WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?

[Ambrosia]

3 years. We broke up last month .

 

[vestaluv1]

Since I was 18, so over 7 years now.

 

[tallygirl]

8 years and still going strong...

 

[MzOptimistic]

Hi ladies,

I am 32 years old and I've noticed that in the last two years every 'relationship' I have had only lasts about 4 months. After that things start to change and I start to see the real person come out. The pretence is over they cannot hide who they really are anymore. In fact I usually spot signs from the very begining (there are some guys I didn't not even make it to the first date with cos they were just that useless!) others I just spot the signs but put them to the back of my mind and hope the problems will go away or that I am wrong about them.

I do also realise that I may be part of the problem but I genuinely am very self aware and I read a lot of self-help books and am always looking at myself and thinking about how I can become a better person / learn from my mistakes etc. I genuinely think I am 20% of the problem and they are about 80%!

For those of you that always seem to have these long relationships what is the secret ingredient? Why do some people always seem to be in long relationships and not others?

When I have talked to people who I have thought were in 'perfect' relationships for 2 years, 5 years etc, they tell me it isn't as rosy as it seems. Do a lot of people turn a blind eye to things because they don't want to be single? I don't know but sometimes that is the impression I get very often, yet when I am dating and I tell them about my problems everybody gives me advice "dump him" and "you can find someone better" yet they are sticking with their man no matter what!

Sorry I am not meaning for this to be a negative thread I would just like to know the secrets to a long lasting relationship - of course I appreciate that every situation and person are different but I am just talking generally.


Thanks

I have been in my relationship for 7 years and believe me this is the worst relationship I have ever been in. The only reason why I hung around this long is because of our 4 1/2 year old daughter but I can't keep living like this so I'm making an exit soon!

 

[sereia]

I have been in my relationship for 7 years and believe me this is the worst relationship I have ever been in. The only reason why I hung around this long is because of our 4 1/2 year old daughter but I can't keep living like this so I'm making an exit soon!

Just chiming in to give you this:
Please choose what makes you AND her happy!

 

[Blessed_Angel]

I've been with dh for 7 years; married for 3.

 

[Ms Red]

5 years and no longer with that person.

 

[d-rock]

My relationships have a shelf life of about 2 years. I find myself getting bored around the first anniversary and moving on around the second. And I'm a commitment phobe, for some reason I just can't stand the idea of being married. Makes me feel like I'm trapped.

 

[DaPPeR]

ABOUT 6 MONTHS...SAD I KNOW

 

[Candy_C]

5 years!

from 14-19!

and i've been with my new man for 7 months

 

[Candy_C]

Hi ladies,

I am 32 years old and I've noticed that in the last two years every 'relationship' I have had only lasts about 4 months. After that things start to change and I start to see the real person come out. The pretence is over they cannot hide who they really are anymore. In fact I usually spot signs from the very begining (there are some guys I didn't not even make it to the first date with cos they were just that useless!) others I just spot the signs but put them to the back of my mind and hope the problems will go away or that I am wrong about them.

I do also realise that I may be part of the problem but I genuinely am very self aware and I read a lot of self-help books and am always looking at myself and thinking about how I can become a better person / learn from my mistakes etc. I genuinely think I am 20% of the problem and they are about 80%!

For those of you that always seem to have these long relationships what is the secret ingredient? Why do some people always seem to be in long relationships and not others?

When I have talked to people who I have thought were in 'perfect' relationships for 2 years, 5 years etc, they tell me it isn't as rosy as it seems. Do a lot of people turn a blind eye to things because they don't want to be single? I don't know but sometimes that is the impression I get very often, yet when I am dating and I tell them about my problems everybody gives me advice "dump him" and "you can find someone better" yet they are sticking with their man no matter what!

Sorry I am not meaning for this to be a negative thread I would just like to know the secrets to a long lasting relationship - of course I appreciate that every situation and person are different but I am just talking generally.


Thanks

careful with those books

i have a truckload

as soon as i stopped reading them

i found a nice man and have been settled for months

rather than 3monthly disasterous relationships i had whilst reading em!

sometimes they dictate...and you know the author is a human so they dont even follow what they write...

and well its best to take advice from people in a relationship, but if they cant pratise what they preach - ask the inner you...the inner you knows the answer to everything!

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

Before my current relationship, 3 months. My SO and I will turn 2 in February :-D

 

[JFemme]

40+ w/ me, myself and I...

 

[Bene]

11 years, 8 months, still counting

 

[ScorpionQueen]

8 years and some change

 

[Afrolinda]

I have long relationships. I think the main example of why this is for me is that I am VERY selective. I don't want a relationship with just anybody. There have to be butterflies and I need to be thoroughly impressed with a man to even consider seeing him longterm. I don't like wasting time on men "just to see". If I'm unsure that I could really care for you, I'm not wasting any time on you. My filters are up early on and it's hard to get past them.

So, when I get into a relationship, it tends to be long but the breaks in between of me being single are also long because I'm not afraid to be by myself and I embrace that time if I find myself single. Lots of prospects do not get very far with me because by knowing myself well (having embraced my time alone), I know very early what I like and don't like and so I tend not to be confused about who I'd like to invest time in longterm...meaning, I don't kiss too many frogs...my relationships have been wonderful learning experiences and I don't consider any of them a waste of time. BUT...if I seriously dated every man who wanted to....I would feel that I have wasted a lot of time. Do you feel me? Some women take new men into their lives too quickly and readily thinking "let's give him a try!" I'd rather be alone than be conducting constant auditions for the role of "my man!"

Also, because I value friendship and really feel it's paramount to a successful relationship, I spend time cultivating that first before I decide whether this man is good enough for me to consider dating exclusively. What that translates into, is a relationship that weather's bumps and bruises a bit better. We aren't going to break up over things that people who aren't necessarily true friends would break up over.

Lastly, I try not to be a slave to my own expectations....I really try hard to give love without expectation because when we allow our expectations to guide our actions in a love relationship, we place an impossible burden on our partner and we are only in it to see what we can get out of it...not only that...but we wouldn't accept any of that from our man, yet we do it to him. So, I try not to be all, "tit-for-tat" and "keeping score". My longest relationship was my marriage...because we were married but mainly also because we had children. 8 years. Other than that, my relationships are always 3 years at the very least.

I totally agree with you.My first, last and longest relationship was 5 years. That was 4 years ago and I've been single ever since. I like to just be with myself, when the right one will come along I WIIL KNOW.

 

[Priss Pot]

The one I'm in now, 5.5 years.

 

[Vinyl]

---------------

 

[skegeesmb]

My current relationship. We've been together almost 9 years, married almost 7.

The relationship before that was 3 years on and off. That relationship was a lot of heartache for me.

 

[Chrissy811]

My marriage 8 years

 

[RockCreak]

well 7 yrs in my previous and over 5 years with DH....

 

[snillohsss]

My current.... Together for 19yrs, married for 12.5 of those years.

 

[PaleoChick]

5 too long darn years. Next...

 

[softblackcotton]

I don't think talking on the phone almost everyday for over 6 months and going out once per month counts as a relationship really. Especially if you still feel like you are talking to a stranger after all that time, but it's the closest thing I've had to consistently talking/going out with a one guy over a such a long period of time and I'm almost 25. I've been out on a couple of dates but the guys never stay around long enough to give any chance for a relationship to bloom plus I'm so so busy with school, work,career, and volunteering. I really think it's because I'm a virgin and chaste of all sexual activity save very seldom closed mouth kissing. Being that way makes it harder to build a relationship with a man who is not really meant to be my husband.So in actually I've never had boyfriend. Blessing in disguise I say.

 

[**SaSSy**]

I was with a guy for almost 4 years, and if you are in a relationship that long without being their FW or DW then when it's over it's very emotionally draining because you feel as if you wasted your time on someone you will not have a future with. The only positive IMO is the life experiences you gain from it to take to the next relationship.

 

[dplyrooted]

Before my husband the longest relationship that I had was 4 months

 

[JustKiya]

The longest relationship I had prior to my marriage was 9 months. Right about that time, stuff would start to either fizzle out, or get more serious than I was trying to be.
DH and I have been together for 9 years, now.

 

[Eritreladiee]

Longest relationship was 3 years. Ended cuz we wanted different things- he was a few years older, wanted to cohabitate, get married, have kids. I wanted to go to university and get myself together. It caused alot of animosity- accusations of selfishness went back and forth. We were at different stages in life and it proved to be irreconcilable, because we eventually broke up a couple weeks before uni started.

We were good friends for 4 years prior to the start of our relationship. We genuinely enjoyed hanging out with each other, so I believe that's what kept us together for the years that we were.