I understand your post but wearing condoms while married means its a sad day. Seriously, whats the point of being married if you need to worry about disease. The implication is that hes cheating. This whole thing just makes me jaded.
Well for one we definitely don't want kids. The condom issue has never been an issue for us, EVER. We feel the same way on this issue, since we don't want kids and I'm not on birth control. As for worrying about disease, I have NEVER thought or had reason to believe my hubby was cheating, or is on the down low or any other craziness, but am happy that condoms prevent in that area as well. It's just not a big deal for us. We've used them while we were dating, engaged and now that we're married. Have we had we unprotected sex, of course but that was when I was on birth control (before the convo with my doc), because again
we really don't want kids right now. Condoms, as a reminder, does serve two purposes. As Trojan nicely states, (1) "If used properly, latex condoms wil help to reduce the risk of transmission of HIV infection (AIDS) and many other sexually transmitted disease. (2) Also highly effective against pregnancy." Me and my hubby are using it for both, but mainly for reason #2....again.
As for the implication of cheating, I think it's a sad day when you are in a marriage/relationship and are faced with the possibility of your hubby/SO cheating, and that wearing condoms in a marriage is even an issue. (
In a perfect world no one would cheat in marriages, and they'd be no such thing as HIV/AIDS, but that's not my reality, but maybe it is for others). At any rate if he or she is cheating at least they're protected and I think that's the point. I wouldn't want someone to cheat on me and not use anything!! If I had to choose I'd rather question the condom use that
might elude to an act of cheating, rather than finding out a month or year later that I've contracted an STD that I may or may not be able to get rid off to only then realize he's cheated. By then the damage has been done, and I personally am not about learning things the hard way, sorry. Now either way if you find out someone has cheated, you can 1. leave the relationship knowing you're 100% healthy and broken hearted, or 2. leave with a disease you have to live with for the rest of your life and still be broken hearted. Which would you choose? One condom can affect you for the rest of your life, for better or for worse. That's why I am not budging as to why I think OP's friend should definitely be wearing a condom right now, particularly because of his strange behavior, whether you're married or not. Am I telling her (or anyone else) to wear condoms in her marriage/relationship? NO, I could really care less what anyone does in their bedroom...you're grown, and I would hope you wouldn't care that much as to what I do in mine. But when a question is posted out of concern for a friend, then I'll state my opinion on the issue. If you have reason to believe your hubby/SO is cheating, then YES by all means protect yourself, because you can't expect anyone else to. If you usually don't wear condoms, then don't wear them. If you usually wear them, wear them. It's simple, do you and try to protect yourself in the process. I never thought I'd catch slack for saying that.
Now for my doctor, did she throw me for a loop with the condom issue? Of course, and I was offended as to what she implied, but considering the world we live in, I know why she said it. I mean do you have any idea what the statistics are? Here's a glimpse,
http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/aa/index.htm,
http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/surveillance/basic.htm#aidsrace ,
http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/aa/resources/factsheets/aa.htm,
http://www.avert.org/usa-race-age.htm. Notice the high rates of African American
homosexual males and the African American
heterosexual females? I think the statistics alone prove my point. When she asked me (as I was defensive with the issue) "Am I with my husband 24 hours a day 7 days a week?", I said "NO!". That's impossible, but I knew where she was going with it. Whether you're married or not, you just never know what your SO is doing, how they're doing it and who they're doing it with. All I'm asking/saying/hoping/praying of you all is that you EDUCATE YOURSELF and make the best decision for YOU based on that information. Terri McMillian and Cookie, Magic's wife are SUPER lucky to not have been infected with HIV/AIDS, but can you imagine the married women that weren't so lucky?
I know this is a super long post, but I think it's clearly necessary. I totally agree with you Shahla, and I think it is very sad that while in a marriage you still have to protect yourself, but that's the world we live and it ain't perfect. This isn't an attack or anything towards you or anyone else, but the attitude of married couples that prefer to wear condoms for whatever reason, seems to be a negative one for whatever reason. (And I'm not just refering to the boards on here, but people I've had this conversation with as well.) At the end of the day my only hope is that people are doing what's best for themselves and no one else. Please keep in mind that whether you're married or not people aren't perfect. A ring on your finger and sharing the same last name doesn't make you any more perfect or exempt from the issues the rest of the world deals with. At the end of the day, we're still people. And with people there will be mistakes, and in relationships those mistakes can/will affect you emotionally, mentally, financially and/or physically. With that said, all you can do is take preventative measures towards any possible mistakes, like saving money, going to the doctor regularly, seeing a therapist/counselor when needed. And please don't ever be discouraged in getting married, it can be a wonderful thing...sex included!!
The condom thing doesn't really bother me as much, as his selfishness. Something in that marriage has changed, and she needs to find out what. She's not getting any answers from him, so it maybe time to start 
umm yeah...ok sweetie, and here's how...later he turned into one of those "going downtown all the time" kind of fools
Men are lazy about sex if you let them.
heavenly
erplexed
