Baby Mama ?

[locabouthair]

I don't think I could respect a man that DIDN'T put his child first. I could up and leave/divorce him tomorrow but that is his baby for life. I have a choice to be in his life, your child does not. Don't take me shopping and the baby needs a winter coat or heck you haven't taken them to dinner in 6 months ...maybe b/c I am a mother.

No. because I don't have any children and I feel the SAME way. When you date a man with children that child comes first, and it shouldnt be any other way.

 

[14got]

I don't think I could respect a man that DIDN'T put his child first. I could up and leave/divorce him tomorrow but that is his baby for life. I have a choice to be in his life, your child does not. Don't take me shopping and the baby needs a winter coat or heck you haven't taken them to dinner in 6 months ...maybe b/c I am a mother.

sadly alot of women aren't as mature as you
I love kids
I can NOT fathom being with man like my father
I dated one man with a child
we were xmas shopping, buying my nieces some things
I asked him what he was buying his son
and he said child support
hmm what does that mean
oo my child support covers it
I kindly asked him to take me home
Do not pass Go, Do not collect 200
it was all she wrote

 

[january noir]

Then she wins, dear. Why would you want that? Do you really want your dad to leave this earth not knowing you loved him all these years? If you think it would help, I would let him know that you called many times before (if you can remember specific instances, tell him so he knows it's unlikely you made it up), but when he didn't call back, you assumed he didn't want to talk. Let him figure out who the culprit is. If she's as twisted as you say she is, he'll know what the real deal is. It's hard to hide who you really are for too long, and I'm sure he has an idea of what he's dealing with. Going forward, I would find out when he's going to be home, and schedule calls for when you know he's going to be there so she can't intercept. Then let her sit there and wallow in her own funky misery, the stankin ITCHB!!

Well said Much2much!
Dig it Kei! Don't let that evil woman win...That's your daddy....

 

[The Girl]

sadly alot of women aren't as mature as you
I love kids
I can NOT fathom being with man like my father
I dated one man with a child
we were xmas shopping, buying my nieces some things
I asked him what he was buying his son
and he said child support
hmm what does that mean
oo my child support covers it
I kindly asked him to take me home
Do not pass Go, Do not collect 200
it was all she wrote

oh man that was funky of him...oh and I know my child father is married to one who views it as a competition not with his child but with mine if that makes any sense. She likes that he has a child but not that it had to be with someone else ...poor thang

 

[cherryhair123]

-No I don't have children. So that's why I felt I needed a reality check from a group of women.

-YES, I do sort of have a problem with the way he spends money on his child. She's only 12. Maybe it's just me but a child that age does not need expensive gifts like that.I partly blame him for BM asking because she obviously feels she has to compete with him a gift giving level. She feels pressured to give something she cannot afford.

-12 yr old wish list reads like this: laptop, ipod, coach purse,expensive this,expensive that. So no the purse is not the main focus of her gifts....

-I don't care how they spend money together on their child, all I'm saying is don't be in my man's pockets for stupid stuff just because you know he has some change. If she was 15 and they wanted to buy her a new car together, no problem, if she wanted them to pay for a trip to another country,no problem but a coach bag!!!please.


-I don't know if this is relevant or not but I think I'm annoyed because it feels like there's some sort of co-dependency on her part for the wrong reasons.Listening to his stories about her,in the past he's financed almost ERR THANG she got. The more I listen to him, the more I want to see if I can get a fill for myself what their relationship is really like. Also I think I'm worried that she'll make a habit out of asking him for stupid stuff.

- I would like to encourage a healthy relationship between the two of them because if they happy, that makes it less work for me to do to keep my man happy but they key word is Healthy.

Not trying to offend but,
Ask yourself to, does your concern with how he spends money on his child have anything to do with the fact you think it might be less for him to spend on you. I mean we do have to be honest with ourselves...

 

[Kawaii1]

My sincerest apologies if my post hurt your feelings. That was not my intent. These are your feelings and you have a right to feel what you feel. I hope that your relationship with your SO can co-exist along with his pre-existing family.

I understand you don't want your SO to be taken advantage of, but he's a man - not a boy. It is his responsibility to make sure that doesn't happen. For 12 years, he has been raising his daughter. It seems strange that he suddenly needs you or anyone else to make sure he's not being taken advantage of. Have you noticed things about him that indicate that he can't speak up for himself and handle his own business? And BTW, fighting his battles won't work. He'll wind up caught in the middle of an extremely uncomfortable situation between you and his ex. And he'll looking for the nearest exit. And you will look like the villain with folks talking about how fine everything was before you came along. I've been there, done that and it wasn't worth it.

I don't think his child's mother is trying to run his life by asking for things for his child because she is ASKING. And if he can't do it or doesn't think its a good idea, he should be able to say NO. It's just that simple. And she would only have free reign over his money if he gives it to her. Is he doing that?

I could be wrong but you seem concerned about your man's ability to stand up for himself. If he can't stand up for himself at this stage in his life, that's not going to change. Maybe that's the real problem...

ITA with the bolded, girl don't step in this sh*t. I could see this backfiring on you real fast. If I were you I'd just sit back take notes and if ya'll get married then you have ammunition for the situation later on. It's his fault that the BM feels she can ask for these things. I have to ask though (and no I haven't read everything so excuse me if I am repeating) but what is the money situation looking like between them? Obviously he has money if he can afford to buy his 7 month gf $300 gifts (cause damnit I never got that stuff after 7 months) so is he ballin? Are the kids used to this lifestyle? That is the basis behind all that high child support that celebrities pay. Also what else is he paying for? How much time does he spend with his daughter? Maybe that girl did something else to deserve this type of gift? Is she a spoiled brat or is she well rounded?

I don't think people should be spending that kind of cash on a little kid but if they can do it then....................I don't have any arguements. just because a kid is getting expensive gifts doesn't mean she can't handle it and come out ok. You're in for the long with this crap, I hope your man has his head screwed on right.

 

[Kawaii1]

Now that's how it should be. I don't get how folks can have kids and never see them? It's a sad thing when your flesh and blood is walking around and you don't know if they are well or not.

I have a child, but my SO doesn't - neither did the 3 that I dated before him. And uhhh....I don't date white guys (runs behind Whipz). So single, childless, college educated black men are DEFINITELY out there.

If this was *just* an issue about what you deem to be frivilous spending on a teenage child, that would be one thing. But I agree with Winter, it seems like you are also battling for dominance whether you realize it or not.

I was talking to a guy, he was 38yrs old, divorced with 2 children whos lives he is extremely involved in. When he relocated to the area he's in, his ex-wife did as well. When she had a job opportunity in another state - he was prepared to pick up and move as well. He and his ex-wife had been divorced for roughly 6 yrs at that time, from both sides, the love was gone, and they were both persuing other relationships. But the mutual dedication they had to their children was so strong, that they'd do just about anything.

It was weird as all hell, but those girls flourished because of it. I was assured of one thing, if ever he and I married and had children, he'd do the same for them.

That situation would clearly not work for everyone, but I'm all for allowing co-parents to arrive at the best set of conditions for them and their child(ren)

As someone stated earlier - as a nation we lead the pack in the divorce rate, as a community we top the charts in single parent homes . . . it's so important to pick our battles wisely when it comes to things like this.

 

[MrsBurns82]

ITA with the bolded, girl don't step in this sh*t. I could see this backfiring on you real fast. If I were you I'd just sit back take notes and if ya'll get married then you have ammunition for the situation later on. It's his fault that the BM feels she can ask for these things. I have to ask though (and no I haven't read everything so excuse me if I am repeating) but what is the money situation looking like between them? Obviously he has money if he can afford to buy his 7 month gf $300 gifts (cause damnit I never got that stuff after 7 months) so is he ballin? Are the kids used to this lifestyle? That is the basis behind all that high child support that celebrities pay. Also what else is he paying for? How much time does he spend with his daughter? Maybe that girl did something else to deserve this type of gift? Is she a spoiled brat or is she well rounded?

I don't think people should be spending that kind of cash on a little kid but if they can do it then....................I don't have any arguements. just because a kid is getting expensive gifts doesn't mean she can't handle it and come out ok. You're in for the long with this crap, I hope your man has his head screwed on right.

I agree that it depends on the the the circumstances as far as if the child is deservant as well as the fathers financial circumstances. I'm dating a man with a child also and I think your input depends on how your relationship is with him. If it's not that serious than you might just want to fall back and see how he handles it but if your already in it for the long haul I don't think it should matter if your married or not your feelings and opinions should matter to him and this way you'll see how big or small of a problem this will be BEFORE you get married.