What things have you learned about relationships from MEN?

phynestone said:
Well, speaking from my experience, not always going along to get along. Yes, pick and choose your battles wisely, but remember that you have a voice and it matters. It has value. (my supervisor told me this a few mos. ago)

By accomodating, I mean, always being super understanding when plans fall through, slowly becoming a ride-or-die chick, that sort of thing. Men test us and if we fail, it opens the door to contempt. The little things turn into bigger problems. Set a standard and stick to it. If he's an upstanding man, he will understand if you are cautious. If not, throw him back.

If you are too agreeable and accomodating, people will think you don't have a mind of your own and will begin to disrespect you. Folks know who they can and can't 'try' with that mess. There are times you should ignore certain issue and there are definitely times when you should speak up. I have noticed that in my personal and professional life, whenever I didn't speak up about something said or done to me that was very disrespectful, those same folks became contemptuous of me and felt I wasn't worthy of respect because I didn't show via my actions that I WAS worthy of respect.

I hope this helps. I have a tendency to get off on tangents and ramble about stuff irrelevant to the discussion at hand.
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Thanks for this post, I definitely agree. I think where a lot of us women get it wrong is not saying anything at all or saying something by yelling and screaming. I think a woman should always stand up for herself with grace and class.
 
LoveisYou said:
Thanks for this post, I definitely agree. I think where a lot of us women get it wrong is not saying anything at all or saying something by yelling and screaming. I think a woman should always stand up for herself with grace and class.
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FIERCE OUTFIT in ur Siggy!!! :clap:
 
janiebaby said:
Men want to be around people that want but don't need them. They feel uncomfortable being placed on pedestals when they haven't earned it.
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Omg...this is SOOO true! Don't put a man up on a pedestal, because anytime you put someone up on a pedestal, they're immediately looking DOWN upon you. :nono:

And men are really funny in the fact that they don't feel comfortable when they get something that they haven't really earned. I think most people are like that actually.

Men like to WORK for what they receive. They want to feel like they've EARNED it. When you give a man too much attention, too much of your time, too much doting, too much too much too much and he hasn't EARNED it yet, then he may feel flattered (of course) and will start to believe his own HYPE :rolleyes:, but eventually, after a while, when he becomes tired of you and wants to pursue a woman who actually makes him WORK for "it", he will drop you like a bad habit, and may even treat you disrespectfully because you basically told him with your actions that he didn't have to "work" in order to get (AND keep) your affections. :nono:

That's why men TYPICALLY (not always) like to be the ones to pursue a woman.

phynestone said:
If you are too agreeable and accomodating, people will think you don't have a mind of your own and will begin to disrespect you. Folks know who they can and can't 'try' with that mess. There are times you should ignore certain issue and there are definitely times when you should speak up. I have noticed that in my personal and professional life, whenever I didn't speak up about something said or done to me that was very disrespectful, those same folks became contemptuous of me and felt I wasn't worthy of respect because I didn't show via my actions that I WAS worthy of respect.

I hope this helps. I have a tendency to get off on tangents and ramble about stuff irrelevant to the discussion at hand.
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EXACTLY! Very well said. :yep:

I need to keep this in mind myself. I have to keep this in my head especially for the new 2011 year. This is something I've slowly but surely come to realize, and I have to keep reminding myself that I AM worthy, and my thoughts and opinions DO matter. Otherwise, people WILL walk all over you.
 
You can judge a man by his father. If his father was a cheater, he will be a cheater. If his father had a failed marriage or never married, he will do the same.

My male cousin shared this with me. He is a cheater.
 
phynestone said:
Well, speaking from my experience, not always going along to get along. Yes, pick and choose your battles wisely, but remember that you have a voice and it matters. It has value. (my supervisor told me this a few mos. ago)

By accomodating, I mean, always being super understanding when plans fall through, slowly becoming a ride-or-die chick, that sort of thing. Men test us and if we fail, it opens the door to contempt. The little things turn into bigger problems. Set a standard and stick to it. If he's an upstanding man, he will understand if you are cautious. If not, throw him back.

If you are too agreeable and accomodating, people will think you don't have a mind of your own and will begin to disrespect you. Folks know who they can and can't 'try' with that mess. There are times you should ignore certain issue and there are definitely times when you should speak up. I have noticed that in my personal and professional life, whenever I didn't speak up about something said or done to me that was very disrespectful, those same folks became contemptuous of me and felt I wasn't worthy of respect because I didn't show via my actions that I WAS worthy of respect.

I hope this helps. I have a tendency to get off on tangents and ramble about stuff irrelevant to the discussion at hand.
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The bolded is so true. I learnt that lesson and when you start to set boundaries these persons would try and push them down.

Lessons from men: To some if not most men respect carries a very high value.

Have boundaries but know they will be tested. I you are too pliable what was said in the bolded above may be your fate.

Lay off trying to "control" your man (not refering to stuff that you must have a boundary for), men hate being henpecked. Those who seem to tolerate it are usually getting revenge some secret way.

Stop being always "sick". I've know men that have resented their wives for this. Yes let them feel like a man but not by pretending to be overly weak and delicate. (Although some men seem to like the "delicate" kind.
 
janiebaby said:
Respect doesn't always equate to withholding sex. Men respect people and women based on their status and how people/women can elevate that man's status.
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Can you elaborate on this?

For instance, can you give an example surrounding a woman's status and respect from men?
 
I have learned to take things slow and learn to be his friend first (flirting is key, but keep the physical at a limit i.e. kissing, hugging, etc). Let him appreciate your other features first.

Also, never give up the cookies until he has fallen in love with you.

The club is like a playground for men. That is not where you want to meet them. (My aunt met her husband here and they have been together for over 20 years, but this is rare.)

Never have a date at your house----go to a neutral place.

Don't be quick to consider him your man. Let him be your friend without the physical parts, you want to make sure that he is worthy of being your man.

Keep your options open!!! Just because you both like Snickers and eat them upside down does not mean he is the one! And every friend isn't meant to date seriously! You have to give it time and keep his hands off of you. LOL

Please make it easy to trust, especially with his emotions. If a man can't trust you with his emotions, heart, love, he will never marry or give you what you want.

Don't be too eager to tell him that you know he is your husband, that you guys are going to have kids, and that you know he is the one. Let him realize this himself.

No it is not all about him, so work your jelly! Have your own hobbies, have your own life, just allow him to gradually be involved.

Sounds crazy but it is really good advise! It really helped me to find myself and not ID myself by the relationship that I was in. I have been with my fiance for 3 years now. We just became engaged and are getting married in May. We are still individual people, we are us, but without the ball and chain. I absolutely love it. The advice was courtesy a book called "Boundaries in Dating - Making Dating Work" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Also per my guy friends and cousins. Hope this helps!
 
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I was actually chatting about relationships with a close guy friend the other day - here are some snippets:

1) sometimes we need the "experience" with someone and maybe not the "relationship"
2) don't waste your youth - you are meant to catch a hubby, not be someone's "plaything"
3) if a man doesn't want to marry you, you shouldn't even date him
4) put yourself out there, you're dope and a million guys would want to lock-it down with you once they got to know you
5) live in expectancy - expect love
 
HollyGolightly said:
I wouldn't even say it's a control thing. Just make him feel like a "man". Traditionally, men are supposed to be strong, protective, and self-reliant. Even if you think gender roles are a bunch of bs, he'll love when you take notice and praise him for acting manly.
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But why are we giving men praise for something they should already be? Men should not require women to affirm their manhood. A man never has to do anything to make me feel like a woman because I was born a woman and that's what I will always be no matter what. A man knows he's a man and should not need a woman to reaffirm or define masculinity for him. This is nothing but feminization of masculinity. And this is a major problem of why men complain that women are taking on the roles of men. If a man has to constantly look to women to reaffirm his manhood. He appears insecure and perhaps even feminine. Women will not respect a man who they feel is feminine.
 
HollyGolightly said:
My play brother taught me that men don't commit to women they don't respect. It doesn't matter how pretty they are, how much money they make, or what the woman does for them. If they don't respect a woman then they'll string her along and use her for whatever they can get.

It's not fair, but men value a woman's beauty more than anything else. Women will overlook mediocre looks if a man has more to offer, but a man will never settle and commit to someone that he's not attracted to.

Men are emo! They crave love and affection just as much as we do.
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Ehhh, based on my experience I have to disagree.
I had a next door neighbor who showed up on my door drunk and talking about how strongly he felt for me.
He was engaged to this woman he didn't have the same attraction to.
I think he proceeded with the marriage through. I saw them moving out together.
 
Men will always look at a woman's body not matter how old, fat or unattractive...they just are hard wired to look. I test this out all the time and catch men looking at whomever is passing by.

I was with a guy once and this sistah walked by that had a banging body, and before he could pretend he wasn't looking I said "damn she's fine" he didn't know what to do...talking bout who? And then he was like "oh her...I guess" ..lol

We laughed about it later and I had to make him understand I get that men look we all look so don't feel no way when I look at another man. It's human nature.
 
ElizaBlue said:
Men will always look at a woman's body not matter how old, fat or unattractive...they just are hard wired to look. I test this out all the time and catch men looking at whomever is passing by.

I was with a guy once and this sistah walked by that had a banging body, and before he could pretend he wasn't looking I said "damn she's fine" he didn't know what to do...talking bout who? And then he was like "oh her...I guess" ..lol

We laughed about it later and I had to make him understand I get that men look we all look so don't feel no way when I look at another man. It's human nature.
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We sure do look as well. I LUBS me some window shopping and can appreciate a nice looking man! LOL!
 
misspriss said:
I was actually chatting about relationships with a close guy friend the other day - here are some snippets:

1) sometimes we need the "experience" with someone and maybe not the "relationship"
2) don't waste your youth - you are meant to catch a hubby, not be someone's "plaything"
3) if a man doesn't want to marry you, you shouldn't even date him
4) put yourself out there, you're dope and a million guys would want to lock-it down with you once they got to know you
5) live in expectancy - expect love
Click to expand...

just because this needs to be repeated. especially number 5
 
amwcah said:
You can judge a man by his father. If his father was a cheater, he will be a cheater. If his father had a failed marriage or never married, he will do the same.

My male cousin shared this with me. He is a cheater.
Click to expand...


hmm really.
 
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