Be Careful With Onlive Love.. See what had happened was....

Hmm, I'll try to answer this succinctly, he was a thrill date that I did on a whim to break up the monotony of the kind of men I normally date. He was the funniest man I ever met, but couldn't trust him. I made some mistakes and I handled the situation quickly. I knew from the moment he called late that he wasn't a keeper and he was the one that considered us to be a couple so quickly that's why I used the phrase "broke up with him";he was and remains nothing to me.

& what & where was the thrill...being in the parking lot?
trust him? OP....you don't know him..
trust takes time ..be careful of online...whaaaat? love?
is that ..what you experienced....:(
of course not...and breakup is an odd odd term when you've gone
on one date....

OP....you're not in reality..

I don't get why some of us women do things that are ..just plain
weird...and wrong
then complain about receving weirdness ..and wrong behavior ..
in return

you reap what you sow
 
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Didn't you feel you were lovely and amazing enough to go to another
place like a cafe or lounge...
that's what dates do..if you are having a great time ...
go somewhere else..nice..to talk....
but ...in a garage????? ;(

If I were you..I'd take a good hard look at this......
remembering you were the one who not only agreed
but actually provided the wheels..and the gas bucks
to get
to nowhere
 
A Christian lifestyle also does not endorse superficial use of the word rape
in describing your "temptations"
...that bothered me..OP
As does "online love"....

is that what this was....or perhaps online encounter
more appropos?

I'm using this forum to express my inner thoughts/experiences freely and they might very well offend you and others, so continue reading my posts if you like and take them for what they are, otherwise grab on to your rosary beads, start sewing a scarlet letter and prepare for a bumpy ride! ;)
 
& what & where was the thrill...being in the parking lot?
trust him? OP....you don't know him..
trust takes time ..be careful of online...whaaaat? love?
is that ..what you experienced....:(
of course not...and breakup is an odd odd term when you've gone
on one date....

OP....you're not in reality..

I don't get why some of us women do things that are ..just plain
weird...and wrong
then complain about receving weirdness ..and wrong behavior ..
in return

you reap what you sow

Wow, I'm almost speechless, especially since you quoted my previous response which answered all of your questions. So now I know that you just want to post your thoughts at will and random with no regard as to what's already been stated, therefore there's no need for me to respond to your posts. Take care. :)
 
Here are my thoughts.

You have every right to desire marriage and it is high time that it happened for you. You shouldn't have had to hold out this long, as you are indeed at an age in which marriage should be in the cards for you.

I am glad that you attempted to be proactive and I think you should go back online, in addition to trying to meet men in real life. At your age (and mine too), simply hoping that it will happen and doing nothing is not in your best interest, and you seem to recognize that.

All that being said, I see what the ladies are saying. Your dating skills need to be sharpened and if waiting for marriage is very important to you, you need to ONLY date "boring" marriage-minded men. Going on the types of dates you did just for "entertainment" could get you hurt or worse... this stuff is too serious to play around with, seriously.

I am doing online dating, and I probably average about 1 date for every 10 men who contact me. Since my goal is to date for the purpose of marriage, I don't need to be wasting time on those men that I know are terrible matches... it's not about quantity, it's about quality.

I think Kayte's posts have been dead on. You are sending mixed messages to yourself it seems... if you want to date for fun, then by all means do so, but STAY SAFE and don't make foolish decisions. But if maintaining virginity until marriage is very important to you and you're tired of being a virgin at 28 (which is VERY understandable), then stop dating dudes who aren't marriage material and focus on getting married so this wait won't have been in vain.

To me, I would think it was a waste if I waited 28 years and then I lost it to some big dummy I had no business even thinking about, ya know? By putting yourself in these compromising situations with your hormones raging, you are setting yourself up for regret (at the least) and serious danger (at the worst).

Gosh, you made me feel old and you might want to wait until you agree with Kayte...

I've most definitely agreed not to have another thrill date, I've had my fill. Shoot, I'll even pinky swear on that. :)
 
And he asked you if you were experienced? De debil!!! RUN!!! One thing I'll tell y'all that my good friend was told by a relative of hers after her divorce, that men can tell when a woman hasn't had sex (or not in a long time). He was giving her advice and support to protect her. Dang. I was shocked when she told me. It's not like it's women who are wearing their cooters on their upper lip in hopes a man jumps right on in...it's any woman. That's fierce...and I think it puts them even stronger on the prowl.:lachen:

You'll are so funny! LMAO@"Da debil"

I hate it when men sniff you out so fast.
 
Your entire post was enlightening to read, and I am sorry about the bolded. I would suspect that the lack of marriageable Christian Black men is a tremendously frustrating hurdle for single Christian Black women. Do you feel you have to date non "saved" Black men? Spiritual compatibility is extremely important, and for me it is even more important that racial compatibility. If I considered myself Christian and "saved" I don't think I would be able to date men who did not also share my outlook on life and if there was a lack of such men in my racial pool, I would have to go outside of that racial pool and look at the LARGER body of "saved" Christianity.

Hmm, I used to be what I called an "equal opportunity dater", but now that I am marriage-focused, I try to date Black men because I just think it will be easier to raise regular black kids than mixed ones and I have to explain less to Black dates than White/nonBlack ones. Oh and the bad date claimed to be a Christian, just like most Americans. lol
 
What you said here jumped at me. Are the kind of men you normally date Christian men and do you find them boring? Sometimes, the allure of dangerous men and bad boys clouds our judgement and makes up unappreciative of good stable trustworthy reliable men. Goodness is not considered sexy, but for our own sake, we have to learn to find goodness attractive. Please make sure you're not bypassing good men because something in you is yearning for thrills. :yep:

The bad date claimed to be a Christian and I asked that before we agreed on the bad date. Now the other guys I've dated are boring because they are boring, not because they are Christian and/or reliable. They talked about the same subjects ad nauseum and left me to be the entertaining one. The thrill/bad date guy was as invigorating as watching Chris Rock when he first came out with an HBO special and only had 10 minutes left on the mic. I simply couldn't get enough of his jokes/stories, but he was still not good for me. So now I am back with the guy I was talking with before and am trying to encourage him to open up and not be so stiff because he's just about perfect otherwise. :)
 
I was inundated by brothers and even white guys giving me their approval. It's the biggest pick-me-up and I thoroughly enjoyed the attention, but before I could even finish reading my first new message from some man claiming to be a single doctor, a chat window began to buzz on my screen.
Guy #1
Sorry I misspoke I confused the profession but this is a extremely long post. after rereading this, this does not sound like a 28 year old talking sounds like a teenager who has never had a guy hit on her before.


Guy #2
So he caught me by surprise and I wanted more of him, so we agreed to keep in contact and for the next couple of days he texted me and called me several times per day. I was shocked at his persistence, especially because he said he was a very busy real estate investor/contractor. I knew to wait for evidence and paid little attention to his online profile because he claimed to earn "$200-300K" per year, so I was just hoping to be entertained and was doubtful of everything he stated. During one of our marathon 3 hour-long phone convos, he let me overhear him put his son to bed as well as listen as he managed work at one of his home sites.
I still think this is too long of a conversation. I also found it odd that nowhere within this long post you said anything about the son's mother. Has he ever been married?

Regardless, I decided right then and there, that he was cute enough to be the first guy that it would be difficult to remain celibate with.

At this moment, he knew you are a horny toad.

I said "hi", so did he and he asked me what I thought about him. I said "you're cute enough for me to drive around" and directed him to my car.
Why didn't you meet at the restaurant?
We both climbed in and proceeded to have a wonderful date with the expected unexpected mishaps: 4-- under his directions, he had me drive us to a parking garage, where we talked in the car for 1.5 hours instead of going to a normal safer place like Starbuck's

Since you were driving, you were in control so he didn't make you do anything. Anyway, you parked. I haven't heard that since high school.

When he kept trying to get me to promise to do a weekend trip with him, he finally picked up on my hesitation. He's not a dummy and quickly asked me if I was inexperienced. I was driving at the time and was so ready to just kick him out of my car, but I waited a second and told him that I was indeed a virgin at 28, then he proceeded to laugh at me to no end.

This doesn't make sense to me so after you park your car with him in a parking garage, I am making the assumption it was secluded spot, and you start driving again that is when he starts making advances towards you.

Throughout the night, my date would gaze deeply into my eyes, then my cleavage and rub his knees against my leg under the table. If I hadn't been saved, I could have raped him in my car, no lie.

Regardless if a woman is saved or not, does not mean she can't be raped. if this guy wanted to rape you he had plenty of opportunity esp. when you drove to a a parking garage. Also when you were talking in the garage did he hold your hand?

I felt so much better when we broke up, but I do pray he leaves me alone. I was stupid to let him come to my complex and he got way too possessive of me and my time too soon.

You let him get possessive of you and your time that is why you need to read The Rules.
God will provide the right man, but I'm confused as to why my body reacted so profoundly to the date.

you are a horny toad.
Guy#3
I'll admit there's another guy I've been neglecting from match.com who my parents are more likely to approve of who teaches at a nearby university in my field. He seems really sweet, trustworthy and dull, but his pic is amazingly cute. During one of our convos, he already told me what he wants out of a wife, but at this stage, I know men just talk about a possible marriage to butter you up, so I'd rather just have a great makeout session with him than be lied to.

Corny pays the bills. Are you talking on the phone for 3 hours with this dude? I can't tell.

So I'm not giving up on men, but I am no longer using the internet for a date. The professor will be the last one and I am going to meet him in daylight with security cameras present in a safe place. I do end relationships sort of quickly, but I have to since men like to put the bedroom pressure on and then the arguments start. So I hope the prof is indeed as sweet as he seems and takes his time. :)

This paragraph speaks for itself. Do you know the difference between dating and relationships? It seems like you don't. After rereading your post because I skimmed the first time, I still stand by a bulk of the things i said in my original post. Mentally you seem younger than a 28. You need to read The Rules because it covers online dating, talking on the phone, what to do for Dates #1 until relationship, and "bedroom pressure". you want people to feel sorry for you because you are a Christian 28 year old virgin but I say you need to "WOMAN UP" and stop being so naive. Driving a guy to the parking garage was not only unsafe but you gave this dude the greenlight that you wanted to get busy. Agreeing to go to weekend trip with him even if you were lying was another greenlight. Did he ask to come in your house? If he didn't, that was strange. Did you ask to go his spot?

My gut tells me there something wrong with this whole story and I don't think its the men. Anyway i hope you find success in dating.

 
It sounds like everything that went wrong in terms of your experience with online dating was more because of your errors rather than this guy's. He was showing you his true colors from Day 1.

Be more careful and cautious next time.

LOL He only had one day to show his colors and right after he showed me what he was, I brought out the can of Raid and sprayed him into oblivion. And the good thing is there will not be another time with a guy like him.
 
Most women meet the men who will eventually chop them up and put them in a box in the "normal" places: work, school, supermarket, coffee house.

The web is not to blame, but your own behavior.

UmSumayyah, I take it you're a proponent for internet love and I say by all means do what works for you. I've said it earleir but I will repeat myself, vet all men regardless of where you meet them. Crazy is as crazy does and there are no guarantees in life.

I will admit that meeting men online is way easier than in real life and that blackpeoplemeet.com site is a meatmarket. I've never seen so many black men before. I only ventured onto that site to see what I could find that looked interesting/fun, I sampled it, and now I am no longer curious. Because I have a better option waiting for me, I'm going to enjoy it and I wish you the best on whatever you choose to do and please write a thread when something happens whether it be good or bad. :)
 
I'm glad you're safe.

You're a great writer - I thought you had copied and pasted a short story.

This guy sounds like a convict. His smooth suaveness reminds me of this rapist I almost went on a date with. VERY smooth, handsome and manipulative. He just slipped up and gave me a hug-with-a-titty-grab, which prompted me to pull up the offender registry and THERE HE WAS!

This dude is the R Kelly of grown women! The Pied Piper of Draws!!! He is NEVER without a woman. Women LOVE him! He did ten years for rape!!!

Please be careful. Don't let someone make you feel bad for being a virgin at 28. Lots of women are not virgins and still unskilled. The right man will value this about you and respect your strength. I wish I had waited longer.
 
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This paragraph speaks for itself. Do you know the difference between dating and relationships? It seems like you don't. After rereading your post because I skimmed the first time, I still stand by a bulk of the things i said in my original post. Mentally you seem younger than a 28. You need to read The Rules because it covers online dating, talking on the phone, what to do for Dates #1 until relationship, and "bedroom pressure". you want people to feel sorry for you because you are a Christian 28 year old virgin but I say you need to "WOMAN UP" and stop being so naive. Driving a guy to the parking garage was not only unsafe but you gave this dude the greenlight that you wanted to get busy. Agreeing to go to weekend trip with him even if you were lying was another greenlight. Did he ask to come in your house? If he didn't, that was strange. Did you ask to go his spot?

My gut tells me there something wrong with this whole story and I don't think its the men. Anyway i hope you find success in dating.


Please don't worry about me and take time to read my posts because all of the answers to your questions have been repeated at length. And I don't need nor have I asked anyone to feel anything for me, I owned up to my willful mistakes and I enjoyed them and dealt with them quickly, so I'm happier than ever. If you feel bad, I have a number for a guy who might just know how to make you laugh, I'm just not sure if his name is real but he's a great comedian! ;)
 
Are you sure you are not teasing these men? You mention "makeout session". Who does that in their late twenties? If you are going a certain point with these men and not going all of the way, of course, men are going to be mad. My advise is if you are not trying to have sex, don't talk about it and don't kiss, touch, fondle, or what ever it is you are doing with the guy.

If you were 18, I would cut you some slack but at 28 your "naive" ways are unbecoming.

False. My girlfriendss are older than 28 and still have "makeout sessions" with guys they are dating.

You do not "owe" a man sex because you kissed.
 
OP I'm glad you figured out what went wrong. Good luck on your next dating "adventure," it's rough out there sometimes.
 
I'm glad you're safe.

You're a great writer - I thought you had copied and pasted a short story.

This guy sounds like a convict. His smooth suaveness reminds me of this rapist I almost went on a date with. VERY smooth, handsome and manipulative. He just slipped up and have me a hug-with-a-titty-grab, which prompted me to pull up the offender registry and THERE HE WAS!

This dude is the R Kelly of grown women! The Pied Piper of Draws!!! He is NEVER without a woman. Women LOVE him! He did ten years for rape!!!

Please be careful. Don't let someone make you feel bad for being a virgin at 28. Lots of women are not virgins and still unskilled. The right man will value this about you and respect your strength. I wish I had waited longer.


Whoa! He was a real rapist?!! Thank you so much for the heads up and thank you for the personal tale. Now I feel like looking using the offender registry. Oh and thanks for the compliment! :)
 
Gosh, you made me feel old and you might want to wait until you agree with Kayte...

I've most definitely agreed not to have another thrill date, I've had my fill. Shoot, I'll even pinky swear on that. :)

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to make ya feel old! :)

I'm just sayin'... I know you're anxious to get it on and poppin' and I don't want you to have to wait any longer than necessary! :)
 
LOL He only had one day to show his colors and right after he showed me what he was, I brought out the can of Raid and sprayed him into oblivion. And the good thing is there will not be another time with a guy like him.

When I say Day 1 I was referring from since the moment you guys commenced contact.

IDK, I would find it weird that someone who I just "met" so to speak, was calling me and texting me like crazy when he supposedly has a job (did you say it was his own business?)

Anyway, the point is, I'm glad that you're safe and have learned from this. Just be wiser next time! A guy who wants you will be willing to work for you. That means picking you up in HIS nice looking car, and not smothering you with sexual innuendos or mysterious conversation. :yep:
 
LOL I thought you would say that Onyx! lol

I'm going to make a couple of assumptions about you based upon your previous posts: 1) You aren't a virgin and haven't been one for well over 20 years; 2) You are a well-intentioned parent; and 3) You either don't believe in the lack of marriageable Christian black men or are grossly unaware of it.

For all of these points, you will not be able to empathize with me, so I thank you for the prayers. You as a parent probably don't want to hear my brutal honesty, but any normal woman 18 and older desires to be intimate and there's no need to try to bring in a sense of self-righteous shame. There are other women nearing 30 and even older who have been waiting all of their lives for their DH in order to finally be intimate and start a family and it's a tough road that we alone tread. This Christian lifestyle requires sacrifice and I just don't mind being honest about my temptations because others need to know that they're not alone and hopefully that will give them comfort to hold out that much longer. :)
o
:lachen:
 
but it's close to torture remaining steadfastly celibate for all of your life.lol It's like being on "Survivor" but no guarantee for a prize/husband

No, it's like being hungry and forced to watch others eat at a buffet then they make you go in the back and wash dishes.
 
I'm using this forum to express my inner thoughts/experiences freely and they might very well offend you and others, so continue reading my posts if you like and take them for what they are, otherwise grab on to your rosary beads, start sewing a scarlet letter and prepare for a bumpy ride!

If I hadn't been saved, I could have raped him in my car, no lie.

your use of the word rape..is not funny and is highly offensive
and for all your joking and trying so hard to be clever... you're not...
only foolish,contrived, and rather pathetic......
because it's so transparent
I find you exceptionally immature, alarmingly irresponsible
and insensitive to those women where the word rape..has a very different heartbreaking connotation..spin it anyway you like... that is no joke

and I feel sorry for you.....

Wow, I'm almost speechless, especially since you quoted my previous response which answered all of your questions.So now I know that you just want to post your thoughts at will and random with no regard as to what's already been stated

no not true..not random
on the contrary you never answered..so certainly no answer required..now
these are rhetorical questions....
don't you think you merit..being taken to a nice place instead
driving yourself to a garage?

OP.. when I go on a date and a man wants ..more of my company
after dinner....(which is usually :grin:) we've gone to a lounge
or saki place,tapas restaurant,coffe shop,dessert cafe
etc etc
that's what I've done on dates ..at the guy's suggestion
hey...let's go here after dinner
Oh..it's so early ..let's go and have some ....etc etc ....

and you?
save the flippant comebacks~
just ...food for thought..okay?

So now I know that you just want to post your thoughts at will and random with no regard as to what's already been stated, therefore there's no need for me to respond to your posts. Take care.

You take care,too OP..
and wishing you ...a little ...actually a lot more growing-up in the process:yep:
really take care,lady
 
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I'm sorry, I'm not trying to make ya feel old! :)

I'm just sayin'... I know you're anxious to get it on and poppin' and I don't want you to have to wait any longer than necessary! :)

LMAO!!!! And thanks for looking out for me! :)
 
When I say Day 1 I was referring from since the moment you guys commenced contact.

IDK, I would find it weird that someone who I just "met" so to speak, was calling me and texting me like crazy when he supposedly has a job (did you say it was his own business?)

Anyway, the point is, I'm glad that you're safe and have learned from this. Just be wiser next time! A guy who wants you will be willing to work for you. That means picking you up in HIS nice looking car, and not smothering you with sexual innuendos or mysterious conversation. :yep:

That sounds good. :)
 
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