Is this married man a Kang?

Chile, I woulda been dumped his arse. I don't care how good you are to me, if you can't drum up some interest in my kids, you're gone. End of story.
 
She said that all men are like that. :look: I told her that's not true.



He was. :look: It's just gotten worse the longer they've been married.

I haven't seen a man change much at all, good or bad. I am certain he was this way before.

I don't advocate divorce but it seems to me like he doesn't take ownership of being in a family, that it's a roomate situation to him. And she's setup it this way. I'm gonna take a stab in the dark and say she most likely married him because she had children and he didn't and it probably seemed like a good setup. I've seen this happen. Did he interact with the children before they married?

The fact that she's let this go on for so long is troubling. Now that she's fed up with and speaking about it, he's shocked I'm sure. He's been allowed to give little of himself while she's done everything. This is a good case of women not using judgement. She knew it and she wanted a husband and she went with it.

If she works outside the home, can she hire a housekeeper? I hate a sorry man, I really do. With all of my heart. My dh is low on house keeping, but he will "pick up", he does not cook, does not boil water but he takes care of the "outside" of the house, he provides and I can do whatever I want to do. e.g. hire a cleaning person and laundry lady.:look:
 
I don't know about kangery either but it sounds like it. I agree that he's definitely selfish.

She says that neither of them are going anywhere. I told her to KIM and focus her time and energy on other things then. Obviously, her happiness and having a peaceful home is not important to him. On the other hand, he is probably happy with the way things are because he gets away with a lot.

@hopeful: I want to hear your thoughts.

Can't she hire someone to come in? I would hire a cleaning lady with MY income. I don't think she is leaving him--but I also don't think he is gonna change.

I would also STOP talking to him about it, because that's not gonna change anything and he will swear she's naggin:rolleyes: It would be my issue to handle. I'd be super sweet about it and just move forward.:yep:
 
Chile, I woulda been dumped his arse. I don't care how good you are to me, if you can't drum up some interest in my kids, you're gone. End of story.

While his lack of doing, well, anything, is unfortunate, this bothers me the most about this situation.
 
Chile, I woulda been dumped his arse. I don't care how good you are to me, if you can't drum up some interest in my kids, you're gone. End of story.

Exactly! I feel the same way. But interest in her kids was shown in the beginning, when they were dating. That was one of the things that attracted her to him. Plus he had no kids of his own so no bm drama.
He was very good with her kids when they were younger. As they got older, his interest in them became less and less. They are not bad, disrespectful kids at all. :(

Zaynab Thanks for chiming in.

I haven't seen a man change much at all, good or bad. I am certain he was this way before.

I don't advocate divorce but it seems to me like he doesn't take ownership of being in a family, that it's a roomate situation to him. And she's setup it this way. I'm gonna take a stab in the dark and say she most likely married him because she had children and he didn't and it probably seemed like a good setup. I've seen this happen. Did he interact with the children before they married?

The fact that she's let this go on for so long is troubling. Now that she's fed up with and speaking about it, he's shocked I'm sure. He's been allowed to give little of himself while she's done everything. This is a good case of women not using judgement. She knew it and she wanted a husband and she went with it.

If she works outside the home, can she hire a housekeeper? I hate a sorry man, I really do. With all of my heart. My dh is low on house keeping, but he will "pick up", he does not cook, does not boil water but he takes care of the "outside" of the house, he provides and I can do whatever I want to do. e.g. hire a cleaning person and laundry lady.:look:

1st bolded: That's true. Yes, he did interact with her kids very well in the beginning of their relationship.

2nd bolded: It has been recommended to her to hire help: housekeeper, landscaper, etc. but her husband is dead set against it. He gives her a hard time about hiring help. I don't understand. He won't spend his time or energy helping out but he's against hiring help. :perplexed As mentioned in the first post, he gives her a hard time about everything. :crazy:

3rd bolded: She doesn't have that type of "freedom". It causes arguments over money.

Can't she hire someone to come in? I would hire a cleaning lady with MY income. I don't think she is leaving him--but I also don't think he is gonna change.

I would also STOP talking to him about it, because that's not gonna change anything and he will swear she's naggin:rolleyes: It would be my issue to handle. I'd be super sweet about it and just move forward.:yep:

See my posts above in pink. I don't think he'll change either. I told her that you cannot change a man. You also cannot make an adult do what you want them to do. :nono: That's why I told her to focus her time and energy on other things instead of this selfish, fool!
 
Since she doesn't want to leave, she should come in from work, smile, and plop down on the sofa and start playing with her cell phone just like he does and dare him to say anything!! :grin:
 
*In my little kid voice* HE SOUNDS NASTY!

Me no likey him. I learned in my last relationship that after awhile words and conversations are useless. So take action. I got sick of having to do everything. So I stopped. And he began to notice and got fussy. So I told him step up or leave me the heck alone. We are equals. If you're gonna be a lazy *** that's fine. But I'm gonna do what I want to as well. And he betta not say nothin either! he acts like he's the only thing around here with a peen. Tell your cousin to put him in his place ASAP


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Exactly! I feel the same way. But interest in her kids was shown in the beginning, when they were dating. That was one of the things that attracted her to him. Plus he had no kids of his own so no bm drama.
He was very good with her kids when they were younger. As they got older, his interest in them became less and less. They are not bad, disrespectful kids at all. :(

Zaynab Thanks for chiming in.



1st bolded: That's true. Yes, he did interact with her kids very well in the beginning of their relationship.

2nd bolded: It has been recommended to her to hire help: housekeeper, landscaper, etc. but her husband is dead set against it. He gives her a hard time about hiring help. I don't understand. He won't spend his time or energy helping out but he's against hiring help. :perplexed As mentioned in the first post, he gives her a hard time about everything. :crazy:

3rd bolded: She doesn't have that type of "freedom". It causes arguments over money.



See my posts above in pink. I don't think he'll change either. I told her that you cannot change a man. You also cannot make an adult do what you want them to do. :nono: That's why I told her to focus her time and energy on other things instead of this selfish, fool!

But if he isn't leaving the marriage, can't she just go above him? I mean how is this negro gonna tell me what to do with MY money? Is she afraid of him?
 
I won't say he is a kang but he is definitely LACKING!

So all he does is work and pay part of the bills?

Is there even a possibility he is seeing someone on the side? Is he acting so horrible hoping that she will get fed up and leave? Why aren't they intimate anymore? How old are your cousin and her husband?

My word..living like that and can't even get laid! It's a wonder she hasn't snapped on his behind.
 
I think if I were her, I would really feel trapped. I'm not usually a proponent of divorce, but mess like this would make me want to run for the closest door or window. Not having a good enough reason (in my mind) to leave this situation would leave me really bitter.

She's good for marrying someone like that. Couldn't be me. :nono:
 
He sounds like a kang

As far as hiring help, i would tell him that either he needs to start doing his share or Im hiring help, end of discussion. And he can fuss all he wants, but oh well.

And if I had a spare bedroom, he could move his butt in that room and be messy there
 
There you go.

You need to pay attention to these things before you say I do. I will tell any man I'm serious with if you aint gonna help with the chores and kids, then we can't do this. I guess at the time she didnt think it was a big deal.

Must be miserable living like that.

This reminds me of an old thread where people were saying even if their DH didnt help out with the kids they would still stay. To each their own I guess.

Yep, I need help with the house... I can't deal with a wutless man. He may not have to be rich and all, but must be willing to help me out.

He's a Kang and he was one before she married him.

I couldn't live with his filthy behind...:nono:

As far as what she should do...IDK, he sounds so disgusting, lazy, unattentive, poor hygine, just plain ole yucky!!!
Yeah, these things don't happen overnight. When you're dating, does he help with the dishes? Take out the trash, offer to help you if you're tired... something. Add kids to the equation and you're cleaning behind everyone.

What use is he to her life?

No use at all....

He was like this before they married why blame the man :perplexed.

Yep.. my coworker complains about her hubby just watching football and not helping her w/ anything... I often times want to ask her if he was always like this. She told me to not get married, just have a baby :ohwell:.
 
She told me to not get married, just have a baby :ohwell:.
That is just sad. Some people actually go by this. My thing is, you still have to deal with a no good man, because your dumb butt had a kid with him. How is just having a kid any better? Kooky, I tell ya.
 
That is just sad. Some people actually go by this. My thing is, you still have to deal with a no good man, because your dumb butt had a kid with him. How is just having a kid any better? Kooky, I tell ya.


Oh yeah.. she was dead serious.. she's Polish and told me to just have a baby. I think she means she'd be better off by herself since she does everything herself anyway, she does all the childcare, cleaning, housework... he's just .. there. She said he doesn't even want to do laundry. The both make good money, he's more of the breadwinner tho, besides that - I gather he's very useless to her. She looks stressed and haggard everyday coming to work. She's only 32 and I swear she looks 42 easily.
 
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