Black Men & The Aggressive Approach

[esoterica]

Whenever black guys approach me they are always way too aggressive. For example:

My mom and i were followed down a very busy street the other day while shopping. These two fools were standing outside a store and we walked by and ignored their hello's. we kept walking and got to the traffic light and she turned around to look and they were following us through the crowd! The light went green and we crossed. So did they. We were speeding away but they caught up in the end, and started asking for our numbers. She's married, and i'm just not interested. I had to end up telling my guy that i was engaged to get rid of him. The one talking to my mom gave her his email, and was like "you better write me"! the only thing missing was the "or else".

the one talking to me did say that he doesnt see many good looking black women around so thats why they practically ran after us. thats all well and good, but there was nothing gentle about those men.

she complains to me all the time about the way the approach her. its almost like they think black women should be dying for their attention or something. as though they are the catch of the century. usually i just ignore them completely when they try to talk to me as i cant stand that "thugged out" look most of them like to have. we're in london, not brooklyn! then they come out with something like "so you ain't gonna talk to me!"... or "im just a brother talking to a sista".... bla bla bla.

Has anyone else had to deal with this?

 

[MizAvalon]

Girl, ALL THE TIME!!

It's almost like they feel that we 'owe' it to them to respond to their lame advances or something.

If I respond to you hello with a wave or a smile, that DOES NOT mean I want to have a conversation with you! It definitely doesn't mean that I want you running down the street after me!

If we are the only 2 black people in a place, that DOES NOT mean that it's 'us against them' and we have to talk to only each other the whole time.

On a related note, I honestly think that some people take this 'brotha/sista' stuff too far. Like they want to latch onto you just because you're the same race. I'm sorry, that's annoying.

 

[divine]

I GET THIS FROM WHITE GUYS ON MY CAMPUS.............

I TRY TO MAKE MYSELF SEEM GAY, BUT THEY DON'T GET IT.........

 

[MizAvalon]

I GET THIS FROM WHITE GUYS ON MY CAMPUS.............

I TRY TO MAKE MYSELF SEEM GAY, BUT THEY DON'T GET IT.........

*DEAD*

 

[divine]

*DEAD*

I KID YOU NOT....
I WALK RIGHT PASS A GUY AND TALK ABOUT A GIRLS ASS.....
AND DO THE LEAN WALK....
DOESN'T WORK

 

[Porsche19]

This guy just walked away from me once


"What do you want?"

"I just want to get to know you, get your number, blah, blah, blah..."

"I'm not interested"

"Oh, but give me a chance! Blah, blah, blah...."

Porsche's starting to get pissed because not once did she stop walking, he's following her.

"Leave me alone, please."

"Oh, don't be like that, I really like you (I mean what you've got in between your legs). Blah, blah, blah..."

Porsche stops walking. She talks loud enogh for other people to hear.

"What is wrong with you? Just because you are attracted to me means that I have to be attracted to you? I do not find you to be attractive physically or mentally. Once again, I'm not interested."

Man walks away.

 

[MizAvalon]

This guy just walked away from me once


"What do you want?"

"I just want to get to know you, get your number, blah, blah, blah..."

"I'm not interested"

"Oh, but give me a chance! Blah, blah, blah...."

Porsche's starting to get pissed because not once did she stop walking, he's following her.

"Leave me alone, please."

"Oh, don't be like that, I really like you (I mean what you've got in between your legs). Blah, blah, blah..."

Porsche stops walking. She talks loud enogh for other people to hear.

"What is wrong with you? Just because you are attracted to me means that I have to be attracted to you? I do not find you to be attractive physically or mentally. Once again, I'm not interested."

Man walks away.

HOLLA!!!! That's what I'm talking about! Some of these fools just need to be flat-out told like that sometimes. But you have to be careful though. Saying something like that to the wrong man in the wrong area could get you hurt. Some of these men are crazy!

 

[Porsche19]

I should be more careful MsAvalon, my mouth gets the best of me sometimes. I didn't mean to do that, I just reacted!

I know there are some crazies out there, I have even seen them in action.

 

[natstar]

Yeah I hate that- at first I thought I could walk by myself all the time EVERYWHERE in Chi-town, my father and brothers told me not to but I was like "whatever". After having guys tell me to come to their car and have a talk (don't I know u from somewhere (wtf?-hell no.. ya don't!) and yelled at-YO SHAWTY DON"T ACT LIKE U DON"T HEAR ME!, and being called a bit** for not responding, now I just walk around with my IPOD-no interaction w/ the guys, I just get nods or I make sure I am w/ the bros or my Marine dad aka the bodyguards (the guys DEFINITELY avoid me when they are around LOL-RESPECT, BABY RESPECT!)- but yeah it is off putting and scary when a guy is too aggressive.

 

[Queenie]

I get this sometimes. I usually keep walking.

 

[esoterica]

But you have to be careful though. Saying something like that to the wrong man in the wrong area could get you hurt. Some of these men are crazy!

That's exactly what i was thinking when these guys started following us down the street. I was partially scared.

 

[TigerLily]

Yeah, you can't be too 'blunt' nowadays. I heard one girl got killed in the mall because she wouldn't give her phone number to a guy...

I just tell them, 'I'm sure you're a great guy. I just don't care to find out, so leave me alone!'

I HATE the aggressive approach. Whatever happened to just introducing yourself?

'My name is ________. What's your name? I noticed you and wondered if you'd be interested in getting to know one another better...'

Or something?

Why does it have to be, 'HEY HEY HEY BABY? HEY CHOCOLATE! DO FRIES GO WITH THAT SHAKE? HEY!!!!!! PSSSST!!!!!!!'

EEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!

 

[PhonyBaloney500]

Yeah, you can't be too 'blunt' nowadays. I heard one girl got killed in the mall because she wouldn't give her phone number to a guy...

I just tell them, 'I'm sure you're a great guy. I just don't care to find out, so leave me alone!'

I HATE the aggressive approach. Whatever happened to just introducing yourself?

'My name is ________. What's your name? I noticed you and wondered if you'd be interested in getting to know one another better...'

Or something?

Why does it have to be, 'HEY HEY HEY BABY? HEY CHOCOLATE! DO FRIES GO WITH THAT SHAKE? HEY!!!!!! PSSSST!!!!!!!'

EEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!

LOL! Yeah once someone yelled at me "I'M GONNA SOP YOU UP LIKE A BISQUIT AND BLAH BLAH BLAH!" erplexed Normally I would've cursed him out but I was too scared lol. They ALWAYS have SOMETHING to say. They'll remark on what you're wearing, what you bought at the store (based on your shopping bag), or SOMETHING. It's like just shut up and let me be!

I don't care what anyone says. I don't HAVE to say hi or be nice to these people. I'm a grown-ass woman not some kid that has to "be nice" to someone as we're often conditioned to believe.

 

[foxybrownsugar]

everytime i would pass by this one dude in school he would say "give me that booty" ewwwww the Lord knows i couldnt stand him! I would go out of my way to avoid him cuz he had a big motor mouth and talked to many girls like that.

 

[esoterica]

everytime i would pass by this one dude in school he would say "give me that booty" ewwwww the Lord knows i couldnt stand him! I would go out of my way to avoid him cuz he had a big motor mouth and talked to many girls like that.

i wonder if there are any women out there who respond well to this type of talk. these guys must be getting some results if not they wouldnt keep doing it!

 

[Blossssom]

Did they just say "hello" and you ignored them?

If they say "hello" like a human being, I say "hello" back.

But if they say "hey mama" or something else equally inappropriate that's when it's

 

[Blossssom]

Girl, ALL THE TIME!!

It's almost like they feel that we 'owe' it to them to respond to their lame advances or something.

If I respond to you hello with a wave or a smile, that DOES NOT mean I want to have a conversation with you! It definitely doesn't mean that I want you running down the street after me!

If we are the only 2 black people in a place, that DOES NOT mean that it's 'us against them' and we have to talk to only each other the whole time.

On a related note, I honestly think that some people take this 'brotha/sista' stuff too far. Like they want to latch onto you just because you're the same race. I'm sorry, that's annoying.

I so agree with this post in its ENTIRETY!

What's this "hey sista" sh**? It ain't 1970! LOL!

This one dumb a$$ black man told me it was disrespectful of ME not to speak to every black man I came across...

I told him, "Okay, if I was fat, black and stanky looking, would you care? You wouldn't see me anyway giving me the opportunity TO speak."

A lot of black men, if you're an attractive black woman, act like you owe them your time. Like you're just SUPPOSED to be attracted to them and want them just because they are black.

I'm sorry but in a society where so many top-knotch black men have shown black women that we aren't squat compared to white, asian and Latino women, we don't owe their silly a$$es anything.

This applies to those who feel that way about us, and a lot of them do.

 

[Blossssom]

everytime i would pass by this one dude in school he would say "give me that booty" ewwwww the Lord knows i couldnt stand him! I would go out of my way to avoid him cuz he had a big motor mouth and talked to many girls like that.

What intelligent life form behaves so ignorantly? Is that supposed to turn you on or excite you?

So many black men need a f**king clue! What's the problem? No one in the home to teach them how to respect women? Too many single households with mothers allowing numerous "uncles" run in and out and insult them?

WHAT? WHAT IS IT?

"Give me that booty."

Again, we are discussing low life black men. All black men, THANK GOD, are not this way, but unfortunately, we come across way too many that ARE!

I have never had a white man to this DAY say any of this BS I hear coming out of the mouthes of black males. Lawd ha'am mercy

 

[caligirl]

I GET THIS FROM WHITE GUYS ON MY CAMPUS.............

I TRY TO MAKE MYSELF SEEM GAY, BUT THEY DON'T GET IT.........

I try to fake the lesbian thing, but guys are just like REALLY? (e.g. can I watch)

 

[esoterica]

i really don't understand the reasons for this type of behaviour. In Barbados where i'm from this kind of thing happens all the time. Guys hissing at girls from across the street expecting them to come over. Girls getting followed down the road, or being cussed out for not responding etc.

i dont know if the guys in question were african or caribben heritage, but they've learned their behaviour somewhere. It's not part of English culture thats for sure.

 

[esoterica]

I try to fake the lesbian thing, but guys are just like REALLY? (e.g. can I watch)

i did wonder how the lesbian thing was supoosed to turn guys off. i cant ever see that working. unless someone looks REALLY butch.

 

[Tiffany]

Yep, very aggressive. I speak, smile, & walk off but that does not always work. I told one guy I was married & he said so (he was thuggish). lol One followed me around the store (I saw him & could feel it) then he finally asked if I was single. I try not to be *****y but it gets annoying.

 

[tryn2growmyhair]

I get this ALL the time. Or guys saying hello in a very suggestive way. It is kind of scary, because some of the more thuggish ones get real mad when you ignore them.

 

[esoterica]

2 days ago i was standing at a bus stop looking into my purse for change. out of the corner of my eye i saw someone come over to my left, and get really close. must have been a really tall man, cause all i could see was torso, no head. then this fool starts really rubbing up on me! i ignore it and keep picking change out of my purse... hoping he'll go away. the bus shows up right then, and i get on. this person gets on behind me and starts doing the same sh!t again! this time i look up at him. its some tall ugly black guy. he looks down at me and says "oh, so ya na wan me fi rub up pon ya?" duh! i ignore him, pay the driver, and got myself a seat. next thing i know he's up there shouting something about "suck me bloodclot" because the driver asked him to pay the fare. luckily he got off the bus in a huff. if that didnt happen i'm sure he would have tried to sit next to meand talk some sh!t

 

[tryn2growmyhair]

2 days ago i was standing at a bus stop looking into my purse for change. out of the corner of my eye i saw someone come over to my left, and get really close. must have been a really tall man, cause all i could see was torso, no head. then this fool starts really rubbing up on me! i ignore it and keep picking change out of my purse... hoping he'll go away. the bus shows up right then, and i get on. this person gets on behind me and starts doing the same sh!t again! this time i look up at him. its some tall ugly black guy. he looks down at me and says "oh, so ya na wan me fi rub up pon ya?" duh! i ignore him, pay the driver, and got myself a seat. next thing i know he's up there shouting something about "suck me bloodclot" because the driver asked him to pay the fare. luckily he got off the bus in a huff. if that didnt happen i'm sure he would have tried to sit next to meand talk some sh!t

That is so scary! I am sorry that that happened to you.

 

[tryn2growmyhair]

i really don't understand the reasons for this type of behaviour. In Barbados where i'm from this kind of thing happens all the time. Guys hissing at girls from across the street expecting them to come over. Girls getting followed down the road, or being cussed out for not responding etc.

i dont know if the guys in question were african or caribben heritage, but they've learned their behaviour somewhere. It's not part of English culture thats for sure.

If they are African it is definitely learned behaviour! Most of the non-Westernized African men that I know are really respectful. They may stare but holler and scream like that? No, because they know that they are not only degrading the woman, they are degrading themselves.

 

[esoterica]

If they are African it is definitely learned behaviour! Most of the non-Westernized African men that I know are really respectful. They may stare but holler and scream like that? No, because they know that they are not only degrading the woman, they are degrading themselves.

i've never met any african sounding guys that carried on like this. the jamaican guys do seem to have big attitude though. god knows why.

 

[toinette]

2 days ago i was standing at a bus stop looking into my purse for change. out of the corner of my eye i saw someone come over to my left, and get really close. must have been a really tall man, cause all i could see was torso, no head. then this fool starts really rubbing up on me! i ignore it and keep picking change out of my purse... hoping he'll go away. the bus shows up right then, and i get on. this person gets on behind me and starts doing the same sh!t again! this time i look up at him. its some tall ugly black guy. he looks down at me and says "oh, so ya na wan me fi rub up pon ya?" duh! i ignore him, pay the driver, and got myself a seat. next thing i know he's up there shouting something about "suck me bloodclot" because the driver asked him to pay the fare. luckily he got off the bus in a huff. if that didnt happen i'm sure he would have tried to sit next to meand talk some sh!t

WTF!!?? who and what are these people who think that these are appropriate ways of carrying on with women??

 

[tryn2growmyhair]

LOL! Yeah once someone yelled at me "I'M GONNA SOP YOU UP LIKE A BISQUIT AND BLAH BLAH BLAH!" erplexed Normally I would've cursed him out but I was too scared lol. They ALWAYS have SOMETHING to say. They'll remark on what you're wearing, what you bought at the store (based on your shopping bag), or SOMETHING. It's like just shut up and let me be!

I don't care what anyone says. I don't HAVE to say hi or be nice to these people. I'm a grown-ass woman not some kid that has to "be nice" to someone as we're often conditioned to believe.

I have found that talking to them encourages them. Acknowledging them makes them think that you are fine with their behaviours. It's an unfortunate mark that these men are so poorly socialized that they dont understand basic politeness.

 

[tryn2growmyhair]

What intelligent life form behaves so ignorantly? Is that supposed to turn you on or excite you?

So many black men need a f**king clue! What's the problem? No one in the home to teach them how to respect women? Too many single households with mothers allowing numerous "uncles" run in and out and insult them?

WHAT? WHAT IS IT?

"Give me that booty."

Again, we are discussing low life black men. All black men, THANK GOD, are not this way, but unfortunately, we come across way too many that ARE!

I have never had a white man to this DAY say any of this BS I hear coming out of the mouthes of black males. Lawd ha'am mercy

I have had men of all races -- white, black, Puerto Rican, Indian/Arab -- try to talk to me on the street or the subway. One Arab man tried to hiss and follow me in his car for blocks before he finally got the message. What is wrong with these men?! Look at my ears, am I wearing a hearing aid? I can hear you, I am just ignoring you!

One white guy on the subway was like, I like your perfume, you smell really fresh. I was like, WTF! Yet another reason why I hate being so close to people and taking the subway during rush hour! White men can be aggressive on the street too. They may not say this stupid ish but I had one white guy get agressive with me on the street. I worried that he, like the thugs, would get violent. Look, there are a lot of crazy people in my city. For instance, it is a known fact that most of the homeless people in my city are mentally ill. And I am certain that a number of these men, even if they are not homeles, have something wrong with them or they would not need to be hollering at women on the street.

The difference I have found between these men on the street and white men is that white guys are more slick about it but it is still harassment. One time I was eating lunch with a friend at a pub and I see this white guy in a busy suit staring at me. When I look again he winks! Trifling. Look down at his hands and he has a wedding ring on! Super trifling. Some of the rich married ones can be really trifling - I feel sorry for their wives - they will wait until they really get to know you and then they tell you in a low voice what they really want. I always ignore them and briskly get back to the business at hand. Unlike the thuggish guys on the street they are not going to yell or threaten violence. They will just try to get back at you in a different way because they are educated enough to know that being violent will only send them to jail.

Disrespect is disrespect, I dont care if you do it on the street or if you do it in another setting. The reason why some of the men on the street are especially scary is because some of them start threatening violence when you ignore them.