Women 25 and up, what are some things you learned that younger women should know?

1. What are some things you wish you knew earlier, or advise you would pass down to younger or less experienced women or family members?
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~ Barring self-destructive behavior, real friends respect you for who you are; they don't pressure you to comform yourself to reflect who they think you should be.

~ Real friends also respect your boundaries.

~ When a man is genuinely interested in you, there will be absolutely 0 guess work on your part. If you truly find yourself wondering if a man is interested in you, he's not.

2. How have you changed from when you were younger/less expierenced to now? What things have you learned "arent worth it"?
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 Yes. If a relationship (romatic or non-romantic) is toxic or counterproductive, I let it go. Having to rationalize or excuse someone else's behavior in order to justify your interactions with them is no way to live.


3. What things are you still working on?
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[/quote]Not taking things personally. It's never cool for a person to be flat out disrespectful, but some discourteous behavior isn't even about you.
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Finding your purpose in life is a process, but the things you like most and that you are passionate about indicates the path of your purpose. You will gain clarity on the specifics, but if you follow your strong likes you will build wisdom and experience in that area and your passion will grow and as the bible says, "Your gifts will make room for you" - meaning your passion for it and your experience will open many doors for you. I spent a lot of time worrying about making the right decision that I sometimes didn't make one at all for fear of making the wrong one.


Do what you want (within reason of course). I spent so much time trying to do the "right thing" that I missed doing what I wanted. I am a Christian so I tried so hard to be led by the Lord and was a little bit too deep. I believe that if I pray and am sincere about seeking and following the leading of the Lord "He will give me the desires of my heart" meaning He will put the desires He has for me in my heart. If I make a mistake or get lost, its okay. Thats a part of life and He will find me and work all things for my good. When I got this revelation, a huge weight was lifted because I worried a lot about whether I was making the right choices, even small choices.

Follow your instinct. I would have avoided a lot of heartache if I had listened to my gut feeling. I am still working on this. I do more, but I tend to believe people or situations or waver back and forth until they prove my gut feeling and then I'm like ..."I knew it! What a waste of time."

I am working on procrastination - the thief of time. I'm getting better and better daily.
 
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fluffylocks said:
1. What are some things you wish you knew earlier, or advise you would pass down to younger or less experienced women or family members?


2. How have you changed from when you were younger/less expierenced to now? What things have you learned "arent worth it"?


3. What things are you still working on?





I've noticed that alot of the crazy drama people go through happens when they are pretty young or alittle immature still, or have just begun dating, or are un-experienced still, I think that by 25, alot of the basic lessons have probally been learned and we've got alittle wiser and know how to handle situations, and was hoping some of the 25+ ladies could share what they've learned to the younger women, And I know we are all still learning and going through things, so question number 3 is just so we can see what problems or things still go on/arent due to age or lack of experience.

---One common sense thing i wish i knew earlier is that when two people are together, you still have to have your seperate lives. It keeps you from being jealous and worrying about what the other person is doing, it allows you not to get lost in another person and keep your identity and respect, and if things go wrong, your whole life wont feel disrupted or stopped.
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Preach on Sis...had to learn this the hard way:)
 
I wish I had learned these lessons when I was younger, but here goes

1. DO. NOT. CHASE. a man
2. Do not pursue a man
3. Live your life for yourself. Do things you like for you and develop your own interests.
4. Do not beg a man for anything.
5. If a man gives you a hint (or feeling) that he is not that in to you - then run!!! This ties in to #4
6. If a man loves you and wants you as his leading (and only ) lady, he will make it abundantly clear.
 
[

1. What are some things you wish you knew earlier, or advise you would pass down to younger or less experienced women or family members? Don't be so hard on yourself, but learn from your mistakes. Moving forward is difficult while being obsessed with your rear-view mirror
2. How have you changed from when you were younger/less expierenced to now? What things have you learned "arent worth it"?
Even in the past two years, I've become soooo much more secure with me. I am also more appreciative of the things my parents taught me. I am more grateful as whole, because I focus on the "big picture" now. My daddy would always say," Don't major in the minor," and I think it finally resonated with me. No matter how much I've gone through, God did just that- brought me through.
CONFORMING is NOT worth it. Be you (whoever that is) at all times. If something does not line up with your personal values, do NOT do it because that is the quickest route to REGRET.
3. What things are you still working on? making my best better and time management (lol)
 
- Always have a backup plan... not just some dusty plan B but a viable, livable backup plan... especially for relationships.

- SAVE YOUR MONEY.

- Never pin everything (hopes, dreams, future) on a man.

- Keep your own money and don't let your husband know how much there is or where it is at.

- SAVE YOUR MONEY.

- Don't rearrange your life for a man. I am paying the price for this one right now.

- Being single and childless is the time of your life you will be most free to do the things you want to do. Seize it and use that time wisely.

- SAVE YOUR MONEY.

- Guard your reputation very very carefully. We like to think that we don't care what people think about us, but the consequences of what others think can and does affect our lives... often in negative ways.

- SAVE YOUR MONEY. SAVE YOUR MONEY. SAVE YOUR MONEY. Seriously. It is SO important to have a financial cushion. (that your man does not know about!!!!!!)

- Listen to older women. Sometimes you may think they are old-fashioned and that thier views don't apply to modern life. Most often they are actually right.

- Don't believe the hype... ever. Especially when it comes from a man with a bulge in his pants.

- Know your priorities and live according to them. Know also, though, that you may have to make a few sacrifices of principle in order to keep yourself safe and secure. I'm thinking here of young moms. I'm a SAHM but now I am wishing I had finished my degree before getting married and having kids... and that I had kept one foot in the workplace the whole time. Even having a job that you work 4-5 days a month will keep you somewhat connected to the world of work and give you something to write on a resume. I never thought I'd be in the situation where I'd be advocating mothers working, but now I am wishing I had done things differently.

- SAVE YOUR MONEY. Did I mention SAVE YOUR MONEY??? There will come a day when the very basics of your survival (living in a nice apartment with a private duty nurse or rotting away in the state-run nursing home) will depend exactly and totally on the total of your assets. Men will screw you and cheat you out of what you deserve. God bless the child that's got her own.
 
~NanCeBoTwin~ said:
I've learned that sometimes people come into your life for a reason (season)...And sometimes, they leave just as quickly as they came..... and most of the time, them leaving is for the better......
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And if they or it means you no good then hurry up and release them or it because someone or something better is right behind it.
 
LadyPaniolo said:
- Always have a backup plan... not just some dusty plan B but a viable, livable backup plan... especially for relationships.

- SAVE YOUR MONEY.

- Never pin everything (hopes, dreams, future) on a man.

- Keep your own money and don't let your husband know how much there is or where it is at.

- SAVE YOUR MONEY.

- Don't rearrange your life for a man. I am paying the price for this one right now.

- Being single and childless is the time of your life you will be most free to do the things you want to do. Seize it and use that time wisely.

- SAVE YOUR MONEY.

- Guard your reputation very very carefully. We like to think that we don't care what people think about us, but the consequences of what others think can and does affect our lives... often in negative ways.

- SAVE YOUR MONEY. SAVE YOUR MONEY. SAVE YOUR MONEY. Seriously. It is SO important to have a financial cushion. (that your man does not know about!!!!!!)

- Listen to older women. Sometimes you may think they are old-fashioned and that thier views don't apply to modern life. Most often they are actually right.

- Don't believe the hype... ever. Especially when it comes from a man with a bulge in his pants.

- Know your priorities and live according to them. Know also, though, that you may have to make a few sacrifices of principle in order to keep yourself safe and secure. I'm thinking here of young moms. I'm a SAHM but now I am wishing I had finished my degree before getting married and having kids... and that I had kept one foot in the workplace the whole time. Even having a job that you work 4-5 days a month will keep you somewhat connected to the world of work and give you something to write on a resume. I never thought I'd be in the situation where I'd be advocating mothers working, but now I am wishing I had done things differently.

- SAVE YOUR MONEY. Did I mention SAVE YOUR MONEY??? There will come a day when the very basics of your survival (living in a nice apartment with a private duty nurse or rotting away in the state-run nursing home) will depend exactly and totally on the total of your assets. Men will screw you and cheat you out of what you deserve. God bless the child that's got her own.
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I've been in that situation too and it's tough coming back to the work world after being a SAHM. It's like you have to start all back over again. I'll never make that mistake again!! I like this post!
 
Enjoy your single life.

Don't rush love; it'll come when you are ready.

Men are not complex creatures; whoever he is today....he will be that tomorrow.
 
LadyPaniolo said:
- Always have a backup plan... not just some dusty plan B but a viable, livable backup plan... especially for relationships.

- SAVE YOUR MONEY.

- Never pin everything (hopes, dreams, future) on a man.

- Keep your own money and don't let your husband know how much there is or where it is at.

- SAVE YOUR MONEY.

- Don't rearrange your life for a man. I am paying the price for this one right now.

- Being single and childless is the time of your life you will be most free to do the things you want to do. Seize it and use that time wisely.

- SAVE YOUR MONEY.

- Guard your reputation very very carefully. We like to think that we don't care what people think about us, but the consequences of what others think can and does affect our lives... often in negative ways.

- SAVE YOUR MONEY. SAVE YOUR MONEY. SAVE YOUR MONEY. Seriously. It is SO important to have a financial cushion. (that your man does not know about!!!!!!)

- Listen to older women. Sometimes you may think they are old-fashioned and that thier views don't apply to modern life. Most often they are actually right.

- Don't believe the hype... ever. Especially when it comes from a man with a bulge in his pants.

- Know your priorities and live according to them. Know also, though, that you may have to make a few sacrifices of principle in order to keep yourself safe and secure. I'm thinking here of young moms. I'm a SAHM but now I am wishing I had finished my degree before getting married and having kids... and that I had kept one foot in the workplace the whole time. Even having a job that you work 4-5 days a month will keep you somewhat connected to the world of work and give you something to write on a resume. I never thought I'd be in the situation where I'd be advocating mothers working, but now I am wishing I had done things differently.

- SAVE YOUR MONEY. Did I mention SAVE YOUR MONEY??? There will come a day when the very basics of your survival (living in a nice apartment with a private duty nurse or rotting away in the state-run nursing home) will depend exactly and totally on the total of your assets. Men will screw you and cheat you out of what you deserve. God bless the child that's got her own.
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Oh, I love this post! :grin:
 
I haven't read the replies yet, BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS POST!. I was just telling someone that you'd be suprised how more seasoned folk won't share what they know or reach out to youth :nono: I've had a really hard time finding successful women mentors in my career and in general *sigh* I'm still looking for anyone who's interested :lol:
 
1. What are some things you wish you knew earlier, or advise you would pass down to younger or less experienced women or family members?


If a man wants to see you, whenever, where ever. he will. Period, point blank.

If a man wants to be with you and only you, He will. No excuses. No lame games.

True friends will tell you you are a stupid fool for doing something stupid, but they wont stop being your friend because they know you will learn eventually.
2. How have you changed from when you were younger/less expierenced to now? What things have you learned "arent worth it"?


I no longer deal with folks "potential". If you are not where you want to be, then that's fine, but I have had to learn that it isn't my responsibility to coach people into their destiny, not men, friends, coworkers, nobody.

Revenge is NEVER worth it in the end.


3. What things are you still working on?

Just doing my best in general at everything I do. I got use to being one step up from average and got spoiled. Now I am learning how to outdo myself in order to grow in every area of my life. It's no longer about doing/being better than anyone else. It's about being the me that God created me to be.
 
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Thank you ladies so much for this thread. I'm going through some of these things right now and I really needed this.
 
- Don't lose sleep over their BS - because TRUST they aren't losing any over theirs.
- Don't be so clingy - everyone needs their space and respect that need as they should respect yours.
- Be your own person and never compromise your self worth or respect for anyone.
- Learn to LOVE yourself before you love someone else.
 
Verbatim! Pray and live life to the fullest...don't wait for a man or your friends to do things you want to do or go...just do it!
Highly Favored8 said:
Get your education first.
Let a man come/chase after you.
Stay true to yourself
Always be a lady at all times
Take care of your health.
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Vanity1 said:
And finally, if you meet a guy and yall have this great romantic dinner, and he all of a sudden stops calling you and doesnt answer your first and only call, drop it. There is no need to chase something that is not there in the first place. Stop overanalyzing things.
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This bears repeating! :yep: I know it seems like commen sense but actually putting it into practice can be quite challenging...but it is sooooo worth it! You think you'll feel better if you try to "figure it out" or proactively give him another shot, but that is almost never the case. It's more empowering (and healthier for your self esteem) to be able to just wash your hands of it entirely.
 
darlingdiva said:
1. What are some things you wish you knew earlier, or advice you would pass down to less experienced or younger family members or women?

Fall in love with yourself & learn to be your own best friend. Set your standards & stick to them. Don't compromise yourself for anyone. Know the difference between a friend, an aquaintance, and an associate. Eradicate garbage OF ANY KIND (friends, family, romantic partner, etc.) from your life. Be honest with yourself about every aspect of your life, no matter how much it hurts. You do yourself a great disservice when you lie to yourself.

2. How have you changed from when you were younger/less experienced to now? What things have you learned "aren't worth it"?

The biggest way that I've changed is that I no longer strive to be a people-pleaser. I've learned that there's a big difference between being polite & being a doormat. There was a time in my life when I lived for what people thought of me. If someone didn't like me, I was in agony. Everyone had to like me. Then I realized that I spent so much time trying to please others that I wasn't making myself happy.
I've learned that making others happy at the expense of my own happiness isn't worth it. If people like me, great. If people don't like me, the sun no longer ceases to shine for me because they don't like me.

What things are you still working on?

I'm working on not being a procrastinator (it's one of my worst habits), and I'm trying to be more of a forgiving person.
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Thank you, I no longer feel alone. How do you tell the difference between a friend, associate, and acquaintance ?
 
flower said:
Thank you, I no longer feel alone. How do you tell the difference between a friend, associate, and acquaintance ?
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A friend is someone whom you genuinely like, and someone whom genuinely likes you. I start with this description because, often times (at least in my case), we are surrounded by frienimies. You guys may talk and hang out on a pretty regular basis, but you really don't like each other. Those people do and/or say things to you w/ the direct purpose of making you unhappy. A friend is someone who has your best interests at heart. A friend is someone whom you can speak to openly and honestly because that person has your best interests at heart.

An associate is someone whom you don't really have a substantial relationship with. You speak to this person if you see him or her in the hall, on the way to the restroom, if you're both near the water cooler, etc., but that's basically it. Practically all of the communication that you have w/ this person is on a professional, academic, or another sort of non-social basis. You and this person don't hang out or talk on the phone.

Like an associate, an acquaintance is someone whom you don't really have a substantial relationship with. However, you communicate w/ an acquaintance more than you do w/ an associate, and the communication goes beyond "hello" and "goodbye." You may have brief to mid-length conversations. If you and that person are acquaintances because of someone you know (i.e., the acquaintance is a friend of one of your friends), you may hang out together and be in each other's presence on a pretty regular basis. These types of relationships are often confused as being friendships b/c you hang out w/ the other person a lot & the conversations are casual. This person is not your friend, though. You wouldn't call this person if you were going through a crisis.

Of course, all of this is JMHO.
 
When a person shows you who they are, believe them! Don't blame someone for their faults because YOU decided to ignore it!

Become the person YOU want to be with.

Be confident in yourself, not arrogant.

When you have the option to be mean or Kind, always be kind.

People aren't that bad. Most of the time it has NOTHING to do with you.

Put God first in everything. Have faith in him and his words. Truly believe in what you pray for. He will grant your desires if only you believe in him. Worry about nothing, God is in control.

Allow yourself to be loved by people who want to love you. Even if it's for a short period of time. Everyone should experience how love really feels at least once in their life.

Listen to your parents, they are usually right and have your best interest. They are speaking from experience.

Love yourself the way you imagine your mate should love you.

Set standards, stick to them.

Education is key. Pursue your dreams.

Be independent, but not so much that you draw people away. The load doesn't always have to be on your back, pass the bucket! We are here to help eachother!

Have no regrets. Live a life you truly love. Listen to your spirit, it will guide you every step of the way.

ETA:

Most things that happen in life are temporary. It's not the end of the world. you will get through it.

Don't take yourself too seriously. Smile on a daily basis. a day w/o smiling is one wasted!
 
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darlingdiva said:
A friend is someone whom you genuinely like, and someone whom genuinely likes you. I start with this description because, often times (at least in my case), we are surrounded by frienimies. You guys may talk and hang out on a pretty regular basis, but you really don't like each other. Those people do and/or say things to you w/ the direct purpose of making you unhappy. A friend is someone who has your best interests at heart. A friend is someone whom you can speak to openly and honestly because that person has your best interests at heart.

An associate is someone whom you don't really have a substantial relationship with. You speak to this person if you see him or her in the hall, on the way to the restroom, if you're both near the water cooler, etc., but that's basically it. Practically all of the communication that you have w/ this person is on a professional, academic, or another sort of non-social basis. You and this person don't hang out or talk on the phone.

Like an associate, an acquaintance is someone whom you don't really have a substantial relationship with. However, you communicate w/ an acquaintance more than you do w/ an associate, and the communication goes beyond "hello" and "goodbye." You may have brief to mid-length conversations. If you and that person are acquaintances because of someone you know (i.e., the acquaintance is a friend of one of your friends), you may hang out together and be in each other's presence on a pretty regular basis. These types of relationships are often confused as being friendships b/c you hang out w/ the other person a lot & the conversations are casual. This person is not your friend, though. You wouldn't call this person if you were going through a crisis.

Of course, all of this is JMHO.
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STILL trying to tell the differences. Thanks for this.
 
1. Look in the mirror. The woman looking back at you is your number 1 priority. Be selfish with her.

2. Sometimes its wise to keep your mouth shut and your ears WIDE OPEN. Your questions might be answered before you even need to ask anything.

3. Don't hang out with your married lover at work, and think nobody knows. Girl, you work and take calls in a cubicle....we know:rolleyes: (Sorry, that was buggin me all day since I know the guy's wife). But I'm serious about the first two points:)
 
It's great to be independant but don't be so militant about it that a man feels he has no place in your life. I see this with lots of older black women.

Don't be so quick to constantly mention to men that you don't need them or they will take that to heart and think it's no big deal to leave you...with children and all.

Do not argue with a liar by giving him every bit of proof you have about his lies. He'll just lie and those are some long conversations that you do no want to waste your time on. Liars know they're liars.
 
My ex mother -in-law gave me this advice when I was 21 and in a very troubled relationship with her son.

"Never attempt to love anyone more than you love yourself."

It is the best piece of advice I have ever received.....I love to share it with everyone I know.

Truly priceless!!!!!
 
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