crlsweetie912
Well-Known Member
My momma married a kang similar to this.....worse, imo...bastid...
Is this married man a Kang?
- Thread starter septemberbaby
- Start date
She said that all men are like that.I told her that's not true.
He was.
I haven't seen a man change much at all, good or bad. I am certain he was this way before.
I don't advocate divorce but it seems to me like he doesn't take ownership of being in a family, that it's a roomate situation to him. And she's setup it this way. I'm gonna take a stab in the dark and say she most likely married him because she had children and he didn't and it probably seemed like a good setup. I've seen this happen. Did he interact with the children before they married?
The fact that she's let this go on for so long is troubling. Now that she's fed up with and speaking about it, he's shocked I'm sure. He's been allowed to give little of himself while she's done everything. This is a good case of women not using judgement. She knew it and she wanted a husband and she went with it.
If she works outside the home, can she hire a housekeeper? I hate a sorry man, I really do. With all of my heart. My dh is low on house keeping, but he will "pick up", he does not cook, does not boil water but he takes care of the "outside" of the house, he provides and I can do whatever I want to do. e.g. hire a cleaning person and laundry lady.
She wanted a husband and was a tad too desperate about it I believe. I'm noting that she had kids and this often makes women feel they have to lower their standards to get a man.
Can't she hire someone to come in? I would hire a cleaning lady with MY income. I don't think she is leaving him--but I also don't think he is gonna change.
I would also STOP talking to him about it, because that's not gonna change anything and he will swear she's naggin
It would be my issue to handle. I'd be super sweet about it and just move forward.
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
While his lack of doing, well, anything, is unfortunate, this bothers me the most about this situation.
Windsy
New Member
He was like this before they married why blame the man
Because she can't stand being horny anymore.....that lil cat is twitching and his lazy behind ain't trying to scratch it.
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
I think he didn't have any kids, she did and she latched on.
I think you're probably right and that's really too bad for the kids.
Mis007
New Member
septemberbaby
New Member
Exactly! I feel the same way. But interest in her kids was shown in the beginning, when they were dating. That was one of the things that attracted her to him. Plus he had no kids of his own so no bm drama.
He was very good with her kids when they were younger. As they got older, his interest in them became less and less. They are not bad, disrespectful kids at all.
Zaynab Thanks for chiming in.
I haven't seen a man change much at all, good or bad. I am certain he was this way before.
I don't advocate divorce but it seems to me like he doesn't take ownership of being in a family, that it's a roomate situation to him. And she's setup it this way. I'm gonna take a stab in the dark and say she most likely married him because she had children and he didn't and it probably seemed like a good setup. I've seen this happen. Did he interact with the children before they married?
The fact that she's let this go on for so long is troubling. Now that she's fed up with and speaking about it, he's shocked I'm sure. He's been allowed to give little of himself while she's done everything. This is a good case of women not using judgement. She knew it and she wanted a husband and she went with it.
If she works outside the home, can she hire a housekeeper? I hate a sorry man, I really do. With all of my heart. My dh is low on house keeping, but he will "pick up", he does not cook, does not boil water but he takes care of the "outside" of the house, he provides and I can do whatever I want to do. e.g. hire a cleaning person and laundry lady.
1st bolded: That's true. Yes, he did interact with her kids very well in the beginning of their relationship.
2nd bolded: It has been recommended to her to hire help: housekeeper, landscaper, etc. but her husband is dead set against it. He gives her a hard time about hiring help. I don't understand. He won't spend his time or energy helping out but he's against hiring help.
erplexed As mentioned in the first post, he gives her a hard time about everything. :crazy: 3rd bolded: She doesn't have that type of "freedom". It causes arguments over money.
Can't she hire someone to come in? I would hire a cleaning lady with MY income. I don't think she is leaving him--but I also don't think he is gonna change.
I would also STOP talking to him about it, because that's not gonna change anything and he will swear she's naggin
See my posts above in pink. I don't think he'll change either. I told her that you cannot change a man. You also cannot make an adult do what you want them to do.
That's why I told her to focus her time and energy on other things instead of this selfish, fool!
kupenda
Well-Known Member
*In my little kid voice* HE SOUNDS NASTY!
Me no likey him. I learned in my last relationship that after awhile words and conversations are useless. So take action. I got sick of having to do everything. So I stopped. And he began to notice and got fussy. So I told him step up or leave me the heck alone. We are equals. If you're gonna be a lazy *** that's fine. But I'm gonna do what I want to as well. And he betta not say nothin either! he acts like he's the only thing around here with a peen. Tell your cousin to put him in his place ASAP
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Me no likey him. I learned in my last relationship that after awhile words and conversations are useless. So take action. I got sick of having to do everything. So I stopped. And he began to notice and got fussy. So I told him step up or leave me the heck alone. We are equals. If you're gonna be a lazy *** that's fine. But I'm gonna do what I want to as well. And he betta not say nothin either! he acts like he's the only thing around here with a peen. Tell your cousin to put him in his place ASAP
Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
SweetNic_JA
Well-Known Member
Certified Grade A nasty Kang!
Exactly! I feel the same way. But interest in her kids was shown in the beginning, when they were dating. That was one of the things that attracted her to him. Plus he had no kids of his own so no bm drama.
He was very good with her kids when they were younger. As they got older, his interest in them became less and less. They are not bad, disrespectful kids at all.
Zaynab Thanks for chiming in.
1st bolded: That's true. Yes, he did interact with her kids very well in the beginning of their relationship.
2nd bolded: It has been recommended to her to hire help: housekeeper, landscaper, etc. but her husband is dead set against it. He gives her a hard time about hiring help. I don't understand. He won't spend his time or energy helping out but he's against hiring help.
3rd bolded: She doesn't have that type of "freedom". It causes arguments over money.
See my posts above in pink. I don't think he'll change either. I told her that you cannot change a man. You also cannot make an adult do what you want them to do.
But if he isn't leaving the marriage, can't she just go above him? I mean how is this negro gonna tell me what to do with MY money? Is she afraid of him?
TayMac
Well-Known Member
I won't say he is a kang but he is definitely LACKING!
So all he does is work and pay part of the bills?
Is there even a possibility he is seeing someone on the side? Is he acting so horrible hoping that she will get fed up and leave? Why aren't they intimate anymore? How old are your cousin and her husband?
My word..living like that and can't even get laid! It's a wonder she hasn't snapped on his behind.
So all he does is work and pay part of the bills?
Is there even a possibility he is seeing someone on the side? Is he acting so horrible hoping that she will get fed up and leave? Why aren't they intimate anymore? How old are your cousin and her husband?
My word..living like that and can't even get laid! It's a wonder she hasn't snapped on his behind.
SweetNic_JA
Well-Known Member
I think if I were her, I would really feel trapped. I'm not usually a proponent of divorce, but mess like this would make me want to run for the closest door or window. Not having a good enough reason (in my mind) to leave this situation would leave me really bitter.
She's good for marrying someone like that. Couldn't be me.
She's good for marrying someone like that. Couldn't be me.
likewtr4chklit
New Member
This sounds like a damn nightmare not a marriage.
I know it is off topic, but not every man with a BM has BM drama. Just saying.
ladysaraii
Well-Known Member
He sounds like a kang
As far as hiring help, i would tell him that either he needs to start doing his share or Im hiring help, end of discussion. And he can fuss all he wants, but oh well.
And if I had a spare bedroom, he could move his butt in that room and be messy there
As far as hiring help, i would tell him that either he needs to start doing his share or Im hiring help, end of discussion. And he can fuss all he wants, but oh well.
And if I had a spare bedroom, he could move his butt in that room and be messy there
Britt
Well-Known Member
Yep, I need help with the house... I can't deal with a wutless man. He may not have to be rich and all, but must be willing to help me out.
Yeah, these things don't happen overnight. When you're dating, does he help with the dishes? Take out the trash, offer to help you if you're tired... something. Add kids to the equation and you're cleaning behind everyone.He's a Kang and he was one before she married him.
I couldn't live with his filthy behind...
As far as what she should do...IDK, he sounds so disgusting, lazy, unattentive, poor hygine, just plain ole yucky!!!
No use at all....
He was like this before they married why blame the man
Yep.. my coworker complains about her hubby just watching football and not helping her w/ anything... I often times want to ask her if he was always like this. She told me to not get married, just have a baby
.That is just sad. Some people actually go by this. My thing is, you still have to deal with a no good man, because your dumb butt had a kid with him. How is just having a kid any better? Kooky, I tell ya.She told me to not get married, just have a baby
Britt
Well-Known Member
Oh yeah.. she was dead serious.. she's Polish and told me to just have a baby. I think she means she'd be better off by herself since she does everything herself anyway, she does all the childcare, cleaning, housework... he's just .. there. She said he doesn't even want to do laundry. The both make good money, he's more of the breadwinner tho, besides that - I gather he's very useless to her. She looks stressed and haggard everyday coming to work. She's only 32 and I swear she looks 42 easily.
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