Boyfriend says he likes white women

[Ediese]

OK, I'm going to be honest with you. I think you're overreacting.

Pornography is about fantasy/masturbation. It doesn't mean that the material is the only think that person desires. It doesn't mean that there is some deep-seated need to be with the object in said porn. It doesn't mean that he's secretly hoping for what's in the porn.

Men are visual creatures. Porn is just a means to an end. They are mainly looking at the female form, the actions that are taking place, and imagining that it's happening to them.


For example, my b/f likes porn that has ladies with big booties. I wasn't blessed with one of those, I have a shamefully flat @ss. Do I think he's just keeping me around until the time he finds himself a lady with a ginormous behind? No.

My b/f also watches porn that includes white women. I am not white. Do I think he's secretly hoping to find himself a white woman? No. I happen to know that my b/f finds white women attractive, but he also finds women of all races attractive. We're honest enough with each other to admit to what we find attractive, and secure enough in our relationship to not think it means more than it does.

He is with YOU. Not some porn bimbo. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I urge you to not think too much about his porn preferences, because what he's into in his fantasy life really doesn't mean anything in regards to what he wants in his real life.

I totally agree with you. I enjoy porn immensely, and so does my SO. I've seen his history too, and it's white, asian, black whatever. I don't have a problem with it. I think it would only be an issue if it were gay porn. We'd definitely be through then.

 

[TheGrimPhreaker]

That just blew my mind. Does that combo even exist in the porn world?

IT DOES!! but its SOOOOOO RARE. The only reason I found it is because I was in a meetup group for asian men and black women... we were discussing love stories between asian men and black women... if I find the link I'll post it here just for you. It was an online store for sure... think it was located in Cali....

 

[SleekandBouncy]

Don't think its that bog of a deal. I happen to like white porn but SO likes black porn all the way. I dislike black porn because its not real enough for me(not enough theatrics) and I like a story line which includes foreplay and role play before sex. Your boyfriend might best describe me. I like white men but I have a black SO. I have a collection of non-black porn from different races. Does that mean I prefer white or non-black men? Maybe But I know who I am most content with and that's my black man.

Bottom line: You can't help who you love because if you could then I would probably be with a rich white man who invested good in the petroleum industry way back when and has money to burn on me.

I don't think that's going to make the OP feel better.
But I respect the honesty.

 

[WhipEffectz1]

I don't think that's going to make the OP feel better.
But I respect the honesty.

On this edition of Keeping it Real!

 

[awhyley]

I think its a big deal. Sorry, but i totally know how you feel. Pornwise I like to watch WM/BW or the rare and illusive Asian Man/Black Woman combo, but once I was dating a white dude and he said all his porn was asian and latina... I was like WTF??!?! I watch those type of porn because THATS WHAT I LIKE....that is what I find sexy.... it made me ask "Why the hexk are you with me anyway?"

So, what was the answer?

I totally agree with you. I enjoy porn immensely, and so does my SO. I've seen his history too, and it's white, asian, black whatever. I don't have a problem with it. I think it would only be an issue if it were gay porn. We'd definitely be through then.

Can't a man enjoy fantasizing about the male form?

IT DOES!! but its SOOOOOO RARE. The only reason I found it is because I was in a meetup group for asian men and black women... we were discussing love stories between asian men and black women... if I find the link I'll post it here just for you. It was an online store for sure... think it was located in Cali....

*patiently waiting for this link*

 

[Mis007]

If one is not secure enough within their relationship, allowing him/her to watch porn is probably not a good idea...

 

[newbiemom]

I think you went overboard. Porn is about fantasy and some of the things you watch you would never participate in but that is apart of the alure. You offered your pc to him and then turned around and used what you found against him. This might cause him to be less upfront with you in the future and you can't blame him.you need to tuck your tail and tell apologize because you had a momentary lapse into insecurityville. He has done nothing wrong and this is in no way a reason to leave a good man

 

[TheGrimPhreaker]

So, what was the answer?

Turns out he was with my because I look sort of latin <dominican> and he knew I was half chinese... so I guess he thought he was getting best of both worlds...he got the ARSE CUT the next week.... was waiting for him to give me my birthday gift..



Can't a man enjoy fantasizing about the male form?



*patiently waiting for this link*

www.asian-man.com

This guy's name is Rick Lee. He does alot fo porn with white and latina <obviously for demand> BUT he also has quite a few sistas that he bangs into oblivion....i think i may have found a few more... after my "investigation" I will post more links!

 

[PretteePlease]

First off ya'll nasty

Second off if my man kicked me out over a movie on
my comp I would think we were on the way to being
over anyways.

Was this the porn that broke the girlfriends back???

 

[TheGrimPhreaker]

First off ya'll nasty

Second off if my man kicked me out over a movie on
my comp I would think we were on the way to being
over anyways.

Was this the porn that broke the girlfriends back???

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

I think you're somewhat over-reacting.

You said you were cool, then you weren't because you felt there was a preference over your type for another type. When he answered your questions, he wasn't even disrespectful... what I mean is that when he was asked about white women, he said sometimes... he didn't get off like Terry Crews in White Chicks and start talking about "wanting a lovely white chocolate snowflake"... and the comment about the hair... well... if that's his perception, then that's what it is. Almost every woman needs to do something to their hair... whether they have to wash it, brush it or gel it in order for it to look decent in the morning. I have several Latina and White friends, and have been to sleepovers... I know.

I think the intersection of hair... and the Coco thing is grinding your gears on a deeper level... BUT I do understand what you are talking about and maybe you need to re-evalute your relationship in terms of what you're projecting and expecting to him. Im not saying that to sound mean but because I've been there. I noticed when I felt bad about myself or insecure in my relationship I'd let trivial things like WHO my boyfriends would be looking at in porn affect my attitude toward the relationship.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

I wish a negro would try to break up with me for watching something I like or making me feel wrong about what I fanasize about...hmph. This is why men are so secretive about things. You say he can watch porn but now you wanna end things and break up with him because its not the right kind of porn?...these loopholes I tell ya

 

[Bellamystic]

Thank you ladies for being honest with me and sharing your opinions. Me and the bf have made a step over this issue and I hope we continue to be over it and move on from it all. If it wasn't from a number of you letting me know the real deal on porn, we would have been through for good. Unfortunately, I'm not a porn watcher, but I do have skeletons in my closet as well. In a way, I felt like a hypocrite, because of the things I have did/ plan on doing. I'm just going to move forward from it all and call it even.

 

[gymfreak336]

Alright then, maybe I think Most black men are obsessed with white women and I;m scared to be left behind due to him chasing a WW.

If this is heart of the issue then that is a personal problem that you have to work on for yourself. He isn't chasing a white women now. If a man wants to leave, he will leave regardless of what he is chasing. Take out the white women and replace it with what ever variable you wish. It could always be something. You need to be honest with where your real insecurities are coming from. If you don't, your fear of whatever will always drive your relationships into the ground.

 

[Vinyl]

I felt like a hypocrite, because of the things I have did/ plan on doing.

erplexed I'm glad you guys were able to get past this, but I hope you mean something innocent there.

I don't like black porn, because I find that (most) porn is degrading, and I don't like to see my people like that.

 

[MoniintheMiddle]

Glad to hear that you've moved on but imo, it seems that the porn issue was just ONE of the issues/insecurities you have and that there are other deeper things going on. At any rate, you have to know which battles to pick...

 

[DragonPearl]

I am not so sure she is overreacting.

I would feel some kind of way too if my SO only watched porn that involved white women. People are saying oh, it doesn't matter, but how many would eat their words if they caught their SO watching gay porn exclusively? So of course it matters, let's not kid ourselves...

 

[gymfreak336]

I am not so sure she is overreacting.

I would feel some kind of way too if my SO only watched porn that involved white women. People are saying oh, it doesn't matter, but how many would eat their words if they caught their SO watching gay porn exclusively? So of course it matters, let's not kid ourselves...

Comparing white women to gay men is a stretch. The gender is the same in the case of the white women porn. They still got a coochie.

 

[hopeful]

Thank you ladies for being honest with me and sharing your opinions. Me and the bf have made a step over this issue and I hope we continue to be over it and move on from it all. If it wasn't from a number of you letting me know the real deal on porn, we would have been through for good. Unfortunately, I'm not a porn watcher, but I do have skeletons in my closet as well. In a way, I felt like a hypocrite, because of the things I have did/ plan on doing. I'm just going to move forward from it all and call it even.

I wouldn't say "unfortunately". I am not a fan either and I'm glad I'm not.

Comparing white women to gay men is a stretch. The gender is the same in the case of the white women porn. They still got a coochie.

 

[gymfreak336]

Sorry Hopeful but

 

[hopeful]

Sorry Hopeful but

Thanks! LOL, I was like did she really say that .

 

[Bene]

IT DOES!! but its SOOOOOO RARE. The only reason I found it is because I was in a meetup group for asian men and black women... we were discussing love stories between asian men and black women... if I find the link I'll post it here just for you. It was an online store for sure... think it was located in Cali....

I told my b/f about this combo, and he's all "I gotta see this!!!" It's like... a bigfoot sighting

 

[DragonPearl]

Comparing white women to gay men is a stretch. The gender is the same in the case of the white women porn. They still got a coochie.

So it's the gender and coochie that makes any porn acceptable to you? Y'all should have made this disclaimer when stating that porn was fine and it was just fantasy and it meant nothing.

Now, what if he was watching porn involving underage teen ? They still got a coochie... What if was watching snuf porn where they kill or physically harm the woman in the end? They still got a coochie... Or do we need more disclaimers?

If y'all think a white or asian woman catching her SO watching exclusively black women porn is not going to feel bothered, y'all sleeping real tight...

 

[BroadstreetBully]

So it's the gender and coochie that makes porn acceptable to you? Y'all should have made this disclaimer when stating that porn was fine and it was just fantasy.

Now, what if he was watching porn involving underage teen ? They still got a coochie... What if was watching snuf porn where they kill or physically harm the woman in the end? They still got a coochie... Or do we need more disclaimers?

If y'all think a white or asian woman catching her SO watching exclusively black women porn is not going to feel bothered, y'all sleeping real tight...

Not sure about the other stuff but you made a good point here. They'd be VERY bothered. Maybe we've been conditioned to believe that all men fantasize about white women (sexually). Who knows?

 

[FluffyRed]

If y'all think a white or asian woman catching her SO watching exclusively black women porn is not going to feel bothered, y'all sleeping real tight...

You can be a man's perfect "type" and all he dreams about at night and all day.

There is always going to be a hotter version of you, and in ten years, a hotter younger version of you, maybe richer and better educated.

If he's going to leave you, gone is gone.

Ask Betty Broderick. Her hubs upgraded for a 20 years younger lookalike!!!

The issue is the insecurity, not the appearance of other women.

OP probably has/is developing deep feelings for her man and that can be scary.

 

[tiara76]

the whole point of this thread is realizing that there is/was definitely an issue

porn itself isn't/wasn't the issue, its the trigger that brought up the deeper issue

watching any type of porn and somebody having a problem with it is a trigger for a deeper issue

porn is not the root

most people would most likely have an issue if they caught their other watching child porn, because we know there is probably a very severe psychological issue going on

gay porn of grown adults...depends on the people involved on how its handled and addressed and felt about.....

other races of porn with consenting adults....depends on people involved

people either have healthy attitudes around sex, porn, fantasies and thoughts or they have unhealthy ones...people with unhealthy ones tend to start to exhibit unhealthy behaviors around their thoughts and attitudes and it will lead to "problems" in their relationships and things like porn can be contributing factors that bring all these issues to light

 

[DragonPearl]

You can be a man's perfect "type" and all he dreams about at night and all day.

There is always going to be a hotter version of you, and in ten years, a hotter younger version of you, maybe richer and better educated.

If he's going to leave you, gone is gone.

Ask Betty Broderick. Her hubs upgraded for a 20 years younger lookalike!!!

The issue is the insecurity, not the appearance of other women.

OP probably has/is developing deep feelings for her man and that can be scary.

Oh, I agree with you on this, but are we talking here about "hotter version" of people? If her SO is watching white women porn because he considers them a hotter version of black women? I find it difficult to believe that a white or asian woman would dismiss her SO black women porn watching to him wanting a "hotter version" of her...

 

[DragonPearl]

the whole point of this thread is realizing that there is/was definitely an issue

porn itself isn't/wasn't the issue, its the trigger that brought up the deeper issue

watching any type of porn and somebody having a problem with it is a trigger for a deeper issue

porn is not the root

most people would most likely have an issue if they caught their other watching child porn, because we know there is probably a very severe psychological issue going on

gay porn of grown adults...depends on the people involved on how its handled and addressed and felt about.....

other races of porn with consenting adults....depends on people involved

people either have healthy attitudes around sex, porn, fantasies and thoughts or they have unhealthy ones...people with unhealthy ones tend to start to exhibit unhealthy behaviors around their thoughts and attitudes and it will lead to "problems" in their relationships and things like porn can be contributing factors that bring all these issues to light

i agree that the issue is deeper than porn. But porn is not the mindless neutral thing that people are claiming it is. The kind of porn you're attracted to is a pretty good reflection of what is going on inside your sexual psyche. We can't say that it's just harmless fantasy then turn around and start making disclaimers at certain categories that we're uncomfortable with like gay porn, pedophilia, necrophilia, bestiality, etc...

Either it's harmless meaningless fantasy for all or it's not...

 

[tiara76]

i agree that the issue is deeper than porn. But porn is not the mindless neutral thing that people are claiming it is. The kind of porn you're attracted to is a pretty good reflection of what is going on inside your sexual psyche. We can't say that it's just harmless fantasy then turn around and start making disclaimers at certain categories that we're uncomfortable with like gay porn, pedophilia, necrophilia, bestiality, etc...

Either it's harmless meaningless fantasy for all or it's not...

i personally never said it was....he said he was curious about being with a white woman and he looked up visual stimulation to go with that thought

people can fantasize about things and watch things that go along with that fantasy...it doesn't automatically mean they are a jumbled neurolgical mess behind it and want to run out and act out their fantasies...alot of times the fantasy, the visuals is more than enough to to suffice...

its harmless to have people in a relationship where healthy sexual visuals of others or variety are with two secure people who have a real bond with each other

it can be diaster for those insecure in different areas of themselves and their relationship...however trying to not trigger insecurities in relationships and people doesn't help anybody

ie the solution isn't to kick him out or tell him he can never look at big booty white girls its to overcome the insecurity to make the relationship stronger

alot of people end up "in love' with people who are not their ideal physical type or what is visually appealing to them, and it doesn't change their ideas of what is visually appealing to their eyes and it doesn't take away from the love they feel for their mate if they truly love them

 

[DragonPearl]

Tiara, it's hard for me to believe that in this day and age where everyone and their mama has access to the internet and porn, the poor guy just happened to seize the opportunity to satisfy his curiosity because the OP told him he could watch porn on her computer. What does he do when he is home by himself on his own computer? Watch black women porn instead of white women? lol.

I think he said what he said because he was embarassed at her reaction and wanted to calm her down, and he is probably embarassed at his choice of porn too. I suspect he is probably struggling with his own sexual attraction to white women. Our racist society has placed white women at the top of the sexual attractiveness chain, so it's not surprising that many of our men fantasize about white women. Also many men have a ditchotomy about sex and feelings, many have the madonna and whore syndrome. There are women they bleep and there are women they love, and there are women they respect and those women never mesh... Many women have that dichotomy too.