refuse to settle for less than God's best when it comes to the man I will eventually marry. And I refuse to continue to waste time on a man when he has made it obvious that not only is he not the One, but he is not worthy of any type of relationship with me.

I agree with the advice to run far away from a man when he utters the words: "I'm not ready for a relationship", especially when you are ready for a relationship. And for me, I am ready for marriage...the ultimate relationship that I can have with a man. After this experience, I am kind of leery of dealing with divorced men going forward. But I know the main problem is dealing with a man who still has soul ties with a woman. That is like having his ex as the other woman in your relationship because he keeps talking about her and dealing with her. :nono:

The puzzling thing to me about this guy is that his ex-wife broke his heart into a million pieces by cheating on him with a guy that she is still with. I wonder if he would have been okay with his ex-wife bringing her current boyfriend -- who is also the man she left him for -- with her to his house for Thanksgiving? :blush: I don't have time for that drama or a man who is willing to stay caught up in that mess.

It is funny because when I seriously tried to release him earlier this month, he came back and told me he was ready to do the work he needed to do to heal.
He even uttered the words: "I love you" to me and acted like he was not willing to lose me and risk not having me in his life.
I don't have time for those types of games either...where he is only trying to keep me when I am ready to go.

This is why I feel it is best to not have any type of relationship with him right now...or ever if that is what is best. I refuse to allow a man to keep me hanging in the wings hoping that he will finally love me the way I need to be loved. I am letting this time waster go completely, so I can allow in the man who is the One for me...and is ready for me now...into my life. :grin:
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tigerrose
Wow girl, your post gave me chills!! :clap: :notworthy

Kudos to you for realizing that your self worth means MORE to you than the crumbs he was trying to feed your way. :nono:

Guys like this frustrate me to no end. But one thing I have realized from experience and from reading this book and doing the exercises, is that it is ME keeping myself "stuck" with guys like this. I don't have to stand for this type of behavior, and therefore, their behavior won't be "frustrating" to me. PLAIN AND SIMPLE.

You did the right thing in cutting him off. :yep: I would ask how he took the "News", but I'm afraid that would give you the impression that I care about his reaction lol! :lol: No matter WHAT his reaction is/was, you did what was right for YOU. TRUST and believe that. The universe is shifting for you...I can feel it.

One thing about this book that I'm loving and finding out is that once you start loving yourself (I mean REALLY TRULY loving yourself), it's almost as if the universe starts shifting and God starts to open your eyes to the men who are TRULY worth your time. It's like the book says, you become a "magnet" for the "one" that is BEST for you.

Oh, and I definitely agree with you not "chasing" after a man. If you've given a man the "Green light" or have given him signs that you would be interested, honestly...that is really ALL you have to do. :yep: If a man is READY and interested, he will find YOU! This chasing after a guy nonsense is for the birds. I will give a man the green light, flirt, give good eye contact, smile, etc....but I will NOT help him across the street! IF I find that I have to persuade, trick, or go OUT of my way to make a man my bf, then I KNOW he is NOT the one for me. :nono:
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
tigerrose
Wow girl, your post gave me chills!! :clap: :notworthy

Kudos to you for realizing that your self worth means MORE to you than the crumbs he was trying to feed your way. :nono:

Guys like this frustrate me to no end. But one thing I have realized from experience and from reading this book and doing the exercises, is that it is ME keeping myself "stuck" with guys like this. I don't have to stand for this type of behavior, and therefore, their behavior won't be "frustrating" to me. PLAIN AND SIMPLE.

You did the right thing in cutting him off. :yep: I would ask how he took the "News", but I'm afraid that would give you the impression that I care about his reaction lol! :lol: No matter WHAT his reaction is/was, you did what was right for YOU. TRUST and believe that. The universe is shifting for you...I can feel it.

One thing about this book that I'm loving and finding out is that once you start loving yourself (I mean REALLY TRULY loving yourself), it's almost as if the universe starts shifting and God starts to open your eyes to the men who are TRULY worth your time. It's like the book says, you become a "magnet" for the "one" that is BEST for you.

Oh, and I definitely agree with you not "chasing" after a man. If you've given a man the "Green light" or have given him signs that you would be interested, honestly...that is really ALL you have to do. :yep: If a man is READY and interested, he will find YOU! This chasing after a guy nonsense is for the birds. I will give a man the green light, flirt, give good eye contact, smile, etc....but I will NOT help him across the street! IF I find that I have to persuade, trick, or go OUT of my way to make a man my bf, then I KNOW he is NOT the one for me. :nono:
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Crystalicequeen123

Yes, I am definitely worth more than some crumbs. I am worthy of a man's whole heart. I agree with truly loving yourself to become a magnet for the One that is the best for you. I need to work on me some more so I can attract guys who are emotionally available.

Girl, I don't know how he took the news because I ended our "friendship" via a text message. :look: To be honest I felt he deserved to be told that way, because I didn't want to waste anymore time on him telling him via phone or in person, and then having to explain why I wanted to end it and go back and forth with him about it. At least I was direct with him about my intention for our relationship, unlike him trying to tell me stuff indirectly.

He didn't respond back. I guess he needed to digest that information. :rolleyes: I was very direct about not wanting to remain friends, so he doesn't have to guess how I feel about our relationship. I honestly don't feel there is anything left to talk about with him, so I will most likely ignore him if he does try to contact me. When I see him I will ignore him and let him fade away as if he never existed in my life.

I am now diligent about completing this book so I can still accomplish my goal of calling in my One before this year is over. 2014 is not over yet and I am more motivated than ever to become my best so I can attract my best! :grin:
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
Just FYI Everyone.... The Private Group that I have created will no longer be accepting NEW Members come Dec. 1st. This is in order to keep the group private and small and everyone in step with the program (not having new people join months later in other words). A new group can always be created, but the group that was just created will not be accepting new members after Nov. 30th. PM me or tag me if you would like an invite to the group. Thanks! :yep:
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Crystalicequeen123 Please send me an invite to the group. I picked up my book!
 
I bought my e-copy tonight. I read the preface and the intro. So far I like it but I'm nervous. I've done a lot of internal work including therapy in the last few years. Looks like I have more to do.
 
This is difficult to write but here goes:

I've never really been in a relationship. I dated lots of guys but nothing serious. I know I have huge abandonment fears stemming from childhood when my dad had to go elsewhere to find work and when my mom almost died from breast cancer. I worked on those issues before but the scars are still there. My grandma died 3 months ago and I feel guilty i didn't spend more time with her. I expect everyone who I care about to leave me or betray me so I don't let anyone get close to me. I'm tearing up as I'm writing this. That was unexpected. I say I want a relationship but dread giving up my free time, my freedom, my space, being accountable to someone, or letting someone get really close to me.

I've been in love twice in my life. The first time was 10 years ago and it was basically one sided. He never really made any attempt at a serious relationship with me. That hurt like hell and it took me a long time to recover. My bff is also into self-help and we support each other in real-life. She made me realize that I hide my feelings a lot and don't express them. I minimize bad things that happen to me and don't really give people a chance to come to my rescue, love on me or be there for me as I am for them. She also made me realize that I do have love in my life: in the form of guy 10 years younger than me!! He's been in love with me for years but I never took him seriously because of the age gap.

I started opening up to him more and more and he did the same. 3 weeks ago I took a huge risk and confessed my feelings to him since I've fallen in love with him (yes I did). He didn't know what to say so the whole convo was awkward so I hung up. I haven't heard from him since! I'm heartbroken. Feeling rejected and alone.. It also doesn't help that my bff has a new man and is less available now. I've been depressed for the past week because of all of that and I really miss my grandma. I'm abandoned once again by all of them. As for my guy I'll give it another week to hear from him after that i'll start working on releasing him.
 
jprayze said:
caribeandiva you're in the right place! It may just take him a while to digest it all. Just know that you have HOPE!
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jprayze thanks! My friends said the same thing. I never gave him any indication at all that I liked him. I totally blindsided him with that confession I'm sure. I think the real reason I want to release him is because waiting for him is making me uncomfortable. It makes me feel needy and I pride myself in never needing anyone especially a man!
 
caribeandiva said:
I never gave him any indication at all that I liked him. I totally blindsided him with that confession I'm sure. I think the real reason I want to release him is because waiting for him is making me uncomfortable. It makes me feel needy and I pride myself in never needing anyone especially a man!
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caribeandiva
Don't fret too much over it. At least you told him and now he knows how you really feel about him. Don't wait on him...just be patient. Keep yourself busy with completing this book and improving you.

You are not needy, and you don't need a man...you want a man. You want a man who will love you just as much, if not more, than you love him. You are worth it! :yep:
 
caribeandiva said:
This is difficult to write but here goes:

I've never really been in a relationship. I dated lots of guys but nothing serious. I know I have huge abandonment fears stemming from childhood when my dad had to go elsewhere to find work and when my mom almost died from breast cancer. I worked on those issues before but the scars are still there. My grandma died 3 months ago and I feel guilty i didn't spend more time with her. I expect everyone who I care about to leave me or betray me so I don't let anyone get close to me. I'm tearing up as I'm writing this. That was unexpected. I say I want a relationship but dread giving up my free time, my freedom, my space, being accountable to someone, or letting someone get really close to me.

I've been in love twice in my life. The first time was 10 years ago and it was basically one sided. He never really made any attempt at a serious relationship with me. That hurt like hell and it took me a long time to recover. My bff is also into self-help and we support each other in real-life. She made me realize that I hide my feelings a lot and don't express them. I minimize bad things that happen to me and don't really give people a chance to come to my rescue, love on me or be there for me as I am for them. She also made me realize that I do have love in my life: in the form of guy 10 years younger than me!! He's been in love with me for years but I never took him seriously because of the age gap.

I started opening up to him more and more and he did the same. 3 weeks ago I took a huge risk and confessed my feelings to him since I've fallen in love with him (yes I did). He didn't know what to say so the whole convo was awkward so I hung up. I haven't heard from him since! I'm heartbroken. Feeling rejected and alone.. It also doesn't help that my bff has a new man and is less available now. I've been depressed for the past week because of all of that and I really miss my grandma. I'm abandoned once again by all of them. As for my guy I'll give it another week to hear from him after that i'll start working on releasing him.
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caribeandiva
Wow girl, that was so deep. I'm so glad you're joining in this challenge.

I can definitely relate in some way...especially with the bolded. :yep: I SAY I want a relationship, but I think that deep down in some ways I AM a little afraid of letting someone get close to me. Maybe I feel like I'm not good enough, or that they will be disappointed once they know the REAL me. I think I'm so used to seeing DYSfunction in my life (thanks to my mom's relationships), that I'm so terrified of ending up having the same life she had, so I just protect myself by not being in ANY relationship. :perplexed I think that vibe might also be something that guys are subtly picking up on too. :ohwell:

I know one thing, I HAVE to break this cycle of never being interested in the guys who like me, and always attracting guys I could NEVER be interested in. I want the guys I'm interested in to be interested in me as well. :yep: And vice versa!


GIrl, this book will go DEEP! It is a bit overwhelming at times, but I'm SO glad I'm doing it. :yep:




tigerrose said:
@Crystalicequeen123

Yes, I am definitely worth more than some crumbs. I am worthy of a man's whole heart. I agree with truly loving yourself to become a magnet for the One that is the best for you. I need to work on me some more so I can attract guys who are emotionally available.

Girl, I don't know how he took the news because I ended our "friendship" via a text message. :look: To be honest I felt he deserved to be told that way, because I didn't want to waste anymore time on him telling him via phone or in person, and then having to explain why I wanted to end it and go back and forth with him about it. At least I was direct with him about my intention for our relationship, unlike him trying to tell me stuff indirectly.

He didn't respond back. I guess he needed to digest that information. :rolleyes: I was very direct about not wanting to remain friends, so he doesn't have to guess how I feel about our relationship. I honestly don't feel there is anything left to talk about with him, so I will most likely ignore him if he does try to contact me. When I see him I will ignore him and let him fade away as if he never existed in my life.

I am now diligent about completing this book so I can still accomplish my goal of calling in my One before this year is over. 2014 is not over yet and I am more motivated than ever to become my best so I can attract my best! :grin:
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tigerrose AMEN sister!!! :hug2:

Even if he NEVER Responds back, you did the RIGHT thing. :yep: Don't EVER doubt that. Sometimes in life we HAVE to do what is right for US. Plain and simple.

The RIGHT guys will come along for us.

I'm off to complete some more of my lessons/exercises!! :yep: :grin:
 
AyannaDivine said:
if you order from Amazon use code HOLIDAY30 to save 30% on your book. Code expires on the 30th at midnight, so don't think about it too long:lol:
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Thnks for this still working off sample view...:perplexed It doesnt work on ebook... guess I will get something else:yep:
 
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Ok ladies so I had a major breakthrough today! I finally snapped out of my funk yesterday. I was so hurt that my bff didn't try to come see me at all when I needed her the most. She called but that's not enough for me :lol:. So today I met up with her and let her have it! I mean I had a list and everything. Seriously. :look: After I finished telling her how I feel abandoned by her and everyone else, how she didn't even try to spend time with me, how I always spend time with her when she's in a crisis, :cry3: I mean I was really upset!

Well she asked me prior if I wanted to talk and I made it clear that I didn't want to. She didn't wanna overstep my boundaries. I expected her to read my mind and give me what I needed without asking for them. I have really strict boundaries and I get pissed when anyone pushes against them. She says that I keep myself so guarded that even after 15 years of friendship she still can't read me sometimes, that I don't let anyone in. At all! When she tried in the past to make me feel better I'd just get angry because it wasn't my idea. I wanna be in control at all cost. That I can be scary! And here I thought I was easy going. :lol:

I didn't realize how lonely this wall I put up is keeping me. Starting now I'm making a real effort to be more needy. Needy for me will be what normal is for healthy people. She begged me to please not treat my future boyfriend this way because it's maddening. Let people know when I need them. Really need others. I also need to relax my boundaries. I went from having no boundaries to having super strict ones. I need a balance here.
 
Last night, I completed chapters 23 & 24 regarding the 3 Is: Intentions, Integrity, and Intuition.

My intention is to proactively build better relationships by doing my part to be a peacemaker rather than ignoring/avoiding the individual. I don't like conflict or discord so if possible I want to nip tense situations in the bud particularly at work. (Matt 5:24,25b)

In the past week, I had to diplomatically handle two work situations (one was in person & the other by email).

My interactions w certain family members is work in progress [I need to do better with patience in these situations]. I'm a work in progress but it's worth it.
 
I wanted to share an example of a work situation that I attempted to nip in the bud

A co-worker switched to Ms. Hyde by slamming supplies, snatching papers, & acting like a Tasmanian devil. I stopped her in her tracks & firmly but gently asked her: what is upsetting her? & do I need to do or not do something to improve the work process? I told if yes, let me know directly because if I don't know I can't fix it!!!

I spoke directly to her while she avoided eye contact & she said nothing was wrong *sigh*. My response was her body language & actions prove otherwise.

Finally she admitted she was frustrated & claimed it was not directed at me. I said I'm frustrated too, however, yesterday was a good day & today will only be better if we 'let it go, it's not worth the anger.'

I noticed her shoulders relaxed & she began acting 'normal' again. Fortunately, she left early & I had a more calm work environment.

I refuse to allow someone's negativity to make me tense & ruin my day!!!
 
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I just dusted this book off my book shelf. Look at what GOD did. I came to the relationship forum and here is the challenge! Divine order!! I am starting tomorrow. I declare I will be in a solid relationship that will lead to marriage next year.
 
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I am so thankful for this book and our group, because it is helping me to put me first. :grin:

I mentioned before how I ended my friendship with the guy after spending Thanksgiving with him and his family. I did what was best for me because the guy made me realize that he was unable to have a healthy friendship (or any type of relationship) with me, and it was too toxic for me to allow him to keep me drawn into his drama with his ex-wife. He made me realize that not only was he not the One for me, but that he was also not someone I could have a healthy platonic friendship with.

Anyway, I feel frustrated because the guy told me I hurt him and was wrong for ending my friendship with him. And my close friends felt I shouldn't have completely cut him off so abruptly. My frustration is primarily with a relationship counselor I spoke with who tried to put all of the blame on me for what happened, because she said the guy was already feeling rejected by his ex-wife and now I have made him feel more rejected by ending my friendship with him. Did I mention this guy is an adult over the age of 40??? :nono:

I told her he is an adult and 100% responsible for his own life, just as I am 100% responsible for my life. He knows he is not over his ex-wife and instead of trying to flirt and get constant attention from a bunch of females, he needs to grow up and take the time to heal so he won't keep getting hurt. I had actually hired a relationship counselor to help me work on me and prepare myself for marriage. But this book and group is helping me to do the work I need to do.

I wasn't expecting the relationship counselor to basically take his side and try to place all of the blame on me for him getting hurt. It made me think: What about me? I need to put myself first and protect myself from getting hurt.
This guy has been so emotionally draining on me because he is such a needy child. That was also a turn off for me because he is over 40, and I expect to deal with a grown man, not a needy child. :nono:

I wish the guy all the best in life, and hope he eventually heals and gets over his ex-wife. But it is definitely not my job to save him. I refuse to sacrifice my well-being to help someone who will only keep draining my energy and wasting my time. Most importantly, I refuse to allow a guy who has proved to me that he is not the One for me get in the way of me attracting the man who is the One for me.

And after this experience one thing I know for sure is that the next man who comes into my life better be a grown man or I will cut him off with the quickness. :yep: It is not too much to ask for a man over the age of 35 to be emotionally mature and well...GROWN! :blush: And he also needs to be completely single like I am...meaning healthy and whole. And ready for marriage.

My biggest mistake was trying to be patient hoping the man would mature and change, so he could become the One for me. The One for me will already be ready for me to become his wife, and I will be ready for him.
 
I relate to your post in so many ways, tigerrose. I'm always in that place of patience becuase I see potential and I say if only this or if only that.

I admire you for taking that step. I have a hard time letting go of possibility with no possibility to take its place.
 
tigerrose

I'm saddened by the fact that the relationship coach didn't support you. I'm kinda taken aback by that. You didn't hire her to help him. I find it odd that she feels his pain more than yours.

Other than that, I understand the holding onto hope thing. Sometimes you just gotta let stuff go though. No need to be angry or anything. But you have every right to wish someone well and send them on their way. This man is not your husband, your brother, or your childhood friend. He is a man stringing you along and wasting your time.

Thank God for the internet and forums like this. Sometimes our immediate circle cannot help us or support us. It hurts and it's frustrating, but we are here for you, and we have your back.
 
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I will post some info from the book that is good food for thought for anyone at anytime in life.

While it is not "new" information - and has been expressed many times before by different individuals- I think it is worth typing even though I should be getting ready for work.
 
This info is found on page 248, however, the entire chapter is quote worthy:

"You must be able to create a life that lights you up whether or not you have a lover, a great career, a lot of money, a great house, a healthy child, or a hit song. Part of creating this magnificent life may include being actively engaged in the pursuit of such blessings. However, to place the burden of validation of your life upon the achievement of such things is a terrible encumbrance.

Joy is an unconditional experience that is not attached to circumstances. It is a choice one makes to cultivate a consciousness of unconditional acceptance of what is. You may not like what's happening right now, but you can be with it."
 
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