I happened to me ....I need advices

Leave. Not everything that feels good in the short term is actually good for you in the long run.

There was this girl I knew who was actually "dating" a married man, who is a distant relative of mine. She gave this man years of her life (mind you he was atleast 15 years her senior). The first thing the man did when his wife finally left him was marry another woman. She was devastated, but I think she was a fool. I had warned her to find her own man who can honestly give her the things she wants in life.

Also, if that woman is genuinely praying for the reconciliation of her marriage - honey you have no chance. When God shows favor on a person and a marriage you don't stand a fighting chance.
 
I feel like you are hurt and worried about embarrassment at your job...
With that said, cut this off and start healing. YOU DESERVE A MAN THAT IS YOURS AND YOURS ALONE.
If he can carry on like this in a relationship he will do the same to you.
 
You need to leave hun. You deserve a relationship that doesn't make you and others cringe. You should be able to shout from the rooftops about your man.

The longer you stay with a kang, the quicker you turn into a quain.

You deserve more than this.

I'm mad that the ex-wife is tryna tell you who you should date. GTFOH
 
He wants his wife AND you too! He's probably been sexing her up as well. I know it's hard OP but find a single man that deserves your love. As other posters have stated, he will always be linked to her because they have a child.
 
OP I'm sorry you've gotten hurt by all this. My advice and speaking from experience...go. Removing yourself from this equation is the only way you will ever know his true feelings.

Many a marriage has been saved by a chick on the side. Had you kept him at bay a year ago he might have kept a clearer head about the wife and gotten his divorce. But by giving him what he was missing, you allowed an already wrecked marriage to sustain itself.

If you stay, he will always have the two of you as options and won't ever have to make a decision. Besides you don't want the karma from dealing with someone who is still married to come back on you.

Bid him adieu and find someone who won't make you the option of his wife's desires.
 
Fluck that dude he foul all around. I hate that he didn't tell you but once you became aware you should have bounced even though it would hurt because you don't want no married man period. So many issues.
 
ElegantPearl17 said:
He wants his wife AND you too! He's probably been sexing her up as well. I know it's hard OP but find a single man that deserves your love. As other posters have stated, he will always be linked to her because they have a child.
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Actually not He lives in his apartement with me since 2010 and he is my coworker so we are always together....there is no way he could have sex with her or spend time with her...The only time they meet is for their child and Im often there... Actually hus wife and I used to have good relationship...I mean she was not my girlfriend or confident but we were ok....
I plan to travel with some girlfriends during 2 weeks I guess I could think about it and gather strenght to leave him
 
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whoa wait... he lives in his apt with u OP?? hey no judging from me because we've all made some choices that we shudntve (atleast I have).. IMO... leave this situation. In the end... he'll probably reconcile with his wife and u'll be left with a broken heart... its just not worth it IMO
 
kapriss_des_iles said:
Actually not He lives in his apartement with me so there is no way he could have sex with her....
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This is one of the few times when the posters on this board are in agreement. There isn't much else to say. It's on you now to do what you know you need to do. There is no easy way through it.
 
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Actually not He lives in his apartement with me since 2010 and he is my coworker so we are always together....there is no way he could have sex with her or spend time with her...The only time they meet is for their child and Im often there... Actually hus wife and I used to have good relationship...I mean she was not my girlfriend or confident but we were ok....
I plan to travel with some girlfriends during 2 weeks I guess I could think about it and gather strenght to leave him
___
 
kapriss_des_iles said:
....she really wants to become his wife again ….. she started talking about god (for the first time)and said that I can’t stay and destroy her marriage…..
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Newsflash OP, she was always his wife.

I say leave while you can.

I am curious about how ugly this is going to get at work.......................Do you have a plan on how to deal with this mess you TWO have created? If not, you need one fast.

So what are you going to do kapriss_des_iles ?
 
Sorry you got in this postion. Do you think he knew about his wife's affair the entire time and its the reason he got him someone too. Maybe they planned this after he found out and the entire plan was to be in open relationship and go back to each other once the flames died in either.
 
ThickHair said:
Newsflash OP, she was always his wife.

I say leave while you can.

I am curious about how ugly this is going to get at work.......................Do you have a plan on how to deal with this mess you TWO have created? If not, you need one fast.

So what are you going to do kapriss_des_iles ?
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This is the more complicated part...we work together. And clearly Im not gonna quit my job no way...So Ill try to overrcome this and find someone else....
 
What kind of fockery is this? Did they have an open relationship or something? Is this how situations like Naomi and her BF happen?

And to ride on the coattails of others, you should leave.
 
OP I feel so sad for u... And I'm so sorry you are in this situation. Unfortunately for you, you have no choice... You have to leave.

I know what it is like to be in "love" with someone, and even though the situation isn't right.... You stay anyway.

It is completely unfair both him AND his "almost ex wife" have put you in this situation.... And even though I think it's extremely selfish of her and him to encourage this relationship, and then want to undo it all, she is still married to him, has his baby, and he belongs to her.

I wouldn't worry about work... It will be a little embarrassing, but if everyone knew you guys were dating while he was married/separated and had no problem with it... they should give you some credit for doing the right thing (leaving him alone)..

Can your job transfer you to another state or city? If I were you I'll leave him, and her, move on with someone else who deserves me, and hope to never see them again. Good luck.
 
Keen said:
If you want to stay with him, you should break up with him and tell him he can call you once his divorce is final. As long as the divorce is not final, he is not yours.
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this right here. tell him to call you when he gets his business in order. you are going to miss him like crazy, but you need to pull his card to see if divorcing her is what he really wants. you are just a distraction to what is really going on between them. that's why the wife is starting to give your relationship with him a hard time. let him go. if it is meant to be, he will be back. but you deserve more. you deserve someone that is free to love you the way you need and want to be loved. you can't begin to think of building a future with this man, since he is tied to someone else.

*hugs*
 
kapriss_des_iles said:
This is the more complicated part...we work together. And clearly Im not gonna quit my job no way...So Ill try to overrcome this and find someone else....
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don't worry about your job. learn your lesson, be professional. you still got bills and responsibilities to attend to. i left my job due to some drama going on. worst mistake ever.... don't let nobody make you feel bad or uncomfortable at work.
 
ElizaBlue said:
OP I'm sorry you've gotten hurt by all this. My advice and speaking from experience...go. Removing yourself from this equation is the only way you will ever know his true feelings.

Many a marriage has been saved by a chick on the side. Had you kept him at bay a year ago he might have kept a clearer head about the wife and gotten his divorce. But by giving him what he was missing, you allowed an already wrecked marriage to sustain itself.

If you stay, he will always have the two of you as options and won't ever have to make a decision. Besides you don't want the karma from dealing with someone who is still married to come back on you.

Bid him adieu and find someone who won't make you the option of his wife's desires.
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Amen to this whole entire post!
 
Just read entire thing and I'm kinda seeing this in a diferent light.

OP, it seems like your boyfriend and his wife were playing some type of sick, twisted game with you and her lover as the pawns.

Your English is great by the way
 
NYAmicas said:
He and his wife were playing childish crazy games and got you involved. You really should exit stage left.
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God_Favor said:
Just read entire thing and I'm kinda seeing this in a diferent light.

OP, it seems like your boyfriend and his wife were playing some type of sick, twisted game with you and her lover as the pawns.

Your English is great by the way
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ITA with both of you:yep:. OP, please don't rush into another relationship. You need to heal from this and have a better gameplan next time so you don't let anyone manipulate you like this again. There really is no good reason to date a man who is still married. You need to figure out why you let him and his wife convince you that it was okay for you to date him while he was still married. You must develop higher standards and a stronger fortitude.
 
You lost me at "he got a wife"

Leave. Leave. Leave.

Really...just be done with him, his wife and this drama.
 
kapriss_des_iles said:
This is the more complicated part...we work together. And clearly Im not gonna quit my job no way...So Ill try to overrcome this and find someone else....
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Did he say he wants to work it out with her? I never believed in dealing with guys until they are divorced but stuff like this does and can happen. I'm not shocked they didn't get a divorce. My parents were married actively for over 30 years and separate/never divorced for equal amount of time. My Dad had a live in girlfriend of many years. I know loads of folks that do this silly mess.

So with that being said if ya'll live and work together unless he wants to work it out instead of finally getting a divorce why the hell are you talking about leaving? His arse needs to get a divorce and marry yo arse after all this bs. :look: Sorry ya'll started this mess but he needs to sh!t or get off the pot with baby mama/wife in waiting wth her title is.
 
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