A Man Asks You To Clean His Place

Miss_C

Miss_C

Well-Known Member
Do you do it?

Here are the facts:
-You’ve been dating for 6 months
-According to him they are in an exclusive relationship (she is noncommittal)
- He is gainfully employed in a white collar profession
- You have discussed marriage
- He is over 300 pounds
- He has been in your life (not dating) for over 10 years
-You’re early-mid thirties and everyone you know is having a baby and getting married
-The place reminds you of hoarders (mostly trash, not clothes) and would take a minimum of one entire week to clean
- He balks at hiring a maid, he just says he’ll maintain it once you clean it

Currently three (!) older married women are advising her that this is fixable and that she should do it, citing that they can hire a housekeeper later.

What say you, LHCF? Do you do as he asks? If not, why? I’m asking for a friend ( I swear, this isn’t me. I’m a single as a dollar bill.)

UPDATE: looks like she’s not going to do it. She just doesn’t want to and since he hasn’t proposed or anything she thinks there’s no benefit to her.
 
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He needs to go on and pay somebody to clean it and prepare to KEEP paying someone to clean it.

Honestly, I would tell my own daughter to weed out obese hoarders from her dating pool. It just sounds like a lot of work and worry. Both conditions together *might* stem from underlying *issues* that would require more than a one-time cleaning.

However, that’s not what you asked, so...

If the lady in the OP insists on this guy, she should set the pattern now by ridding this man of the expectation that she will de-hoard him til death do they part.

(I also feel like if she agrees and cleans it, he’ll bring in some new girl who hasn’t seen him at his worst. But I’m cynical when people ask too much and he did.)
 
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She doesn’t want to do it- she says she prefers guys who are more self sufficicient but she’s gotten some feedback from older married women who say this is fixable and she should give him a chance. She doesn’t want to be single but she still isn’t all the way sold on this guy, as it could definitely be a lifetime of more than she bargained for.

Mid 30s are a beast, man.
 
Miss_C said:
She doesn’t want to do it- she says she prefers guys who are more self sufficicient but she’s gotten some feedback from older married women who say this is fixable and she should give him a chance. She doesn’t want to be single but she still isn’t all the way sold on this guy, as it could definitely be a lifetime of more than she bargained for.

Mid 30s are a beast, man.
Click to expand...

No one should enter a situation where you are someone's maid, out of desperation. I honestly would be offended if someone invited me to their home and it was filthy...then when I mention it, they ask ME to clean it? Where is his dignity?

They don't sound like they're on the same page. I'm in my 30's, as well, and I would never put myself into a situation where I'm teaching a man how to treat me, by cleaning up a mess that he created. That will set the standard for their entire relationship. He's not going to maintain ish, because he doesn't see it as a problem, she does. She needs to follow her intuition and move on with her life.
 
Miss_C said:
Do you do it?

Here are the facts:
-You’ve been dating for 6 months
-According to him you’re in an exclusive relationship (you don’t know about all that , but you let him rock)
- He is gainfully employed in a white collar profession
- You have discussed marriage :look:
- He is over 300 pounds
- He has been in your life (not dating) for over 10 years
-You’re early-mid thirties and everyone you know is having a baby and getting married
-The place reminds you of hoarders (mostly trash, not clothes) and would take a minimum of one entire week to clean o_O ( see first bolded sentence)
- He balks at hiring a maid, he just says he’ll maintain it once you clean it

What say you, LHCF? Donyou do as he asks? I’m asking for a friend ( I swear, this isn’t me. I’m a single as a dollar bill.)
Click to expand...

:charge::charge:
 
Miss_C said:
She doesn’t want to do it- she says she prefers guys who are more self sufficicient but she’s gotten some feedback from older married women who say this is fixable and she should give him a chance. She doesn’t want to be single but she still isn’t all the way sold on this guy, as it could definitely be a lifetime of more than she bargained for.

Mid 30s are a beast, man.
Click to expand...


Sounds like my "girlfriend" who told me, I'm too educated and don't give black men a chance, even if they have been in jail. She tried to hook me with a guy that was on parole . He had been a college friend of hers that was selling drugs big time. @Miss_C
 
Please tell her you know an older married lady who says “Ruuuuuuun!”
Miss_C said:
She doesn’t want to do it- she says she prefers guys who are more self sufficicient but she’s gotten some feedback from older married women who say this is fixable and she should give him a chance. She doesn’t want to be single but she still isn’t all the way sold on this guy, as it could definitely be a lifetime of more than she bargained for.

Mid 30s are a beast, man.
Click to expand...
 
Men know who to try. No man has ever asked me to clean their home, but a man has sent people over to help me- lawn, fix the roof, finish the basement.

A man who cares has a housekeeper come help so that his place can be acceptable to his girlfriend -he does not ask his lady to clean. She may find him filthy and leave.

If he's not trying to impress her- he doesn't really want her.
 
Miss_Luna said:
No one should enter a situation where you are someone's maid, out of desperation. I honestly would be offended if someone invited me to their home and it was filthy...then when I mention it, they ask ME to clean it? Where is his dignity?
Click to expand...
I don't even understand how he's okay with this. It doesn't say much about him at all. And its trash??? If it were clothing you could at least say he isn't nasty but he is so how do you fix that? If they got married she'd be breaking her back cleaning or paying out of her pocket for a housekeeper. She'll reach her breaking point when they have kids or some family emergency occurs and she's stretched too thin. He needs a life coach and a cleaning crew. She needs better options.
 
tenor.gif
 
Oh my. Thought it was a joke thread. Like a what-if-imagine-the-worst-scenario-type-thing.

Before reading the first line that's a hard no and good bye.

The people advising the lady to go there need to go over and clean him and his place up and put him on a diet and then call her back in. I would still say no.

Men are not that hard to find no matter what folk seem to think. She needs to fix herself up, get into some of those LHCF woman threads and put herself on the market.
 
Miss_C said:
Do you do it?
Here are the facts:
-You’ve been dating for 6 months
- He is over 300 pounds
-The place reminds you of hoarders (mostly trash, not clothes) and would take a minimum of one entire week to clean
- He balks at hiring a maid, he just says he’ll maintain it once you clean it

Currently three (!) older married women are advising her that this is fixable and that she should do it, citing that they can hire a housekeeper later.

What say you, LHCF? Do you do as he asks? If not, why? I’m asking for a friend ( I swear, this isn’t me. I’m a single as a dollar bill.)
Click to expand...


I say why are they dating? :lol: . See the bolded in red, they are stop signs.
  1. He's over 300 pounds (my uncle, who married into the fam,, died from being over weight. He started out at that weight and it escalated. Then he had other issues and had a kidney transplant but couldn't stop eating big macs [multiple big macs in one sitting] and I'm not down for marrying a guy whom I have to worry about and hope that he won't die).
  2. The place looks like a hoarders place? Imagine what he'll be like when married. And he's older so he's set in his ways. Welcome to hell (can I say that on lhcf. That's not a curse word, right?)
  3. He doesn't want to hire a maid. He wants you to clean and then he'll maintain? Run. You in danger girl! :lol: Dude is already onboard with you taking over his job. You aren't married, this is his job. This is his house. Also he's stingy as a mug. So you are going to live in a house with a guy who tends to hoard, who is too lazy to clean himself and will have you clean (which means he's okay with you going above and beyond for him while he just sits in a corner blinking and scratching or whatever), then he's supposed to take over (which I'm willing to guarantee won't happen.). Oh and he won't pay for maid service (and balks at the idea) which gives you a glimpse of your future. So you are setting yourself up for the struggle life from the beginning because dude is cheap, inconsiderate, and unkempt.
Who cares if you've discussed marriage? These are deal breakers. She should make other moves if she wants to marry because he is not the one. I recommend this for her and I would recommend the same things for myself.
 
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Gin&Tonic said:
Men know who to try. No man has ever asked me to clean their home, but a man has sent people over to help me- lawn, fix the roof, finish the basement.

A man who cares has a housekeeper come help so that his place can be acceptable to his girlfriend -he does not ask his lady to clean. She may find him filthy and leave.

If he's not trying to impress her- he doesn't really want her.
Click to expand...
.Or he wants her but he's showing you how he will treat you once they marry. He wants her to keep her sights low because the fact that she's even considering this (and that he tried it in encouraging her to clean thus showing he lacks dignity and pride in himself and his surroundings)...tells you a lot about what he thinks of her (and what he believes she will accept).

Nah pass.
 
I was dating a guy who just moved here, lived with his uncle, first time I spent the night, we were done the next day! The uncle was a hoarder, which, granted, wasn't his fault, but I felt it was insulting that he would even take me back there. Like hoarder to the point of eating on a table outside cuz the kitchen table was covered in magazines/random papers/bills from 1994....

And I live alone in a pristine apartment, which he'd slept in several times, but he insisted we go back to his place this time, yeah, no. He didn't even have to ask me to clean it for me to be done, filth is just a nono :nono:
 
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Miss_C said:
She doesn’t want to do it- she says she prefers guys who are more self sufficicient but she’s gotten some feedback from older married women who say this is fixable and she should give him a chance. She doesn’t want to be single but she still isn’t all the way sold on this guy, as it could definitely be a lifetime of more than she bargained for.

Mid 30s are a beast, man.
Click to expand...

I'm an older married woman and NOPE.
 
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