Pregnant With An Unhappy/scared/unsupportive Dh

MD_Lady said:
Because "scared" expectant fathers get sympathy and empathy while expectant mothers get labeled for having the same feelings.
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Exactly, we coddle men way too much. A man has a whole nine months to get prepared for a baby while a woman has to make sacrifices for the baby from the day she finds out she's pregnant. I have no sympathy for men when it comes to pregnancy & birth...they will never know what we go through physically & emotionally to bring a child into this world.
Miss me with your "being prepared" bullish...:rolleyes:
 
Tell him he needs to man the frak up.

It's enough that she is dealing with the physiological and hormonal changes not to mention the pain of someone's head coming out of her vagina, or being cut out of her, but she has to deal with a cowardly pussy too?!
 
PopLife said:
Exactly, we coddle men way too much. A man has a whole nine months to get prepared for a baby while a woman has to make sacrifices for the baby from the day she finds out she's pregnant. I have no sympathy for men when it comes to pregnancy & birth...they will never know what we go through physically & emotionally to bring a child into this world.
Miss me with your "being prepared" bullish...:rolleyes:
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Me neither and the way some women rationalize and excuse this type of behavior is sickening. If a man can't handle the reality that comes along with pregnancy, childbirth, and carrying for a baby, he needs to do his part to make sure he doesn't become a father (or to ensure that he only has one child). If he doesn't, :yawn: oh well.
 
Farida said:
I listen to a marriage counselor who often talks about how men often need responsibilities to drive their ambition. It comes a lot more naturally to women but if you spoil a man he will remain a child for as long as he possibly can...
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He probably won't get over it and they are about to have a hard life. They need counseling and a financial adivsor ASAP. He is going to become resentful.
 
PopLife said:
Exactly, we coddle men way too much. A man has a whole nine months to get prepared for a baby while a woman has to make sacrifices for the baby from the day she finds out she's pregnant. I have no sympathy for men when it comes to pregnancy & birth...they will never know what we go through physically & emotionally to bring a child into this world.
Miss me with your "being prepared" bullish...:rolleyes:
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Girl we coddle them because having that attitude about them getting it together will get you nowhere. Regardless of how we see this logically, it is what it is. Next thing you know it will be a post about my friend is unhappy because her she works all of the time and doesn't help out with the kids, or she feels alone. This story is played over and over again. It's crappy, but it always falls back on the woman.
 
Miss617 said:
How is your friend doing @Farida?
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She seems OK. She told her family and they are pretty excited and reassuring so that has helped. She knows that whether he gets his act together or not they are going to support her emotionally and financially.

He is a pretty good man all in all so once his family and her family talk some sense into him I think he will get his act together or at least do a great job of masking his fear and dread...we shall see.
 
pretty much so you unprepared after 5 yrsss and your being an asshoel to me carrying your child that ya *****ass sperm created

mannnn listennnn!!! lololol lawwwwdddd


SmileyNY said:
I don't know how strategic this guy is if it's taking him more than 5 years to get his ish together. No responsible couple that WANTS kids should be unprepared for them after being married for 5 years. Unless they were married at 18 years old or something.
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I am a single mother of two and if I had to do it all over again, I absolutely would NOT!!!! This doesn't mean that I don’t love my sons or value their lives, because I do, but it's oftentimes a thankless job and mentally and physically exhausting. I thought I would be "done" once they graduated from HS, but I was WRONG! Their teenage and young adult years are what made me feel the way I currently feel. With that being said, if this knee-grow is already nutting up and the baby isn't even here, depending on how far along I was, I would get that AB and divorce his ***. Is that harsh? :look: I am seriously on some self-preservationist ish at this point in my life. I do not believe in encouraging women to struggle. Pregnancy is supposed to be a time when a woman feels her most beautiful and supported. She doesn't need this stress and mark my words, this doesn't bode well for the future. This is her HUSBAND for crying out loud!
 
Silkycoils said:
I am a single mother of two and if I had to do it all over again, I absolutely would NOT!!!! This doesn't mean that I don’t love my sons or value their lives, because I do, but it's oftentimes a thankless job and mentally and physically exhausting. I thought I would be "done" once they graduated from HS, but I was WRONG! Their teenage and young adult years are what made me feel the way I currently feel. With that being said, if this knee-grow is already nutting up and the baby isn't even here, depending on how far along I was, I would get that AB and divorce his ***. Is that harsh? :look: I am seriously on some self-preservationist ish at this point in my life. I do not believe in encouraging women to struggle. Pregnancy is supposed to be a time when a woman feels her most beautiful and supported. She doesn't need this stress and mark my words, this doesn't bode well for the future. This is her HUSBAND for crying out loud!
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Nothing of what you said is harsh. It reality.
 
He needs to find another outlet for his frustration or a close friend to vent to instead of making his wife feel bad. She didn't do anything wrong (or alone) and she is not the enemy. Maybe seeing the baby on ultrasound or hearing the heartbeat will trigger something in him and a change of heart.
 
I have personally experienced this, and it wasn't a pleasant experience. What I don't understand about the situation is that they're married and they've been married for 5 years. So, unless they're planning on getting a divorce or not following through with the pregnancy, I don't understand his rationale. The pregnancy is here. I could almost kind of understand his anger if this was someone he was just dating or having casual sex with.

By him being emotionally distant from his wife he's all he's doing is putting undue stress not only on her, but their unborn child. There's a lack of maturity on your friend's husband's part, because if he was truly acting like how a real man is supposed to he wouldn't behaving this way.
 
Anytime you lay with someone and you are of child bearing age and relatively healthy, there is risk of conceiving a child. The risk is higher if you are married or live with your partner because you get busy more often due to proximity. Birth control is not 100 % effective. Only abstinence or a full hysterectomy including removal of tubes and ovaries is 100 % effective.

If you retain your ovaries and tubes you ran the risk of an ectopic pregnancy in your tubes. If you are not abstinent or permanently snipped then be prepared that a pregnancy is possible anytime. Even being snipped is not a 100 % guarantee. In fact there are a quite a few cases of people's vasectomies and tubal ligations failing several years later.
 
This sounds like first dad jitters.
And him being the responsible type he probably ties his self worth in his ability to provide for his family.
I would suggest some family therapy focused on new parents.
They need help, I would even call in family members for emotional support.
 
I know of a couple where the father did not want baby #2 because he wasn't close to his siblings so he saw no value in sibling relationships and he thought their first child was perfect ...in the end the wife won and they had a second. He remained in his douchelike state until the kid was around 3 yrs old. He did things like call her at work when the baby was crying so she could hear it (she would answer and it would just be the baby crying and then he would hang up) and he scheduled a week long hiking trip when the second baby was 2 weeks old.

Now with your friend this could just be growing pains but having children is one of the biggest stressors on a marriage and that's even with everyone on board...

I hope he comes around because I can't imagine not being able to share my joy with my spouse...those are some of my favorite memories.
 
My aunt's DH was so upset when she was pregnant with their 5th kid that he said he was going to move out. Mind you this is a dude with plenty of money and lots of help in the home - nannies, maids etc.

Auntie called my mom crying and my mom told her to tell his ass to move out instead of saying that crap. LOL dude went nowhere and that kid out of all the kids is his fave and looks more like him than the rest. He pretty much denies it when you remind him how against the baby he was...
 
Tell your friend, pregnant or not, to stop talking about her marriage to anyone but her husband or her pastor/therapist. Speaking negatively about your partner only builds ill feelings. How about she make a plan as to how they CAN do it on one income? Show him that they can do it now by cutting out extras, etc.? Come together as a team. IMO the worst thing you can do is to allow your girlfriend to "b" about her dh while pregnant. Check her or they'll end up getting divorced.
 
Farida said:
My aunt's DH was so upset when she was pregnant with their 5th kid that he said he was going to move out. Mind you this is a dude with plenty of money and lots of help in the home - nannies, maids etc.

Auntie called my mom crying and my mom told her to tell his ass to move out instead of saying that crap. LOL dude went nowhere and that kid out of all the kids is his fave and looks more like him than the rest. He pretty much denies it when you remind him how against the baby he was...
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Your mom rocks :yep:.
 
yardyspice said:
Tell your friend, pregnant or not, to stop talking about her marriage to anyone but her husband or her pastor/therapist. Speaking negatively about your partner only builds ill feelings. How about she make a plan as to how they CAN do it on one income? Show him that they can do it now by cutting out extras, etc.? Come together as a team. IMO the worst thing you can do is to allow your girlfriend to "b" about her dh while pregnant. Check her or they'll end up getting divorced.
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That's the best advice given. Don't need anyone else involved in something they will need to figure out together. We are strangers and have said negative things concerning her husband and marriage. Just imagine everyone else that she might have spoken to about it.
 
yardyspice said:
Tell your friend, pregnant or not, to stop talking about her marriage to anyone but her husband or her pastor/therapist. Speaking negatively about your partner only builds ill feelings. How about she make a plan as to how they CAN do it on one income? Show him that they can do it now by cutting out extras, etc.? Come together as a team. IMO the worst thing you can do is to allow your girlfriend to "b" about her dh while pregnant. Check her or they'll end up getting divorced.
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We are very good friends and have known each other forever. She does not usually come to me with something unless she's at her wit's end. She knows I am not the type of person to be like, "leave your man..." or "he's an a**hole" hence why I even mentioned he is a good man and I think he just feels overwhelmed right now. We've talked about other big problems they've had and I have never started hating her husband or acting cold towards him or anything like that. Plus, I don't go blabbing. I also know enough to know I am not getting an objective reporting of the events.

Her DH is the type who throughout their marriage has refused counseling or the help of a 3rd party like clergy. So if he is freezing her out and won't allow counseling or other help she's just supposed to sit somewhere and swallow all these emotions while pregnant? She said she was so stressed she could barely eat and sleep. I am all about the sanctity and intimacy of the marital bond but sometimes you need to talk to someone you can trust, especially now with another life being influenced by her emotions.

I was interested to see what people had to say and their experiences since it is something I have never faced. Of course I am wise enough not to go tell her everything people have said on here. I do have a filter. I just thought I would gather some opinions.

BTW her DH is doing much better now. He seems to have calmed down and gotten a grip on some reality.
 
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