lust for life
namaste.
I don’t have a problem with keeping your options open. In fact, my current SO is white. However, belittling black men because you made poor choices is stupid. White men aren’t the Holy Grail. They are just regular men.
All This Chatter About Dating White Men, And Frankly...
- Thread starter Christelyn
- Start date
FlowerHair
Reclaiming my time
Have you thought that maybe it was you who changed...and thus opened your eyes for another type of man (not talking about skin color here, just personality)?
Nice & Wavy
Well-Known Member
Yeah, I'm being silly....sawry, it was lunch today
Amber_moon
Well-Known Member
walks in....
.....reads.....
Im out yall....
.....reads.....
Im out yall....
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tarheelgurl
Well-Known Member
1QTPie
Elder Sim
Dang, I wonder what all my white girlfriend's who have dated nothing but white men (and gotten dogged out the same way many of us have) would think about the miracle of finding a white man. I'm just sayin...
I say judge each man based on his individual merit and leave it at that.
I say judge each man based on his individual merit and leave it at that.
Christelyn
New Member
This right here was the problem, not his skin color.
Believe me--marriage was discussed by said man. He dangled it like a carrot. He used it a leverage to get me to "act like we were already married", kinda like a dress rehersal. I get it you guys--little did I know how much power I had over my own life....I realize I gave away something precious to someone who was ungrateful to receive it. But, I'm not in the minority. Something like 75 percent of black children are born out of wedlock. A lot of us are giving something away and getting little in return, and millions of children are suffering for it. Our children deserve to be born to intact families. We should not be teaching (either by omission or blatant approval) that having kids OOW is okay, because it is our struggle. Not acceptable. I take full responsibility for my foolishness. But then once I knew better, I did better.
I know these two young white girls working here would love to find a white man willing to marry them.I disagree, it is not black women who are "getting it." It is white men who are finally "getting it."
White men have always been attracted to black women and so there has always been unions between them. The only difference is, some of them are now willing to put a ring on it. Hence the reason I sometimes find it perplexing that some women seem so happy and grateful to be desired by a white man. No biggie, some of them have always desired us- hence the reason we are so many shades.
I am truly happy that you have found a good man, truly I am, whatever the colour (Sorry, I don't mean to sound like Kanye). However, I have never had a problem with finding a black man to the point of thinking that I need to go with white men. If I was to date a white man I would hope that it would be because I really liked him and not because I thought black men were good for nothings.
I respect what you have to say though, it is your reality, but it is not mine.
White men have always been attracted to black women and so there has always been unions between them. The only difference is, some of them are now willing to put a ring on it. Hence the reason I sometimes find it perplexing that some women seem so happy and grateful to be desired by a white man. No biggie, some of them have always desired us- hence the reason we are so many shades.
I am truly happy that you have found a good man, truly I am, whatever the colour (Sorry, I don't mean to sound like Kanye). However, I have never had a problem with finding a black man to the point of thinking that I need to go with white men. If I was to date a white man I would hope that it would be because I really liked him and not because I thought black men were good for nothings.
I respect what you have to say though, it is your reality, but it is not mine.
Nice & Wavy
Well-Known Member
On my way home...maybe, this thread will still be open when I get home.
tarheelgurl
Well-Known Member
I think good men come in all colors. I guess because I'm black I tend to date more black me thus running across more seemingly "no good" black men. But when I think about it, I'm sure if I dated more hispanic men, it would increase my chances of running into more "no good" hispanc men. Same for white men, African men....whatever kind of men. I will keep my options open and date whatever man I think is datable at the moment.
TCatt86
Well-Known Member
Right!! Whenever I hear a friend saying she is going to start dating a white man because the black men have dogged her out I just
because my friends have been put through the fire the same as me.
tocktick
Well-Known Member
One will always run into problems when they pick a partner whose outlook on life and values do not match up with their own. I'd think that was the most important lesson you could have taken from your experience from the father of your child.
Not particularly directed at you OP but I do not think it's particularly wise for anyone to expand their options purely because they've had negative experiences with men of their own race/ethnicity/culture. If that's an almost regular thing it may be worthwhile conducting some self-analysis.
Not particularly directed at you OP but I do not think it's particularly wise for anyone to expand their options purely because they've had negative experiences with men of their own race/ethnicity/culture. If that's an almost regular thing it may be worthwhile conducting some self-analysis.
Christelyn
New Member
Christelyn, you love to get these threads popppin!
I just like to inspire honest discussions. Of course I know white men aren't the Holy Grail. My point, like someone else extrapolated, was that I began to get an open mind once I stopped letting my own preconceived notions overrun my life. The next guy after Baby Daddy could have been purple with blue spots, in which case I would have titled my blog, "Why I Married a Purple Guy with Blue Spots."
Christelyn
New Member
True, but if you have limited your options because of blind loyalty to your race, then you are self-defeating. I didn't say I swore off black men, but the next guy I dated happened to be a quality white man. He could have been Mexican, Cambodian, Simoan, Chinese, Japanese or Indian Chief, but he just happened to be white. Get it?
^^^ true at what point as a woman do we say you know what--i keep dating or choosing these lame azzz men...maybe if i made better choices in men..things would turn out differently..
u cant just be like *** these mofos..its them and their whole race...
sandra bullock got cheated on--halle berry got cheated on...race does not have anything to do with lame dudes they come in all colors...
when ppl r like blk men treated me badly woe is me-im like ya lame for dealin with lame dudes--u cant blame the race--come on now...lol
u cant just be like *** these mofos..its them and their whole race...
sandra bullock got cheated on--halle berry got cheated on...race does not have anything to do with lame dudes they come in all colors...
when ppl r like blk men treated me badly woe is me-im like ya lame for dealin with lame dudes--u cant blame the race--come on now...lol
Playin devil's advocate..This right here was the problem, not his skin color.
The numbers of eligible black men do tend to shrink significantly once you factor in marriageability. That's the reason why this topic keeps coming up in the first place. So while a man's skin color is not a problem in itself, race makes a difference from a macro/numbers standpoint.
I understood what you meant, but you come across like white is right.
The reason you found the man you were looking for is because you changed your mind and your outlook. That brought you to him. It had nothing to do with color.
The reason you found the man you were looking for is because you changed your mind and your outlook. That brought you to him. It had nothing to do with color.
ChristmasCarol
Well-Known Member
They sure do, which is why it makes sense to GET MARRIED BEFORE HAVING KIDS or at least know that the man WANTS to marry you and is of good moral character before you sleep with him.
What has that to do with color?
Christelyn
New Member
But can't you see that indeed, that is IS about color? Before I had the experience, I (usually never) seriously dated outside my race. I felt it was a betrayal. So see? I was reverse discriminating and hurting my chances for happiness. White ain't always right. Black ain't either. Find what's right for you, and that'll be all right. Right?
ChristmasCarol
Well-Known Member
The numbers of marriageable Black women is also very low, depending upon one's view of "marriageable".
prettybyrd
Well-Known Member
My former supervisor's husband cheated on her with, and later married her best friend; left her with two small boys and never paid her a dime of child support - even after she developled breast cancer and still had to work to take care of her children and herself while sick. Oh, and he is white.
PLEASE don't believe that because they are a different race they are not capable of the same nonsense any other man might engage in. Insenstive, ignorant, stupid and cruel men come in all races, shapes, sizes, and cultures.
PLEASE don't believe that because they are a different race they are not capable of the same nonsense any other man might engage in. Insenstive, ignorant, stupid and cruel men come in all races, shapes, sizes, and cultures.
Christelyn
New Member
The point is that MOST BLACK WOMEN (myself included) are not doing that, thus the disgraceful statistics siting 3/4 of black children being born out of wedlock. You can't ignore those numbers. This is real. Black men as a whole, aren't marrying, or staying married to us. Hard to hear, but it's true. An intact black family is a minority. Hate to be the bringer of bad news. Wish it wasn't true.
And, for me, I was not about to wait for my ovaries to dry up and shrivel away before I found a decent black man, once I'd gotten my priorities in order. If I'm wrong for that, so be it.
Almaz
New Member
Okay this is ABSOLUTE BS. My father married Black NONE of my relatives are Baby DADDYs OR MAMA's or what have you. (Well you not supposed to be opening your legs to random dudes anyway and this man was surely random) And guess what that is what he thought of your also. It is what it is.
THIS dude sounds like a looser Black or white and just because you are with a white man that does not make it a prize just be thankful that you found yourself a good man period. YOU laid down and had a child with a Trashy man. You did not see that now did you. I would have run like the wind from Jump if man came from that situation and had those ideals about marriage and family. He was probably letting you know loud and clear before you got pregnant but you did not listen. So that was on you. people will tell you who they are if people just listen.
No matter what colour he was. Just because you had a bad experience with this one man please don't go around bashing black men. People do that enough anyway. I would feel the same kind of way is some black man stated what you did and said
SEE this is why I married a WHITE/ASIAN/LATINO/NAVI or whatever.
Just be happy you have someone that is good and kind to you PERIOD and stop the Black man bashing cause all the black men I know are about something. NOT in the streets not having 50-11 kids but 60-12 women are in school or married with families of their own. Not all Black men are like that.
Just be happy you have a good man period without all the bashing.
THIS dude sounds like a looser Black or white and just because you are with a white man that does not make it a prize just be thankful that you found yourself a good man period. YOU laid down and had a child with a Trashy man. You did not see that now did you. I would have run like the wind from Jump if man came from that situation and had those ideals about marriage and family. He was probably letting you know loud and clear before you got pregnant but you did not listen. So that was on you. people will tell you who they are if people just listen.
No matter what colour he was. Just because you had a bad experience with this one man please don't go around bashing black men. People do that enough anyway. I would feel the same kind of way is some black man stated what you did and said
SEE this is why I married a WHITE/ASIAN/LATINO/NAVI or whatever.
Just be happy you have someone that is good and kind to you PERIOD and stop the Black man bashing cause all the black men I know are about something. NOT in the streets not having 50-11 kids but 60-12 women are in school or married with families of their own. Not all Black men are like that.
Just be happy you have a good man period without all the bashing.
FlowerHair
Reclaiming my time
This is perhaps the core of the poodle.
Until you are marriageable yourself, how can you find a marriageable man? I mean, how do you even know what to look for?
You have to figure that out first, and then you can find a good relationship.
Why have babies with anyone that you wouldn't want as your own father? Why give your children less than you would want for yourself?
It really isn't about color at all.
Thank you and sipp100. Someone finally said it.
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