All This Chatter About Dating White Men, And Frankly...

[DayStar]

I understand and point taken.

 

[RedVelvet310]

What a coincidence... I was just reading some quotes from our very own Tiara about 5min before I stumbled upon this....... thread that sum up my thoughts EXACTLY:

"The relationship u have with urself will dictate the type of relationship u have with others"

"if u can't handle the truth about urself and dont accept urself u will "choose" people who reflect that back to u..they wont accept u/love u"

"u r either attracting or repelling certain types of people based on the energy u give off, u wont attract a loving person if u are not one"

I'm tired of hearing this bull from black women (or anyone for that matter)... you TEACH people how to treat you! And you attract what you PUT OUT in this world. Ugh.

ETA: And since when were white men the end all be all of men? They don't cheat? Is that the belief thats being passed around..... SMH

 

[pookaloo83]

Lawd Lawd Lawd!

*exoticmommie was here*

You stupid!

 

[milaydy31]

OMG no. In fact, we've already discussed it. Color was DELIBERATELY LEFT OUT of the conversation. I focused on qualities: intellect, strong family values, believes in supporting family and household and not putting his wife to work and then expecting her to take the second shift and do domestic duties, loving, etc. Whatever color that guy comes in, that's who I want for my son-in-law. Period.

So, sorry but I don't understand the point of this thread.
You said it all. You just have to stay focused on quality. It's a good thing that you found a good husband and the only problem is that with the first one you were not focused on quality.Period

 

[ChristmasCarol]

Are you married?

Yes, I am.

 

[Christelyn]

You ended with this^^^ and it doesn't sound right. I'm laughing because you say it's not about race but it really seems like it. It's not like you said, 'I decided to date outside my race.' You said the above statement, which makes it seem odd....

I never said it wasn't about race. In fact, it is. It was about my feelings of loyalty to my own race, at the exclusion of everyone else.

 

[UmSumayyah]

I disagree, it is not black women who are "getting it." It is white men who are finally "getting it."

White men have always been attracted to black women and so there has always been unions between them. The only difference is, some of them are now willing to put a ring on it. Hence the reason I sometimes find it perplexing that some women seem so happy and grateful to be desired by a white man. No biggie, some of them have always desired us- hence the reason we are so many shades.

I am truly happy that you have found a good man, truly I am, whatever the colour (Sorry, I don't mean to sound like Kanye). However, I have never had a problem with finding a black man to the point of thinking that I need to go with white men. If I was to date a white man I would hope that it would be because I really liked him and not because I thought black men were good for nothings.

I respect what you have to say though, it is your reality, but it is not mine.

http://www.blackfemaleinterracialma...g-newfrom-jet-magazine-some-bw-prefer-wm.html

White men married black women before it was legal in all 50 states. Loving v. Virginia, anyone?

In one of the history books I bought on black Americans there is mention of a white man married to a freed slave, IIRC some people gave him hizzell and he literally had to fight to protect her.

 

[jamaraa]

So let me pose a question do you think that all the single black women in the country should just give up on Black men and marry others Do you think that would solve the plight. Lets just kick brothers to the curb and leave them alone and go marry Whites/Hispanic/Asians what have you.

Would that solve the problem of Black singledom with women.

Just a question

Nope, that's not "the solution" because much of the issue is w/ women themselves. For starters, it's men who usually approach women, so the women aren't kickin' da brothas to the curb OR choosing the non BM. It's the other way 'round.

On an individual level, that specific woman will have a man, but there's no guarantee that she got the proverbial "good man". At the end of the day, she's gotta live w/ herself and if she's in the head, that's what she's gonna attract.

Many women refuse to take responsibility for their emotions and thought processes. That's not so much a racial thing (tho when applied to BC culture, one wonders :scratchch but a woman as permanent child thing that too many cultures seem to encourage. If you refuse to grow up and be an adult, how can you "choose" a good mate, how will you know how to?

IOW, "expanding your options" is good on paper, but much of that depends on the men that step to ya and your ability to discern whether or not you'd be a good match.

 

[ChristmasCarol]

Hmm...don't let some Black men fill your head with stuff. Black women are more educated, more successful, less likely to have a prison record, etc. than Black men in this country. From the stats perspective, there are more marriageable us than marriageable them.

Anyways, I see OP's point that we should be open to other races. Yes, her delivery of said point was a little incendiary. However, we Black women are always defending the Black man, but I doubt he does so as rabidly when we're vilified so I'll save the "But any man can be a bad man" or "He wasn't the right one" spiel...So keep doing you, OP. LOL.

This is the thinking that leaves so many "strong, independent" Black women without a husband. Education and success is NOT what attracts most successful men...sorry.

 

[NeeSee]

I have not read nor do I care to read most of the other post because I can just imagine......and I am not in the mood today but I think if more of our women open themselves up to interracial dating then more of our women would get married or at least find themselves in loving relationships but it's just my opinion.

 

[Christelyn]

So, sorry but I don't understand the point of this thread.
You said it all. You just have to stay focused on quality. It's a good thing that you found a good husband and the only problem is that with the first one you were not focused on quality.Period

Oh contrair: He graduated from Howard University, never went to jail, never had kids, was a prominent, high-ranking church participant and loved his momma. Plus, he was FIINNNNNE. You tell me that isn't quality??? Like I said, he played a good game. And btw, 12 years later, he still isn't married, but plays the same game 'cause black women she his pedigree and think, OMG!! But he runs that same game again and again.

 

[dlewis]

My husbands grandmothers parent were married. She was black and he was white. They had 18 kids. At first I thought maybe they weren't married but we found the census from when my husbands grandmother was 2 and yes they were married and he was white and she was negro. My husbands grandmother is 82 years old and was one of the younger kids. I'll have to find that information again. They had been married 20 years when she was born.

ETA: @ UmSumayyah comment. not just randomly throwing it out there.

 

[Radianthealth]

Can you explain your generic cereal reference? I don't quite understand it.

Thanks

 

[Christelyn]

This is the thinking that leaves so many "strong, independent" Black women without a husband. Education and success is NOT what attracts most successful men...sorry.

Sorry, but you're wrong on that one. Successful people want to be with their equals. It's mostly in (sorry) black communities that you see the lopsided unions.

 

[AlekHidell]

This is the thinking that leaves so many "strong, independent" Black women without a husband. Education and success is NOT what attracts most successful men...sorry.

And if it does, it's more like icing on the cake.

 

[pookaloo83]

Can you explain your generic cereal reference? I don't quite understand it.

Thanks

I almost choked.

 

[Spongie Bloom]

Oh contrair: He graduated from Howard University, never went to jail, never had kids, was a prominent, high-ranking church participant and loved his momma. Plus, he was FIINNNNNE. You tell me that isn't quality??? Like I said, he played a good game. And btw, 12 years later, he still isn't married, but plays the same game 'cause black women she his pedigree and think, OMG!! But he runs that same game again and again.

he sure sounds good on paper but just cause he sounds good on paper does not mean it translates in real life, surely you recognised this way before he was dangling marriage like a carrot on a stick?

 

[UmSumayyah]

I think we have to clarify what we mean by "successful men" and what they would want re: "education".

I don't know that successful men necessarily are attracted to a high school dropout or graduate. Some level post-high school education is certainly expected.

 

[Christelyn]

And if it does, it's more like icing on the cake.

Oh reaaaallly? Do you think Barack Obama would have married a sweet, gorgeous Chicago hoodrat, but he just met Michelle instead and her going to Harvard was just icing? SMH

 

[jamaraa]

Sorry, but you're wrong on that one. Successful people want to be with their equals. It's mostly in (sorry) black communities that you see the lopsided unions.

This is sady true, but that's a "cultural training" issue. The more I read topics like this, the more I'm convinced that it must take tons of work to throw off such mindsets. The rare person will overcome this entrenchment.

 

[RedVelvet310]

Sorry, but you're wrong on that one. Successful people want to be with their equals. It's mostly in (sorry) black communities that you see the lopsided unions.

erplexed erplexed Black unions (when both spouses are black) usually are the couples who are equal to one another in success... it's usually cultures that are most Eastern/Traditional that have a richer husband and a "trophy wife" ... are you kidding me erplexed ????

I really resent black people who are always over critical of the black community and proudly believe that they are the "exception" ... puh leez

 

[likewtr4chklit]

I'm mad you put "no cheating" in the first line so that no one could just mouse over the title and get a hint (I'm good for that).....LOL

Going back to read now.

 

[AlekHidell]

———-

 

[pookaloo83]

erplexed erplexed Black unions (when both spouses are black) usually are the couples who are equal to one another in success... it's usually cultures that are most Eastern/Traditional that have a richer husband and a "trophy wife" ...

 

[Christelyn]

he sure sounds good on paper but just cause he sounds good on paper does not mean it translates in real life, surely you recognised this way before he was dangling marriage like a carrot on a stick?

Nope. I was young, with stars in my eyes, and hopeful my prince had arrived. I am allowed mistakes, aren't I? I never denied my part in this.

 

[pookaloo83]

Nope. I was young, with stars in my eyes, and hopeful my prince had arrived. I am allowed mistakes, aren't I? I never denied my part in this.

Did you at least try and date another black man after the baby before you went 'white'?

 

[Bint Yusef]

I see what you're saying, but too many women think having a degree entitles them to a husband when a gym membership might yield greater results. These things are not mutually exclusive, but I meet a lot of black women who are really smart . . . and desperately need a makeover and some talk therapy to work through their "strong black woman" issues.

ITA.....

 

[Christelyn]

Did you at least try and date another black man after the baby before you went 'white'?

What for? Just to make sure?

 

[pookaloo83]

What for? Just to make sure?

Yeah!

 

[winterinatl]

dating white men

They sure do, which is why it makes sense to GET MARRIED BEFORE HAVING KIDS or at least know that the man WANTS to marry you and is of good moral character before you sleep with him.

What has that to do with color?

Thanks for saying this b/c the way I read this post seemed like OP was insinuating it was the black man's fault she ended up in that situation...

Christelyn, I realize what you think you are trying to say but it really did come off as the white dude is savior, after some bad experiences. I think you just got lucky and found a good man, regardless of color.