Women 25 and up, what are some things you learned that younger women should know?
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chiconya
Member
1. What are some things you wish you knew earlier, or advise you would pass down to younger or less experienced women or family members?
I have learned that self esteem is the basis for self respect so I pass them pass them both to my daughter and the younger generation. Sadly people my age and older have or will never learn this lesson.
2. How have you changed from when you were younger/less expierenced to now? What things have you learned "arent worth it"?
I learned that a lot of the heartache and relationships that I had when I was younger just wasn't worth it.
3. What things are you still working on?
I am still working to improve my self esteem, love myself and keep my confidence high.
I have learned that self esteem is the basis for self respect so I pass them pass them both to my daughter and the younger generation. Sadly people my age and older have or will never learn this lesson.
2. How have you changed from when you were younger/less expierenced to now? What things have you learned "arent worth it"?
I learned that a lot of the heartache and relationships that I had when I was younger just wasn't worth it.
3. What things are you still working on?
I am still working to improve my self esteem, love myself and keep my confidence high.
Wow, you ladies all have given some great advice. This is a great thread. I know I may wind up repeating some of what you ladies have given and I will apologize in advance to the readers, but this is just what I've learned
1. What are some things you wish you knew earlier, or advise you would pass down to younger or less experienced women or family members?
Put God first in everything you do.
There will be plenty of time for boys/men.
Good friends are hard to find. Cherish the friends you have and guard your friendships.
Contrary to what this younger generation may think (thanks to reality TV), education still is key. Please get at least a Bachelors degree in ANYTHING.
LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST. If you want a degree, go for it. If you want to see the world, do it.
As women we are often taught to give of ourselves more then we give to ourselves, but it is okay to be selfish sometimes.
EXERCISE and EAT RIGHT. That body you have at 21 is not the body you will have at 31 if you don't take care of it early on--even if you don't have children.
The way you start a relationship, friendship, job, etc sets the tone for all subsequent interactions. Do not do anything from day one that you do not want to continue.
People will show you the first time who they are. Believe them.
Forgiveness really is about you.
In everything you do, give 100%.
Some things money truly cannot buy.
Worrying changes nothing. It makes you sick and it ages you fast.
It's not what you say, but how you say it.
Agree to disagree.
Your name is EVERYTHING. Protect it.
And lastly, always laugh and smile. It is a proven fact that people that laugh live longer. I also believe this is why I heal very fast even when doctor's think otherwise.
2. How have you changed from when you were younger/less expierenced to now? What things have you learned "arent worth it"?
I tactfully speak my mind in every situation and I don't sweat the small stuff. Losing true friendships really isn't worth it.
3. What things are you still working on?
I am a constant work in progress.
1. What are some things you wish you knew earlier, or advise you would pass down to younger or less experienced women or family members?
Put God first in everything you do.
There will be plenty of time for boys/men.
Good friends are hard to find. Cherish the friends you have and guard your friendships.
Contrary to what this younger generation may think (thanks to reality TV), education still is key. Please get at least a Bachelors degree in ANYTHING.
LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST. If you want a degree, go for it. If you want to see the world, do it.
As women we are often taught to give of ourselves more then we give to ourselves, but it is okay to be selfish sometimes.
EXERCISE and EAT RIGHT. That body you have at 21 is not the body you will have at 31 if you don't take care of it early on--even if you don't have children.
The way you start a relationship, friendship, job, etc sets the tone for all subsequent interactions. Do not do anything from day one that you do not want to continue.
People will show you the first time who they are. Believe them.
Forgiveness really is about you.
In everything you do, give 100%.
Some things money truly cannot buy.
Worrying changes nothing. It makes you sick and it ages you fast.
It's not what you say, but how you say it.
Agree to disagree.
Your name is EVERYTHING. Protect it.
And lastly, always laugh and smile. It is a proven fact that people that laugh live longer. I also believe this is why I heal very fast even when doctor's think otherwise.
2. How have you changed from when you were younger/less expierenced to now? What things have you learned "arent worth it"?
I tactfully speak my mind in every situation and I don't sweat the small stuff. Losing true friendships really isn't worth it.
3. What things are you still working on?
I am a constant work in progress.
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makeupgirl
Well-Known Member
What are some things you wish you knew earlier, or advise you would pass down to younger or less experienced women or family members?
-I've learned you can't fight your battles no matter how much you want to you have to let God do that for you and you have to hand it over to him.
-dont sleep with the guy on the first date, they will treat you like crap afterwards
- say no to credit cards or at least if you have to have 1, just keep it under balance and pay it off each month
-learn to budget and educate yourself regarding finances present and future....also about credit scores
-teach yourself about car mechanics so you're not duped at the mechanic
-learn about saving at least 6-8 month expenses in case of an emergency
- Never claim 7 on your w2 or you will pay for it come tax time. luckily I just paid $1 for claiming 0 at another job
-don't be afraid to stay single for a while, it's for a reason but it was also teach you alot about yourself
2. How have you changed from when you were younger/less expierenced to now? What things have you learned "arent worth it"?
-I've learned that there are somethings that I can speak on and there are somethings I have to shut up about, if not I will open fire
-I've learned that someone who appears to have it together, don't always have it together and beware if they decide to take you under their wing, it will backfire on you and you will be left to pick up the pieces.
-I have changed a lot since being in my late 20's, I've developed a mouth. lol. .... I grew up this quiet girl who kept to herself and I'm still am but I was also a pushover and some still view me as such but they just don't know I don't put up with stuff like I used to, I'll actually speak up. If I quiet after a confrontation, then it's not worth it, mostly because I'm not trying to get out of the will of God but also I just don't have the energy to deal.
- I've also learned to let stupid people, stay stupid people. Some people just going to talk to talk, they just don't have anything better to say and that's fine but just ignore it and pray for them.
3. What things are you still working on?
I'm still working on being assertive and not passive-aggresive. I hate being in confrontations so if someone comes at me, I'm always afraid that I can't control myself, so I'll cry or I'll blow up and straight cuss them out then end up apologizing. So I need to learn to handle things in a godly manner and not like a banshee on fire.
I'm still working on let go and letting God, it's a learning and growing process.
I'm still working on prioritizing, budgeting, and being responsible. I'm a free spirit, so sometimes I just do stuff without thinking and that includes spending and then i'm like ok did I pay this or that. So I have to be more responsible, I mean I am but I mean controlling my free-spirited urges.
-I'm still learning to stay an adult and not act like a kid in trying to
-I've learned you can't fight your battles no matter how much you want to you have to let God do that for you and you have to hand it over to him.
-dont sleep with the guy on the first date, they will treat you like crap afterwards
- say no to credit cards or at least if you have to have 1, just keep it under balance and pay it off each month
-learn to budget and educate yourself regarding finances present and future....also about credit scores
-teach yourself about car mechanics so you're not duped at the mechanic
-learn about saving at least 6-8 month expenses in case of an emergency
- Never claim 7 on your w2 or you will pay for it come tax time. luckily I just paid $1 for claiming 0 at another job
-don't be afraid to stay single for a while, it's for a reason but it was also teach you alot about yourself
2. How have you changed from when you were younger/less expierenced to now? What things have you learned "arent worth it"?
-I've learned that there are somethings that I can speak on and there are somethings I have to shut up about, if not I will open fire
-I've learned that someone who appears to have it together, don't always have it together and beware if they decide to take you under their wing, it will backfire on you and you will be left to pick up the pieces.
-I have changed a lot since being in my late 20's, I've developed a mouth. lol. .... I grew up this quiet girl who kept to herself and I'm still am but I was also a pushover and some still view me as such but they just don't know I don't put up with stuff like I used to, I'll actually speak up. If I quiet after a confrontation, then it's not worth it, mostly because I'm not trying to get out of the will of God but also I just don't have the energy to deal.
- I've also learned to let stupid people, stay stupid people. Some people just going to talk to talk, they just don't have anything better to say and that's fine but just ignore it and pray for them.
3. What things are you still working on?
I'm still working on being assertive and not passive-aggresive. I hate being in confrontations so if someone comes at me, I'm always afraid that I can't control myself, so I'll cry or I'll blow up and straight cuss them out then end up apologizing. So I need to learn to handle things in a godly manner and not like a banshee on fire.
I'm still working on let go and letting God, it's a learning and growing process.
I'm still working on prioritizing, budgeting, and being responsible. I'm a free spirit, so sometimes I just do stuff without thinking and that includes spending and then i'm like ok did I pay this or that. So I have to be more responsible, I mean I am but I mean controlling my free-spirited urges.
-I'm still learning to stay an adult and not act like a kid in trying to
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sidney
New Member
Dang, I'm not a "younger woman" anymore since I'm 25. Well in that case, enjoy NOT being 25 yet,lol.
One thing I'm glad I didn't do is waste a lot of time dating a lot of "no good" guys. I'm not lugging around a lot of emotional baggage at this point in my life. And no matter how much they say they are into you...most young guys are after one thing (and unfortunately some older ones too). So save yourself physically and emotionally for a guy that is deserving of you.
One more thing, don't wait until your "older" to develop a strong relationship with God. I always hear a lot of older people say the wish they committed to Christ when they were young, because it would have saved them from a lot of poor choices.
One thing I'm glad I didn't do is waste a lot of time dating a lot of "no good" guys. I'm not lugging around a lot of emotional baggage at this point in my life. And no matter how much they say they are into you...most young guys are after one thing (and unfortunately some older ones too). So save yourself physically and emotionally for a guy that is deserving of you.
One more thing, don't wait until your "older" to develop a strong relationship with God. I always hear a lot of older people say the wish they committed to Christ when they were young, because it would have saved them from a lot of poor choices.
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phynestone
Well-Known Member
ITA!!!!! If the guys aren't up to par, they aren't and don't feel bad about not dating them. It's for your sake. If people want to judge you b/c of it, oh well. It's not their life.
And who is to say you will get old? You might die young, so don't wait to get to know the Lord.
msdeevee
Well-Known Member
I have to go back to read the whole thread (tomorrow) but one thing that strikes me that is said quite often by the young women in this forum is how someone is old or is looking old or aged and that person is 40 or younger.
Everyone on this forum is 1 day older than they were yesterday. Aging is a natural fact.
That young thing you see in the mirror now will not be there forever if you're blessed you will grow to be over 40 yourself . We are blessed as black women to not grow so old-looking and haggard and wrinkly as others. Revel in that and take care of your skin and most importantly your attitude.
Time goes so fast and tragedy happens so quickly and so often now that I hope that we will all grow to be old.
Yes, I am sensitive about aging , but there is only one other choice...you can die now and folks will forever say about you "oh she died so young!!"
Everyone on this forum is 1 day older than they were yesterday. Aging is a natural fact.
That young thing you see in the mirror now will not be there forever if you're blessed you will grow to be over 40 yourself . We are blessed as black women to not grow so old-looking and haggard and wrinkly as others. Revel in that and take care of your skin and most importantly your attitude.
Time goes so fast and tragedy happens so quickly and so often now that I hope that we will all grow to be old.
Yes, I am sensitive about aging , but there is only one other choice...you can die now and folks will forever say about you "oh she died so young!!"
makeupgirl
Well-Known Member
I forgot to add something to mind but I can't find it.
-Be careful to those who claim they are trying to help. There is a difference between helping and controlling. If you feel like you're losing your identity get away from that person or those peoples, they are conforming you into their image.
-Don't be afraid to tell someone to mind their own business, even if they claim to try to be helpful. Most the time they are coming off as a know it all and know nothing but a lot of junk. What works for you works for you.
Example, I like tv dinners - smart ones, lean cuisine, marie calanders are my fav. But this nosy co-worker of mine just told me....still eating those dinners. She's been bagging on me because of the salt but hey those dinners are here on this earth for a reason. It's my dinner when I can't cook. So ignore crazy people and do you.
-Another thing I've learned is to be prepared to walk away from a man no matter how much you're in love. My first love ok lust I wanted to marry him so bad that I was willing to overlook the fact that he didn't have the one thing in common that we should - Jesus Christ. I was saved and he wasn't. Til this day, he's still doesn't have a relationship with Christ and still not at a level to prepare and be head of household for a family anyway. So don't be afraid to walk away from man. Nine times out of ten there was a reason beyond your control that you did.
-Be careful to those who claim they are trying to help. There is a difference between helping and controlling. If you feel like you're losing your identity get away from that person or those peoples, they are conforming you into their image.
-Don't be afraid to tell someone to mind their own business, even if they claim to try to be helpful. Most the time they are coming off as a know it all and know nothing but a lot of junk. What works for you works for you.
Example, I like tv dinners - smart ones, lean cuisine, marie calanders are my fav. But this nosy co-worker of mine just told me....still eating those dinners. She's been bagging on me because of the salt but hey those dinners are here on this earth for a reason. It's my dinner when I can't cook. So ignore crazy people and do you.
-Another thing I've learned is to be prepared to walk away from a man no matter how much you're in love. My first love ok lust I wanted to marry him so bad that I was willing to overlook the fact that he didn't have the one thing in common that we should - Jesus Christ. I was saved and he wasn't. Til this day, he's still doesn't have a relationship with Christ and still not at a level to prepare and be head of household for a family anyway. So don't be afraid to walk away from man. Nine times out of ten there was a reason beyond your control that you did.
softblackcotton
Well-Known Member
God wants us to save ourselves for marriage because He wants the best for us. Denying or ignoring God's Will will only delay or keep us from ever finding true love.
ChocalateDiva
Well-Known Member
This is a great thread.
Renewed1
Well-Known Member
So true, I didn't do much in my 20s waiting on my friends and a man to do stuff with; I'm so glad I gotten over it when I turned 29.
Also, NEVER EVER think you can change a man. I see so many women putting a lot of WORK into a no good man; that becomes a good man FOR SOMEONE ELSE!!! If he ain't the package, walk away walk away.
hair_rehab
New Member
-There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. Don't be in a rush to give it away and don't ever let a man pressure you to do it!
-Nothing wrong with being single too. That's your time to really get to know yourself.
-Stop comparing your love life to your friends'.
-Be the mate that you want. That's means you should give your SO/DH the same love and respect that you desire from him. Everything is not always his fault. If you have a good man, show him know how much you appreciate him.
-Nothing wrong with being single too. That's your time to really get to know yourself.
-Stop comparing your love life to your friends'.
-Be the mate that you want. That's means you should give your SO/DH the same love and respect that you desire from him. Everything is not always his fault. If you have a good man, show him know how much you appreciate him.
Orissa081
New Member
THANK YOU!!!!!!!! I'm so sorry that waited so long to go back to school and get my degree, and I don't have any money of my own, I'm glad I know now and I guess for me it's better late then never. Please if you're under 25 take these words to heart!
Some things that have transformed the way I view my life:
There truly is a season for everything. A season to build, rest, love, mourn, plant, harvest, and on and on.. Recognize the season you're in and embrace it. Stop trying to accrue accomplishments and goals according to others' timetables. We can spend so much time longing for another season that we don't take time to learn and grow within the here and now. Life is lived in continual cycles of peaks and valleys... Everyone's journey is different, so don't be worried if yours seems different to others'.
Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. That is especially important in these times where misery is contagious. We all have things we can be thankful for in whatever state of life - meditate on what's good in your life and your mind will be in a better position to form healthy desires and attract good outcomes. Don't carry bitterness and anger with you as you age, it becomes entrenched in your psyche and will effect every area of your life, including your health.
There truly is a season for everything. A season to build, rest, love, mourn, plant, harvest, and on and on.. Recognize the season you're in and embrace it. Stop trying to accrue accomplishments and goals according to others' timetables. We can spend so much time longing for another season that we don't take time to learn and grow within the here and now. Life is lived in continual cycles of peaks and valleys... Everyone's journey is different, so don't be worried if yours seems different to others'.
Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. That is especially important in these times where misery is contagious. We all have things we can be thankful for in whatever state of life - meditate on what's good in your life and your mind will be in a better position to form healthy desires and attract good outcomes. Don't carry bitterness and anger with you as you age, it becomes entrenched in your psyche and will effect every area of your life, including your health.
ixoyegodisgood
New Member
Probably not a good Idea to stay at home pass the age of 22 or 23. I didn't move out of the home until I was 27
That was too long. Especially if your family life is not the best to begin with you can't make people care. You can only worry about yourself. Listen to your instincts. Again, listening to my instincts. The whole rules thread opened my eyes that the way that I instinctly do things were right on track (talking on the phone, be pursued not pursuing, etc was/is the way to go). I listened to so many people saying that I had to be aggressive and extra extra and that does not work.
Rejection. I've dealt with it in some form my entire life, but now it annoys me even more because...we're older. Just be upfront. I also have to work on rejection to not cause me to withdraw and want to throw in the towel. I understand that people deal with rejection, but I deal with it multiple times a day.
Dak
Well-Known Member
Don't tie yourself down with a pet. Wait until you're older and in a committed relationship. Don't burden yourself responsibility to a pet at a time you might want to pick up and move, travel, take on another job/school.
Make sure you're taking care of your goals. If you don't have goals yet, make yourself think about where you want to be in 10 years, 20 years. What you'd like your income to be, rent or own, what you'd want to do for a living.
Don't let yourself become a pothead/alcoholic. I've seen so many people lose their youth by staying stoned all the time.
Have an savings account. Keep adding to it, even if it's only a couple of bucks a month.
Maintain your car. Look at your tires, watch the tread and don't let it get too low. Keep the maintenance up.
Exercise! Be happy! Take lots of pictures, enjoy your life!
Make sure you're taking care of your goals. If you don't have goals yet, make yourself think about where you want to be in 10 years, 20 years. What you'd like your income to be, rent or own, what you'd want to do for a living.
Don't let yourself become a pothead/alcoholic. I've seen so many people lose their youth by staying stoned all the time.
Have an savings account. Keep adding to it, even if it's only a couple of bucks a month.
Maintain your car. Look at your tires, watch the tread and don't let it get too low. Keep the maintenance up.
Exercise! Be happy! Take lots of pictures, enjoy your life!
discobiscuits
New Member
- take advice from everyone but don't follow advice from women under 40 (sorry under 40s)
- try to do all or as many of the things you want to do before you get married or at least while you are waiting for a mate
- stay out of debt but build your credit
- invest, invest, invest
- save, save, save
- can't think of anymore right now
TrueBeliever
Well-Known Member
1. What are some things you wish you knew earlier, or advise you would pass down to younger or less experienced women or family members?
-Don't judge people by what they SAY, especially men. Judge their feelings about you by what they DO.
-Never believe that you are not as good as everyone else. Nobody's perfect and circumstances change DAILY.
-Never let someone tell you that you can't do something you want to do in life. Always seek your desire.
-Always be kind to people with words. Just like one word of malice can hurt deeply, a word of kindness can heal abundantly.
-A man should enhance your life, not burden it.
-A man should LOVE you with all your faults or it is not love.
-Do not tell people about ANY your plans, ambitions, dreams, hopes, possessions, etc. I'm talking about co-workers, toxic people, family relations, etc.....just keep all that to yourself if you want it to happen for you. Otherwise, someone will work to mess it up.
-God is good all the time
2. How have you changed from when you were younger/less expierenced to now? What things have you learned "arent worth it"?
I had to learn to place a high value on my time.
I've learned that forgiveness is freedom.
3. What things are you still working on?
I need to take certain things in life less seriously.
-Don't judge people by what they SAY, especially men. Judge their feelings about you by what they DO.
-Never believe that you are not as good as everyone else. Nobody's perfect and circumstances change DAILY.
-Never let someone tell you that you can't do something you want to do in life. Always seek your desire.
-Always be kind to people with words. Just like one word of malice can hurt deeply, a word of kindness can heal abundantly.
-A man should enhance your life, not burden it.
-A man should LOVE you with all your faults or it is not love.
-Do not tell people about ANY your plans, ambitions, dreams, hopes, possessions, etc. I'm talking about co-workers, toxic people, family relations, etc.....just keep all that to yourself if you want it to happen for you. Otherwise, someone will work to mess it up.
-God is good all the time
2. How have you changed from when you were younger/less expierenced to now? What things have you learned "arent worth it"?
I had to learn to place a high value on my time.
I've learned that forgiveness is freedom.
3. What things are you still working on?
I need to take certain things in life less seriously.
aribell
formerly nicola.kirwan
1. What are some things you wish you knew earlier, or advise you would pass down to younger or less experienced women or family members?
Don't doubt yourself, your feelings, intuition, perceptions. Don't substitute the judgment of those around you for your own--even those close to you. Everyone has their own perspective, desires, and agenda. The only way to get what you want is to hold fast to what you want.
Similarly, if you're walking a different path than those around you, don't give into the temptation to think that you must be missing out on something. Don't doubt your own values. What's yours will come in its time.
Focus on self-respect and knowing that you are already loved unconditionally, and don't look for validation from those around you.
2. How have you changed from when you were younger/less expierenced to now? What things have you learned "arent worth it"?
Don't overshare with friends...about anything, really. I know what it's like to have super-close best friends; even if they're really close, leave some space between you. Overfamiliarity breeds contempt.
Live frugally and save money. The time will come when you have more money to spend; just be patient.
When it comes to men, wait for no one. As soon as you have to start figuring out why he's doing or not doing x, y, or z, let it go. If it's right, he will come after you.
Know that things change, and that's okay!
3. What things are you still working on?
Being disciplined with my time. There's so much to be done in one day and time and energy are precious!
Don't doubt yourself, your feelings, intuition, perceptions. Don't substitute the judgment of those around you for your own--even those close to you. Everyone has their own perspective, desires, and agenda. The only way to get what you want is to hold fast to what you want.
Similarly, if you're walking a different path than those around you, don't give into the temptation to think that you must be missing out on something. Don't doubt your own values. What's yours will come in its time.
Focus on self-respect and knowing that you are already loved unconditionally, and don't look for validation from those around you.
2. How have you changed from when you were younger/less expierenced to now? What things have you learned "arent worth it"?
Don't overshare with friends...about anything, really. I know what it's like to have super-close best friends; even if they're really close, leave some space between you. Overfamiliarity breeds contempt.
Live frugally and save money. The time will come when you have more money to spend; just be patient.
When it comes to men, wait for no one. As soon as you have to start figuring out why he's doing or not doing x, y, or z, let it go. If it's right, he will come after you.
Know that things change, and that's okay!
3. What things are you still working on?
Being disciplined with my time. There's so much to be done in one day and time and energy are precious!
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ixoyegodisgood
New Member
Great thread!
Dak
Well-Known Member
Compared to a child, no argument there!
For me, though, I wish I hadn't burdened myself with a pet
. It was an added expense, many rentals don't take pets and I used it as an excuse not to take jobs that involved traveling.
caribeandiva
Human being
1. What are some things you wish you knew earlier, or advise you would pass down to younger or less experienced women or family members?
-Don't put up with BS. If a man wants you he'll find a way to let you know and ask you out. There's no such thing as a man who's too shy. Don't wait around hoping he'll finally get the balls to do it. Date others!
2. How have you changed from when you were younger/less expierenced to now? What things have you learned "arent worth it"?
-if he puts you through too much pain then it's not worth it. If you always have to chase him (you're always calling him, going to see him, buying him stuff while he doesn't reciprocate) then He's not worth it!!!
-Don't take care of a man emotionally, financially etc... at the start of a relationship. Go for guys who already have their ish together.
-also, your friends don't know crap about good relationships if they're single so don't listen to them!
3. What things are you still working on?
I'm working on my commitment phobia.
-Don't put up with BS. If a man wants you he'll find a way to let you know and ask you out. There's no such thing as a man who's too shy. Don't wait around hoping he'll finally get the balls to do it. Date others!
2. How have you changed from when you were younger/less expierenced to now? What things have you learned "arent worth it"?
-if he puts you through too much pain then it's not worth it. If you always have to chase him (you're always calling him, going to see him, buying him stuff while he doesn't reciprocate) then He's not worth it!!!
-Don't take care of a man emotionally, financially etc... at the start of a relationship. Go for guys who already have their ish together.
-also, your friends don't know crap about good relationships if they're single so don't listen to them!
3. What things are you still working on?
I'm working on my commitment phobia.
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