You don't want any kids?

[B_Phlyy]

I think you missed the reasoning behind my post. The "Selfish Gene" is a book about evolution by Richard Dawkins. "Selfish" is not meant in a negative way. Using the term selfish to relate to genes is an analogy; it has nothing to do with "us" having selfishness.

And i'm sure you don't think that all of your genes are "mutated" and or "defective" that you would not like to see them passed on to your offspring. There is greatness in everybody. Be it a charismatic personality, intellect,a beautiful smile, or long Indian "hurr" .

The decision of having kids is a choice. No shade given to those who choose not to. I just think it's kind of fascinating and shows how complex humans are because...reproducing is ultimately the purpose of our existence from a biological point of view

Never heard of the book, but I may check it out.

And I don't think I'm defective or a mutant. And quite a few people have told me I have a fierce combo of the bolded. But yeah, in all my self proclaimed and perceived awesomeness, I know I shouldn't and don't want to be a parent. I'm generally a caring and nurturing person by nature, but the desire to be a mother just isn't in me.

 

[anon123]

With that being said, from a biological point of view...reproducing is the one and only reason we are placed on this Earth. Point and blank. Call it the "selfish gene" or not, but we are driven to reproduce and spread our genes to keep our genes/traits/actions/beliefs/looks going...because of this a lot of people see refraining from having kids a selfish act.

I don't follow this reasoning:
If you do not do what you are "placed" on the earth to do, then you are selfish.
Can you explain that? I could understand if you said some other negative word there (not that I'd agree, but would understand), but I don't get "selfish" in particular.

Also, I think many would argue that not every person is "placed" on the earth to reproduce. There's a lot to be said for others who are able to give to the community in other ways. They may help ensure the success or survival of their group in ways other than actually having children themselves.

 

[alundra]

Another childfree person here.

I do not think that not having children is selfish.

To call someone selfish is to say "You are not doing something that I or others think that you should do." That's a selfish act in and of itself, isn't it?

The thing about saying someone is selfish for not having children makes me think of "You are not doing what I/others think that you should be doing, therefore, abandon your thoughts/ideas and do what I/others want you to do!"

I've known two childfree women in their 70s. One died a few years ago and she didn't regret having children, but decided in her 60s to change the lives of some young children she knew, so she fostered. The other one doesn't regret her decision either.

 

[Keshieshimmer]

For some reason I think not wanting to have kids is kinda selfish...

As many have said this is NOT selfish, in my opinion you are being selfless, this Earth wasn't meant to support all these people anyways.

ha!

 

[greenandchic]

I wanted kids for years, but by the time I was 29.5, that desire got away from me.

I don't know if its because I had a stillbirth and cant imagine going though that again, or just the fear of not being financially stable and constantly struggling financially, the fear of dealing with an unforeseen medical issue the child may have or just not being able to peruse the "selfish" ambitions in life such as travel, significant savings and financial stability, having a close uninterrupted relationship with my spouse, education, etc. Many of those things that I should have done in my 20's but because of circumstance wasn't able to do. We no longer live the lives of our parents generation (depending on your age).

The other issue is overpopulation and the state of the world right now. Many times I don't want to be here, it would be foolish of me to add another human on the planet.

Now that I have MS, its really making me put children on an emotional back-burner. I love kids, I volunteer and work with them, but not everyone should have them and I think I'm one of them.

 

[Kalani]

Also, I think many would argue that not every person is "placed" on the earth to reproduce. There's a lot to be said for others who are able to give to the community in other ways. They may help ensure the success or survival of their group in ways other than actually having children themselves.

Yes cause where does that leave people like priests and nuns? Surely they aren't selfish.

 

[Chromia]

i used to think that until i had my son ,he s the love of my life ,the best gift i ve ever received from God ,a blessing at its finest
As you said,I think there is an element of selfishness in those people who dont desire having children ,they re stuck in the mentality that children are "obstacles" and will prevent their career from moving forward ,or will make travelling impossible ...partially true but that means it will only take better organization skills to get it all done .It's possible .

5-7 children are far too many IMO,unless you have a great income and wont deliver via c section . I have 1 ,i MIGHT have another one cuz since i ve become a mother I LOVE all children but that's it ,imagine going on holiday with 5 children ,5 plane tickets, 3 rooms min. 15 meals a day ....pheww

There are so many different reasons that people don't want children. It doesn't mean that they're selfish. It doesn't mean that they see children as obstacles or that they're even thinking at all about career development or travel.

Deciding not to have children is a thoughtful, selfless decision that takes consideration and insight.

 

[greenandchic]

There are so many different reasons that people don't want children. It doesn't mean that they're selfish. It doesn't mean that they see children as obstacles or that they're even thinking at all about career development or travel.

Deciding not to have children is a thoughtful, selfless decision that takes consideration and insight.

This.

It seems, at least in this society, its more socially acceptable to reproduce thoughtlessly than to thoughtfully decide to opt out.

 

[PittGirl06]

I used to want kids too. A big family. Now, I have no desire for kids. I honestly don't even necessarily want a relationship either, but that's a whole other story! It's funny how things change. I am in my late 20s and had this realization within the past year. I like being alone and doing my own thing. And I don't think there is anything wrong with that. People shouldn't judge you for wanting to do you.

sent from my Samsung Galaxy S II

 

[Etherealsmile]

This.

It seems, at least in this society, its more socially acceptable to reproduce thoughtlessly than to thoughtfully decide to opt out.

Absolutely agree! Many are so quick to label child free individuals as selfish without even taking into consideration the thought process they had to go through to arrive at the conclusion that they do not want children.

I know for me it has taken me years to arrive at this decision. I'm not someone who makes rash decisions about important life choices so for me to have come to the conclusion that I don't want children is a decision I hold very dear to my heart. No one needs to question my decision, they just need to respect that I know myself well enough to have made such a choice

 

[BreeNique]

As a 21 year-old, I have no desire to give birth to or raise children in my life. I do, however, want to get married at some point. I don't think it has to do with selfishness, or wanting to travel and see the world and live an "Eat, Pray, Love"-esque lifestyle, but it takes a lot of introspection and consideration to make a decision whether or not to procreate. I'm opting out, thanks! I appreciate the dialogue on this board. Sometimes we have to say the right or wrong answers out loud to further develop our opinions.

 

[southernchocolate]

I'm 30 and came to the realization that I didn't want children within the last year or so. The whole husband, children, dog and house sounded good because its what everyone else had or said I should do. My bff is married with a child and she wants the same for me badly. The desire is just not there. I have a SO and he wants at least one (he doesn't have any either). I just really don't care for it.

 

[Triniwegian]

I never was the one to dream about kids and pick out names and stuff, I just assumed that it would be a natural progression; just like my parents did, so would I.
But as I am getting older and more sure of what I want in life, having children is not one of them. I think about all that comes with having children and frankly, it does not appeal to me in the slightest.

I cannot for the life of me understand how someone would say that not having children would be selfish. Just because a women has reproductive organs does not mean she has to use them.

 

[cheryl26]

I used to entertain the idea of having kids, a family, etc etc when I was younger but by the time I was 20, interest was lost. I wound probably consider a quiet two-three year old but I don't want to be pregnant, birth or care for a small infant and my temperament won't allow me to tolerate crying.

 

[cluelezz]

I wiki'd (so my info isn't that trustworthy lol) "The Selfish Gene" book. I don't think the idea it presents is that not wanting to have kids is selfish... but that your genes desire to replicate (have children in this example) is selfish in a way, but the wiki also admits that "selfish" isn't the right word.

I'm 23 and I don't think I want to birth any children. I always thought I wanted to birth 1, but I'm not even sure I wanna keep my uterus at this point (debilitating cramps). I've always wanted to adopt some black-American children though.