All This Chatter About Dating White Men, And Frankly...

[Menina Preta]

The numbers of marriageable Black women is also very low, depending upon one's view of "marriageable".

Hmm...don't let some Black men fill your head with stuff. Black women are more educated, more successful, less likely to have a prison record, etc. than Black men in this country. From the stats perspective, there are more marriageable us than marriageable them.

Anyways, I see OP's point that we should be open to other races. Yes, her delivery of said point was a little incendiary. However, we Black women are always defending the Black man, but I doubt he does so as rabidly when we're vilified so I'll save the "But any man can be a bad man" or "He wasn't the right one" spiel...So keep doing you, OP. LOL.

 

[nysister]

^^^ You took the words out of my head. lol

 

[Christelyn]

Okay this is ABSOLUTE BS. My father married Black NONE of my relatives are Baby DADDYs OR MAMA's or what have you. (Well you not supposed to be opening your legs to random dudes anyway and this man was surely random) And guess what that is what he thought of your also. It is what it is.


THIS dude sounds like a looser Black or white and just because you are with a white man that does not make it a prize just be thankful that you found yourself a good man period. YOU laid down and had a child with a Trashy man. You did not see that now did you. I would have run like the wind from Jump if man came from that situation and had those ideals about marriage and family. He was probably letting you know loud and clear before you got pregnant but you did not listen. So that was on you. people will tell you who they are if people just listen.

No matter what colour he was. Just because you had a bad experience with this one man please don't go around bashing black men. People do that enough anyway. I would feel the same kind of way is some black man stated what you did and said

SEE this is why I married a WHITE/ASIAN/LATINO/NAVI or whatever.

Just be happy you have someone that is good and kind to you PERIOD and stop the Black man bashing cause all the black men I know are about something. NOT in the streets not having 50-11 kids but 60-12 women are in school or married with families of their own. Not all Black men are like that.

Just be happy you have a good man period without all the bashing.

No offense, but perhaps you should have read my subsequent posts. The post was light-hearted, meant to inspire discussion about the change in opinions of interracial dating. I played the role as provoker. A little self disclosure: In my line of work, I'm paid NOT to stereotype, and look at things logically and analytically. In other words, I did this deliberately. Yes, I know it's troll-ish, but it gets people thinking and talking honestly, and I love that. Sorry if it ruffles feathers.

 

[Almaz]

There are a lot of white girls I know that have been dogged out by their white men and are looking for husbands also.

It is not the colour it is the person cause I have seen some slhhtty white men in my life and how they do their familes.

 

[TCatt86]

The point is that MOST BLACK WOMEN (myself included) are not doing that, thus the disgraceful statistics siting 3/4 of black children being born out of wedlock. You can't ignore those numbers. This is real. Black men as a whole, aren't marrying, or staying married to us. Hard to hear, but it's true. An intact black family is a minority. Hate to be the bringer of bad news. Wish it wasn't true.

And, for me, I was not about to wait for my ovaries to dry up and shrivel away before I found a decent black man, once I'd gotten my priorities in order. If I'm wrong for that, so be it.

I feel like the numbers are like that because black women accept so little from black men. Many are content with being the baby mama or living with their man for years without marriage, if we held black men to some standards they would have no choice but to step up.

I do think women need to be open to dating others not because black men are bad but because it increases our chances of getting married.

 

[Almaz]

I did read the posts. Just all the bashing and all. thats all

No offense, but perhaps you should have read my subsequent posts. The post was light-hearted, meant to inspire discussion about the change in opinions of interracial dating. I played the role as provoker. A little self disclosure: In my line of work, I'm paid NOT to stereotype, and look at things logically and analytically. In other words, I did this deliberately. Yes, I know it's troll-ish, but it gets people thinking and talking honestly, and I love that. Sorry if it ruffles feathers.

 

[MD_Lady]

Sweet Goodnuss, FIRE IN THE HOLE!




Gone talk yo &*#% Christelyn...I love a hawt topic before the weekend.

walks in....

.....reads.....

Im out yall....

Both.of.these had me

 

[Christelyn]

There are a lot of white girls I know that have been dogged out by their white men and are looking for husbands also.

It is not the colour it is the person cause I have seen some slhhtty white men in my life and how they do their familes.

Again, the point was not just about black/white, but exploring other possibilities. As I mentioned in an earlier post, if the man I'd met and married after LOSER had been purple with blue spots, I would have titled my blog, "Why I Married a Purple Guy with Blue Spots."

 

[lux10023]

^^^ true its about making better choices in your life.....when it comes to the man in your life...

you cant lay down with dude who has not put a ring on it once you've expressed to him thats what u want---and become surprised after the baby is born and there is still no ring---?

eta--to say its cool to have discussions as such--no prob with that---discourse whether all agree or not is good--open forum for communication is what makeslhcf what it is..so we good ;o)

 

[Almaz]

So let me pose a question do you think that all the single black women in the country should just give up on Black men and marry others Do you think that would solve the plight. Lets just kick brothers to the curb and leave them alone and go marry Whites/Hispanic/Asians what have you.

Would that solve the problem of Black singledom with women.

Just a question

 

[MD_Lady]

I posted this thread with tongue loosely planted in cheek. I knew it would raise some eyebrows. But that was the point! I'm just glad the discussion is going. I'm glad that so many women are at least exploring the possibility of something new (pun intended). Twenty years ago, I never saw it. Now I see it a lot.

And for the women who have met, married and made a family with wonderful BLACK men: I love it. It gives me hope. I LOVE to see beautiful black families doing well. Frankly, it was my wish for myself. It didn't work out that way for me, but...it worked out. You know? Tis all. Smooches. I love ya'll.

Thank you for clarifying your intentions.

 

[milaydy31]

If your daughter come home with a black man, what would you do? Would you tell her that she is wrong and a white man is better?

 

[Almaz]

I am not saying black or white either I understand where you are coming from. Thank you so much for clarifiing.

Again, the point was not just about black/white, but exploring other possibilities. As I mentioned in an earlier post, if the man I'd met and married after LOSER had been purple with blue spots, I would have titled my blog, "Why I Married a Purple Guy with Blue Spots."

 

[Christelyn]

I feel like the numbers are like that because black women accept so little from black men. Many are content with being the baby mama or living with their man for years without marriage, if we held black men to some standards they would have no choice but to step up.

I do think women need to be open to dating others not because black men are bad but because it increases our chances of getting married.

YES TO THE BOLDED!! Now the question is, why is that????

 

[ChristmasCarol]

The point is that MOST BLACK WOMEN (myself included) are not doing that, thus the disgraceful statistics siting 3/4 of black children being born out of wedlock. You can't ignore those numbers. This is real. Black men as a whole, aren't marrying, or staying married to us. Hard to hear, but it's true. An intact black family is a minority. Hate to be the bringer of bad news. Wish it wasn't true.

And, for me, I was not about to wait for my ovaries to dry up and shrivel away before I found a decent black man, once I'd gotten my priorities in order. If I'm wrong for that, so be it.

If you (and most Black women) choose to have sex and then bear children with deadbeat men, there isn't much anyone else can do about it. It is possible to KEEP YOUR LEGS CLOSED and not become a statistic. I know, I know, not pc.

Wow, why did you think it would take you that long to find a husband?

 

[Christelyn]

If your daughter come home with a black man, what would you do? Would you tell her that she is wrong and a white man is better?

OMG no. In fact, we've already discussed it. Color was DELIBERATELY LEFT OUT of the conversation. I focused on qualities: intellect, strong family values, believes in supporting family and household and not putting his wife to work and then expecting her to take the second shift and do domestic duties, loving, etc. Whatever color that guy comes in, that's who I want for my son-in-law. Period.

 

[Almaz]

Yes I have seen this and it bugs me to no end. Why is that? Why do SOME people do this? I don't want to sit here and blame women but do you think men will only go as far as you let them. Is it self-esteem issues is it having half a man is better than no man at all. Cause I get really tired at the women's center with men that these women call my HUZZBAND or my Fiance and they have been together 10 years 5 children and still no marriage certificate. Or is it just plain laziness

I feel like the numbers are like that because black women accept so little from black men. Many are content with being the baby mama or living with their man for years without marriage, if we held black men to some standards they would have no choice but to step up.

I do think women need to be open to dating others not because black men are bad but because it increases our chances of getting married.

 

[Christelyn]

If you (and most Black women) choose to have sex and then bear children with deadbeat men, there isn't much anyone else can do about it. It is possible to KEEP YOUR LEGS CLOSED and not become a statistic. I know, I know, not pc.

Wow, why did you think it would take you that long to find a husband?

Are you married?

 

[TCatt86]

YES TO THE BOLDED!! Now the question is, why is that????

I often wonder why myself. It's agreed by both men and women that women set the tone for their relationships with men. So why are black women so willing to take scraps from men? I don't know, but I think that's a good question to debate.

 

[WAVES4DAYS]

On my way home...maybe, this thread will still be open when I get home.

You better hurry!

 

[MD_Lady]

Dang, I wonder what all my white girlfriend's who have dated nothing but white men (and gotten dogged out the same way many of us have) would think about the miracle of finding a white man. I'm just sayin...

I say judge each man based on his individual merit and leave it at that.

I know the OP has explained her intentions, but I still have to give you another because the way the blog ended didn't sit right with me. OP aside, the writter of the blog seems to have missed to boat BIG TIME. Her relationship with the white man worked out because she was at a different point in her life and was demanding more of herself and others. If she held onto the same mindset she had when dealing with her black BF, should would have had NO problem finding a white man who was perfectly content to make babies with her and string her along.

 

[Christelyn]

So let me pose a question do you think that all the single black women in the country should just give up on Black men and marry others Do you think that would solve the plight. Lets just kick brothers to the curb and leave them alone and go marry Whites/Hispanic/Asians what have you.

Would that solve the problem of Black singledom with women.

Just a question

I don't know what the solution is on a global level. But on a personal one, I would recommend black women explore ALL their options, black, white, blue, orange or brown. If your dream is to be married with a family, don't let constraints like race stop you. I think if we approached it from that angle, the problem would eventually solve itself.

 

[ceebee3]

I know the OP has explained her intentions, but I still have to give you another because the way the blog ended didn't sit right with me. OP aside, the writter of the blog seems to have missed to boat BIG TIME. Her relationship with the white man worked out because she was at a different point in her life and was demanding more of herself and others. If she held onto the same mindset she had when dealing with her black BF, should would have had NO problem finding a white man who was perfectly content to make babies with her and string her along.

She is the writer of the blog.

 

[Menina Preta]

So let me pose a question do you think that all the single black women in the country should just give up on Black men and marry others Do you think that would solve the plight. Lets just kick brothers to the curb and leave them alone and go marry Whites/Hispanic/Asians what have you.

Would that solve the problem of Black singledom with women.

Just a question

I don't think anyone should "give up" but I also don't think a Black woman should kid herself that some magical, princely Black man is waiting there for her somewhere over the rainbow. The language "give up" implies to me that we have some stake vested in the Black men...when clearly this thought process isn't shared by them, IMO. Therefore instead of kidding ourselves, we need to be more open to dating inter-racially...It's assumed that Black women only date Black men. We need to change that assumption...

 

[jamaraa]

walks in....

.....reads.....

Im out yall....

Is that Henry Rollins in your gif?

 

[tocktick]

True, but if you have limited your options because of blind loyalty to your race, then you are self-defeating. I didn't say I swore off black men, but the next guy I dated happened to be a quality white man. He could have been Mexican, Cambodian, Simoan, Chinese, Japanese or Indian Chief, but he just happened to be white. Get it?

Nope, not really.

Imo, you can have a blind loyalty to men of your race to the result of ignoring attraction to other men. I liken that to a woman into alpha male types, she hasn't necessarily had bad experiences but she ignores the shyer guys because she's so focused on the alphas. However, she isn't getting many dates. Maybe a shy guy approaches her and she decides to give him a shot or she becomes more exposed to those kinds of people and decides they're just as good as the alpha males. This is how is happens for many, including non-black folks.

That's quite different from becoming disillusioned in men of the same race because of bad experiences and only then deciding to give other men a shot erplexed. The motives for opening up one's self to other men is not the same at all. I think it ignores the fact that if one has a pattern for being with incompatible men then that's something that needs self-analysis to figure out why. Imo, if you pick certain low quality men continually or have 1-2 very bad experiences because you ignored something important then picking white, Indian, Arab etc is not always the solution.

@ bold: That may have been the case but that's not the impression you gave in your piece, imo. As I said though, I wasn't even particularly directing that last paragraph at you. I don't know your situation beyond the surface level piece you've written.

 

[exoticmommie]

Lawd Lawd Lawd!

*exoticmommie was here*

 

[MD_Lady]

She is the writer of the blog.

Whoops. Even though I read it several times, since her subsequent posts went into more detail and were so different in tone, I thought she said she'd posted from a blog belonging to a person with a similar experience. My apologies.

ETA: I'm glad the OP is clarifying so we can see that she hasn't "missed the boat".

 

[jamaraa]

All cats are grey in the dark, right? Why all this drama over something perfectly natural...ie getting mated up?

Men are men y'all.

 

[pookaloo83]

That’s when I decide to date someone white.

-

You ended with this^^^ and it doesn't sound right. I'm laughing because you say it's not about race but it really seems like it. It's not like you said, 'I decided to date outside my race.' You said the above statement, which makes it seem odd....