WOULD YOU LEAVE YOUR DH/SO IF HE DIDN'T WANT KIDS?

Mandy4610

Mandy4610

Well-Known Member
A friend of mine is married to a man that says absolutely no to having kids. She loves kids and would love to be a parent some day. She thinks it is not a big deals whether they have kids or not, but she is not sure. She loves her DH, but sometimes she feels that she should leave him because he does not want to have kids. What do you ladies think. Would you leave your DH/SO for this reason?
 
I'm sorry, that's a deal breaker for me.
I wouldn't even marry a man that didn't want kids.
I would end a relationship with a SO if he didn't want kids, because then we have no future together.
 
No, I wouldn't leave my SO if he didn't want to have children, but this is something that I would already know waaaayyy before strolling down the altar. Whether or not they want to have kids should have been a discussion had before getting married. If he didn't want kids from day one, and told her so, she shouldn't have expected that to change after marriage. If he said that he wanted children, but all of a sudden changed the plan, then she has just cause to be upset about his indifference.
 
Depends,

If I married him knowing that he said no kids no kids no kids and I just thought I could change his mind, I may just lay in the bed I made for myself because I believe marriage is a sacred covenant and even more important that having children is the oath you make to each other.

Howsandever,

If he told me all this time that he wanted kids and that we could have babies and then changes his fickle mind, I might ditch the lying so n so.

Of course both of these are from the point of view of a woman who already has a son and really doesn't need another child so it might be different if I didn't have one already.
 
My gf is going through this right now.

Her dh sort of flipped the script on her and told her he didn't want ANY kids. At first, he said he wasn't sure before they got married and now its a definite no. The 'not sure' would have stopped me from marrying him.

It would be a dealbreaker for me though:nono:
 
The number of children can be an issue to. My SO has told me if we have more then we must have 2 because my son is too old to really be an involved sibling and he believes that raising children in 2's is easier (for whom - i'm not sure). :ohwell:

I mean he thinks they should be no more than 1.5 years apart. :ohwell:
 
adequate said:
The number of children can be an issue to. My SO has told me if we have more then we must have 2 because my son is too old to really be an involved sibling and he believes that raising children in 2's is easier (for whom - i'm not sure). :ohwell:

I mean he thinks they should be no more than 1.5 years apart. :ohwell:
Click to expand...

I am 8 years older than my middle sister and 14 years older than my youngest and I remember the day each one was born and we are all thick as thieves so the age gap has a funny way of closing
 
adequate said:
The number of children can be an issue to. My SO has told me if we have more then we must have 2 because my son is too old to really be an involved sibling and he believes that raising children in 2's is easier (for whom - i'm not sure). :ohwell:

I mean he thinks they should be no more than 1.5 years apart. :ohwell:
Click to expand...

Make sure you settle this issue before you get married so that no one of you takes for granted that the other wants what he/she wants... :)
 
Are you all ladies married? I think it is much easier to leave a situation like this if you are not married. If you are married it is harder, because marriage is a sacred thing, its a big commitment and I don't think you can just walk away.
 
I've had to end a relationship because he didn't want kids. :sad: It's pretty much a dealbreaker for me. The guy in question is a sweetie and when I see him sometimes I get sad about it, but I can't see getting involved and letting a relationship progress to something more if it would mean me giving up something that is so important to me. :ohwell:
 
Mandy4610 said:
What do you ladies think. Would you leave your DH/SO for this reason?
Click to expand...
Yes, I would leave him in a second over this. The moment it is clear that he is serious, I'm as good as gone. I'm not letting some man cheat me out of what I believe is my life's highest calling: Motherhood. For this reason, I discuss the child issue early on while I'm still just dating a guy. If he seems negative on children, I cross him off my list.
 
I'm sorry about your friend, but I'm curious as to why she chose to marry him if he said absolutely no to having kids
 
foxxymami said:
I'm sorry about your friend, but I'm curious as to why she chose to marry him if he said absolutely no to having kids
Click to expand...

I'm wondering this too. Also, did he say no from the begininning or did he lead her to believe that he wanted children?

Kids are too big of an issue to not be on the same page. I don't want children so if I met a man that said he absolutely had to have them, then that would be a dealbreaker for me. I'd even be a bit leery of a man that said he could "go either way". Too much room for him to change his mind.
 
foxxymami said:
I'm sorry about your friend, but I'm curious as to why she chose to marry him if he said absolutely no to having kids
Click to expand...
Its a long complicated story and I am not sure she would like me much if I told it here, but simply...she thought there was a chance because he told her there maybe a chance that they could have kids.
 
Mandy4610 said:
Its a long complicated story and I am not sure she would like me much if I told it here, but simply...she thought there was a chance because he told her there maybe a chance that they could have kids.
Click to expand...

Well in this case I don't really know if she can be too upset. Using a word like "maybe" when discussing children isn't concrete enough to be placing all your hopes and dreams on. Especially if you're adamant about having them.

I hope things work out for your friend.
 
Well, no one would be my husband before having the kids discussion - do we want kids, biological, adopted, etc
If I married him thinking that he was all about having children and he suddenly changed his mind during the marriage, I'd have to leave him. Having children is a major thing, and I wouldn't stay married to someone if that part if he went against his word on that issue
If I've been dating someone for a long time and found out he didn't want to have kids, I'd probably have to end it as well...it couldn't lead to marriage that way
 
No, it would be a dealbreaker for me because I want kids. I have had to stopped seeing guys once I learn they don't want kids or if they've had a vasectomy. :nono::perplexed
 
I would leave him. Children are important to me. Why would she even date someone who didn't want kids if she wanted them?
 
I did'nt see this thread before I posted on the one with the poll so I'll just copy what I said there.:perplexed

I love my husband dearly and want to spend the rest of my life with him. Part of that love included the intense desire to create life with him. To see the best of both of us in the form of a child and to know that our love created something that will go on even after we are gone. The longer we were together the more the urge grew. When we first realized the seriousness of our relationship and had entered our mid twenties, we knew we'd at least have one child. No where soon but eventually. We waited 10 yrs to start having children but we always knew they were in the planning. Back in my carefree days, had he said "absolutely no kids ever" I might have been naive enough to stay anyway thinking he'd change his mind but I would have eventually festered over the yrs as my desire grew and it would have ended our relationship. So, yeah...I would have left him.
 
adequate said:
The number of children can be an issue to. My SO has told me if we have more then we must have 2 because my son is too old to really be an involved sibling and he believes that raising children in 2's is easier (for whom - i'm not sure). :ohwell:

I mean he thinks they should be no more than 1.5 years apart. :ohwell:
Click to expand...

How old your son? My oldest is about to turn 10 in 13 days in fact and he has been an awesome big brother and helper to his youngest brother. He's very helpful, loving and protective. Very involved. He can't wait until #4 is born.
 
I have a guy friend going through this issue. He does not want kids but his girlfriend really does. She's been trying to change his mind because they've already dated 4 years and she doesn't want to throw the relationship away I can tell. I can't understand people who don't want to procreate with someone they deeply love, although I'm sure everyone has their reasons. I would definitely not marry someone who didn't want kids.
 
No, because I don't want them either, but even if I did, I wouldn't leave a husband over it (for better or for worse), but I might leave an SO depending on how far into the relationship we've gotten.
 
Yes. I'd be ghost.

It is dumb/idiotic/INSANE to force kids on someone who has told you point blank that they don't want them!

STUPID!
 
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