Baby Mama DRAMA

[Much2much41]

I'm going to backtrack because I've thought about this for a few hours today and my earlier post was wrong.

No one should be forced to be a parent if they don't want to. And I think that's what's going on here (and I missed that fact before). Since this was a one night stand/ no relationship situation, he basically gambled and lost. So did she (the mother of these children) in believing that carrying a pregnancy to term means that you can force someone else to be interested in you, your life, or the lives of the children you create. I don't really blame him for not being interested. Few people would.

He's going to have to use the law - whichever ones he can - to deal with this from now on. Court orders, lawyers, mediators...whathaveyou. Keep trying with the various father's rights organizations to see if they can be of assistance. He'll have to treat this like a business deal until those kids are grown because he's stuck. He should never forget who he's dealing with (or how he got in this situation) and be on guard for the next 20-odd years. And probably even after that.

As for your role in this as his current SO and future wife. I disagree that you're going to be able to distance yourself from this. Everything everyone's stated before will be relevant in your life as long as you share his. You will be those children's stepmother - even if he never lays eyes on them ever again. I think you said that she has a relationship with his parents so I'm assuming that his parents are embracing their grandchildren? How will that come into play when/if you have children? Will you not allow your children around grandma when grandma is with the other set of grandchildren? And how will you deal with being looked upon in a negative light by your in-laws for not embracing ALL of their son's children as they have?

And what if 5 yrs from now his feelings change about wanting to know his children? If you're married with kids at the time, would you walk then? Then you'd have the issue of seperating your children from their father because you couldn't accept those other children in your life.

How will you deal with the question of your own children wanting to know their siblings? And it comes out via family grapevine that the one standing in the way of that relationship was Mom?

I'm just throwing out questions that need to be considered at gut level before you progress further in this.

And something else. You have to stop wondering and hoping that things are going to get better. That's the way to make yourself miserable. If you stay in this, you have to do so with the general acceptance of the way things are today. Worst case scenario - it might never get better. You could be filing restraining orders and dealing with juvenile text messages 10 years from now. Make your decisions based on what you know is true today vs what you hope might occur tomorrow.

I think that's the "pink elephant" in the room. I have been thinking it, but didn't want to say it. He was in search of sex, and ended up with two bundles, and not necessarily "of joy". It's not "politically correct" to not want your children, but this seems to be the case, at least on some level. He might have wanted children, just not with this woman, and not at this time. But they are here now, and they need their father. This woman also seems to be more interested in using these children as a meal ticket for herself and for her family back in Mexico than doing what's best for the children. It's a bad situation all around, because children really should come into an environment where they are wanted, and it's unfortunate that this doesn't seem to be the case.

 

[ashmack]

I have respected everyone's opinion and comments. I do not expect everyone in this world to agree with me. What I do not appreciate are the comments that are solely focused on putting my bf in a bad light by saying that he must be lying to me or that he is a deadbeat or that he must have been sleeping around! That's really unnecessary. I gave you the facts of the situation and what I was looking for was advice based off the facts. I was not looking to have to continue over and over again to try to validate the facts. If you didnt' believe them fine. You probably should have just left the negative comments out and just given advice to what your could believe to be true. As with all threads started, there is an assumption that the facts of the OP are true and you give your advice, or make your comments accordingly. It would be ridiculous for me to go into the hair care forum and start making the lady prove that the hair on her head is actually hers before giving her advice on what products to use. That's basically the same thing that happened here. I came for advice, but instead spent page after page trying to set the facts straight hoping that maybe I could eventually get the advice I was seeking. I now know better.


It only takes ONE time to make a child. It's not necessary to be sleeping around. This is not even apart of my original intent, but I feel it needs to be addressed because many ladies have decided to attack the character of someone they do not know. My bf did only have sex with her once. It was his first time. He got caught in a moment of weakness. He did not talk to her anymore after that because he repented his sin. He still cries when he thinks about how he wronged God. He made a mistake, and it only takes one time to slip up, as everyone should no. Do I feel like the same sitaution will happen with me? NO! I do think I am expempt only to the degree that I know when we have kids we will be married. We do not engage in conduct that will put me or him back into the situation of having children out of wedlock.

It's funny how almost immediately the situation started to be twisted in order to place my bf into the spot of the bad father and her into the good mother. People are people. Having children does not place one into sainthood. Her actions are often being overlooked and even justified. That's crazy. Post after post women have tried to provide her with reasons as to why she would be justified in keeping her kids from a father they have never seen. All of her actions have been overlooked. The whole tone of the thread shifted from me thinking I could come and get some advice from women in similar situations (I actually did via PM) and turned into how bad my bf is. There is a problem with this mentality. Because of this, young girls will continue to have kids, but will not be forced to "woman up" to their repsonsibilites. Its not enough for them to just collect a check each month to be considered a mother, just as it's not enough for a father to just send a check each month to be considered a father. Perhaps, have we all been jaded to some degree as women to always think that the mother is suffering and doing all she can for her kids? Unfortunately this is not the case.

Don't start a spinoff thread ladies. This is in essence a spin-off thread. This thread itself is totally a spinoff from the original advice I was seeking. Please continue to use this thread to generalize and voice your opinions about how most men are deadbeats, paying child support is not being a father, or basically anything else that you just want to get off your chests.

Thanks to all who PM'd me. Even those who did not agree with aspects of the situation, thank you for not taking my openess to my situation as a chance to bash someone you dont' even know. Thanks for respecting me and my bf.

 

[Summer_Rain]

...maybe we can get a spinoff thread going...Lag's comment got me to thinking...

...this isn't directed at the OP...but...in general, when a man impregnates a woman...is he justified in saying "I do not want this child; therefore, I will not be in this child's life"...if his original intent wasn't to impregnate her?

I mean...do men who don't wrap it up have the leeway LATER...to come back after-the-fact like "oh...ah...nevermind!"

I've thought about the whole "forced parenting" thing as well, not just in this situation - but generally speaking and there is something so unsettling about the notion that just beecause a man or woman didn't "want" the child...they shouldn't be forced to parent.

I have a son, and in my heart of hearts - I believe that if he came to me at ANY age and told me that he fathered a child with a woman whom he was not in a committed relationship with, I'd be DAMNED if he would then turn and say that he didn't feel like he should be made to "father" said child. Not in my house you won't get away with it, not on MY watch! That should have been considered before laying up unprotected and I would take it as a direct reflection on how I raised him.

There is a lot of after the fact responsibility that comes into play in situations like this. If you didn't want to be responsible enough to avoid the consequence, you will/need to be responsible enough to not cause any further damage to innocence.

Certainly we all need to be making more responsible decisions...but responsible decision making (aka damage control) continues even after the mess has been made.

Ash, my comments aren't directed at your BF/situation specifically.

 

[MissYocairis]

CantBeCopied,

That would be a good thread, but let's say he used a condom. Could he then get out of taking care of the child because he used protection?

...good question...cause how do you PROVE you used a condom when the thing gets to court? I guess that's why, if the paternity test proves it's yours...there is no protection for you under the law if you decide "nevermind...I don't wanna".

...seems like the minute the "CLINIC WINDOW" of opportunity closes....you have run out of options and you are officially thrown into "PARENT" status whether you like it or not...if you are a man....UNLESS you and the mother can both agree to adoption or she releases you from your parental obligation. So...since MEN have LESS CHOICE in the outcome of a pregnancy...since there will probably never be legislation supporting a father who "just wants out"....then it's in the best interest of men everywhere to slow their roll!


OT: To Ashmack, I'm sorry this thread turned into a bashing of your boyfriend and I apologize to you personally for the part I played in that. I don't think that was anyone's intent and I apologize that it came across that way. I admit, I am close to this type of scenario because something similar happened to me and I ended up a mother WAAAAY before I was ready and I simply wanted you to be aware of what could happen. Being single and childless right now...you have SOOO much going for you. I want you to treat that with care. Also, I think the issue of blended families and broken families is so poignant for so many members because it's so commonplace now. As someone mentioned, they had a stepmother who resented being one and it affected them and that's real. It's all just food for thought. It's not to bash you or your relationship specifically but people feel close to situations like this having dealt with their own. It's all love and only you and your bf know for sure what is most appropriate for the two of you and those children. Hugs to you!

 

[chickory_bee]

So I had a CRAZY NUT like that in my life. Strange how they erupt! Mine called my BF to tell him that she was pregnant with TRIPLETS...then she had a miscarriage (Which I dropped him off at the hospital and he wasn't there) then she claims she got pregnant again, then there's a child that looks almost 2 (even though it was just born) then no one sees the child in person, just pictures and none with her and the child.
I can't stand chics that won't move on.

 

[gone_fishing]

nevermind...

I hope it works out for you. Just remember to keep your eyes and ears open and LISTEN to yourself. Following your gut instincts. SCREW listening to those emotions for a second.

Sometimes you DO have to forget how you feel and remember what you deserve...

But, only you know what that is.

 

[Laginappe]

I've thought about the whole "forced parenting" thing as well, not just in this situation - but generally speaking and there is something so unsettling about the notion that just beecause a man or woman didn't "want" the child...they shouldn't be forced to parent….

…There is a lot of after the fact responsibility that comes into play in situations like this. If you didn't want to be responsible enough to avoid the consequence, you will/need to be responsible enough to not cause any further damage to innocence.

It’s unsettling that people would have to be forced because we assume that everyone loves children, wants to nurture and care for them. But everyone knows that is simply not the case. The desire to parent is not automatic for, I think, a large percentage of the population.

Referencing the bolded statement - I think that in SOME cases, removing the requirement or expectation of parenting just may be in the best interest of the child. I think a lot of the damage that children suffer comes from situations like these.

In a perfect world (and I really hate that phrase…) no child would ever be neglected or feel rejected because their parent wouldn’t or couldn’t actively parent them. But that’s not the reality we live with.

As for the responsibility and consequences in relation to having unprotected sex, the biggest argument related to this topic is the “oops” babies that were created during protected sex. Birth control failures and all of that. So the overall solution there would be that no one has sex until they’re willing to parent any resulting children. And we know that would go over like a pregnant pole vaulter.

It’s my personal belief that we’ve left everyone off the hook in terms of parenting children. Men AND women. A whole lot of excuse making in both camps. We let men off the hook because of circumstances of conception, lifestyle, on and on… And we don’t hold women accountable for their actions in being more discerning about their bodies and the potential of life they can create. And until that behavior stops, then we’re going to continue to deal with the fallout. Children who are disconnected from their parents and increasing levels of segmented and re-blended families.

 

[Laginappe]

...good question...cause how do you PROVE you used a condom when the thing gets to court? I guess that's why, if the paternity test proves it's yours...there is no protection for you under the law if you decide "nevermind...I don't wanna".

...seems like the minute the "CLINIC WINDOW" of opportunity closes....you have run out of options and you are officially thrown into "PARENT" status whether you like it or not...if you are a man....UNLESS you and the mother can both agree to adoption or she releases you from your parental obligation. So...since MEN have LESS CHOICE in the outcome of a pregnancy...since there will probably never be legislation supporting a father who "just wants out"....then it's in the best interest of men everywhere to slow their roll!

Men don’t have less choice, they have NO choice in the outcome of a pregnancy. And I think we’ve done children a disservice by creating that system because there is a lot of push back and resentment. And I don’t really blame them. Its like telling someone who doesn’t particularly care for animals that as of today you’re a dog owner. You’re responsible for its well being emotionally and financially. It is now a priority in your life from now on. Oh and you better have life insurance to cover its care in case you die. Who would expect that dog to be well cared for?

Right now if the wrong girl turns up pregnant we’re basically telling guys that its just your dumb luck. Which is true.

The stigma goes both ways though. I posted awhile back about a friend of mine who got pregnant, didn’t want the baby and endured crazy amounts of stress and pressure from her family. It was basically “How dare you not want to be a mother? What kind of woman are you???” situation and caused her a lot of grief. (Actually it caused everyone a lot of grief!) So now she’s essentially a mother on paper only. She pays child support and has distanced herself from her family and some of her friends.

But at least she had the option of carrying to term, abortion or adoption. Guys don’t. We have all of the decision making power but expect to share in the responsibility. NO where else in life would that ever work, and from what I see its not working particularly well here either.

 

[14got]

It’s my personal belief that we’ve left everyone off the hook in terms of parenting children. Men AND women. A whole lot of excuse making in both camps. We let men off the hook because of circumstances of conception, lifestyle, on and on… And we don’t hold women accountable for their actions in being more discerning about their bodies and the potential of life they can create. And until that behavior stops, then we’re going to continue to deal with the fallout. Children who are disconnected from their parents and increasing levels of segmented and re-blended families.

O-kay!
my dad was not a good father so of course he could NOT choose a wife that could be a good stepmother
she detested us
she constantly reminded us that our dad paid child support ( why did people act that is an end-all to support) and how she hated our mama because she wanted our daddy ( she did not want him, she finally saw him for what he was)

she STILL hates me , 20 years later
it might not help that she couldn't have children
she adores my kids though
which bothers me in a way because they 1. look like me and my bro
2. act like we did, if not even LOUDER
3. they're MY kids

made God worked on her heart and allowed her to love somebody other than my dad
or she's getting old and Knows she's gonna have to answer to it all sooner than later


I'm not saying that's what you are AMack or will become
I like you
if you don't want to be their stepmother DO NOT marry him PLEASE
it's not fair to them
like the ladies said what if the mom dies

 

[Mortons]

I'm having an issue with the people including the OP in this thread who are dating men WITH CHILDREN and saying you want to marry the man WITH CHILDREN but not be a stepmom. Life just does not work like that If you want to marry someone you need to be willing to except every part of them, the good and the bad. Kids included. If you dont want to be a stepmom, you need to find you a man WITHOUT CHILDREN and not marry the man WITH CHILDREN and treat them incorrectly. Do yourselves a favor and get out of these relationships until you can completely accept all that comes with these men.

 

[life_is_great]

Wow.... I feel really sorry for those innocent babies.

 

[MissYocairis]

Men don’t have less choice, they have NO choice in the outcome of a pregnancy. And I think we’ve done children a disservice by creating that system because there is a lot of push back and resentment. And I don’t really blame them. Its like telling someone who doesn’t particularly care for animals that as of today you’re a dog owner. You’re responsible for its well being emotionally and financially. It is now a priority in your life from now on. Oh and you better have life insurance to cover its care in case you die. Who would expect that dog to be well cared for?

Right now if the wrong girl turns up pregnant we’re basically telling guys that its just your dumb luck. Which is true.

The stigma goes both ways though. I posted awhile back about a friend of mine who got pregnant, didn’t want the baby and endured crazy amounts of stress and pressure from her family. It was basically “How dare you not want to be a mother? What kind of woman are you???” situation and caused her a lot of grief. (Actually it caused everyone a lot of grief!) So now she’s essentially a mother on paper only. She pays child support and has distanced herself from her family and some of her friends.

But at least she had the option of carrying to term, abortion or adoption. Guys don’t. We have all of the decision making power but expect to share in the responsibility. NO where else in life would that ever work, and from what I see its not working particularly well here either.

This is true but it's not legislatable. You cannot legislate this. If the man doesn't want it and the woman does, what criteria is used to determine who wins the argument? So, though it's pedestrian, you can only go with the person whose physical body is being compromised... but the flip side is that visitation is not enforceable. You cannot ENFORCE a visitation order when one parent refuses to take advantage of his/her right to spend time with the child. That's the only leeway a reluctant parent is gonna get. Considering there's a LIFE that's affected by the whims of an irresponsible and later disinterested parent, I'd say that's fair enough.

 

[Laginappe]

This is true but it's not legislatable. You cannot legislate this. If the man doesn't want it and the woman does, what criteria is used to determine who wins the argument? So, though it's pedestrian, you can only go with the person whose physical body is being compromised... but the flip side is that visitation is not enforceable. You cannot ENFORCE a visitation order when one parent refuses to take advantage of his/her right to spend time with the child. That's the only leeway a reluctant parent is gonna get. Considering there's a LIFE that's affected by the whims of an irresponsible and later disinterested parent, I'd say that's fair enough.

I tend to agree. But as many posts on this thread alone indicate, you tell a person that you don't want visitation with a child you created and you're the immediate (#*$#)*!.

The only thing I'd contradict in your statement is the issue of it being the whim of an irresponsible parent. Sometimes - you and I both know it - every protection was put in place and then failed. And then too, it takes two irresponsible people to create these situations IMO.

 

[Mortons]

I tend to agree. But as many posts on this thread alone indicate, you tell a person that you don't want visitation with a child you created and you're the immediate (#*$#)*!.

The only thing I'd contradict in your statement is the issue of it being the whim of an irresponsible parent. Sometimes - you and I both know it - every protection was put in place and then failed. And then too, it takes two irresponsible people to create these situations IMO.

To me those are the consequences you accept when you decided to have sex. Something could always happen and you must live with that if you decide to go through with the deed. And I think that parents who don't visit their children are wrong. Even if you did not want them my stance is "their already here so make the best of it for them".

 

[p31woman]

Hi Ashmack!

I just wanted to say that I will be praying for you and your boyfriend and those children and their mother.

My SO has a daughter and her mother is no Claire Huxtable....trust.

I never tell him what to do about the mother, what to say or how to act. He is a man and he handles his affairs. Never have I even uttered a disrespectful word about her to him. However much I don't like her, I respect her as his daughter's mother, because I love my SO and his daughter and I want things to be as peacful between us as possible.

Whenever he wants to talk about the situation, I never make her the villian, (however I won't sugar coat anything) because I never want him, his family, or his daughter to say I had any negative influence on his decisions toward the mother.

And besides, I love his daughter and I went through a situation when I was younger where my father's wife didn't allow him to be as active as he could have been. (this is another reason why I don't like weak minded men who let their wives influence them) I remembered how I felt toward her as I grew up and I would never want his daughter to feel that way toward me.

No matter what her mother does to try and hurt or disrespect my SO, I will never stoop to her level, HOWEVER, I will ALWAYS have my man's back and respectfully, GO TO WAR...

Because she lives up north, when he does get her he has her for long spurts of time. When we are married, it is during those times, and not when she is a little older, that I realize, YES I WILL BE A STEP MOMMY. My SO expects me to be wife and stepparent to his daughter and if I felt any other way about that task, I wouldnt be standing beside him.

I couldn't live with myself if I didn't take that role because I have first hand experience what it is like to have a step parent you don't know and whom you feel doesn't like you for reasons you had nothing to do with.

I aplaud you for loving that man inspite of but I really wish you would rethink your stance on the role you will play in those children's lives.

PM me if you wanna talk!!!!

Take care!!!

 

[MissYocairis]

I tend to agree. But as many posts on this thread alone indicate, you tell a person that you don't want visitation with a child you created and you're the immediate (#*$#)*!.

The only thing I'd contradict in your statement is the issue of it being the whim of an irresponsible parent. Sometimes - you and I both know it - every protection was put in place and then failed. And then too, it takes two irresponsible people to create these situations IMO.

Funny you should mention that...I have heard stories....and I never believe them! I'm just too cynical!

 

[Much2much41]

Funny you should mention that...I have heard stories....and I never believe them! I'm just too cynical!

It CAN happen. I have a friend who is married, who personally put the birth control pill in his wife's mouth EVERY day. When she came up pregnant, he demanded to know how it happened. The doctor said she had so much hormone in her body, there was no way she should have been pregnant, but, alas, she was! He loves his daughter, but to this day he doesn't know how she got here. I'm sure it's rare, but as they say, $h!t happens!

 

[sunnydaze]

Hi Ashmack!

I just wanted to say that I will be praying for you and your boyfriend and those children and their mother.

My SO has a daughter and her mother is no Claire Huxtable....trust.

I never tell him what to do about the mother, what to say or how to act. He is a man and he handles his affairs. Never have I even uttered a disrespectful word about her to him. However much I don't like her, I respect her as his daughter's mother, because I love my SO and his daughter and I want things to be as peacful between us as possible.

Whenever he wants to talk about the situation, I never make her the villian, (however I won't sugar coat anything) because I never want him, his family, or his daughter to say I had any negative influence on his decisions toward the mother.

And besides, I love his daughter and I went through a situation when I was younger where my father's wife didn't allow him to be as active as he could have been. (this is another reason why I don't like weak minded men who let their wives influence them) I remembered how I felt toward her as I grew up and I would never want his daughter to feel that way toward me.

No matter what her mother does to try and hurt or disrespect my SO, I will never stoop to her level, HOWEVER, I will ALWAYS have my man's back and respectfully, GO TO WAR...

Because she lives up north, when he does get her he has her for long spurts of time. When we are married, it is during those times, and not when she is a little older, that I realize, YES I WILL BE A STEP MOMMY. My SO expects me to be wife and stepparent to his daughter and if I felt any other way about that task, I wouldnt be standing beside him.

I couldn't live with myself if I didn't take that role because I have first hand experience what it is like to have a step parent you don't know and whom you feel doesn't like you for reasons you had nothing to do with.

I aplaud you for loving that man inspite of but I really wish you would rethink your stance on the role you will play in those children's lives.

PM me if you wanna talk!!!!

Take care!!!

 

[StrawberryQueen]

To me those are the consequences you accept when you decided to have sex. Something could always happen and you must live with that if you decide to go through with the deed. And I think that parents who don't visit their children are wrong. Even if you did not want them my stance is "their already here so make the best of it for them".

I agree. I am of the mindset that if you don't want to have children with someone-then you don't have sex with them. If you don't want children ever, get cut.

I don't have any sympathy-be it a one night stand, drunk, whatever. She didn't rape him and he wanted her just as bad. Ain't no point debating little details like that. These are the pitfalls of having sex with people you don't know well-they often are crazy.

P31Woman gave good advice, take heed.

 

[ultrasuede]

Hi Ashmack!

I just wanted to say that I will be praying for you and your boyfriend and those children and their mother.

My SO has a daughter and her mother is no Claire Huxtable....trust.

I never tell him what to do about the mother, what to say or how to act. He is a man and he handles his affairs. Never have I even uttered a disrespectful word about her to him. However much I don't like her, I respect her as his daughter's mother, because I love my SO and his daughter and I want things to be as peacful between us as possible.

Whenever he wants to talk about the situation, I never make her the villian, (however I won't sugar coat anything) because I never want him, his family, or his daughter to say I had any negative influence on his decisions toward the mother.
And besides, I love his daughter and I went through a situation when I was younger where my father's wife didn't allow him to be as active as he could have been. (this is another reason why I don't like weak minded men who let their wives influence them) I remembered how I felt toward her as I grew up and I would never want his daughter to feel that way toward me.

No matter what her mother does to try and hurt or disrespect my SO, I will never stoop to her level, HOWEVER, I will ALWAYS have my man's back and respectfully, GO TO WAR...

Because she lives up north, when he does get her he has her for long spurts of time. When we are married, it is during those times, and not when she is a little older, that I realize, YES I WILL BE A STEP MOMMY. My SO expects me to be wife and stepparent to his daughter and if I felt any other way about that task, I wouldnt be standing beside him.

I couldn't live with myself if I didn't take that role because I have first hand experience what it is like to have a step parent you don't know and whom you feel doesn't like you for reasons you had nothing to do with.

I aplaud you for loving that man inspite of but I really wish you would rethink your stance on the role you will play in those children's lives.

PM me if you wanna talk!!!!

Take care!!!

This post brings out excellent points.

 

[MissYocairis]

It CAN happen. I have a friend who is married, who personally put the birth control pill in his wife's mouth EVERY day. When she came up pregnant, he demanded to know how it happened. The doctor said she had so much hormone in her body, there was no way she should have been pregnant, but, alas, she was! He loves his daughter, but to this day he doesn't know how she got here. I'm sure it's rare, but as they say, $h!t happens!

WHAT?!?! I don't know if I am more shocked that she got preggo or that he was putting a pill in her mouth every morning!!!!!!!!!

 

[Laginappe]

WHAT?!?! I don't know if I am more shocked that she got preggo or that he was putting a pill in her mouth every morning!!!!!!!!!

Slighly OT but related...

I heard that some of the newer low-dosage BCs are having some level of failure rates because of the various hormone levels in women. Low dosage pill with a high hormone level woman = baby??

 

[JFemme]

WHAT?!?! I don't know if I am more shocked that she got preggo or that he was putting a pill in her mouth every morning!!!!!!!!!

I know... I know....

Just. Wow

 

[gone_fishing]

WHAT?!?! I don't know if I am more shocked that she got preggo or that he was putting a pill in her mouth every morning!!!!!!!!!

Hey CBC

I was on Depo Provera when my hubby and I got pregnant with twins. I've been pregnant 3 times. My son was the middle pregnancy. The first was October 10, 2001 but the one I'm talking about was in April of 04. I was on DepoProvera and we got pregnant with TWO babies. I had been on the shot since my son's birth and had taken it every time I was supposed to without fail.

My hubby was shocked. He had just left to go to Bahrain for his job and I had to tell him over the phone...then I had to tell him we lost them a few weeks later when I miscarried for the second time. Doctor said it was stress and not shot related but I always wondered if that shot did something bad to my babies.

 

[winterinatl]

Hey CBC

I was on Depo Provera when my hubby and I got pregnant with twins. I've been pregnant 3 times. My son was the middle pregnancy. The first was October 10, 2001 but the one I'm talking about was in April of 04. I was on DepoProvera and we got pregnant with TWO babies. I had been on the shot since my son's birth and had taken it every time I was supposed to without fail.

My hubby was shocked. He had just left to go to Bahrain for his job and I had to tell him over the phone...then I had to tell him we lost them a few weeks later when I miscarried for the second time. Doctor said it was stress and not shot related but I always wondered if that shot did something bad to my babies.

That is sad, Adequate. If you don't mind me asking: how far along were you? I wonder if you took the shot not realizing you were already pregnant, that shot is mostly progesterone, I think...

 

[spelmanlocks]

It CAN happen. I have a friend who is married, who personally put the birth control pill in his wife's mouth EVERY day. When she came up pregnant, he demanded to know how it happened. The doctor said she had so much hormone in her body, there was no way she should have been pregnant, but, alas, she was! He loves his daughter, but to this day he doesn't know how she got here. I'm sure it's rare, but as they say, $h!t happens!

Birth Control is not 100% Now if you said he used a condom, some spermicide, and birth control I'd be like dang.

 

[14got]

I wish more women were like you P31
your dh and your dd (step, I'm sure your love isn't step) are blessed to have you

 

[memee1978]

IM A
BABY MAMA SAYING ALWAYS BE CAREFUL.MEN WILL TRY TO HAVE THEIR CAKE AND ICE CREAM TOO

 

[Much2much41]

WHAT?!?! I don't know if I am more shocked that she got preggo or that he was putting a pill in her mouth every morning!!!!!!!!!

He did NOT want any kids, he wanted to be absolutely certain she was on her pills, and he wanted to know for himself she was taking them, so he gave them to her himself. Still didn't work . He loves his daughter like you wouldn't BELIEVE, so it turned out okay

 

[p31woman]

I wish more women were like you P31
your dh and your dd (step, I'm sure your love isn't step) are blessed to have you

Thanks Kei! I appreciate that!

Although...He's not my DH yet.