Would You Date a Man 20 years Older than You

[pisceschica]

NO and the biggest reason is that I would be thinking about his physical deterioraton in the long run. If i'm say 40 and he's 60 I would expect him to start having some health problems (and some ED problems ) that may take a toll on our relationship. I don't want to literally be a nurse to my own husband I don't want to have to run to wal-mart to pick up your $4 prescriptions

I also want someone to grow with. I don't think you can share too many experience new to you both if your s/o is that much older than you. That is 2 full decades. Each decade with its own "personality." Everyone who grew up in the 70's remembers things from that era everyone that grew up in late 80's early 90's remembhers the things that were big in that era. I can't imgaine that I would know or understand from someone that grew up in the 70's while I grew up in the 90's.

I'm all for finding love wherever you can find it but that age gap is just too much.

 

[Blessed_Angel]

No, I would not. I have a 10-year limit as well.
DH just made it...He's 9 years older than I am. I've dated older guys when I was a lot younger; but I wouldn't dare consider it now. I don't want a man who thinks to even try to be my father, control me or try to remind me that he's more "experienced" in life than I am. I want someone who can teach me but learn from me as well.

This man that was trying to pursue me a couple years ago was pushing 50 (and I'll be 30 in Dec), talking bout he ain't too old for me. According to me he was. And he had so much grey hair, I couldn't help but remember how old he was.

I don't know how Celine Dion does it. I want someone to grow old with; not be old while I'm still cute and young. To each it's own.

 

[MizAvalon]

Yes, I would.

I would expect him to be in good shape and good health though.

 

[MizAvalon]

20 years older? I'm 23...what do I look like..what would he look like dating me me...A damn fool! Besides, I have a daddy already...

Funny there should be a thread about this b/c I was watching The Girls Next Door, and I didn't know the one named Kendra is 22..I don't care how rich Hef is...ain't NO WAY!

Those girls better be stacking their little chips because once Hef's ladies get to be around 24, 25, they are OUT!! In come the new parade of Barbies.

 

[MizAvalon]

i dated a man 25yrs my senior and it was a very good experience! he was a very classy guy and very intelligent. he really made me raised my standards of what i should expect from a man. we still keep in touch

Years ago I dated a guy that was 16 years older than me and he introduced me to so many new things. Sometimes I wish I had given that relationship more of a chance.

 

[Dogmd]

yep... did that prior to marrying dh.

he was in great shape..worked out everyday.. had a great diet and was rich. we did a lot of fun things together..offered to buy me a home and car...then the control freak appeared...wrong move...see ya later.

good thing i left when i did.. he ended up in fed prison for tax evasion.

 

[MizAvalon]

yep... did that prior to marrying dh.

he was in great shape..worked out everyday.. had a great diet and was rich. we did a lot of fun things together..offered to buy me a home and car...then the control freak appeared...wrong move...see ya later.

good thing i left when i did.. he ended up in fed prison for tax evasion.

Wow, so your home and car may have been seized anyway I guess?

 

[20Pearls_Girl]

...Ditto...

No...that's pretty much an entire generational difference and I would never feel comfortable dating someone old enough to be my parent. I'd probably try to pass him off to my mom, although she'd probably say no as well.

I don't mind a few years difference, but due to my recent experiences, my age limit is 10 years older.

Another thing, what would you do when the physical ailments start coming down? I don't think some people really take the time to think about that aspect.

 

[20Pearls_Girl]

trying not to choke.....

I've heard old women say that....

No way.

WORMS

 

[Country gal]

If you are an older man, than I have to scrutize you more. If you are older and have the same stuff that I have than we will have a problem. I want security, I want a man that has more going for him than me. If he is in late 40 or 50s, job hopping or self employed but not making any money than I don't want to bothered. I also worry about your body slowing down too. For me, 10 years is my limit. My ex would take naps sometimes in the day time. He was a good guy. I always felt like he was an expert on everything. He didn't like it when I blasted my music in my car. The younger men I have dated, we loved blasting the music in the car.

 

[mrsjohnson75]

trying not to choke.....

I've heard old women say that....

...that's what my mom told me. I will never forget it.

Although I think its Ok when its old + old together ...you can't get worms then .

 

[Much2much41]

If he is dating you he is not trying to act like daddy.

In my mind, he couldn't be anything BUT trying to act like my daddy. I can't stand the idea of a man that much older than me touching me. I'll have to pass on that.

 

[honeybadgirl]

Yep, I dated a guy 21 years older for 3 years and I had a very similar experience. We still talk often.

you know, high 5 girl

 

[honeybadgirl]

Years ago I dated a guy that was 16 years older than me and he introduced me to so many new things. Sometimes I wish I had given that relationship more of a chance.

like i say, life is so full of experiences and different bouquets to sniff. why limit yourself. if you dont like the way it smells, dont pick it off the bush!

 

[SEMO]

No...that's pretty much an entire generational difference and I would never feel comfortable dating someone old enough to be my parent. I'd probably try to pass him off to my mom, although she'd probably say no as well.

I don't mind a few years difference, but due to my recent experiences, my age limit is 10 years older.

Another thing, what would you do when the physical ailments start coming down? I don't think some people really take the time to think about that aspect.

I agree. My age limit for dating is actually pretty narrow. I'm 23 and would prefer someone no more than 3-4 years older than me. My brother is 4 years older than me and it would seem weird to be with someone older than my older brother. But maybe that's just me.

 

[PrettyBrownEyes]

For those of you who mentioned health issues, keep in mind that health issues can affect both young and old alike. It could be a car accident or a sudden illness that can put anyone in need of a caretaker, just food for thought.

Now, what's this about worms??

 

[Butterfly08]

wait, I must retract....Denzel is more than 20 years older my senior...I'll make an exception if he ever divorces..lol..i just finished watching american gangster..that's one sexy old man

I married one.

My husband is not 20 years older but he is 10+ years older than me.

I also want someone to grow with. I don't think you can share too many experience new to you both if your s/o is that much older than you. That is 2 full decades. Each decade with its own "personality." Everyone who grew up in the 70's remembers things from that era everyone that grew up in late 80's early 90's remembhers the things that were big in that era. I can't imgaine that I would know or understand from someone that grew up in the 70's while I grew up in the 90's.

I'm all for finding love wherever you can find it but that age gap is just too much.

I agree - this is one pitfall. Some experiences that were brand new and exciting to me were blase to him, so that was a little disappointing.

...that's what my mom told me. I will never forget it.

Although I think its Ok when its old + old together ...you can't get worms then .

You are crazy!!!! Worms.......

For those of you who mentioned health issues, keep in mind that health issues can affect both young and old alike. It could be a car accident or a sudden illness that can put anyone in need of a caretaker, just food for thought.

Now, what's this about worms??

Very good point. My husband is very health conscious. I have seen some younger guys who weigh twice as much and are not in shape at all.

 

[kismettt]

i would be wondering what a 38 y/o is doing with an 18 y/o. never

 

[drasgrl]

I voted a few days ago but I didn't elaborate so I will now. No I wouldn't date a man 20 years older than me. My father was 17 years older than my mother and while they were ok for the time they were together, it's not something I'd want to do.

 

[pisceschica]

For those of you who mentioned health issues, keep in mind that health issues can affect both young and old alike. It could be a car accident or a sudden illness that can put anyone in need of a caretaker, just food for thought.

Now, what's this about worms??

Yeah but we're talking about the NORMAL expected health problems that come with age. Of course you cannot forsee you or your spouse getting serioulsy injured in an accident. But chances are if you are with someone in their 60's and 70's you're going to have the normal agining process.

 

[Vinyl]

No, I couldn't date someone that much older than me. I'm eighteen now, and I want to date men my age while I still can without it being "weird." (I probably watch too many shows with middle-aged housewives lusting after men around my age. :3) When I'm 38 I'll date someone 38 years old.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

Im undecided....I have dated 15 years so whats another 5 added on? The only thing I would be worried about is being 45 with a 65 year old man. And wondering how our sex lives would be at that point. Not all men get ED but its a possibility. Im thinking that the guy I settle down with will be no more than 15 years older.

 

[Vinyl]

I would hate to be dating a man who actually paid attention to those ED commercials... bah.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

No, I couldn't date someone that much older than me. I'm eighteen now, and I want to date men my age while I still can without it being "weird." (I probably watch too many shows with middle-aged housewives lusting after men around my age. :3) When I'm 38 I'll date someone 38 years old.

By the time ur 21 you will be dating someone older...not 20 years but you will reconsider once you see that most men around the ages of 20-25 are a HAM when it comes to comittment. not all but most. Its weird how when I was 21, 4 years older was my cut off age, and now 3 years later Its the norm for me to date 35 and 36 year old men without batting an eye. Nothing happened to make me sware off men my age but it was just a progression that i cant really explain.

 

[Dogmd]

Wow, so your home and car may have been seized anyway I guess?

yep...seized by the government and my butt in the street!

 

[prettypuff1]

I have before never again. I was 21 and he claimed to be in his mid 30s. I found out this guy was in his early 40s and cheating on his wife. I do not trust older men period.

That righ there makes me suspect.... After proving that ur not married, I still wouldn't do it.

A friend of mine is dating someone who is 13 years older than her and he is some SERIOUS insecurity issues with her.. To the point that he drove 2 hours to her apartment when she was away at school to see who was there... at 2am... and he had work the next day..

I am young and i still wwant to go out and kick it, learn how to rough it on my own, raise my son and get with some one my age the age. And if he had grown kids who were in their teens i can't be bothered with that .. Oh no. I am 24 and my step daughter is 16erplexed. That doesn't equal oh not at all....


I don't want another daddy, i don't wanna be 40 and trying to get my smooth stepping on and you trying not to break a hip.. To much difference.

The age difference i will except can be expressed like this....
mans age can be my age+10 years or my age-1 year...

None 20 years my senior allowed

Now if he is rich and on his death bed.... he can holla at me

 

[prettypuff1]

By the time ur 21 you will be dating someone older...not 20 years but you will reconsider once you see that most men around the ages of 20-25 are a HAM when it comes to comittment. not all but most. Its weird how when I was 21, 4 years older was my cut off age, and now 3 years later Its the norm for me to date 35 and 36 year old men without batting an eye. Nothing happened to make me sware off men my age but it was just a progression that i cant really explain.

ITA!!!!!!!!!


If you want anything more than a man who wants a FWB at best ,you will be hitting up a man who is 25+

 

[Pheonixx]

COSIGN WITH BillsBackerz67

I've never dated anyone who was my own age.
Most males are not MEN and need time to grow and mature.
So every man I've dated was always 5-15 yrs older.

For starters if you don't act like a child no one will treat you as one. If you carry yourself like an adult you'll get that kind of respect.
Hell---all females don't mature quickly. That's a bunch of bull.
And some older men are childish and immature themselves (35+ living at home with mom, no real job, goals, etc...).
Can't pull a woman their own age thus they are appropriately paired with childish gullible females who are easily led, don't know the game and can't see past the bull ish.

Anywho--the dude I'm dating now is....52 (im 27).
Now...off course if someone asked me whether or not I'd date a 52 yr old man, I'd think, "Eww..." erplexed

But it's different.
He doesn't look his age.
(BLACK DON"T CRACK!!!!)
As a matter of fact I thought he was in his late 30's when I first met him. He had to bust out his Driver's License for me to believe him!
He's in the military so of course the man is fit. He has bad knees from yrs of exercise but he still runs 3-4 times a week.

When we were *ahem* intimate LOL I was shocked that it was so good. Here we see the clear benefit to being with an older man:
SEXUAL PROWESS!!!!!
But seriously. I mean 52 isn't old. It isnt--but I dunno...I don't even think I'd ever considered the fact that ppl THAT age actually have...'relations'.
There was a time when those Viagra commercials would make me throw up in my mouth a little bit, but i'm trying to be more understanding. Although I still cringe inwardly every time Bob Dole flashes across the screen talking about his Erectile Dysfunction.
Oh God...

I told him this and he laughed.

Everything isn't perfect.
His wardrobe is STILL a work in progress.
Outside of wearing his fatigues, he tends to dress like an old man sometimes. See he's been military his whole life. He was a marine for a few years and is now in the Army and he dresses like one of those old *** veterans.
I try to compliment him when he is dressed in something i like in the hopes that he'll buy more of it because he just KILLS me with those Army and Marine baseball caps and jackets!
But it's ok.

But other than that he's so goodlooking!
He's 6'3. Kinda yella. Perfect teeth. Bald head...>>deep sigh<<
Very knowledgeable. Experienced. Established and.....STABLE.
He's done way more than 20 yrs in the military and has talked about retiring next yr. Maybe going back to law school so---it's good to have a man with ambition and goals.
Plus he does for me (voluntarily takes me shopping and gives me money)---and I ain't 'shamed to admit that I like that!
But--real talk, I enjoy his company. There is something so very endearing about him. He tries his best to make me happy. And it's been a long time since I've encountered a REAL man.


BUT--One thing kinda scares me: The future.

May/December relationship concerns about the older partner's AGE and 'the future' are understandable.
I would care for him if he became feeble. That's not even a question. That's just love and duty. What sort of wife or partner would I be if I just left him at that point?

No....I'm just--uncomfortable with the fact that we may not get as much time together. I'm uncomfortable with the fact that he will most likely die in 20-25 yrs (hopefully later).

But....I have decided that with him is where I want to stay. Many people won't ever know or experience what love and honest commitment is in this lifetime. And I know better than to just throw REAL love and a good man away.

Normal aging process?
What is 'normal'?
People in my family tend to live long lives. My aunts and uncles are pushing 70-85. They are all spry, sane, driving and yes--even working.
I work in a hospital and some of these 60 yr olds can't get around without a walker.

So what is 'normal' when it applies to aging?
Furthermore...what can be predicted? We know that we will age; we just don't know how (badly) the process will be.

The future is enshrouded in uncertainty and that's all we can be certain of.
Meaning....I could no more guess that he'd live to be 102 than I could predict my own untimely death at 37.
Hell he eats healthier and exercises more than I do.

 

[MD_Lady]

Naw dude. If he's old enough to be in my father's peer group, he's too old to be with me.

 

[Nature'sWay]

No, I would not. There are many factors that would send me packing. I am in my twenties and I know that when women get into their late thrities and early forties their sex drive goes up. I would want a man who could handle his business and go with the flow. I am forty and he is sixty struggling to keep up and can't. I'll be mad and can't do anything about it because he is my husband and I made the decision to be with him through good and bad. Like someone else said, someone who you can grow with and share experiences is more to my liking. I won't have to feel like he is bored because he has been there and done that. For me it would suck because I like to get up and go all the time and he would not be able to keep up.