All This Chatter About Dating White Men, And Frankly...

[Christelyn]

Say that again cause your sentence is a bit of a contradiction, what exactly should I be checking for in your profile stats?

Reread my post cause I dont think you understood what i meant, I'll retype for clarity. I said MANY posters before you have posted threads on this very topic... in the same style that you did so it is nothing new. I did not mean you were a reincarnated spirit of another LHCF member

Point taken. I was under the impression that you meant that because I was getting heat I was backpeddaling, which wasn't the case.

 

[mychai]

I see what you're saying, but too many women think having a degree entitles them to a husband when a gym membership might yield greater results. These things are not mutually exclusive, but I meet a lot of black women who are really smart . . . and desperately need a makeover and some talk therapy to work through their "strong black woman" issues.

I agree with this point, but I don't think being emotionally well-adjusted and in good shape means that you will find a quality black man, though I think it helps.

 

[Bachelorette]

why is this thread so huge?

Is something new and profound hidden somewhere?

Im confuzzled?

 

[Christelyn]

she's a writer, yo. admitted she gets some of her material from the boards. some folks fell into the trap.

Christelyn, where in the IE you live, girl?

Not a trap, exactly; but a way to get opinions from all sides. I've never hidden the fact that I'm a writer, and I get some material here--which I value very much. These discussions kind of remind me of my college days when the whole class would have a debate. And you know what? We ALL learned something.

 

[lux10023]

exactly ppl got the point---

she explained in detail

her baby daddy situation

and she explained the reason why she is now with a clr man...

ladies on lhcf r pretty smart---most---we get it--expand ya dating options--kewl got it for the zillionth time

the details that were pesented in the orignal posting is what many r referencing...

I'm still gonna say 'I didn't'. I think alot of people are missing your point at this point. What post should I refer to to get it, because the OP is not clear to me. *shrug*

 

[BlkOnyx488]

Re: dating white men

You can create a post that inspires a vigorous disscussion without trying to start a forest fire. However, I love the ladies of LHCF I think we handle ourselves well in this post. I just don't understand why people think it's fun to try to create unnecessary drama here. If it ain't broke don't break it

I want to respond to what you actually wrote, in serious way but it seems you were just bored and wanted to see how many hits you could get before the post gets LOCKED

But I am going to respond as if you wanted a serious discussion.
I believe my husband was made for me, and I was created just for him.
At first people scratch there heads wondering how the two of us got together. then when they see us together it does not take long for them to figure out, oh ok these two were meant to be.

If you are dating anyone because of color, what they may have in the bank, based on their degrees on the wall and so on, you are going to come up short everytime.

But if you find someone that treats his mama right, treats you with respect, is honest, caring, you can tell him anything, be complerely honest, be able to show that person who you really are, and see that person for who he really is, and you love each other.
Color doesn't matter, pedigree doesn't matter, and this post doesn't matter

and that's why I am married. but trust me his shade is irrelevant! He is just the man for me

Do you see how many responses it got? That was the point--to promote a vigorous discussion. I've seen posts that were...uh...milder, and didn't get nearly as much contributors as this one. It's a case of "made you look," and I hope it sparks people to think.

 

[jamaraa]

I'll say this, the Obamas are atypical of almost any couple of any race, IMHO. Clearly he had political ambitions very early in his life and his choice of wife had to be apart of that...after all, we Americans are so focused on the "wife, kids, dog" trinity in politicians' lives (as if they means they're honest?! ). He is clearly no fool and has good instincts, both political and personal.

Given that these folks are BOTH Harvard educated lawyers and power players on an epic level, the only folks I can think of similar to them are the Clintons.

IOW, da Prez and Mrs. O ain't your average bears!

 

[Christelyn]

I'll say this, the Obamas are atypical of almost any couple of any race, IMHO. Clearly he had political ambitions very early in his life and his choice of wife had to be apart of that...after all, we Americans are so focused on the "wife, kids, dog" trinity in politicians' lives (as if they means they're honest?! ). He is clearly no fool and has good instincts, both political and personal.

Given that these folks are BOTH Harvard educated lawyers and power players on an epic level, the only folks I can think of similar to them are the Clintons.

IOW, da Prez and Mrs. O ain't your average bears!

True; but have you ever heard the term, "water seeks it's own level?"

 

[ChristmasCarol]

I'll say this, the Obamas are atypical of almost any couple of any race, IMHO. Clearly he had political ambitions very early in his life and his choice of wife had to be apart of that...after all, we Americans are so focused on the "wife, kids, dog" trinity in politicians' lives (as if they means they're honest?! ). He is clearly no fool and has good instincts, both political and personal.

Given that these folks are BOTH Harvard educated lawyers and power players on an epic level, the only folks I can think of similar to them are the Clintons.

IOW, da Prez and Mrs. O ain't your average bears!

Exactly, they are a "power couple". And when the "power" goes away, sometimes the "couple" part goes away, too. Ask Hillary and Bill.

 

[jamaraa]

Also, I don't think it's fair to pretend that all a black woman (or any woman) has to do in a relationship is demand respect and then respect will be forthcoming. Unless you married the first man you dated, you must know that is not the case.

Another point I think we're ignoring is that, while we don't want to admit it, many black men are very comfortable admitting that on the whole black american men are less marriage-minded than black men from other countries and american men of other races, and that this issue spans across socio-economic lines. I'm not sure why people here are sticking their heads in the sand about this.

BTW, saying someone is less marriage-minded is not necessarily a perjorative. I know a lot of great people who just don't like the idea of marriage.

:waytogo:

Women are NOT responsible for the behaviors of grown men. When will we finally learn this? If a man doesn't respect you, that's on him...but your reactions are on you.

Marriage is trending downwards anyway, in all racial groups and SES. Black men (in this case, but usually BP in general) are the "trendsetters" in the ol' sociology sense, as always. Truthfully, the pool of men of all races willing to legally marry is shrinking.

They're sticking their heads in the sand (tho I'd suggest elsewhere ) because they are in DE NILE Many women are still expecting what their mothers and grandmothers reasonably did, but not reckoning w/ the changing WORLD. They need to check the marriage/divorce/cohabiting stats from most of the Western world to see the big pic. If anything, America..w/ it's religiosity and "family values", is still the country were Western folks marry most (adjusted to per capita) and are most likely to.

 

[Christelyn]

And this is why many black women have problems with becoming baby mamas instead of wives. We get caught up on the credentials, we often give the man a pass because he's good on paper. I can recognize game a mile a way, that's something women are taught as young girls, but if we choose to still deal with a guy because he is good on paper despite his flaws, well then we wind up being a baby mama.

Sorry, I must have missed that lesson! Some of us were not raised and lectured to by savvy mothers. And when you learn from peers, it's the blind leading the blind. Can I put out a theory? Is this a case of blame the victim, so that you can completely set aside what might be learned by my experience?

*pinky tip to corner of the mouth*

 

[PerplexingComplex]

I feel like the numbers are like that because black women accept so little from black men. Many are content with being the baby mama or living with their man for years without marriage, if we held black men to some standards they would have no choice but to step up.

I do think women need to be open to dating others not because black men are bad but because it increases our chances of getting married.

YES TO THE BOLDED!! Now the question is, why is that????

Why did you?

 

[Charz]

she's a writer, yo. admitted she gets some of her material from the boards. some folks fell into the trap.

Christelyn, where in the IE you live, girl?

And this is sad.

 

[Christelyn]

Why did you?

Good question. One that I don't truthfully have the answer for. But if I had to guess, I think it was because I was hoping things would be different. After dating Baby Daddy for two years prior to me becoming pregnant, after all the "talk" about marriage, that he would have followed through. But in retrospect, I'm so glad he didn't. It would not have been a happy union.

But my situation is not unique. I think a lot of women soldier on to their doom in hopes that things will be different, and that they're the "special ones."

 

[jamaraa]

[/B]

True; but have you ever heard the term, "water seeks it's own level?"

Certainly I've heard the phrase and THAT was just my point. Most people ARE NOT exceptional in the way the Obamas are. They are brilliant people by almost all measures. When you start talking about average people, well.....

Many people 'give themselves credit for more than they got' (to paraphrase Tennessee Williams). They think they're better looking, smarter, wealthier, etc...than they really are. IOW many people assume they should have the "pick of the litter" WAY above their pay grade.

Water certainly seeks its own level, but that doesn't mean people are realistic about THEIR level!

 

[Christelyn]

And this is sad.

Why? Most writers/reporters get germs of ideas from blogs and message boards. In fact, it is prized and encouraged by editors, executive producers, etc. How many times have you watched the news and some viral video is being highlighted on News At Eleven?

 

[Christelyn]

Certainly I've heard the phrase and THAT was just my point. Most people ARE NOT exceptional in the way the Obamas are. They are brilliant people by almost all measures. When you start talking about average people, well.....

Many people 'give themselves credit for more than they got' (to paraphrase Tennessee Williams). They think they're better looking, smarter, wealthier, etc...than they really are. IOW many people assume they should have the "pick of the litter" WAY above their pay grade.

Water certainly seeks its own level, but that doesn't mean people are realistic about THEIR level!

Yes, but okay. I'll give you an example. I asked my husband if he would have married me if I hadn't been to college. He said probably not. Why? I asked. "Because I don't think we'd have a lot in common. I think that going to college and finishing says something about a person." My BIL is a doctor; his wife went to Harvard Law School and is now a stay-at-home mom. My my FIL is a judge. He married a college-educated woman whose father was a millionaire German immigrant to made machine parts for planes in WWII.

My dad had an eighth grade education. My mother has a master's degree. I can only speak for my own situation, but...

 

[KweenBeeDiva]

She is instigating. Open your eyes.

THANK YOU! This is instigating in the name of 'having a discussion.' She even said her thread was 'troll-ish.'

I don't have a problem with the topic, which should be discussed, but D@mnit, don't sit here and tell me this is meant to be a case to just state how you feel, write the mess in a way that is insulting and PURPOSEFULLY insights anger, them come back ten post down and say, I meant this post to xyz/ this is what I really meant, I instigated this ish on purpose, no harm done, haha, ignore my immature way of starting a post; now discuss. WTF?

But hey, you paid your $6.50.

 

[Ganjababy]

There are always exceptions to the rule and I am aware of the Lovings, I watched the movie. However, generally, white men did not marry black women back in the day. They did not mind having sexual intercourse though.


Just because few chose to go against the general consensus does not change the fact.

http://www.blackfemaleinterracialma...g-newfrom-jet-magazine-some-bw-prefer-wm.html

White men married black women before it was legal in all 50 states. Loving v. Virginia, anyone?

In one of the history books I bought on black Americans there is mention of a white man married to a freed slave, IIRC some people gave him hizzell and he literally had to fight to protect her.

 

[Christelyn]

THANK YOU! This is instigating in the name of 'having a discussion.' She even said her thread was 'troll-ish.'

I don't have a problem with the topic, which should be discussed, but D@mnit, don't sit here and tell me this is meant to be a case to just state how you feel, write the mess in a way that is insulting and PURPOSEFULLY insights anger, them come back ten post down and say, I meant this post to xyz/ this is what I really meant, I instigated this ish on purpose, no harm done, haha, ignore my immature way of starting a post; now discuss. WTF?

But hey, you paid your $6.50.

Who's angry?

 

[KweenBeeDiva]

Umm...check out my profile stats....I'm pretty well-known for this. I'm not backing down. You don't know me.

^^^^ This right here is not needed. So you are well known for starting IR threads or for instigating -ish?

Again it's not your topic of IR/ID, it's the delivery. It seems yuo are well aware of how the delivery of the OP irked some people. By the last statement, (^^^) it appears that you do this on the regular, so why be pizzed when someone calls out the BS that is probably the underlying reason why this thread was started?

 

[anon123]

OP, are you a fiction novelist or journalist or some other kind of writer?

 

[PeaceFlow]

 

[milaydy31]

I can only speak for my own situation, but...

THE END...

 

[pookaloo83]

 

[Christelyn]

OP, are you a fiction novelist or journalist or some other kind of writer?

I write mostly health stuff, but I also write on lifestyle, education, business. Strictly non-fiction. I'm on my way to a conference in NYC where a lot of editors/publishers and book agents will be looking for new ideas and projects, so I'm looking to expand, maybe write some books. here I am: chriskarazin.com

 

[YankeeCandle]

I'll say this, the Obamas are atypical of almost any couple of any race, IMHO. Clearly he had political ambitions very early in his life and his choice of wife had to be apart of that...after all, we Americans are so focused on the "wife, kids, dog" trinity in politicians' lives (as if they means they're honest?! ). He is clearly no fool and has good instincts, both political and personal.

Given that these folks are BOTH Harvard educated lawyers and power players on an epic level, the only folks I can think of similar to them are the Clintons.

IOW, da Prez and Mrs. O ain't your average bears!

I am so happy I found someone who believes as I have been maintaining for years now (to the sucked in breaths and clutched pearls of many ).

 

[Brownie]

Deleted. No need to reply.

 

[TeeWhyAre]

And this is sad.

idk... i'd use y'all to benefit my career too if i could find a way. i'm not a writer though, sadly.

 

[Christelyn]

I TOTALLY RESENT THAT!! My husband has DIRTY BLOND HAIR and wouldn't be caught dead with a tat!