Women 25 and up, what are some things you learned that younger women should know?

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fluffylocks

New Member
1. What are some things you wish you knew earlier, or advise you would pass down to younger or less experienced women or family members?


2. How have you changed from when you were younger/less expierenced to now? What things have you learned "arent worth it"?


3. What things are you still working on?





I've noticed that alot of the crazy drama people go through happens when they are pretty young or alittle immature still, or have just begun dating, or are un-experienced still, I think that by 25, alot of the basic lessons have probally been learned and we've got alittle wiser and know how to handle situations, and was hoping some of the 25+ ladies could share what they've learned to the younger women, And I know we are all still learning and going through things, so question number 3 is just so we can see what problems or things still go on/arent due to age or lack of experience.

---One common sense thing i wish i knew earlier is that when two people are together, you still have to have your seperate lives. It keeps you from being jealous and worrying about what the other person is doing, it allows you not to get lost in another person and keep your identity and respect, and if things go wrong, your whole life wont feel disrupted or stopped.









 
I've learned that sometimes people come into your life for a reason (season)...And sometimes, they leave just as quickly as they came..... and most of the time, them leaving is for the better......
 
Your friends aren't always right, so if you are taking advice from them, make sure they've had stable rlps of their own...

KEEP GOD FIRST IN EVERYTHING!!! He really does know what's best.
 
Pick your battles carefully, everything is not worth fighting about.

Don't take everything so seriously. Relax.
 
Love yourself if you expect anyone else to love you.
Man(human Beings) will fail you but God is always with you.
There is NOthing new UNder the sun.(that man left you, you can survive because other women have survived the same issue)
if people want to define you let them,but live your own truth
 
1. What are some things you wish you knew earlier, or advise you would pass down to younger or less experienced women or family members?

I wish someone would tell younger women that you dont need a man to complete you. And that if you dont have a man it's not the end of the world. Being single is okay.


2. How have you changed from when you were younger/less expierenced to now? What things have you learned "arent worth it"?

I've learned that chasing a man is NEVER worth it:nono:

Stop making excuses for him. Oh well he hasnt called me in a months because he's busy and he stood me up twice because he forgot his phone. No sweetie. He just doesnt want you. By holding on to the guy that doesnt appreciate you could be blocking a good guy from coming into your life.

Dont settle for being the jumpoff if you really want a relationship.

And if he hates his mom, he's not gonna treat you right.
 
Well I seen the title and came in because I am qualified lol. Answers below.

1. What are some things you wish you knew earlier, or advise you would pass down to younger or less experienced women or family members?

Put God first...And his way of life...You can't go wrong with that!

Love yourself...Inside and out.

Be independent and always have your own in the bank...Not just to be sneaky, have your own because you never know what may happen, your husband may get sick and need your help, you never know! It's your own security.

Love your husband and respect him, but don't loose your self-respect and dignity in the process...Never loose your self-respect and dignity for anyone.

Stand up for yourself and if there is anything you aren't going to stand for let it be known than keep your mouth shut and it bite you later.

Learn when to shut up. Most men don't want all that talking and chit chat about stuff he's not interested in...Imagine how you'd feel if he talked about say, airplanes all day and the thought of them made you sick... You gotta put the shoe on the other foot in all situations.

Take care of/pay yourself first.



2. How have you changed from when you were younger/less expierenced to now? What things have you learned "arent worth it"?

From the outside looking in, it's not worth it to cheat in a marriage or cheat people period...Procrastination isn't worth it... Anything that will bite you in the *** later isn't worth it...Always think about all of the possible end results.



3. What things are you still working on?

Everyday to increase my faith in God...

These are all that I can think of for now...And I do agree with the previous posters!

Best Wishes,
Alicia
 
Get your education first.
Let a man come/chase after you.
Stay true to yourself
Always be a lady at all times
Take care of your health.
 
1. What are some things you wish you knew earlier, or advise you would pass down to younger or less experienced women or family members?

I would tell a young lady that you are to be cherished and respected. Anyone who doesn't want to do the same, is not worth your time. I know it is cliche' but I see far too many young women doing things to themselves that really mess them up for life whether it is emotionally, mentally, financially, etc.

Invest wisely. That is everything, from finances , time, your womb, on down, because unfortunately we do not have many things in our favor as women, and more specifically as black women.

Be ok with telling people no.

Be involved. When I say this, I mean find hobbies, things you like to do. Things you may think you want to do. Anything that sparks your interests. And it is ok if you do not like it. But you will never live your life saying "i wish" as a result.

Dont be afraid to take risks.

Don't be afraid to question things that don't seem right to you. There are not many absolutes in this life other that the universe and spirit that guides.

And finally, if you meet a guy and yall have this great romantic dinner, and he all of a sudden stops calling you and doesnt answer your first and only call, drop it. There is no need to chase something that is not there in the first place. Stop overanalyzing things.

Everything has a season. Everything needs to be cleaned. We focus so much on appearances and material things that need to look good and be clean, but fail to realize our personal lives, spirits and souls need the same cleansings as well.

2. How have you changed from when you were younger/less expierenced to now? What things have you learned "arent worth it"?
I have matured in so many ways. The root of me is still here: the passion, drive, strength, but I have learned so much and experienced so many things that have molded me into what I am now. And seeing as though I think change is necessary to stay out of spiritual ruts, I am more fulfilled as a result.

The only things I can say that are not worth it in life are unnecessary clutter in your life. They come in the form of dead end relationships with people in general, jobs that drain your energy and keep you from achieving more, things, boy oh boy, had I known what I know now. I had so much money as a young adult, and blew it. Even though I am goodnow, and def. do not hurting, I can only imagine where my portfolio would be now had I listened to my parents and made better decisions.

Those friends you so desparately need or want to look good for, the minute the ball drops they are out the door. If you ever wonder who "has your back" look to those who were truly there for you in your weakest moment. They didnt critique you are look down on you. They were simply there.

3. What things are you still working on?

Myself in general. I am always a work in progress and will be until my physical presence is no longer.....
 
Establish yourself as an independent woman before you move in with or marry a man; learn how to run your own household and take care of yourself...

Exercise and establish healthy food habits; do this now so that when you have children, you will not burden them with your bad habits.
 
Don't waste your time because you can't get it back.
I'm worth it. Worth what? Everything!!!
Men lie. They really do. All of the time. Unprovoked and for no reason at all.
Men marry when they feel like it . . . it's all about timing.
Despite what "they" say, life is not supposed to be a struggle.

How have I matured, well I spent many years trying to look my best to attract a man, now the man that I seek doesn't even see with his eyes. He sees with his soul.
 
I've learned to follow my own mind, maintain boundaries and guidelines which do not waiver. I have learned to love my own company and myself more than I love anyone else. People are more important than things-calling loved ones takes a few minutes and gives us both joy. Keep your old friends as well as most of your thoughts to yourself-you do not need to say everything on your mind-silence is truly golden. I've also learned to save more money than I spend.
 
You can't change a man. If you try you will waste you life away.

Also don't get with a guys potential. Get with who he is today.
 
Nothing to add but I wonder if the things in this thread is going to be compiled and sent out over the internet like the classic thread "Lessons You've Learned in Relationships." Of course...when that happened the LHCF ladies hardly ever got the credit for writing it...
 
1. What are some things you wish you knew earlier, or advice you would pass down to less experienced or younger family members or women?

Fall in love with yourself & learn to be your own best friend. Set your standards & stick to them. Don't compromise yourself for anyone. Know the difference between a friend, an aquaintance, and an associate. Eradicate garbage OF ANY KIND (friends, family, romantic partner, etc.) from your life. Be honest with yourself about every aspect of your life, no matter how much it hurts. You do yourself a great disservice when you lie to yourself.

2. How have you changed from when you were younger/less experienced to now? What things have you learned "aren't worth it"?

The biggest way that I've changed is that I no longer strive to be a people-pleaser. I've learned that there's a big difference between being polite & being a doormat. There was a time in my life when I lived for what people thought of me. If someone didn't like me, I was in agony. Everyone had to like me. Then I realized that I spent so much time trying to please others that I wasn't making myself happy.
I've learned that making others happy at the expense of my own happiness isn't worth it. If people like me, great. If people don't like me, the sun no longer ceases to shine for me because they don't like me.

What things are you still working on?

I'm working on not being a procrastinator (it's one of my worst habits), and I'm trying to be more of a forgiving person.
 
Everyone has flaws. Live a healthy, happy lifestyle and make the best of what God has given you. Things that you can't change, like what type of nose you have, eye color, etc, is not worth obsessing over.
 
To enjoy your youth while you still have it.
To never let a man talk you out of your hard earned money.
To treasure your mind and your body.
Trust your instincts.
Be patient, don't rush. Good things come to people who wait.

Wish this thread was around when i was growing up =)
 
You will realize that every time you come out of a relationship, the list of what you want to find in someone goes on and on.

Try to be friends with someone in the begining before proceeding into a relationship. Men do change!

Don't wait around for someone to make you their girldfriend, the ball is in your court.
 
Everything does not have to happen RIGHT NOW!!!

Work hard at being at peace with yourself.

Think! Think! Think for yourself, make your own choices, and own them.

Life is long, take your time and enjoy it
 
I've learned to never settle for less than you deserve :-) Oh how I wish I could take some things back but I chalk everything up to lessons learned.
 
If you feel something not right, it probally isn't. Don't walk, run away from the relationship, your instinct is giving you signals for a reason.

Don't wait for a dude to make any decision, you make them.

Don't regret breaking it off with someone, you made the decision for a reason.

Believe in yourself and don't let others downgrade you, they got issues and trying to make it seem like you have issues, when you don't.

Remember they came to you, you attracted them to you, now they telling you all this negative stuff, you didn't changed, they did.

Its true dudes, do get tired of you, once you feel the silent treatment, break it off. Cause in the long run, they will only hurt you.

If a man accusing you of doing something, they are doing it themselves, cause they pull the same line on another female.

If you don't like the way you are being treated, move on. Its no law you have to put up with it.

Once you break up, stop calling, emailing and text. Say your last peace and move on. Cause once you keep giving in, they going to keep doing their mess to you.

If a man really hurts you, don't waste your time, expecting an apology, cause they too crazy, or stupid, to think they did anything wrong. So you not going to get it.

Don't dwell on why the relationship didn't work, of course he going to blame you for everything, and please, please, please don't believe it, its a tactic, to make you apologize for everything. Then make you want to work it out, then he got you where he want you.

Don't let a man string you alone, If you feel like you being strung along, then you are.

Ask questions to things you want answers too. Don't assume anything. If he give you, the I don't know, then you give a answer.

People do break up and get back together. So don't be scared to break up with a dude, if he really into you, he will come back. They always do. Let them know, they don't run you.
 
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-no makeup, clothes, cleveage, etc is gonna give you that true longterm, genuine love that most of us desire from a man.
 
Communication , communication is very important in a relationship.

Speak your mind sister don't be afraid to speak your mind in a relationship.
 
I'm still learning...

Love yourself *so much* that when or if he treats you wrong, you won't accept mediocracy.

No man is worth your time if he cannot respect you, your boundaries, your beliefs and your morals.

If you ever start to feel lonely *and he's in the room* re-assess the relationship.

Never live in fear. Fear to speak your mind, your thoughts, your heart. If you cannot share it with him in a safe and loving manner, then you're being controlled.

You control the game of love. How do you want this to play out?

If you have to do the chasing and pursuing, you're doing it wrong!

Remember that you are beautiful. Your past does not define today nor does it control tomorrow. Your life has God-given purpose and that purpose is not to be unhappy, miserable, living a HARD life. Your mate should make it easier for you, he should protect you, not hurt you... and if he doesn't... NEXT.
 
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