All This Chatter About Dating White Men, And Frankly...

[ceebee3]

I see what you're saying, but too many women think having a degree entitles them to a husband when a gym membership might yield greater results. These things are not mutually exclusive, but I meet a lot of black women who are really smart . . . and desperately need a makeover and some talk therapy to work through their "strong black woman" issues.

That's true.

 

[AlekHidell]

————

 

[TCatt86]

I see what you're saying, but too many women think having a degree entitles them to a husband when a gym membership might yield greater results. These things are not mutually exclusive, but I meet a lot of black women who are really smart . . . and desperately need a makeover and some talk therapy to work through their "strong black woman" issues.

This!!!!!

 

[Spongie Bloom]

Nope. I was young, with stars in my eyes, and hopeful my prince had arrived. I am allowed mistakes, aren't I? I never denied my part in this.

Hey, you asked to us to tell you if 'that isnt quality' and that was my response, so I dont know why you are telling me about your permit to mistakes. Even I at 23 know to look beyond someone's credentials if I want to be married to him but then again people mature at different rates.

 

[Christelyn]

Yeah!

Uh...no. Wow. You totally missed my point. And before you say that you didn't, I'm telling you, you did.

 

[WAVES4DAYS]

Wow!!!....................

 

[ChristmasCarol]

Sorry, but you're wrong on that one. Successful people want to be with their equals. It's mostly in (sorry) black communities that you see the lopsided unions.

Beg to differ. I live in a upscale neighborhood and MOST of these marriages, including my own, are "lopsided". Most of the men in my neighborhood are the main breadwinners. I only hear broke men talking about "she gotta have her own". Successful men don't care if you are a waitress or a clerical worker. They do not NEED or want any of your money. When's the last time you heard a rich man worrying about if his wife gets out and works? Forcing your wife to work is decidedly "low class". BTW, I'm not talking about a woman who "chooses" to work.

 

[milaydy31]

Oh contrair: He graduated from Howard University, never went to jail, never had kids, was a prominent, high-ranking church participant and loved his momma. Plus, he was FIINNNNNE. You tell me that isn't quality??? Like I said, he played a good game. And btw, 12 years later, he still isn't married, but plays the same game 'cause black women she his pedigree and think, OMG!! But he runs that same game again and again.

So this isn't a man of good quality. to go to University, stay out of jail, no kids... that's just a cover and you may never judge a book by its cover. Do you mean that a man that never graduated from any university is not good quality?
I think that good quality is something "deeper", that's why we should wait in order to take decisions like to have a child.
I think that a guy will never give you more than what he knows you can endure. When a black man is wrong with a woman it's because he knows that this woman will probably accept his bad behaviours.

But I think I understand what you mean, you may just formulated it in a wrong way. You should have said that you took the decision to be open to any men, not only black ones. So if the next guy was black and of good quality it would have been ok.

Do I have to consider that the message of this tread is "don't limite yourself to black men"?

PS: excuse me for my conjugation erplexed

 

[pookaloo83]

Uh...no. Wow. You totally missed my point. And before you say that you didn't, I'm telling you, you did.

I'm still gonna say 'I didn't'. I think alot of people are missing your point at this point. What post should I refer to to get it, because the OP is not clear to me. *shrug*

 

[Spongie Bloom]

I'm still gonna say 'I didn't'. I think alot of people are missing your point at this point. What post should I refer to to get it, because the OP is not clear to me. *shrug*

Oh we all got OP's point, its just the back pedalling that we dont get go hard or go home.

 

[RedVelvet310]

And what makes me laugh hardest at this is thinking about a close white guy friend of mine.... he's a (moderately) attractive white male... very intelligent and very charming. Black women SWOON over him I never fell into the white man hype so it was a real treat to watch how he acts with his black girlfriends... it's so funny how he cheated... lied... manipulated (JUST LIKE/BETTER THAN a black man) in his relationships and it was an even bigger shock to see these same black females not only TAKE IT but STAY in the relationship with him/ continue to swoon over him after the relationship was over! Had he been a black man and done the same things I'm sure he would've had a 10page dissertation written about him on the problems of the black community/black men.

I've grown up with more non-black males than I have black males... MEN ARE MEN sorry to break it to you... it's not the car that counts but the driver, and women are the ones steering. A car doesn't drive into a brick wall or off a cliff........ the driver does.... just throwing it out there.

 

[Christelyn]

Re: dating white men

Thanks for saying this b/c the way I read this post seemed like OP was insinuating it was the black man's fault she ended up in that situation...

Christelyn, I realize what you think you are trying to say but it really did come off as the white dude is savior, after some bad experiences. I think you just got lucky and found a good man, regardless of color.

Do you see how many responses it got? That was the point--to promote a vigorous discussion. I've seen posts that were...uh...milder, and didn't get nearly as much contributors as this one. It's a case of "made you look," and I hope it sparks people to think.

 

[mychai]

This thread is interesting. Bashing black men is a no-no, but bashing black women is a-ok.

If you want to know the answer to the question of why black women are willing to accept "so little" from black men, perhaps it makes sense to start there.

 

[Christelyn]

Oh we all got OP's point, its just the back pedalling that we dont get go hard or go home.

Never back peddled. Ugh. Fogettit. I give up. Certain people in here want to bastardize my position, so be it. Those who get it, get it. The proof is in the pm's.

 

[secretdiamond]

erplexed erplexed Black unions (when both spouses are black) usually are the couples who are equal to one another in success... it's usually cultures that are most Eastern/Traditional that have a richer husband and a "trophy wife" ... are you kidding me erplexed ????

I really resent black people who are always over critical of the black community and proudly believe that they are the "exception" ... puh leez

Oooohh I really can't stand that ****. Really burns my soul! Posted about the very bolded elsewhere too.

 

[Charz]

She is instigating. Open your eyes.

 

[Spongie Bloom]

Never back peddled. Ugh. Fogettit. I give up. Certain people in here want to bastardize my position, so be it. Those who get it, get it. The proof is in the pm's.

Nothing new under the LHCF sun. This topic has been played out a lot before you...in the very same way OP comes in and posts about the wonder of white men and how black men are a dissapointment and when she realises not everyone thinks WM are a deity starts saying I used the wording to create discussion , a particular poster who was famous for this comes to mind actually there is nothing to 'get' this is hardly a profound discussion

 

[winterinatl]

Re: dating white men

Do you see how many responses it got? That was the point--to promote a vigorous discussion. I've seen posts that were...uh...milder, and didn't get nearly as much contributors as this one. It's a case of "made you look," and I hope it sparks people to think.

Oh, okay.

But you should know we have been told to think about this pretty often on the board...

 

[likewtr4chklit]

Dang, I wonder what all my white girlfriend's who have dated nothing but white men (and gotten dogged out the same way many of us have) would think about the miracle of finding a white man. I'm just sayin...

I say judge each man based on his individual merit and leave it at that.

I just want us to be happy, really that's it. I just don't want happy to mean holding on to negative sterotypes. Especially since no matter who a black person marries their children will be at least half black.

 

[mychai]

Also, I don't think it's fair to pretend that all a black woman (or any woman) has to do in a relationship is demand respect and then respect will be forthcoming. Unless you married the first man you dated, you must know that is not the case.

Another point I think we're ignoring is that, while we don't want to admit it, many black men are very comfortable admitting that on the whole black american men are less marriage-minded than black men from other countries and american men of other races, and that this issue spans across socio-economic lines. I'm not sure why people here are sticking their heads in the sand about this.

BTW, saying someone is less marriage-minded is not necessarily a perjorative. I know a lot of great people who just don't like the idea of marriage.

 

[Christelyn]

Can you explain your generic cereal reference? I don't quite understand it.

Thanks

It was a metaphor. It means I learned to look beyond the "package". Perhaps if more people had gotten the metaphor, they wouldn't have gotten so salty. *Kanye shrug*

 

[winterinatl]

Nothing new under the LHCF sun. This topic has been played out a lot before you...in the very same way OP comes in and posts about the wonder of white men and how black men are a disappointment and when she realizes not everyone thinks WM are a deity starts saying I used the wording to create discussion , a particular poster who was famous for this comes to mind actually there is nothing to 'get' this is hardly a profound discussion

Right!..............

 

[Christelyn]

Nothing new under the LHCF sun. This topic has been played out a lot before you...in the very same way OP comes in and posts about the wonder of white men and how black men are a dissapointment and when she realises not everyone thinks WM are a deity starts saying I used the wording to create discussion , a particular poster who was famous for this comes to mind actually there is nothing to 'get' this is hardly a profound discussion

Umm...check out my profile stats....I'm pretty well-known for this. I'm not backing down. You don't know me.

 

[jamaraa]

Christelyn's right about the "lopsided" thing in the BC tho. Given what we KNOW about women- men in college attendance/graduation rates, employment stats, and countless Tyler Perry movies it's NOT illogical to conclude that Blacks are more likely to have "income/employment" gaps between the genders when compared to other demos...favoring women.

This changes when you start talking about either the underclass or the super monied classes (athletes/celebs)...women here are usually much poorer than their mates, but on average Black monoracial unions are more likely to be "lopsided" favoring women. That doesn't mean it's true for every couple either...gotta say that around here!

 

[AlekHidell]

It was a metaphor. It means I learned to look beyond the "package". Perhaps if more people had gotten the metaphor, they wouldn't have gotten so salty. *Kanye shrug*

I don't think poster reactions were about questionably-executed cereal metaphors . . .

Not trying to pick on you, but you wanted vigorous discussion, but you're upset because some of us didn't take what you wanted us to take from it? I'm trying to understand.

 

[TCatt86]

Oh contrair: He graduated from Howard University, never went to jail, never had kids, was a prominent, high-ranking church participant and loved his momma. Plus, he was FIINNNNNE. You tell me that isn't quality??? Like I said, he played a good game. And btw, 12 years later, he still isn't married, but plays the same game 'cause black women she his pedigree and think, OMG!! But he runs that same game again and again.

And this is why many black women have problems with becoming baby mamas instead of wives. We get caught up on the credentials, we often give the man a pass because he's good on paper. I can recognize game a mile a way, that's something women are taught as young girls, but if we choose to still deal with a guy because he is good on paper despite his flaws, well then we wind up being a baby mama.

 

[Spongie Bloom]

Umm...check out my profile stats....I'm pretty well-known for this. I'm not backing down. You don't know me.

Say that again cause your sentence is a bit of a contradiction, what exactly should I be checking for in your profile stats?

Reread my post cause I dont think you understood what i meant, I'll retype for clarity. I said MANY posters before you have posted threads on this very topic... in the same style that you did so it is nothing new. I did not mean you were a reincarnated spirit of another LHCF member

 

[Christelyn]

I don't think poster reactions were about questionably-executed cereal metaphors . . .

Not trying to pick on you, but you wanted vigorous discussion, but you're upset because some of us didn't take what you wanted us to take from it? I'm trying to understand.

I'm a big girl. I want it all--good, bad and ugly. I'm sitting here reading it all. I think I was pretty clear. The pick-aparts I believe, have more to do with folks being offended.

 

[Ashleescheveux]

Precisely.

Hmm...don't let some Black men fill your head with stuff. Black women are more educated, more successful, less likely to have a prison record, etc. than Black men in this country. From the stats perspective, there are more marriageable us than marriageable them.

Anyways, I see OP's point that we should be open to other races. Yes, her delivery of said point was a little incendiary. However, we Black women are always defending the Black man, but I doubt he does so as rabidly when we're vilified so I'll save the "But any man can be a bad man" or "He wasn't the right one" spiel...So keep doing you, OP. LOL.

 

[TeeWhyAre]

She is instigating. Open your eyes.

she's a writer, yo. admitted she gets some of her material from the boards. some folks fell into the trap.

Christelyn, where in the IE you live, girl?