You just noticed....he doesn't tip

[PrissiSippi]

What would you do? What would you say? Let's say you've been dating a guy for awhile and you just happened to glance at a receipt and realized....HE DOESN'T TIP!! Anything! Nothing nada!!

I asked my mom and she said that he's from a rural area and maybe doesn't know he is supposed to tip. Not to make a big deal out of it. Maybe casually bring it up but make sure you always bring tip money with you. Leave the tip. He will probably feel embarrassed and starting leaving a tip.

What would you do?

 

[MizzBrown]

Figure out why he doesn't tip.

If he is from a rural area and has never really been anywhere in his life that constituted a tip then its just pure ignorance. You'd be surprised at what people don't know. Not everyone takes a miss manners class in life.

But if he KNOWS how to tip and just refuses to then...

 

[MamaBear2012]

I'd just ask him about it. Especially if we were dating for a while. I'm super observant about things like that, so I doubt that we would have been dating for a while and I wouldn't have noticed it, but as soon as I did, I'd just ask.

 

[MixedBerry]

OP, your mother makes a good point....he may have just simply not been raised on such societal "obligations/etiquettes".


Nevermind if he tips or not....focus more on how he responds to after you talk with him about it. It may just be as simple as, "Oh gee golly! I just never knew to tip!"...then all is well.

 

[PrissiSippi]

Your mother makes a good point....he may have just simply not been raised on such societal "obligations/etiquettes".


Nevermind if he tips or not....focus more on how he responds to after you talk with him about it. It may just be as simple as, "Oh gee golly! I just never knew to tip!"...then all is well. lol

Yeah that's what my mom told me. For instance...we went to the bank drive through. He was driving. I asked him to put my money in the tube so I could make a deposit. He asked me what the tube was for and how do you open it? I looked at him like ....you're kidding right? EVERY bank has those little tubes to send your money right?!

He told me no. They don't have multiple lanes at the drive through and you give your money to the lady directly. Not through tubes. I think I made him a little embarrassed but then I showed him how to open the lil clear thang and push the send button...he was like...you learn something new everyday .

This is what I get for living in Mississippi. Jackson is alright but some of these surrounding towns . But anyway how am I gonna bring this up? By saying...hey did you forget to tip?

 

[ThirdEyeBeauty]

Since this is not a new date, I would simply leave a tip.

 

[simplertimes]

Yeah that's what my mom told me. For instance...we went to the bank drive through. He was driving. I asked him to put my money in the tube so I could make a deposit. He asked me what the tube was for and how do you open it? I looked at him like ....you're kidding right? EVERY bank has those little tubes to send your money right?!

He told me no. They don't have multiple lanes at the drive through and you give your money to the lady directly. Not through tubes. I think I made him a little embarrassed but then I showed him how to open the lil clear thang and push the send button...he was like...you learn something new everyday .

This is what I get for living in Mississippi. Jackson is alright but some of these surrounding towns . But anyway how am I gonna bring this up? By saying...hey did you forget to tip?

I'm from NYC and I know not what tubes you speak of

 

[kandiekj100]

But anyway how am I gonna bring this up? By saying...hey did you forget to tip?

I'm thinking you should probablably wait until you go out again. But you could aslo try "hey my friends and I were having a debate about what the proper tip is for a dinner. She thinks 10% of the bill is fair, but I think anything less than 15% is a slap in the face to the waiter".

Or something like "my friends were discussing tipping. She thinks you should provide a tip based on the subtotal, before tax, but I think it should based on the complete total, post-tax. What do you think?"

Then if he says, I don't tip or what do you mean, what's a tip? Then that'll be your opening to have dialogue about it.

 

[firecracker]

Well how about those special 5 dollar tippers no matter the amount of the bill. LOL

I would definitely ask him why he doesn't tip? I met a grown man in his mid 30's that had never been to a real restaurant outside of Mickey D's. I was shocked as hell especially since he lived in New York state but right outside of NYC. His whole life story totally amazed me. My girlfriend taught him everything from that point on. Didn't help much he was still a lowlifed snake later. LOL

 

[PrissiSippi]

I'm from NYC and I know not what tubes you speak of

Really!! I just assumed they were everywhere. They look like this. And the lil canister goes up the tube to the bank teller

 

[Foxglove]

I'm from NYC and I know not what tubes you speak of

Because you need drive through lanes to use the tubes. Not enough space in the city

 

[NOEChic]

I would not have been looking at the receipt unless I was paying. But again unless I'm willing to up some ends, him tipping or not tipping is none of my business.

 

[faithVA]

I would just ask him straight. I noticed that you didn't leave a tip and I was curious as to why not? He seems like a nice enough guy that would answer you respectfully if you asked him respectfully.

And I just figured out the tube thingy a few years ago when I started using a different bank for my business. Hadn't used one up until then and after I sold my business I no longer use one. Only certain banks have those at the drive throughs.

 

[prettyinpurple]

Well you really only know that he didn't add a tip to the receipt. As in -- he did not add the tip to his card.

Pay attention next time and see if he leaves a cash tip on the table or slips it to the waiter at some point.

If you don't see any action, then bring up that hypothetical tip convo as someone mentioned.

 

[cyrealla]

I'm curious to know is this an american thing where you are obligated to tip, I live in the uk and the whole tipping thing is not so serious here and honestly I couldn't care less if a man tipped or not, tipping is an option, not a must!
As long as the meal was fully paid for I wouldn't think any less of him tip or no tip, going out these days can be quite costly, and the added pressure to be expected to tip is unfair imo.

 

[PrissiSippi]

I would not have been looking at the receipt unless I was paying. But again unless I'm willing to up some ends, him tipping or not tipping is none of my business.

Right!! I would have never noticed but he left the receipt face upwards and instead of writing on the receipt the tip and total I noticed he didn't write ANYTHING. So I said aren't you gonna write the total? He said umm yeah I guess and wrote the same numbers as the total...no tip included. I would have never known if he didn't leave the receipt face up

Well you really only know that he didn't add a tip to the receipt. As in -- he did not add the tip to his card.

Pay attention next time and see if he leaves a cash tip on the table or slips it to the waiter at some point.

If you don't see any action, then bring up that hypothetical tip convo as someone mentioned.

Oh I know he didn't leave a tip on the table OR his card because I came in and left with him. What I don't know is if he hasn't tipped at ANY of the restaurants we've been at. I'm assuming. And if not I am embarrassed because 2 weeks ago we went to this EXPENSIVE arse italian restaurant...that about already act like black people can't afford to be in there int he first place. If he didn't tip those people...I am too shame to ever show my face again.

 

[Keen]

I'm curious to know is this an american thing where you are obligated to tip, I live in the uk and the whole tipping thing is not so serious here and honestly I couldn't care less if a man tipped or not, tipping is an option, not a must!
As long as the meal was fully paid for I wouldn't think any less of him tip or no tip, going out these days can be quite costly, and the added pressure to be expected to tip is unfair imo.

It's just about mandatory here in the US. Since servers salaries are based on tip, it is obligated. I rarely tip people who's salary is not based on tip because honestly I'd rather be charged for service than be obligated to tip.

 

[NOEChic]

It's just about mandatory here in the US. Since servers salaries are based on tip, it is obligated. I rarely tip people who's salary is not based on tip because honestly I'd rather be charged for service than be obligated to tip.

It's not mandatory it's optional, but people want to make you feel bad if you don't tip. I don't let people count my money, so if I don't want to tip based on if I have or not or if the service was bad I don't. If someone tries to check me behind it, I let them know they can put whatever they want down out of their pocket.

 

[tropical-punch]

Why don't you just ask him. You've been around him enough to be comfortable to ask, right?

 

[weaveadiva]

I'm thinking you should probablably wait until you go out again. But you could aslo try "hey my friends and I were having a debate about what the proper tip is for a dinner. She thinks 10% of the bill is fair, but I think anything less than 15% is a slap in the face to the waiter".

Or something like "my friends were discussing tipping. She thinks you should provide a tip based on the subtotal, before tax, but I think it should based on the complete total, post-tax. What do you think?"

Then if he says, I don't tip or what do you mean, what's a tip? Then that'll be your opening to have dialogue about it.

This, to me, sounds way too obvious and contrived, not too mention too much work.

Why don't you just ask him. You've been around him enough to be comfortable to ask, right?

Exactly. Just get to the point

 

[SelahOco]

I'm curious to know is this an american thing where you are obligated to tip, I live in the uk and the whole tipping thing is not so serious here and honestly I couldn't care less if a man tipped or not, tipping is an option, not a must!
As long as the meal was fully paid for I wouldn't think any less of him tip or no tip, going out these days can be quite costly, and the added pressure to be expected to tip is unfair imo.

Servers here are paid very poorly at some restaurants. They basically work their butts off for a decent tip. Some people love to 'punish' a bad server with a bad tip.

Many people here also think how you treat servers says a lot about ones character.

Eta: its not exactly mandatory, but it us a known expectation when eating out. Tipping 15-18% is the norm. If your group us large, the gratuity/tip is automatically added to your bill.

 

[PrissiSippi]

Why don't you just ask him. You've been around him enough to be comfortable to ask, right?

I just didn't know how to do it and it not be rude or obvious or anything lol

 

[SelahOco]

I just didn't know how to do it and it not be rude or obvious or anything lol

I would have said 'you want me to leave the tip?'

His response may have told you a lot.

 

[MamaBear2012]

As we were getting up from the table, I would have made a point of letting him see me look at the receipt, then would have laughed and said, "Umm...so are we just not going to leave a tip? Was the service THAT bad?" I would have said it in a joking way, but would have waited for his response.

But I say that knowing that most guys that I have dated in the past have similar senses of humor. They would have understood that I basically was laughing, but being so serious in asking, "Dude, is this what we're doing?"

 

[NOEChic]

As we were getting up from the table, I would have made a point of letting him see me look at the receipt, then would have laughed and said, "Umm...so are we just not going to leave a tip? Was the service THAT bad?" I would have said it in a joking way, but would have waited for his response.

But I say that knowing that most guys that I have dated in the past have similar senses of humor. They would have understood that I basically was laughing, but being so serious in asking, "Dude, is this what we're doing?"

But WHY are you looking at the receipt if you are not paying the bill?

 

[ThirdEyeBeauty]

I don't understand. Why not leave a tip yourself? No need to be dramatic. It's his money. From your gesture of leaving a tip, he will likely leave one next time or at that time.

 

[UrbainChic]

But WHY are you looking at the receipt if you are not paying the bill?

I always look, or try to look. Discreelty mind you, just a glance over. No leaning or grabbing the bill. He's got to hide it if he doesn't want me to know how much was spent.

Is that weird? You don't get curious?

Sent from my iPhone

 

[NOEChic]

I always look, or try to look. Discreelty mind you, just a glance over. No leaning or grabbing the bill. He's got to hide it if he doesn't want me to know how much was spent.

Is that weird? You don't get curious?

Sent from my iPhone

If I don't plan on paying nope unless it's my mom, bc I try to stay under a certain amount. Any other person nope, just put your card or cash in the thing and continue treating me lol.

 

[PrissiSippi]

I always look, or try to look. Discreelty mind you, just a glance over. No leaning or grabbing the bill. He's got to hide it if he doesn't want me to know how much was spent.

Is that weird? You don't get curious?

Sent from my iPhone

Ditto. If it blatantly in plain view I will glance whether I'm paying or not. Call me nosey.

 

[vevster]

Well you really only know that he didn't add a tip to the receipt. As in -- he did not add the tip to his card.

Pay attention next time and see if he leaves a cash tip on the table or slips it to the waiter at some point.

If you don't see any action, then bring up that hypothetical tip convo as someone mentioned.

Please. That mountain man she is dating didn't tip and we all know it.