Advice for relationship newbies

[Glib Gurl]

Ladies, what advice do you have for those of us who are new to the world of relationships? It can be about anything - proper dating etiquette, fun date ideas, how to handle touchy subjects, how to determine if you've met "the One," etc.

All comments welcome!

(Mods, could we make this a sticky?)

 

[Nameless]

1. Don't let a man pressure you into doing ANYTHING you don't want to do.
If he's pressuring you with that ish "baby, if you love me you'd do this for me." That's not true because if he loved you, he'd never make you do something you're not happy doing.

2. Learn to love and respect yourself and your man would do the same to you. Ladies who constantly degrade themselves or those who don't love themselves always end up picking up the dead beats who abuse them mentally, physically and/or emotionally. And the women stay because they feel so low about themselves and believe that that waste in their life is the best they can get.

3. Don't make a man a priority in your life when you're only an option in theirs.

 

[phynestone]

To quote TheLaurynDoll:

men use on women's self-esteem in order to get them to do "what they want" them to do... to prove their value.

That's why it's important to know who you are, what you want and what you deserve as a woman before you start dating.

I think women as a whole wouldn't end in less-than-favorable relationships/situations if they heeded the advice above.

My advice:

You deserve to be treated like a queen and nothing less.
Don't compromise your beliefs and value system for a man, especially the important ones to you.
Have your own money and assets.
Don't stop having a life of your own. Go out with your friends, keep your hobbies, watch your tv shows and have fun w/o him!
Love and respect yourself and make sure he knows via your actions.
Make sure you set good and high expectations at the beginning and MAINTAIN THEM. Don't ever make him feel like you can't function w/o him.
How you respond to misbehavior/inappropriate actions when they occur, especially at the beginning sets an important precedent as to how you will be treated.

 

[Triniwegian]

Don't look for a man to complete you or be the reason for your happiness, you will only set yourself up for failure.
Make sure that you are happy and content with YOURSELF by YOURSELF first. When you are happy it automatically makes you more attractive.

 

[Nameless]

Don't fall into the trap of loving each other instead of being in love. What I mean is that in the beginning, you're all lovey dovey and constantly dating. Then when you both get too comfortable the dates stop, the romantic texts stop and you guys start to become friends rather than lovers. You end up loving each other (like best friends) instead of being in love (like a couple).

My tip is to keep the flame alive. Try and go on dates at least once a month (even if you've been together for years). Try and surprise one another every once in a while and make the relationship exciting.

Just because you're with your other half, it doesn't mean you have to get complacent and let the relationship get boring. This applies to both women and the men and not just one gender!

 

[DaPPeR]

Bumping.............

 

[sidney]

1. Don't spend all of your time together, other relationships are just as important
2. Don't try to change the person, accept them as they are or don't date them.
3. Do not nag a man if you want your relationship to continue

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Keep both eyes and ears open... to see if his words match his behavior. He may SAY he values certain things, but then his actions don't line up with it.... you need to know that what he DOES is 1,000x more important than what he says.

Don't commit to a man too early in the relationship. Let him feel he is competing with other quality men for your affections.

If you have sex with him, do it on YOUR terms. Any pressure on his part is a big fat FAIL.

Never let him know all of your business. Mystery keeps things alive.

For the love of all things holy, do not discuss bodily functions in front of a man, much less expose him to the goings on of your digestive system. That kills the sexy.

 

[Nameless]

If this is a a long term relationship and you've been together for aaaaages and you still haven't met his family and/or friends or they haven't even heard of you then something is up erplexed

 

[DaPPeR]

^^Absolutely..I was in a L.D. for 3 years and only met his sister...wool was over my eyes...HEAVY

 

[Natasha009]

Two people don't HAVE to be together, they CHOOSE to be together. That goes both ways - don't treat someone badly b/c they can leave, and don't accept bad behavior, b/c you can leave as well.

Also I don't know if this is advice for people who are in a new relationship, but in regards to cheating on someone - Never leave the one you love for the one you like, b/c the one you like will eventually leave you for the one they love.

 

[darlingdiva]

STANDARDS, STANDARDS, STANDARDS--set them and stick to them!

Don't ignore the warning signals. Don't ignore that nagging feeling in your gut that's telling you something is wrong. If something seems off, it usually is.

Exercise selective disclosure. Your SO doesn't have to know EVERYTHING.

Have your own life outside of your romantic relationships. Remember, your SO enhances--not completes--you.

 

[MD_Lady]

See what he shows you, not what you want to see. Being realistic is much more important being optimistic, IMO.

Don't be afraid to leave a person or situation that isn't giving you (or going to give you) what you want and need.

Everyone adjusts themselves to accommodate their relationship, but at some point, we are who we are. If an SO is not giving you something you need or is doing something that bothers you, you have to honestly determine whether you can live with it. If you can't, don't waste time, energy, and emotions on people and situations that aren't going to change.

You have to value your time and emotions if you expect your SO to.

You owe it to yourself (and your SO) to be honest. You should always be tactful, respectful, and fair but withholding your true feelings out of concern for how he will receive them won’t be good for either of you in the long (and maybe even short) run.

People should treat their SO and they’d have him/her treat them. Double standards build resentment, IME.

Nurturing your relationship is great, but both of you should have interests and friendships outside of one another.

Your relationship is between the two of you, keep it that way. There's nothing wrong with asking advice or venting, but you can't forget that different people like, love, dislike, and tolerate different things. There are also some issues which are best discussed and resolved between the two of you. If something is working for you (as long as we're not talking about something abusive or harmful), don't preoccupy yourself with whether other people think it's right, normal, etc. Do what works for the two of you and make yourselves and each other happy.

 

[Nameless]

Be cautious when listening to relationship advice from your girlfriends. Especially if it's from the one friend who has been from one bad relationship to the other and can never hold onto a man.
Remember, it's advice, not a law and you don't neccessarily have to agree with them if you're not comfortable doing so.

 

[Mai Tai]

This goes for both people...

Keep your relationship PRIVATE- Don't go giving your girls/co-workers all the details of your relationship. Your sex life needs to stay between the two of you ONLY.

Keep your family out of the relationship- Don't run to your family everytime you all have an argument. You will create discontent between your family and your SO. Only include them on arguments/incidences that could potentially unhealthy emotionally, sexually, or physically.

Be yourself- Grow with your SO, but don't compromise your values for him.

Don't expect him to be your everything- He's human too.

Let him have a life outside of you- It is ok for him to hang with friends. He will love you for that freedom.

Don't snoop through e-mails, text messages etc. just out of curiosity- You dig in the ground long enough you will find dirt.

Keep your past in the past- Unless it will affect his health or reputation.

Keep up your appearance- I cannot stress this enough. Don't get comfortable just because you have been dating for a while. Men love women who take pride in how they look. Shallow but true. A woman that says "So what if my clothes are raggedy, and drawls have holes in them, and I don't shave my legs, and never fix my hair. He has to accept me for who I am!" No he does not! He is choosing to be with you, not obligated to be with you.

Make love a emotion, action, and choice- that you nurture, develop, and dedicate yourself to DAILY...

 

[Nameless]

Don't snoop through e-mails, text messages etc. just out of curiosity- You dig in the ground long enough you will find dirt.

I totally agree with this one. If your man was up to something, it's unlikely that he'll leave the evidence on the phone for you to see unless he's being careless.
What is likely to happen is that you'll read a text and get the wrong idea (e.g. a joke may be seen as something else) and the arguments may push your SO away.