Would You Date A Married Man (under these conditions)

[Much2much41]

i for one am dating a married man who has been separated from his wife for two years they have no plans to reconcile and they are waiting for it to be finalized!

Background: i met him about 9months ago and did not know he was married the only way i found out is because while spending the night at his house she came knocking on the door and the truth came out.she cheated on him and got pregnant she aborted it they tried to work it out but he couldn't forgive as much as he wanted to.

he is a great man i Love him to death for the person that he is!she had a great thing and now I do!

they have two separate addresses and have had two separate adresses for the past two years!we talk everyday he calls me whenever he thinks about me which is all day or he texts me!we go out we have fun and take it for what it is!i'm in no way trying to make this guy my man he is too bruised for any healing to occur any time in the near future!

Interesting.....

 

[gone_fishing]

Not to keep bringing up that site but I thought these guy's opinions regarding this same topic was very interesting.

http://www.castlestudio.net/tbm/showthread.php?tid=4107

 

[Suerte]

I never said that a hooker was in control. However, at least the hooker is being honest about what she's doing (prostituting) and not trying to dress it up as something else.

Basically.

 

[sonce]

Oops. This was a double post.

 

[sonce]

I never said that a hooker was in control. However, at least the hooker is being honest about what she's doing (prostituting) and not trying to dress it up as something else.

I disagree with this new point of yours. I don't see what difference being honest versus being covert makes. In my book, wrong is wrong and nasty is nasty, and both the hooker and the married man f*cker are equally wrong. In fact, one could argue that the person who is doing her shyt most flagrantly (the hooker) is worse because she obviously has no guilt or fear of society whatsoever and is thus virtually irredeemable. Shame after the fact and a healthy respect for one's reputation have caused many a person to turn from their wicked ways after falling. As long as a woman feels the need to hide, I would argue that she still has the capacity for shame and thus can still become a better person. Reprobate minds who have no qualms about being what you call "honest" rarely desist.

 

[Suerte]

I don't see what difference being honest versus being covert makes.

Well... there you have it.

If you don't see the difference between being honest and lying/hiding your behavior and the whole mental space that goes along with it and how deception and lies and dishonesty cause way more problems than just being honest does... what can anyone do to show you otherwise?

So... the debate is finished.

 

[sonce]

Well... there you have it.

If you don't see the difference between being honest and lying/hiding your behavior and the whole mental space that goes along with it and how deception and lies and dishonesty cause way more problems than just being honest does... what can anyone do to show you otherwise?

So... the debate is finished.

Good job taking my quote out of context for a simplistic analysis of what I did not say. I was not talking about the general difference between being honest and lying, I was talking about the difference between being flagrant about dirty deeds versus hiding dirty deeds. The deeds are dirty. Plain and simple. Perhaps your combativeness has to do with dirty deeds you are trying to rationalize? Anyway, I wasn't aware that we were "debat[ing]" - I don't see casual interactions with strangers in competitive terms like you obviously do, hence why I address your posts in their entirety instead of childishly isolating phrases. You might try doing that some time. Good day now.

 

[spelmanlocks]

I don't think people should date married people under any circumstances. It will usually only end in heartbreak and drama and I'm getting to old to be dealing with any kind of drama like that.

 

[Summer_Rain]

Actually, you did say that a hooker is in control:



However, moving past that, I disagree with this new point of yours too. I don't see what difference being honest versus being covert makes. In my book, wrong is wrong and nasty is nasty, and both the hooker and the married man f*cker are equally wrong. In fact, one could argue that the person who is doing her shyt most flagrantly (the hooker) is worse because she obviously has no guilt or fear of society whatsoever and is thus virtually irredeemable. Shame after the fact and a healthy respect for one's reputation have caused many a person to turn from their wicked ways after falling. As long as a woman feels the need to hide, I would argue that she still has the capacity for shame and thus can still become a better person. Reprobate minds who have no qualms about being what you call "honest" rarely desist.

Please read boo boo. I'm SUMMERRAIN. If you'd double check who you quoted, it was homegirl SUERTE



ETA: A woman who knowingly sleeps with a married man FOR MONEY AND PERSONAL GAIN is on no higher a moral plain than the woman selling her ass. So to talk about shame & guilt is moot point in my boo

 

[sonce]

Would any of the ladies who chose any of the first three options mind elaborating?

 

[glamazon386]

well i duno

i see it like this

men r getting sex what am i getting in return?

i see too many slags out there have multiple partners because of god knows

i would rather have a sexual relation with a man who buys me stuff than one who passes thru occasioanlly for sex and doesnt take me out.

there are many women i nthe world who are "hookers" for free....i dont see the point, they may aswell stand on the street corner and do the harlem shake.

just my opinion, and no i cant say i would date a married man, i'm not a side dish

So true. I mean honestly, I wouldn't do it. But if you're going to ho around, at least get paid for it. Get something out of the deal. Why give it away for free?

 

[sonce]

Background: i met him about 9months ago and did not know he was married the only way i found out is because while spending the night at his house she came knocking on the door and the truth came out.

Doesn't the fact that he didn't tell you and instead had to be caught make you just a little bit nervous about him?

 

[motherx2esq]

Would never date a married man just pointless and karma is a motha! Plus I like my own. And on the money thing, I'm not into prostituting myself and am into getting things for my self not waiting on a man to do it or taking me out or buying it for it for me to get done. I see no difference in, like many said, being a call girl/hooker and dating a man JUST FOR MONEY. Get cha own.

 

[Trinity1]

under no circumstances. in the end, whatever is gained will be cancelled out by guilt in addition to all of the negative things reaped from such an action.

Well said!

 

[mzcris]

No thanks...I'm scared of KARMA!!!

 

[Suerte]

Good job taking my quote out of context for a simplistic analysis of what I did not say. I was not talking about the general difference between being honest and lying, I was talking about the difference between being flagrant about dirty deeds versus hiding dirty deeds. The deeds are dirty. Plain and simple. Perhaps your combativeness has to do with dirty deeds you are trying to rationalize? Anyway, I wasn't aware that we were "debat[ing]" - I don't see casual interactions with strangers in competitive terms like you obviously do, hence why I address your posts in their entirety instead of childishly isolating phrases. You might try doing that some time. Good day now.

Oh yessss I'm dating a rich married man who is gonna be my resume refrence and spend all his money on me and trying to rationalize it...JUST because I see it the way I see it. Ooooh wait, no no no...I'm a wife trying to rationalize why I stay with my cheating husband.

That just makes SO much sense :endworld:

Please.

Assumptions usually end at the first 3 letters and stop

Um...I'm not taking your words and taking them out of context. I used your exact words and explained why there can be no debate with you if you see it that way. It's like trying to debate with a Buddhist about Sunday Mass. They're never...ever...ever...ever gonna get it, so why bother after the 3rd or 4th attempt after a couple people tried to explain it to them.

Honesty is better. PERIOD. If you freakin' kill someone in the heat of the moment...yes it is a dirty deed, but you need to be honest about it and face the facts and deal with people's judgments and reality. If you're a cheater/participator in cheating... if all parties are informed and CONTINUE with things, IMO it's better than someone being deceptive and manipulative to get their way.

And the reason why I isolated your statement is because that statement alone just spoke volumes on why you wouldn't understand anything that several people tried to point out.

If you want an example of childish behavior on this board... I refrence you to the Chalupa incident.

Anyways... you wanna be the "more adult" one and "win" this really intense topic that you had no idea could possibly turn into a debate then fine.

Dirt is dirt.... it does not matter if you are honest and take accountability and inform all parties and give full disclosure.... no one can EVER be understood or forgiven or allowed to make personal choices so it's all the same. Confessing your sins and misdoings and bad deeds makes no diffrence in the eyes of man, God, woman, child, mineral, vegetable, or animal.

:master:

Any further discussion of this is futile cuz.

 

[sharentu]

Oh yessss I'm dating a rich married man who is gonna be my resume refrence and spend all his money on me and trying to rationalize it...JUST because I see it the way I see it. Ooooh wait, no no no...I'm a wife trying to rationalize why I stay with my cheating husband.

That just makes SO much sense :endworld:

Please.

Assumptions usually end at the first 3 letters and stop

Um...I'm not taking your words and taking them out of context. I used your exact words and explained why there can be no debate with you if you see it that way. It's like trying to debate with a Buddhist about Sunday Mass. They're never...ever...ever...ever gonna get it, so why bother after the 3rd or 4th attempt after a couple people tried to explain it to them.

Honesty is better. PERIOD. If you freakin' kill someone in the heat of the moment...yes it is a dirty deed, but you need to be honest about it and face the facts and deal with people's judgments and reality. If you're a cheater/participator in cheating... if all parties are informed and CONTINUE with things, IMO it's better than someone being deceptive and manipulative to get their way.

And the reason why I isolated your statement is because that statement alone just spoke volumes on why you wouldn't understand anything that several people tried to point out.

If you want an example of childish behavior on this board... I refrence you to the Chalupa incident.

Anyways... you wanna be the "more adult" one and "win" this really intense topic that you had no idea could possibly turn into a debate then fine.

Dirt is dirt.... it does not matter if you are honest and take accountability and inform all parties and give full disclosure.... no one can EVER be understood or forgiven or allowed to make personal choices so it's all the same. Confessing your sins and misdoings and bad deeds makes no diffrence in the eyes of man, God, woman, child, mineral, vegetable, or animal.

:master:

Any further discussion of this is futile cuz.

well said.

eta - no i would never date a married man.

 

[Suerte]

well said.

eta - no i would never date a married man.

Thanks.

And the ideal situation is to NOT date a married man and I wouldn't wanna be in a relationship like that myself because the focus is never gonna be all about me. BUT if a married couple has that arrangement with eachother and it is working for them, well then...it's their life. The side chick is basically an extremely well provided for hooker, though. And if that works for her...that's her life.

If there are no kids involved/being exposed to this lifestyle... grown folks can do what grown folks want to do.

ETA:
I dunno if it's true or not but I hear that a lot of very wealthy gay people have "beards" for family and business purposes but they see their gay lover and their spouse is allowed to see who they want to see. It ain't for everyone...it ain't for most people...but if it tickles their pickle, good for them.

 

[tocktick]

firstly, even if his wife was ok with it, i would still think their marriage was shady. i have no problem with open marriages but this scenario is not one as if there's a need for him to be "discreet" and you're the "side-piece" then i get the underlying sense of deceit and/or unhappiness. maybe it's just me but it seems like the wife would just be in the marriage because she's desperate to hang onto the rich hubby and/or wants to save face. empty shell marriages are particularly sad to me and i wont add fuel to the fire.

additionally, i would never be ok with the idea of being a "side-piece," it would make me feel cheap as hell. i'm used to my family struggling and working hard to make ends meet and a rich man would take off some of the stress of university loans and whatnot but i'm not really willing to enter kind type of relationship for that. if we were exclusive and he was insistent upon helping then that would be another story.

finally, whilst i'm still at university, i'm ambitious about my furture career goals. i know i can make it on my own and get far without having to be a side-piece to anybody. fcuking my way up the company ladder is not for me.

in short, no, i would not date a married man even in that situation.

 

[Star07]

I voted no, but come to think of it my ex was and still is currently married to this girl from the military, of course he didn't tell me until 3-4 mo. later. They got married and moved in together for financial reasons (I guess they received more money in their salaries for being married and was offered a house at a cheaper price...not quite sure). He swore up and down she was crazy, but every time I checked his phone, he was calling her and vice versa. Long story short, he cheated, is still cheating, and has no respect for woman at all, and he's truly an oportunist at heart!
And that's Real

 

[Evolving78]

Women who date married men are the scum of the earth!

 

[Princess Cherish]

No I wouldn't do it even if his wife was ok with it.
Why would I want a man who couldn't fully be mine?

 

[Ebony Majesty]

I would never date him KNOWING he is married, that is dead wrong.
Karma would get me bad for that!

 

[Shimmie]

Would you dated a married man? If so, under what circumstances. For instance, consider these circumstances:

• He is RICH and ready to spend serious cash on you and anything that makes you happy.
• He is fine with you seeing another man (so you can have a relationship for your heart on the side while keeping Mr. Married Man for cash purposes).
• His wife doesn't care so you don't have to worry about some heifer running up on you at work.
• He is connected in your field and ready to help your career.
• He is discreet so you don't have to worry about folks finding out that you're his side piece.

Which one(s) would make you willing to date a married man? You can state other reasons if you have them. So, would you? Why or why not?

There will NEVER be a reason, good or justified to dating a married man.

He's back/forth between several women. aaah yeah he is...several. For he's being 'enabled' to do so by the women he's involved with. "They' are giving him the nod that's it's okay to have it his way. And trust it is 'HIS' way, for he will always do what's easiest for him. He has to do, for the stress of trying to please everyone will kill him.

Why would a woman be so desperate and think so little of herself to become a sloppy second, third, fourth, or fifth?

Why risk the diseases risked with multiple sex partners. Sooner or later a condom slips... and neither will it be desired much further into the relationship. There's always a time when one thinks, "....maybe this time won't matter."

There's nothing 'cute' about it when a woman does this. Please it makes her very unattractive. Neither is there anything manly about it. A man who cheats is less than a man.

And for the women who proclaim, it's only a game for them or that it doesn't matter, I question their character. For it is actually extremely selfish for any woman to have a relationship with another woman's husband (or boyfriend). I'd never trust nor place my friendship in the life of such a person. She's not trustworthy neither is she woman enough to respect other women who are trying to give their all to keep their families together.

Sad, just sad... Somethings are just not right and this is definitely one of them.

 

[Kurlee]

There is never a good reason

 

[CurleeDST]

Oh no, not knowingly. I can't be bought.

Would you dated a married man? If so, under what circumstances. For instance, consider these circumstances:

• He is RICH and ready to spend serious cash on you and anything that makes you happy.
• He is fine with you seeing another man (so you can have a relationship for your heart on the side while keeping Mr. Married Man for cash purposes).
• His wife doesn't care so you don't have to worry about some heifer running up on you at work.
• He is connected in your field and ready to help your career.
• He is discreet so you don't have to worry about folks finding out that you're his side piece.

Which one(s) would make you willing to date a married man? You can state other reasons if you have them. So, would you? Why or why not?

 

[cheeks87]

Mostly because it seems a little weird for my taste, like there’s another motive. I’d be scared they were plotting something for me.…I’ve seen to many horror flicks, and I have bad anxiety issues, so I’d most likely run from them

I was just thinking the same thing. I'd be like, these niccas tryna kill my ***! Ahhhhhhhhh, craziness.

 

[sonce]

I was just thinking the same thing. I'd be like, these niccas tryna kill my ***! Ahhhhhhhhh, craziness.

My Yoruba roots make me think of them trying to kill a sista in order to have a body to do black magic with!

 

[sonce]

There will NEVER be a reason, good or justified to dating a married man.

He's back/forth between several women. aaah yeah he is...several. For he's being 'enabled' to do so by the women he's involved with. "They' are giving him the nod that's it's okay to have it his way. And trust it is 'HIS' way, for he will always do what's easiest for him. He has to do, for the stress of trying to please everyone will kill him.

Why would a woman be so desperate and think so little of herself to become a sloppy second, third, fourth, or fifth?

Why risk the diseases risked with multiple sex partners. Sooner or later a condom slips... and neither will it be desired much further into the relationship. There's always a time when one thinks, "....maybe this time won't matter."

There's nothing 'cute' about it when a woman does this. Please it makes her very unattractive. Neither is there anything manly about it. A man who cheats is less than a man.

And for the women who proclaim, it's only a game for them or that it doesn't matter, I question their character. For it is actually extremely selfish for any woman to have a relationship with another woman's husband (or boyfriend). I'd never trust nor place my friendship in the life of such a person. She's not trustworthy neither is she woman enough to respect other women who are trying to give their all to keep their families together.

Sad, just sad... Somethings are just not right and this is definitely one of them.

I love all of your points. Very, very good points.

 

[Shimmie]

I love all of your points. Very, very good points.

Thanks angel...