Bellamystic
New Member
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Boyfriend says he likes white women
- Thread starter Bellamystic
- Start date
I don't like black porn.
Means nothing about how I feel about black males.
I look at black people in that industry
and think how their families feel about what they're doing
and feel overwhelming pity and disgust for them.
Plus, I think BMs in porn tend to be lazy, selfish "takers."
And a comment about ww hair could have been the jumpoff point of a discussion of why yt women can just wash and go - why they are acceptable au naturel and we (think) are not. It's not due to any inferiority. And I don't think his statement implies that.
I don't think the above is grounds to end your relationship.
And your actions make it look like you do see ww as a threat. JMO
Means nothing about how I feel about black males.
I look at black people in that industry
and think how their families feel about what they're doing
and feel overwhelming pity and disgust for them.
Plus, I think BMs in porn tend to be lazy, selfish "takers."
And a comment about ww hair could have been the jumpoff point of a discussion of why yt women can just wash and go - why they are acceptable au naturel and we (think) are not. It's not due to any inferiority. And I don't think his statement implies that.
I don't think the above is grounds to end your relationship.
And your actions make it look like you do see ww as a threat. JMO
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song_of_serenity
Well-Known Member
You gave him the permission to look at porn so how different is it to fantasize about a black thickum chick vs a white one...what if all of his fantasies were of double D, dark skinned, flat bootied black women, and you didn't fit that demographic? Would it be an issue then, too? Fantasy. The same way he's "wondering" about the white woman, you could replace it with something you're not; could be the same way he's wondering about the light skinned one working it on the screen or the dark chocolate one showing the goods.
Now I get what you're saying, trust me. It does seem many are "crossing over' and the hair comment would be hurtful, too. I don't know if I'd call it a phase or being curious and simply wondering and nothing alone. I'd hope he'll be faithful because if he wants to be with you, no amount of wondering or being curious will make him stray unless his desire is elsewhere! Good luck!
Now I get what you're saying, trust me. It does seem many are "crossing over' and the hair comment would be hurtful, too. I don't know if I'd call it a phase or being curious and simply wondering and nothing alone. I'd hope he'll be faithful because if he wants to be with you, no amount of wondering or being curious will make him stray unless his desire is elsewhere! Good luck!
Bene
New Member
OK, I'm going to be honest with you. I think you're overreacting.
Pornography is about fantasy/masturbation. It doesn't mean that the material is the only think that person desires. It doesn't mean that there is some deep-seated need to be with the object in said porn. It doesn't mean that he's secretly hoping for what's in the porn.
Men are visual creatures. Porn is just a means to an end. They are mainly looking at the female form, the actions that are taking place, and imagining that it's happening to them.
For example, my b/f likes porn that has ladies with big booties. I wasn't blessed with one of those, I have a shamefully flat @ss. Do I think he's just keeping me around until the time he finds himself a lady with a ginormous behind? No.
My b/f also watches porn that includes white women. I am not white. Do I think he's secretly hoping to find himself a white woman? No. I happen to know that my b/f finds white women attractive, but he also finds women of all races attractive. We're honest enough with each other to admit to what we find attractive, and secure enough in our relationship to not think it means more than it does.
He is with YOU. Not some porn bimbo. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I urge you to not think too much about his porn preferences, because what he's into in his fantasy life really doesn't mean anything in regards to what he wants in his real life.
Helpmeblongagain
New Member
Hmmm...I watch yt porn...its just a part of a fantasy 4 me...I don't think he's given u reason enough to leave him...and I've said in the past that yt women r lucky bcuz they dont have 2 do ish 2 their hair...but I wouldnt trade mine 4 theirs...its just an observation...
I wouldnt leave him.
I wouldnt leave him.
jdvzmommy
Well-Known Member
No offense, OP, but I think you overreacted. Let's say you're 5'2 and he's looking at porn with a woman who's 5'11. That woman is not like you. Would you be as upset? Porn is fantasy, and as long as he's keeping it a fantasy and not going overboard with it, it shouldn't be a problem. Besides, the way most men look at porn stars is completely different from the way they look at their SOs. In his mind, he's probably thinking "White women = porn stars. They'd be good for a round or two, but that's about it. I have this beautiful black woman who I could take home to mama."
spelmanlocks
Well-Known Member
I asked my husband and he said you only watch what you like. And honestly, I can understand your concern. But, I don't think you should leave over this, especially if he is treating you well in other avenues of your relationship.
ETA: My husband only watches black porn. I only know one black guy that watches white porn exclusively and his baby mom is also white. There may or may not be something behind it, but I guess it may differ from man to man.
ETA: My husband only watches black porn. I only know one black guy that watches white porn exclusively and his baby mom is also white. There may or may not be something behind it, but I guess it may differ from man to man.
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Ariana4000
Well-Known Member
Well, I will tell you, like someone told me. Every black man wants to be with a white woman once in their life. I don't know if its EVERY black man. But this is what I was told me. 
erplexed
erplexed
tiara76
New Member
This is why people fear being honest in relationships...
when they are and the other person doesn't like what they hear the first thing they want to do is give em the boot or make them out to be a bad person for just telling the truth....
we cry about how much we want people to be honest with us about then when they are and the truth isn't "good" we take it as automatically they don't love us and are ready to throw everything away
its one thing to let him know that if he has some desires he may want to fullfill with big booty white chicks then give him that option to leave
you are putting him out and assuming thats what he wants and assuming what he feels and assuming he is "obsessed" from a internet search, a porno view and a comment about hair...you may be more obsessed with the idea he will leave you than he is about leaving you for a white chick
men and women are visual creatures..there are plenty of people who wonder and fantasize about different things/people in life doesn't automatically mean they need anything more than the fantasy....
you say you aren't threatened, but everything you just wrote says otherwise
and the even bigger issue from that will be that now it will be about you and not him
what will happen if he leaves you for a big booty white cocoish looking girl...???
is putting him out before he can leave you gives you the upper hand in this situation?
most people think relationships are about lovey doveyish fairy tale type unions when really they are about personal growth....issues and insecurities that need to be resolved will be brought up one way or the other and people think a relationship is about making sure the other person never hones in on these and does nothing but do, act, say and feel what you want them to so you don't ever have to address things that need to be addressed
Love doesn't equate to happy happy joy joy all the time...it equates to growing and evolving with another person and getting thru all the things holding you back from fully being a whole person which includes fears and insecurities...all love does is when people are open to it and in it is GET YOU THROUGH THEM when its time for them to come to surface
and one of yours just came up
is the issue really him and the questioning of his love for you or is it your fear of dealing with an insecurity that has clearly been surfaced
when they are and the other person doesn't like what they hear the first thing they want to do is give em the boot or make them out to be a bad person for just telling the truth....
we cry about how much we want people to be honest with us about then when they are and the truth isn't "good" we take it as automatically they don't love us and are ready to throw everything away
its one thing to let him know that if he has some desires he may want to fullfill with big booty white chicks then give him that option to leave
you are putting him out and assuming thats what he wants and assuming what he feels and assuming he is "obsessed" from a internet search, a porno view and a comment about hair...you may be more obsessed with the idea he will leave you than he is about leaving you for a white chick
men and women are visual creatures..there are plenty of people who wonder and fantasize about different things/people in life doesn't automatically mean they need anything more than the fantasy....
you say you aren't threatened, but everything you just wrote says otherwise
and the even bigger issue from that will be that now it will be about you and not him
what will happen if he leaves you for a big booty white cocoish looking girl...???
is putting him out before he can leave you gives you the upper hand in this situation?
most people think relationships are about lovey doveyish fairy tale type unions when really they are about personal growth....issues and insecurities that need to be resolved will be brought up one way or the other and people think a relationship is about making sure the other person never hones in on these and does nothing but do, act, say and feel what you want them to so you don't ever have to address things that need to be addressed
Love doesn't equate to happy happy joy joy all the time...it equates to growing and evolving with another person and getting thru all the things holding you back from fully being a whole person which includes fears and insecurities...all love does is when people are open to it and in it is GET YOU THROUGH THEM when its time for them to come to surface
and one of yours just came up
is the issue really him and the questioning of his love for you or is it your fear of dealing with an insecurity that has clearly been surfaced
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Bene
New Member
This too... Some times a man will want his porn where the women are trimmed, don't have stretch marks, dimples, razor burn, stab wounds, etc. Kind of like men who will go to quality strip clubs as opposed to 'round the way ones
Unless they're into amateur porn, then it's all good.
Not that I'd know anything about that
ladysaraii
Well-Known Member
This is a good point. A good portion of my collection is white b/c it's hard for me to find ones that I actually production wise and the ones i have fit the bill. But there is a lot that I reject, from all races.
I do think you are overreacting, but I see how it would bother you
Vintageglam
New Member
See this is why I don't like porn. I think it actually destroys relationships and desentizes the real meaning of sex, especially if you are the sensitive sort emotionally. I just think porn is bad news for a relationship it just gives men the wrong idea about what sex is about and men start to seek out more and more crazy porn until the point where you can't relate to them intimately.
Also I am surprised that given that you gave him the permission to watch porn that you are now questioning "choices"? Just doesn't make sense to me is all?
Ironically i would however take comfort in his choice of porn? Maybe he is separating things in his mind - i.e. ww are a sexual fantasy and you are the emotional connection. Men do this all the time they have women they want to sleep with and women they want to marry. Offensive but true.
JMHO.
Also I am surprised that given that you gave him the permission to watch porn that you are now questioning "choices"? Just doesn't make sense to me is all?
Ironically i would however take comfort in his choice of porn? Maybe he is separating things in his mind - i.e. ww are a sexual fantasy and you are the emotional connection. Men do this all the time they have women they want to sleep with and women they want to marry. Offensive but true.
JMHO.
Bellamystic
New Member
OP you are trippppinnnn! IMO You should apologize to that man and move forward!
Even though it's true, you made me laugh.
Bellamystic
New Member
Bellamystic
New Member
Alright then, maybe I think Most black men are obsessed with white women and I;m scared to be left behind due to him chasing a WW.
jdvzmommy
Well-Known Member
This too... Some times a man will want his porn where the women are trimmed, don't have stretch marks, dimples, razor burn, stab wounds, etc. Kind of like men who will go to quality strip clubs as opposed to 'round the way ones
Unless they're into amateur porn, then it's all good.
Not that I'd know anything about that
GeorginaSparks
Well-Known Member
I don't think it's a big deal.
LightEyedMami
New Member
I would be hurt because it IS so opposite of me, BUT im biased because im aganist porn either way 
...and NO not ALL black men want a white woman my hubby has ONLY been attracted to Black (or) Hispanic women, he said that he just could never see "appeal" in white women.
...and NO not ALL black men want a white woman my hubby has ONLY been attracted to Black (or) Hispanic women, he said that he just could never see "appeal" in white women.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
It's like you set him up. Offered up your pc like you wanted him to do him and like you were whatever, then you spyed on him, and when you didn't like what you saw, you want to put him out. What you did wasn't very nice. And yes, you are over-reacting. It sounds like he likes you a lot. Don't make up problems. Enjoy having a bf and let the relationship run it's course naturally.
TheGrimPhreaker
Active Member
I think its a big deal. Sorry, but i totally know how you feel. Pornwise I like to watch WM/BW or the rare and illusive Asian Man/Black Woman combo, but once I was dating a white dude and he said all his porn was asian and latina... I was like WTF??!?! I watch those type of porn because THATS WHAT I LIKE....that is what I find sexy.... it made me ask "Why the hexk are you with me anyway?"
Bene
New Member
princessnad
New Member
My boyfriend watches mostly Latina porn. I'm not Latina. He is very attracted to me.
But since you have a background of him saying other comments about WW, maybe you can talk with him about his attraction. But don't overreact until you have something concrete.
But since you have a background of him saying other comments about WW, maybe you can talk with him about his attraction. But don't overreact until you have something concrete.
BroadstreetBully
New Member
Well, I will tell you, like someone told me. Every black man wants to be with a white woman once in their life. I don't know if its EVERY black man. But this is what I was told me.
I've heard this from MANY black men and I believe it. WW are known to be sexually adventurous, and most men would like to try anything once. Same with Latinas. When you look at stuff like Girls Gone Wild, which is full of WW, it creates a fantasy. I know people will say that the same could be said about rap videos, but it's different. It's just how men think.
WhipEffectz1
Well-Known Member
Don't think its that bog of a deal. I happen to like white porn but SO likes black porn all the way. I dislike black porn because its not real enough for me(not enough theatrics) and I like a story line which includes foreplay and role play before sex. Your boyfriend might best describe me. I like white men but I have a black SO. I have a collection of non-black porn from different races. Does that mean I prefer white or non-black men? Maybe
But I know who I am most content with and that's my black man.
Bottom line: You can't help who you love because if you could then I would probably be with a rich white man who invested good in the petroleum industry way back when and has money to burn on me.
But I know who I am most content with and that's my black man.Bottom line: You can't help who you love because if you could then I would probably be with a rich white man who invested good in the petroleum industry way back when and has money to burn on me.
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