Do you think a man should put in extra effort if he likes you?

[envybeauty]

ITA!!! Unfortunately some men don't see it like that, but I just try to keep in mind that those are the ones that I likely would not want to end up with. BTW, it's really promising that he's making an effort and recognized the error of his ways.

Funny story - I recently met this guy at the airport and we talked during our flight, had a good conversation, found that we have family in the same area. Long story short, we decide to meet up for a date. This man calls the morning of the date, and asks me for gas money so that he can make the 1.5 hr trip to come see me. I politely declined because I thought it was a ridiculous request for a first date. He then proceeded to tell me that I must not really want to see him if I couldn't help him out. I was like, I guess not. Funny thing is, I'm a graduate student with a wack income and he has a job . So after that, he called to make up the date, but told me that this wasn't the 1960's and that I better not expect him to pay for a date. I told him that I didn't think a date was a good idea anymore...

my point is that the men that want to date ME do see it that way. no exceptions. the ones that don't want to date ME do it differently and that is why they are not dating ME. Not every man will want to do that for ME, but those that want to date ME do.

as for your example, he doesn't want to date YOU. he just wants to date period.

 

[OneInAMillion]

I definitely feel you on that...I tried to communicate that to ur man and then I realized, if I have to say it this really ain't worth it. It just seemed like he didn't want to date me as much as he was making it seem from the get.

 

[tthreat08]

Ladies.....the men are SUPPOSED to chase you. They NEED and DESIRE to do it....(ther real ones do anyway).

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

Ladies.....the men are SUPPOSED to chase you. They NEED and DESIRE to do it....(ther real ones do anyway).

This is what I've always thought.

 

[tinkat]

YES!!! If he likes you, he would do whatever it takes to make it know.

 

[HoneyDew]

I'm not speaking about being pressed; I'm talking about courting and showing a woman that you're interested.

If I'm doing all the calling, trying to set up a time for us to get together all the time, etc that's a sign to me that he's not interested. A guy that wants to get to know you and spend time with you will make that happen, even if he has work/school/kids/other things going on. Even if its just a 5 minute "how's your day going" chat. He's gonna say "I like you and I want X, Y, and Z" instead of leaving you guessing on your relationship status, cause he wants you for himself. That's what I'm talking about, not some guy that follows behind you every second cause he has no life of his own.

Oh, well I guess I assumed that we all agree that he needs to do these things. I thought we were talking about him going through hoops or something.

 

[lierin]

I find it interesting that we are discussing whether or not a man is supposed to chase you..of course he's supposed to if he's really into you. Men are natural hunters and they WANT to pursue but I really think so many of us are confused when it comes to relationships and the courting process. I just don't think a lot of AA women are taught these things growing up. I know I had to figure out a lot of things about men's behavior on my own but once I figured them out they made total sense to me. Also, it doesn't matter how much he works or how demanding his career is, if he wants to get to know you he will call you and make time to see you. Men use the "I'm too busy" excuse when they are not that serious about you.

 

[Bublin]

Men use the "I'm too busy" excuse when they are not that serious about you.

Well i'm pleased to say that my guy seems to be very interested in me. I met his Mumma and some family members and they insist i have Christmas dinner with them.

I guess its not all clear cut. Some men need a little nudge. If they need a shove and kick then i agree, he's not that interested.