**2015 Relationships & Dating Thread**

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SheenaVee said:
^^^:lol: My dude took my headphones this morning.

Me: Did you take my headphones this morning?

Him: I took the ones on the bedside drawer. I thought they were mine.:look:

Me: Nope. Those are my ones. I left them there last night after I asked you to use yours and you said you didn't know where yours were.
-_____-

Him: Well, where are mine then?:perplexed

Me: How would I know?:rolleyes:

On another note, I actually don't like the term 'fiance'. I just think it sounds pretentious.
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SheenaVee

I just saw this video and it reminded me of this post LOL!! :lol:

https://youtu.be/87pm-I3kWyY
 
My SO has been very supportive this week while I took continuing ed classes every night this week. He sneakily stole another set of my house keys the other day and surprised me by being home when I got home from my class. Had candles lit, which was sweet. :)

We are celebrating our 2 year anniversary next weekend. Taking a drive to some wineries and the parks in the area. A nice 3 day weekend for us to unwind. :)
 
On a 2 week vacation with my daughter without my SO and I am surprisingly feeling rejuvenated that I am able to balance my life as a mom and as a mate. I enjoy my me time just as much as I enjoy my time with my loved ones and consider both essential.
 
Fine 4s said:
This is a big issue for SO and I don't get it!
Why is my sleeping upsetting you?! Both men I dated in my 30s didn't like that slept "so much."
Maybe you can help me understand Simply_elle
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fine4s

I'm truly sorry I can't see mentions on my phone.


I'm not "upset" per se. I've been nights for eight years, so I know the struggle. I can genuinely say it's insecurities rising. You don't feel "attended" to I guess. I feel awful bc I should know better.
 
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It’s difficult for me to find someone who is ready and willing to walk towards marriage within a year or two. I’m already resigning myself to missing out on motherhood because of my age.
I can’t help to wonder, what is a reasonable amount of time for the person you’re dating to decide if he wants to marry you? Needless to say, the closer you are to 40 (for me at least) the shorter that decision time should be. Some people find that approaching a relationship with the goal of being married is unfair pressure on the partner and takes away from enjoying the process. But time is not a luxury that I have as he does.
He admitted that he has doubts about whether he is ready for another long term relationship. He also asked me how I knew that I wanted to build a life with HIM. My answer was so basic and realistic that it removed the romance and, he didn’t like that. There will always be someone better than him, better than me; so long as the person meets my 80/20 needs everything else is irrelevant. All he heard out of that was, there’s someone better in the world but that I’m settling for him. I wish he was a bit more realistic or perhaps mature is the more appropriate word. Naturally, I was a bit saddened by his doubts. He doesn’t understand why his doubts about a long term relationship, marriage or about me, will force me to walk away. And why should he see it my way when he’s enjoying my company? I’m the Mrs. Right Now. I need time to prep my heart to walk away.
I have got to do better.

Please don’t quote.
 
I hate birthdays. He didn't work today but he left to pick up his check around 1pm. I called him at 4:30 like are we not doing anything? He says yea we are going to the movies...sigh

At 8pm he is not home screen no call him. He doesn't answer but calls me back a while later. He was at the gym. He can tell I'm mad (obviously) and says he doesn't get why I am mad because we went out on Saturday.

Yall. I hate him right now and I'm trying not to curse.
 
We make 4 months together tomorrow. It feels like I've known him for a year. I feel like we are in a good, if precarious place. We both see a future with each other, but we both understand that there are issues we have to work through if we want to make it as a couple. It's a hard place to be. Hopefully we can come to an understanding and take our relationship to the next level.
 
rafikichick92

We're at 6 months but first kiss was about a year ago. As you can see, I'm feeling like I need to know if he's sure about wanting a long term serious relationship. How do you not feel the urge to want to know if this is it or not. I'm losing my cool and getting older all at the same time!
 
Fine 4s

I saw your post before you mentioned me and wanted to quote but saw your disclaimer. I too have told SO that there it's just is someone better out there for both of us. He didn't like that very much. He is adamant that he wants to be with me and me only for the rest of his life, which I find very strange. It makes me insecure in a way--I wonder in the back of my mind if he is playing me or telling me what he thinks I want to hear. I tend to be more like, "how can you be so sure", "I need to make sure this is right", etc.

Lately though, I feel like I've gotten to know him and his heart and how he thinks, which makes me feel a lot more comfortable in our relationship. I do get that urge to be *sure* that this is it and he's the one (or not). But I tell myself that only time can really tell whether someone is the one or not. People change with time and the only thing I can do is not ignore the red flags I see in front of me at the time (if any) and if we do get married, try not to wound each other emotionally. I think if I do those two things, if things go sour in the future, then I'll be able to live with myself knowing I did all that was humanly possible. As you can tell, I'm a realist, lol.

I can relate to you saying that you feel like you're loosing your cool. I see people getting married all around me and the insecure part of me wants to be like, "marry me right now!" But ultimately, I remind myself that we're in a good place and we don't know what the future holds (could be a breakup for all I know) so the most important thing is to stay in the moment and enjoy the good life I have with him right now. Hope these ramblings help you out!
 
How do you not feel the urge to want to know if this is it or not.
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I don't think this is an urge you should ever fight. Especially not at an age where men are experienced enough to know what they want and at an age where you know what you want.

On a real though - I don't even feel like a man deserves exclusivity if he is doubtful about a LTR after knowing me for 6 - 12 months. Especially in husband picking years.
 
Sumra said:
On a real though - I don't even feel like a man deserves exclusivity if he is doubtful about a LTR after knowing me for 6 - 12 months. Especially in husband picking years.
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this is a good point.
In that book by john gray, men are from mars, women are from venus....
the author says, if you've gotten to a certain level of exclusivity and both of you aren't on the same page because he's unsure...it's time to pull back to the level he was sure about.

that means you both will have to go back to the dating stage instead of being exclusive. You let him know that because he's unsure, amd that makes you unsure so now it would be better if you both kept things casual until you are both sure.

this usually shocks the man....he may or may not date around to see what his options are, but usually he comes to his senses,misses you badly and recommits himself, and is very sure.

or. the opposite happens, you break up for good and you are able to find someone who IS sure of you.

It's a win/win situation for you
 
The confusing part is that we are exclusive but to what end? What that means to me is clearly different from what it means to him. I'm sure we'll discuss this again at another time. He's 6 years younger than me so he can afford to take 3-5 years (or more) dating me before making up his mind.
Please do not quote
 
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@Fine4s are you a vurgo? your reasoning sounds like some Virgo ish :lachen: our pragmatism can really suck the romance out of things. Hes right! Ive had more than one man shake his head and basically say the same thing. But whatever. Cant talk roses and ice cream fot years and years. BS time is over esp around 40. He will get over it.

If you dont think he is it then do like pp said. Bring it down and look elsewhere for your fh. Times a wasting!
 
Fine 4s said:
@rafikichick92
Are you close to 40?
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@Fine 4s Lord, no, lol. I'm 22 and SO is 25. Which is why it kind of shocks me that he's so sure about marriage and settling down, especially after such a short time. It might be cultural for him as he is Hispanic.

At any rate, I can relate to your posts a lot. When you say you're exclusive, but to what end, you're describing my biggest nightmare. Not knowing if we're on the same page regarding the goal of exclusivity would be very frustrating to me and make me feel very insecure.

I was very blunt with SO about my expectations before we became exclusive. He asked me on our second date what made me think I was ready for a relationship. I mentioned that I was interested in settling down and getting married. On a later date, I mentioned that I couldn't imagine dating anyone for more than 18 months to 2 years without getting engaged. Both were said in a "this is what I want, take it or leave it" manner since we were still just dating and I didn't feel invested. It did make me uncomfortable to be so up front as I didn't want to seem "desperate", but it's worked out well and he has responded accordingly. Maybe since y'all are already exclusive and there are emotions there, just ask him where he sees the relationship going and when and decide where to go from there.

Sorry for the novel.
 
rafikichick92

I don't think it's weird that a 25 year old guy knows that he wants to be married to the person he's been dating for a while. When me and my SO started dating he was 23 almost 24 and we had many talks about marriage in those early stages. We knew we wanted to be married to someone someday. we progressively liked each other more and more. And we're very very compatible and our goals for ourselves are very very much the same. So we're like of course we're going to marry each other. Barring any death, dismemberment, or utter humiliation lol.

So yea, I don't think your SO is weird for that at all. (I haven't read all of your posts, so if I'm missing something crucial, my bad )

Eta we've been together for 3 years and we'll be married sometime next year, most likely.
 
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I did always wonder if it was the norm to stay in relationships for years without the solidification of marriage unless you both clearly state that is not the goal. I dont date as a hobby although i enjoy it; I date to marry. Every relationship i have had i got a proposal within 8 months. My current SO and i are at that mark this month. He is hinting at the topic now. I fully expect a proposal no later than August of this year.
 
I agree with the notion of pulling back.

Now that I think about it, it may be a good idea for a woman close to 40 looking to get married to not be exclusive until there's an engagement. Sounds crazy maybe, but any man that age oughtn't to be in the playing stage either. "Either you want to get married or you don't. Either you want to marry me or you don't. Until you decide, I am a free agent."
 
UmSumayyah said:
I agree with the notion of pulling back.

Now that I think about it, it may be a good idea for a woman close to 40 looking to get married to not be exclusive until there's an engagement. Sounds crazy maybe, but any man that age oughtn't to be in the playing stage either. "Either you want to get married or you don't. Either you want to marry me or you don't. Until you decide, I am a free agent."
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All the mid to late 30's engagements I know of happened within a year so marriage talks were happening by 6 months or so. I'm 39 so if I were dating for marriage, I wouldnt be a free agent...I just wouldn't stick around past 6 months if there were no timeline talks yet. I think people in their 30's are mature enough to know if they are compatible, share life goals and have their ducks in a row to be somebody's spouse.

I'm not sure a woman who was already dating a man she was interested in marrying could truly be a free agent...she wants *him* so her focus and attention will still be on him while she's waiting on the ring. Meeting and entertaining other guys might provide a distraction and feed your ego but if you are still dealing with the guy you actually want...you might wait around even longer. It sounds good in the abstract but I don't know how realistic it is for a woman to carry out.
 
This weekend we will be our 2 year anniversary. We are going on a long weekend mini trip upstate. :)

Lately, I've been feeling very anxious b/c my SO is in talks to relocate within his current company. He has stressed over and over that the decision is OURS because he wouldn't ever go anywhere without me. We talk about getting engaged and married, living in the city for a bit and THEN relocate to the West Coast... But this might speed things up a lot...

It makes me panic bc I'm not ready to move in 2015. I need to bulk up my savings. I'd be the one looking for a new job/out of work for a little bit (and I could use a break!)

I also don't want to stay here though. I've lived here for 15 years and I'd love to move and start a new chapter.
 
I have two modes. 1) I don't really care about getting married and it will happen eventually. 2) I envision myself 40 with two dogs and that's it :look:
 
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