You don't want any kids?

preciouslove0x

preciouslove0x

Well-Known Member
I know there are an infinite amount of threads about this but I wanted to start a new one anyway....


Today I just realized that I desire not to have any kids. All of my life I dreamed of the house with a white picket fence, loving husband and wonderful 2.5 kids. You know... the American dream.... I am in my early 20s and today for the first time I really thought about the idea of having kids... like the whole sha-bang... raising them for birth to 18... and the idea just does not seem appealing to me..... As a little girl up through high school i wanted a LARGE (5-7 kids) family. But as a young adult I no longer see this as desirable... It's just so... strange... that I now see my future self the happiest without children.... For some reason I think not wanting to have kids is kinda selfish... Maybe I'll change my mind about not wanting to have them after I get married??? This is just a thought I wanted to write out. I just told my friend this a moment ago and she thinks I've lost my mind since just a few months ago we were talking about where we saw ourselves in 10 years (5+ kids and all). And just a few months ago I was seriously side-eyeing ladies who didn't want children on this very forum.

Life is such an interesting ride.
 
i used to think that until i had my son ,he s the love of my life ,the best gift i ve ever received from God ,a blessing at its finest :)
As you said,I think there is an element of selfishness in those people who dont desire having children ,they re stuck in the mentality that children are "obstacles" and will prevent their career from moving forward ,or will make travelling impossible ...partially true but that means it will only take better organization skills to get it all done .It's possible .

5-7 children are far too many IMO,unless you have a great income and wont deliver via c section . I have 1 ,i MIGHT have another one cuz since i ve become a mother I LOVE all children but that's it ,imagine going on holiday with 5 children ,5 plane tickets, 3 rooms min. 15 meals a day ....pheww :)
 
^^^ for me not having kids has nothing to do with career/traveling... It goes beyond that. I just don't see myself raising little people for the next 18 years. Period. I would be perfectly fine sharing a life with my husband and that's it. I say it may seem selfish because I feel like I'm the only child out of four siblings that would even entertain the thought of giving my parents grandchildren.
 
Yeah.... I don't want any kids.

At least I feel that way now. And I've felt this way since I was a young child... Like, when I was 5, my parents bought me a cabbage patch doll for Xmas and a tossed that **** to the side and played with my stuffed animals instead.

Love animals! Kids, I dunno....

Never say never though. I'm someone who has always been single and rarely in relationships. So, for my next major life change, I am looking forward to spending some good deep quality time with my Mr. Right. I want to get married, travel, and just share lots of adventures with whoever that guy is. Maybe after I've had that desire filled, I might want a kid.

I obviously fear physically giving birth to a watermelon and getting fat as a result(I prize myself on being a size 2) or having saggy skin or other scary things I don't wanna know about... But I also worry about losing my freedom and that all of my time would go to a child. Also, I worry that I carry the Bad Apple gene. I don't want a problem child. My brother is grown and still lives with my parents. ****** nightmare.
 
As you said,I think there is an element of selfishness in those people who dont desire having children ,they re stuck in the mentality that children are "obstacles" and will prevent their career from moving forward ,or will make travelling impossible ...partially true but that means it will only take better organization skills to get it all done .It's possible .
Click to expand...

ugh, it pisses me off when people say this. there is absolutely nothing selfish about not wanting kids. and even if it is, who cares? most peoples reason for wanting children aren't that altruistic either. you have the right to live a child-free life.:yep: do what makes you happy.
 
Kindheart said:
i used to think that until i had my son ,he s the love of my life ,the best gift i ve ever received from God ,a blessing at its finest :)
As you said,I think there is an element of selfishness in those people who dont desire having children ,they re stuck in the mentality that children are "obstacles" and will prevent their career from moving forward ,or will make travelling impossible ...partially true but that means it will only take better organization skills to get it all done .It's possible .

5-7 children are far too many IMO,unless you have a great income and wont deliver via c section . I have 1 ,i MIGHT have another one cuz since i ve become a mother I LOVE all children but that's it ,imagine going on holiday with 5 children ,5 plane tickets, 3 rooms min. 15 meals a day ....pheww :)
Click to expand...

I totally disagree with the bolded.
 
I wanted kids forever. I checked out pregnancy books and had everything planned before i graduated high school. And within the last year or so, my plans have totally changed. I don't want kids at all. I would much rather explore the world with my husband and our puppies (I shall name them Sophia and Oliver, brother and sister weenie dogs). It's not selfish. It's a personal choice. Besides, with all the kids in the system right now, birthing your own child is selfish. Why not make a difference in the life of a kid that is already here?


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF :)
 
I think one of the greatest assets a person can have is knowing one's own self. And myself does not want to have children. When I was younger, I always said I wanted a bunch of kids but I never knew why. As I've gotten a little older, I realized I claimed wanted this because other people told me that's what I should want. But the reality is I just don't. So I'm not going to. And I don't see how me not procreating is selfish. I see no reason to populate the earth with a bunch of mini-me's.
 
Kindheart said:
As you said,I think there is an element of selfishness in those people who dont desire having children ,they re stuck in the mentality that children are "obstacles" and will prevent their career from moving forward ,or will make travelling impossible ...
Click to expand...

I absolutely disagree with this statement. It's more selfish to bring a child into this world knowing that you don't truly desire to have one.

As for me, I have never had the desire to have a child. Even my interactions with children are awkward. The older I get, the stronger my desire to remain child-free becomes.

But as always, who knows what the future may hold. As of now, I would rather enjoy my life and not worry about it unless it's a decision that I really have to deliberate on.
 
I didn't want any children then I had DD and thought ok that's it now DD 6 and I'm thinking of a little brother or sister. You cannot find another person who will love you unconditionally like these little ones.
 
pr
Kindheart said:
i used to think that until i had my son ,he s the love of my life ,the best gift i ve ever received from God ,a blessing at its finest :)
As you said,I think there is an element of selfishness in those people who dont desire having children ,they re stuck in the mentality that children are "obstacles" and will prevent their career from moving forward ,or will make travelling impossible ...partially true but that means it will only take better organization skills to get it all done .It's possible .

5-7 children are far too many IMO,unless you have a great income and wont deliver via c section . I have 1 ,i MIGHT have another one cuz since i ve become a mother I LOVE all children but that's it ,imagine going on holiday with 5 children ,5 plane tickets, 3 rooms min. 15 meals a day ....pheww :)
Click to expand...

I'm sorry but how do you know the mentality of people who don't want to have children? Have you actually held conversations with many of them?:perplexed

Having children is a very selfish act in itself as well. People have children for a multitude of reasons that do not take into consideration the experiences the child might have on this earth. Just a few reasons such as having a legacy when they're dead, having a "mini" me, having someone to take care of them when they're older etc.

I know I don't want to have children not because of travel or career reasons although those reasons play a small part in why I don't want children. I don't want to have children because this world is not a place I'd care to bring up a child in, i'd rather leave a legacy of helping the many children who are already here through volunteer efforts and sponsoring as many third world children as I can all the way through college.

If my mind changes in the future, I may consider adoption but I don't see myself giving birth to a child because there are just too many children already here who need a loving home :).

OP, my progression into not wanting children was exactly like yours, i'm 27 yrs old now and with each passing year, my feelings are even more solidified in that I know I don't ever want children. I've been taking care of my nephew during the course of my holiday break and I see just how much time, effort and patience it requires to take care of a child, until I know for an absolute fact that I'll have an abundance of these traits in the future, my womb will continue to remain empty:yep:
 
Is there anyone.. say... over 40 and made a decision earlier on (around their 20s or earlier) that they didn't want children and are still happy with their decision?

I mean we're human. So wouldn't it be scary to want to have children at a later age and find out that you are no longer fertile. That is such a scary thought for me. Right now I am almost certain (more than certain actually) that I don't want children. I'm just scared that one day I will wake up and realize I've made the biggest mistake of my life.
 
preciouslove0x said:
Is there anyone.. say... over 40 and made a decision earlier on (around their 20s or earlier) that they didn't want children and are still happy with their decision?

I mean we're human. So wouldn't it be scary to want to have children at a later age and find out that you are no longer fertile. That is such a scary thought for me. Right now I am almost certain (more than certain actually) that I don't want children. I'm just scared that one day I will wake up and realize I've made the biggest mistake of my life.
Click to expand...

If your scared of making a 'mistake,' then you're not 100% sure IMO. Just wait it out. You have plenty of time. Don't even think about it...unless you want to start early.
 
Kindheart said:
i used to think that until i had my son ,he s the love of my life ,the best gift i ve ever received from God ,a blessing at its finest :)
As you said,I think there is an element of selfishness in those people who dont desire having children ,they re stuck in the mentality that children are "obstacles" and will prevent their career from moving forward ,or will make travelling impossible ...partially true but that means it will only take better organization skills to get it all done .It's possible .

5-7 children are far too many IMO,unless you have a great income and wont deliver via c section . I have 1 ,i MIGHT have another one cuz since i ve become a mother I LOVE all children but that's it ,imagine going on holiday with 5 children ,5 plane tickets, 3 rooms min. 15 meals a day ....pheww :)
Click to expand...

Um...you know that there is "selfishness" in those people who have or want children too, right?
 
Well lets be honest....It does:lol: Ive seen plenty of people have to turn down trips, job ops, moving to a diff location and the like because of their family situation. I know that people do this ALL the time and still over come obstacles but to purposely put my self in that type of situation? Nah son. If anything its more selfish to push out a boat load of kids and then all of a sudden have these dreams and aspirations that uproot their lifestyle just so you can get ahead, i dont care how organized you are its more taxing on the kids then it is on an adult who has none.

Kindheart said:
i used to think that until i had my son ,he s the love of my life ,the best gift i ve ever received from God ,a blessing at its finest :)
As you said,I think there is an element of selfishness in those people who dont desire having children ,they re stuck in the mentality that children are "obstacles" and will prevent their career from moving forward ,or will make travelling impossible ...partially true but that means it will only take better organization skills to get it all done .It's possible .

5-7 children are far too many IMO,unless you have a great income and wont deliver via c section . I have 1 ,i MIGHT have another one cuz since i ve become a mother I LOVE all children but that's it ,imagine going on holiday with 5 children ,5 plane tickets, 3 rooms min. 15 meals a day ....pheww :)
Click to expand...
 
preciouslove0x said:
Is there anyone.. say... over 40 and made a decision earlier on (around their 20s or earlier) that they didn't want children and are still happy with their decision?

I mean we're human. So wouldn't it be scary to want to have children at a later age and find out that you are no longer fertile. That is such a scary thought for me. Right now I am almost certain (more than certain actually) that I don't want children. I'm just scared that one day I will wake up and realize I've made the biggest mistake of my life.
Click to expand...

I had one friend who knew early on that she did not want children. I haven't talked to her in awhile but the last time we talked she was 51 or 52, still no regrets. She loved her husband and her freedom. She is the only person I knew well that was intentionally childless. She said people treated her like she had two heads for not wanting kids and people finally stopped asking about it when she was in her 40's.

I think you will know for sure by your late 20's/ early 30's. But no matter what you decide it's okay, no kids, birthing kids, adopting kids, it's your choice. It's your life and you don't owe your parents grandchildren. Let that guilt go. Do what will make you happy.
 
Oasis said:
ugh, it pisses me off when people say this. there is absolutely nothing selfish about not wanting kids. and even if it is, who cares? most peoples reason for wanting children aren't that altruistic either. you have the right to live a child-free life.:yep: do what makes you happy.
Click to expand...

When it comes to the decision of having kids, it's a very personal matter where there is no wrong and right answer you can give. It's purely situational for that couple. I don't think it's selfish to choose to not have kids because of the simple fact that children will know if parenting was something you were forced into "because it was the right thing to do." Kids know when they are loved and wanted by the people who take care of them, and even though I think automatically after having a child we adapt to our surrounding and learn how to rear them well, if your heart and emotions is not in it...parenting may not be for you.

With that being said, from a biological point of view...reproducing is the one and only reason we are placed on this Earth. Point and blank. Call it the "selfish gene" or not, but we are driven to reproduce and spread our genes to keep our genes/traits/actions/beliefs/looks going...because of this a lot of people see refraining from having kids a selfish act.
 
PrissiSippi said:
When it comes to the decision of having kids, it's a very personal matter where there is no wrong and right answer you can give. It's purely situational for that couple. I don't think it's selfish to choose to not have kids because of the simple fact that children will know if parenting was something you were forced into "because it was the right thing to do." Kids know when they are loved and wanted by the people who take care of them, and even though I think automatically after having a child we adapt to our surrounding and learn how to rear them well, if your heart and emotions is not in it...parenting may not be for you.

With that being said, from a biological point of view...reproducing is the one and only reason we are placed on this Earth. Point and blank. Call it the "selfish gene" or not, but we are driven to reproduce and spread our genes to keep our genes/traits/actions/beliefs/looks going...because of this a lot of people see refraining from having kids a selfish act.
Click to expand...

Well, genes can mutate and be defective, so all of them can't/won't be passed on. That's a part of biology too. :perplexed So if I have that "selfish gene", I'm fine with it not being passed on.

#TeamNoKids
 
Etherealsmile said:
pr

I'm sorry but how do you know the mentality of people who don't want to have children? Have you actually held conversations with many of them?:perplexed

Having children is a very selfish act in itself as well. People have children for a multitude of reasons that do not take into consideration the experiences the child might have on this earth. Just a few reasons such as having a legacy when they're dead, having a "mini" me, having someone to take care of them when they're older etc.

I know I don't want to have children not because of travel or career reasons although those reasons play a small part in why I don't want children. I don't want to have children because this world is not a place I'd care to bring up a child in, i'd rather leave a legacy of helping the many children who are already here through volunteer efforts and sponsoring as many third world children as I can all the way through college.

If my mind changes in the future, I may consider adoption but I don't see myself giving birth to a child because there are just too many children already here who need a loving home :).

OP, my progression into not wanting children was exactly like yours, i'm 27 yrs old now and with each passing year, my feelings are even more solidified in that I know I don't ever want children. I've been taking care of my nephew during the course of my holiday break and I see just how much time, effort and patience it requires to take care of a child, until I know for an absolute fact that I'll have an abundance of these traits in the future, my womb will continue to remain empty:yep:
Click to expand...

I co-sign this 110%. Adoption and/or foster care is my plan. I'm 27 as well.
 
preciouslove0x said:
Is there anyone.. say... over 40 and made a decision earlier on (around their 20s or earlier) that they didn't want children and are still happy with their decision?

I mean we're human. So wouldn't it be scary to want to have children at a later age and find out that you are no longer fertile. That is such a scary thought for me. Right now I am almost certain (more than certain actually) that I don't want children. I'm just scared that one day I will wake up and realize I've made the biggest mistake of my life.
Click to expand...

40 and no kids, so yes ma'am I'm happy about that. I have NEVER wanted kids, ever.

But don't get me wrong, I like the little buggers and they like me too. Even more so when I hype them up full of sugar and send them home to mom and dad:lachen:

I have had girlfriends who have had children in their late 30's early 40's (even late 40's at the moment...girl...:lol:). Its a matter of what they find important to them.

For myself, I'm child free, and love it. I have a husband that is also child free and loves it. We have absolutely no regrets because its just not where we saw our lives.

If thats selfish, so be it.:yep:

When it comes to children, either want or not want, each couple should be equally yoked. If you decide you don't want them, don't get with someone who does and vice versa. That can break apart relationships.

If you're not sure, its ok, then leave it as an open option.

-A
 
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B_Phlyy said:
Well, genes can mutate and be defective, so all of them can't/won't be passed on. That's a part of biology too. :perplexed So if I have that "selfish gene", I'm fine with it not being passed on.

#TeamNoKids
Click to expand...
:look: I think you missed the reasoning behind my post. The "Selfish Gene" is a book about evolution by Richard Dawkins. "Selfish" is not meant in a negative way. Using the term selfish to relate to genes is an analogy; it has nothing to do with "us" having selfishness.

And i'm sure you don't think that all of your genes are "mutated" and or "defective" that you would not like to see them passed on to your offspring. There is greatness in everybody. Be it a charismatic personality, intellect,a beautiful smile, or long Indian "hurr" :lol:.

The decision of having kids is a choice. No shade given to those who choose not to. I just think it's kind of fascinating and shows how complex humans are because...reproducing is ultimately the purpose of our existence from a biological point of view
 
I discovered I want no children after becoming an aunt. :look: when I get married I want to enjoy it and my husband. Idc what anyone says. I love children, I care about their physiological and psychological well being, but children are a serious responsibility. Takes a lot of mental and emotional stability to raise them. I can only handle kids 0-6 months and 8 years and up. Everything in between = annoying.

Sent from my iPod touch using LHCF
 
I don't think not wanting kids is selfish. Parenthood isn't for everybody and its a tough lifetime J-O-B. The American dream is a damn nightmare imo. LOL Enjoy your life. You are young so you may change your mind if you meet some strapping young hunk that wants to be a hands on pappy. LOL
 
[USER=267724 said:
AlwaysNatural[/USER];14992819]I discovered I want no children after becoming an aunt. :look: when I get married I want to enjoy it and my husband. Idc what anyone says. I love children, I care about their physiological and psychological well being, but children are a serious responsibility. Takes a lot of mental and emotional stability to raise them. I can only handle kids 0-6 months and 8 years and up. Everything in between = annoying.

Sent from my iPod touch using LHCF
Click to expand...

We might be able to do some co-parenting. Send them over to me after 6 months and I will send them back to you when they are 8. :yep: I've been looking for this arrangement :lol:
 
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