Wife School - I Know Ya'll Saw This Yesterday...

Do u know all the duties lol I started making a list but I’m sure I missed some:

  1. Teaches children how to behave inside and outside of the home
  2. Blocks and shields husband and family from Drama
  3. Follows husband’s directions without asking why.
  4. To be playful, silly, and girly
  5. Creates a Physical appearance and upkeep plan for the family
  6. Offers husband variety and routine
  7. Respects and not judge husband’s mistakes and leadership growth process
  8. Knows how to get her husband how to happily talk
  9. Keeps the family healthy through meal planning and outdoor activities
  10. Offer constructive criticism ONLY
  11. Encourage husband’s goals and puts them first
  12. Is a steward of the family’s money. (Couponing, shopping on a budget)
  13. Implements safety rules
  14. Shows the family affection in public.
  15. Serves as the home’s secretary (without working)
  16. Creates family heirlooms: recipes, pass downs, and traits.
  17. Keeps the media from ruining family.
  18. Sets the spiritual tone
  19. Teaches, manages, and disciplines children
  20. Prepare regular, respectful, well plated food and sets up family table well
  21. Uplifts your husband’s masculinity and elevate his status
  22. Cooks well and only fresh and from scratch.
  23. Serves as social status through femininity
  24. Keeps the home mood positive and peaceful
  25. Brings culture and beauty
  26. Gives blow jobs to boost testosterone.
  27. Creates family traditions
  28. Use my mouth appropriately
  29. Raise husband’s social status by increasing respect
  30. Plan family vacations to make memories
  31. Implements Sensual tea ceremonies
  32. Love Husband
  33. Have sex including blow jobs every 1-2 days to increase intimacy
  34. To Love and Train Children
  35. To Serve Outside the Home through community service
  36. Have Financial Respect
  37. Steer Family from Female Intruders
  38. To be vulnerable
  39. To give masculine love
  40. To inspire husband to be his best
  41. To implement high thinking practices
  42. To create and facilitate rites of passages for girl children
  43. To be a great record keeper for family dates, pictures, and memories
  44. Facilitate the family in creating a Family Crest
  45. To shop cheaply and saavy to keep your family looking royal
  46. To model how an effective relationship looks like to children.
  47. To help develop wealth building tactics
  48. To charm your man
  49. To know when to remain silent and be sad not mad.
  50. To create and environment where men work for everything they desire including you. (Job, dreams, women, power, and etc.)
  51. To make sure her husband reaches his highest potential
  52. To make sure her family has high self-esteem
  53. To makes sure when in public the family is represented well through neat and clean appearance
  54. To makes sure her husband feels safe to let down his guard to her.
Am I missing anything else?
 
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PrissiSippi said:
I'm thinking of starting up a Wife School Challenge for 2018 just like 52 Mondays. I'm trying to think of things that you would have to buy or set aside to be active/good in the challenge. First of all who would be interested in this challenge? Additionally I know you would need a few things to get started that first week. Help me create a list of what you would need to be an oober feminine wife- Ro style. I know the list wouldn't be long but you would need:

A set of white plates
A set of flatware (spoon, knife, and fork- enough for everyone who lives in your house)
3 pairs of cute sleepwear
3 nice bras/panties
3 sexy feminine dresses
1 pearl set
1 pair of heels
Access to fresh flowers
Access to fresh food
$10 Cleaning Supplies Kit- broom, bucket, sponges, oven cleaner, window cleaner/vinegar, Mr Clean, Cleaning Rags, Furniture Polish, Stainless Steel Cleaner, Bleach (All of which can be purchased at dollar tree)

The weeks would look like this
Week 1. Cook unapologetically- It doesn't matter if you're a novice or a pro. Cook for your family from scratch and don't forget to plate it though! Then we would all post a picture of at least two meals we cooked that week for accountability
Week 2. Create a cleaning routine. Take 15 minutes each morning and each night to put things away every night. Use your cleaning supplies kit to do it right! Up close and personal with your house is the goal!
Week 3- Go on a date. Pick a day a set the mood. Be a sweet lovely wife and go out with your boo. Remember to wear your heels, wear a feminine dress, use nonsexual touch, give him compliments all night, smile, be nurturing, and phones off. Aim to keep this to a date night EVERY WEEK and keep us updated.
Week 4- Invest in a pair of pearls. If you can't rock it...fake it til you make it. Swing by the hair store and buy a cheap $1 pair until you can afford the real deal. Jewelry tells the public eye that you are cared for, adorned, and well pampered. Even if this is not true, act like it. Take time this week to wear jewelry each and every day even if it's a simple pearl set and a sparkly bracelet. In the words of Miguel, Baby let me adorn you. Post a picture of you in your jewelry 2-3 days.

Yall like this?
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I’d definitely be up for that!
 
I don’t know where to put this. But I’m in love with this cookbook if you’re looking for some inspiration. It was only $20 on Amazon and it’s over 400 pages with complete menus for every Sunday and holidays. The recipes seem easy enough for you to put your own regional spin on them. I’d think this would be a perfect gift for a new wife or woman who wants to learn how to cook and create moments with her family.



41JeMYj2I+L._SX398_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg
 
Great idea



PrissiSippi said:
I'm thinking of starting up a Wife School Challenge for 2018 just like 52 Mondays. I'm trying to think of things that you would have to buy or set aside to be active/good in the challenge. First of all who would be interested in this challenge? Additionally I know you would need a few things to get started that first week. Help me create a list of what you would need to be an oober feminine wife- Ro style. I know the list wouldn't be long but you would need:

A set of white plates
A set of flatware (spoon, knife, and fork- enough for everyone who lives in your house)
3 pairs of cute sleepwear
3 nice bras/panties
3 sexy feminine dresses
1 pearl set
1 pair of heels
Access to fresh flowers
Access to fresh food
$10 Cleaning Supplies Kit- broom, bucket, sponges, oven cleaner, window cleaner/vinegar, Mr Clean, Cleaning Rags, Furniture Polish, Stainless Steel Cleaner, Bleach (All of which can be purchased at dollar tree)

The weeks would look like this
Week 1. Cook unapologetically- It doesn't matter if you're a novice or a pro. Cook for your family from scratch and don't forget to plate it though! Then we would all post a picture of at least two meals we cooked that week for accountability
Week 2. Create a cleaning routine. Take 15 minutes each morning and each night to put things away every night. Use your cleaning supplies kit to do it right! Up close and personal with your house is the goal!
Week 3- Go on a date. Pick a day a set the mood. Be a sweet lovely wife and go out with your boo. Remember to wear your heels, wear a feminine dress, use nonsexual touch, give him compliments all night, smile, be nurturing, and phones off. Aim to keep this to a date night EVERY WEEK and keep us updated.
Week 4- Invest in a pair of pearls. If you can't rock it...fake it til you make it. Swing by the hair store and buy a cheap $1 pair until you can afford the real deal. Jewelry tells the public eye that you are cared for, adorned, and well pampered. Even if this is not true, act like it. Take time this week to wear jewelry each and every day even if it's a simple pearl set and a sparkly bracelet. In the words of Miguel, Baby let me adorn you. Post a picture of you in your jewelry 2-3 days.

Yall like this?
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PrissiSippi said:
What is a sample beauty routine and wardrobe plan?
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Hi PrissiSippi. I don’t have one yet, to was thinking it would be nice if we took some time to discuss developing an appropriate wardrobe and a basic beauty plan. I was thinking many heads are better than one to explore the question of how should a wife keep herself up.
 
CafedeBelleza said:
Ive been tiptoeing around this thread. I realize Ive been engaging in some perpetual behaviors.
Does she discuss adapting an attitude of gratitude and how to allow your dh to influence your life. I’m trying to shift. I’ve been a total entitled beeotch.
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Can you go write a list of why you need your husband? Reflect on it each day and the positive things he does. This will make u more willing to do other things.

1. I need my husband to take out the yucky trash
2. I need my husband to protect me from bugs
3. I need him to take the stress off me so I have energy to nurture others.

And etc.

Anyone else have any tips?
 
All I can say is that my food has done a 360 since I followed Wife School methods. Ro always brags about how good of a cook she is and how no one in the world can cook better than her. *eye roll* but I have found once I started taking the time to incorporate routine (white plates, cooking from scratch, plating) and variety (having fun while I cook, cooking new things every week, looking at restarsnts for inspiration) I’m starting to feel the same way about my own food. I take pride in that no one can cook better than me. I’m a true nurturer of my home in the kitchen. And I take pride in it. I looooove cooking for my family and they are so appreciative.
 

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PrissiSippi said:
All I can say is that my food has done a 360 since I followed Wife School methods. Ro always brags about how good of a cook she is and how no one in the world can cook better than her. *eye roll* but I have found once I started taking the time to incorporate routine (white plates, cooking from scratch, plating) and variety (having fun while I cook, cooking new things every week, looking at restarsnts for inspiration) I’m starting to feel the same way about my own food. I take pride in that no one can cook better than me. I’m a true nurturer of my home in the kitchen. And I take pride in it. I looooove cooking for my family and they are so appreciative.
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I think my invite to dinner got lost in the mail, but that's okay. I'll just come to the next one.
 
PrissiSippi said:
All I can say is that my food has done a 360 since I followed Wife School methods. Ro always brags about how good of a cook she is and how no one in the world can cook better than her. *eye roll* but I have found once I started taking the time to incorporate routine (white plates, cooking from scratch, plating) and variety (having fun while I cook, cooking new things every week, looking at restarsnts for inspiration) I’m starting to feel the same way about my own food. I take pride in that no one can cook better than me. I’m a true nurturer of my home in the kitchen. And I take pride in it. I looooove cooking for my family and they are so appreciative.
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Care to share your recipe....looks great.
 
Post from the Black and Wealthy Group

Don't teach your children directly about the flaws, faults and mistakes of their parents and grandparents, etc., because that would only dishonor their memory, and undermine your family legacy. Instead, settle on the best part of them, so that future generations will hold their memory in high esteem, and draw strength, courage and pride from it. This is our role as women. We are the keepers of family secrets and records, nurturing and perfecting the flaws of men to make and keep them a source of family esteem for generations.

For the healthy (non-abusive) men in your life, appreciate the value he brings just by being a masculine presence. It makes a difference you can't measure or fully appreciate until his presence is gone. The vast majority of Black men are good, and if there's any redeeming qualities of a husband or father who has disappointed you, tell your children the best part for their sake. Even if the man isn't physically present as much as you'd like, just the thought of his good qualities changes things in their minds. Takes a high degree of compassion, maturity and vision to do this, but you can because you are a woman.



My take on it: My parents have many wonderful qualities but they’re kinda poopy to me. I could paint them as good or I could paint them as bad to my children. I can make a choice to paint them as good. They only see what you present. Lol Ro claims that all of her family was taught by a masculine father, her mother was the most nurturing person she has ever met, her sisters were treated like xyz. Well I don’t believe the hype. I think she had an average upbringing at best but many people hold her in high regards because of what she has shown us. What she allows us to see. My mother is kinda like this. Lifestyle public but life very private. To the world man our family looks so perfect. And she doesn’t let many get close enough to know the truth. Because of this our family legacy is very high to people in her life. My father took care of her very well , her children are both successful, and she is living a very successful and fulfilled life. All the extra fluff is private.
 
PrissiSippi said:
Post from the Black and Wealthy Group

Don't teach your children directly about the flaws, faults and mistakes of their parents and grandparents, etc., because that would only dishonor their memory, and undermine your family legacy. Instead, settle on the best part of them, so that future generations will hold their memory in high esteem, and draw strength, courage and pride from it. This is our role as women. We are the keepers of family secrets and records, nurturing and perfecting the flaws of men to make and keep them a source of family esteem for generations.

For the healthy (non-abusive) men in your life, appreciate the value he brings just by being a masculine presence. It makes a difference you can't measure or fully appreciate until his presence is gone. The vast majority of Black men are good, and if there's any redeeming qualities of a husband or father who has disappointed you, tell your children the best part for their sake. Even if the man isn't physically present as much as you'd like, just the thought of his good qualities changes things in their minds. Takes a high degree of compassion, maturity and vision to do this, but you can because you are a woman.



My take on it: My parents have many wonderful qualities but they’re kinda poopy to me. I could paint them as good or I could paint them as bad to my children. I can make a choice to paint them as good. They only see what you present. Lol Ro claims that all of her family was taught by a masculine father, her mother was the most nurturing person she has ever met, her sisters were treated like xyz. Well I don’t believe the hype. I think she had an average upbringing at best but many people hold her in high regards because of what she has shown us. What she allows us to see. My mother is kinda like this. Lifestyle public but life very private. To the world man our family looks so perfect. And she doesn’t let many get close enough to know the truth. Because of this our family legacy is very high to people in her life. My father took care of her very well , her children are both successful, and she is living a very successful and fulfilled life. All the extra fluff is private.
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This is quite interesting. If the man is in the home, why would you have to teach them directly won't they see the flaws? How do you stop generational issues from being perpetuated? Basically how do you teach them to not have the same flaws?
 
RoundEyedGirl504 said:
This is quite interesting. If the man is in the home, why would you have to teach them directly won't they see the flaws? How do you stop generational issues from being perpetuated? Basically how do you teach them to not have the same flaws?
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Now that’s good for thought. This is why you strive to get a healthy man. You wouldn’t have major flaws in house. I took this status to mean about people outside of your home. Like don’t bash your parents or your family members because your kids will think that is their fate as well.

My friend has problems with her baby daddy. She used to say in front of her child negro you are so sorry. You always lie. All you do is lie. All you do is this. So her child said shoot I look just like my Daddy. Am I a liar too? Am I sorry too? The dude is still sorry but she only projects his positive attributes while her child is near. She is trying to paint the picture that the dude is a good provider (which he truly is) but he is a cheater but as a 4 year old...her child doesn’t know this unless she focuses on it and points it out.

In my situation I personally don’t like how passive DH is and I used to argue about this out loud. I quickly realized my son would pick up on this. So these days I try to paint DH is good because he is mostly good. I point out to DS that his daddy loves him very much and takes him to basketball games and Daddy and I dates frequently and always sets out money to keep him happy and well taken care of. What does a kid his age care about passiveness. That is my own battle not his. I would like for him to remember his dad in a certain way to build generational success for the future. I toss the negative stuff. I want him to know he comes from a long line of stay at home mothers. His grandmother was a SAHM because his grandfather made sacrifices to allow this and his mother also stayed at home to give him the best life possible and be very present for him. We may work but we CHOOSE to work therefore DS’s wife should have this choice too. It runs in his blood. I’m creating his normal so to speak by focusing on the positive in his family not negative.

Make sense?
 
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Let’s talk about inspiring a man. In the past my DH has said I’m very self centered. My rebuttal is that I’m not sacrificial. I’d be crazy for abandoning my own dreams just for yours for you to lead us nowhere. Harsh but it’s how I feel. Aight Ro’s take on this is your husband’s goals are always your top priorities. His goals are first not your own personal goals.

This is where people like to call zero crazy. It means she subservient. She’s submissive. Cult like and etc. I don’t think she touches on this in public posts but she has always said you must inspire your husband.

Example- I wanted a house. He did not. He said we could just stay in an apartment. We had a nice apartment. I lashed out and said he’s not wealth driven. He needed a house. I always wanted one. My parents grew up in a house. We got a house because what I wanted but he never bought into it. So he doesn’t buy into the dream or care about taking care of it. I’ve noticed my friends goal was the Home. But they told me this goal never the man. They inspired the man. “Honey I think you work so hard. You deserve a home where you can have to have a man cave and truly relax after work and bring your friends.” You keep putting this bug in his ear u til your goal is now his.

My friend wanted a play set for the kids. Husband doesn’t care about this at all. She kept touching on a play set would mean more peace and quiet for him. The kids would be outside to not bother him. She waited and he bought into this dream. Now her dream is converted to his.

I wanted a baby. I said I wanted a baby and he was stifling not going to these fertility treatments like I wanted. I kept saying I wanted this. I deserved this. I would be unhappy if this. However I never inspired him. You deserve to continue your legacy. I know this is a dream of yours and I’d do anything to see it happen. I want you to be happy and nothing makes you happier than caring for others which includes your child.

Me staying home- it was because I didn’t want to be a slave anymore. I deserved to be able to stay at home and focus on me. But I never tell DH this. I tell him it was so I could cater to him more and nurture our child which in turn increases his respect. If he ever s me selfish for my decision I sweetly say how...I did this for you. I did this so I could be a better wife for you. Mainly even if you are selfish (and you should be to an extent because men are very selfish. They get what they want. You never met them know this. These ideas were his not yours to benefit HIM)

So right now I want the kid to be in a better school district. Right now it’s I want this. Kidndeserves this. I’m trying to make a shift to make this his goal so he buys in. Honey moving in a new location will free up money for us. It will allow you to decrease your travel time to work. I know you’ve been wanting this.

Take Home: His goals ALWAYS come first. But if he doesn’t have goals or doesn’t have your goal in mind ALWAYS SHIFT IT and make your goal HIS. This way he feels like the man and like he’s the one that made the decision and will take pride in keeping it up and helping you achieve it. Seek compassion to not be self-absorbed and selfish (even if you truly are intrinsically selfish which is good to a certain extent).

Please give some of your goals. Tell me how you can shift it to make it sound like it is his goal not yours or how it benefits him. Or show me how u “inspired” your SO and made him “buy in” to your ideas that are now his. I remember there was a thread on this. Was it called stroking a man’s ego @Zaynab ??
 
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@yardyspice could you touch on ways you’ve recently inspired your husband and stroked his ego so to speak to be a good wife(and get the things u need/want). Our last thread on this was in 2013 and I saw you touched on it. :)
 
From Business Insider: how to convince others your vision is theirs.

For example, if you want to convince someone to help you open a restaurant, explain how the restaurant will look carefully - down to the exact molding on the ceiling. Allow them to see this visually in their mind.

Then, connect the restaurant to your subject on a personal level. Perhaps the restaurant will offer wine that comes from the country your subject is from. Talk about the great wines and include details on where they will be displayed in the restaurant.

If you can convince someone that an idea is related to them on a personal level, they will have an even greater commitment to that idea.

This kind of persuasion is extremely effective, but it's a skill that involves charm, wit, winning trust and an ability to read others and tell them what they need to hear during that exact moment.
 
PrissiSippi said:
This is where people like to call Ro crazy. It means she subservient. She’s submissive. Cult like and etc. I don’t think she touches on this in public posts but she has always said you must inspire your husband.

Example- I wanted a house. He did not. He said we could just stay in an apartment. We had a nice apartment. I lashed out and said he’s not wealth driven. He needed a house. I always wanted one. My parents grew up in a house. We got a house because what I wanted but he never bought into it. So he doesn’t buy into the dream or care about taking care of it. I’ve noticed my friends goal was the Home. But they told me this goal never the man. They inspired the man. “Honey I think you work so hard. You deserve a home where you can have to have a man cave and truly relax after work and bring your friends.” You keep putting this bug in his ear u til your goal is now his.

My friend wanted a play set for the kids. Husband doesn’t care about this at all. She kept touching on a play set would mean more peace and quiet for him. The kids would be outside to not bother him. She waited and he bought into this dream. Now her dream is converted to his.

I wanted a baby. I said I wanted a baby and he was stifling not going to these fertility treatments like I wanted. I kept saying I wanted this. I deserved this. I would be unhappy if this. However I never inspired him. You deserve to continue your legacy. I know this is a dream of yours and I’d do anything to see it happen. I want you to be happy and nothing makes you happier than caring for others which includes your child.

Me staying home- it was because I didn’t want to be a slave anymore. I deserved to be able to stay at home and focus on me. But I never tell DH this. I tell him it was so I could cater to him more and nurture our child which in turn increases his respect. If he ever s me selfish for my decision I sweetly say how...I did this for you. I did this so I could be a better wife for you. Mainly even if you are selfish (and you should be to an extent because men are very selfish. They get what they want. You never met them know this. These ideas were his not yours to benefit HIM)

So right now I want the kid to be in a better school district. Right now it’s I want this. Kidndeserves this. I’m trying to make a shift to make this his goal so he buys in. Honey moving in a new location will free up money for us. It will allow you to decrease your travel time to work. I know you’ve been wanting this.
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Surely as married couple, we have a joint account? Especially if a woman is a stay at home mum? So with something like that, I would give him a heads up that I will be purchasing a play set for the kids as I think it’s necessary to keep them stimulated and occupied. All of that having to convince him it’s his idea is exhausting and unnecessary for such a trivial item such as children toys. It tells me that the man in this scenario not only holds, but also controls the purse strings.

The way all of the above examples are framed makes it seem like the whole marriage is about the man and that his happiness and peace is all that matters.

The kids being in a better school district should be a joint goal with both parents wanting what's best for their kids. Why would one need to convince her husband that the kids deserve good education? Surely that's his desire and priority too?

Having to convince a man that your family needs their own home/get on the property ladder, or the importance of children being in good schools says that he is living for now, and he is not considering what is important for the future for his wife and kids. Yet his own needs and desires are given precedence.

There is negotiating/discussing and there is begging. The stuff described above is begging.


Take Home: His goals ALWAYS come first. But if he doesn’t have goals or doesn’t have your goal in mind ALWAYS SHIFT IT and make your goal HIS. This way he feels like the man and like he’s the one that made the decision and will take pride in keeping it up and helping you achieve it. Seek compassion to not be self-absorbed and selfish (even if you truly are intrinsically selfish which is good to a certain extent).
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This subservience is false and damaging. It sets women up for a lifetime of begging. ( a thread that touches on women begging in relationships was recently bumped. I think it applies here.) Why must his goals come first? Is he more intelligent? Does he have access to more information? There are two people in a relationship. It is foolish for one to avoid discussing things and creating shared goals and dreams.

What is described shows me a family that will fail. Under the guise of "recognising strong male leadership" Ro is encouraging and awarding tyrannical powers to potential incompetent and selfish despots.

You will create better goals if you dream them together. You will achieve them faster if they are for both of you. Like I said above, there is difference between negotiating and begging.
 
I agree with Ro about husband’s goals being first. At the end of the day, my husband subscribed to the idea of happy life, happy wife as do many men I know. What I’ve been noticing is that what I determine happiness to be and his definition are actually different.

If I complain or make demands, it seems like he tunes it out however when I frame things for him so that he can understand why it’s important I get an entirely different response. He needs concrete goals to work towards and many of what he shares with me is ultimately for the improvement of our family. When I think of it, if his goal is my happiness...his goals are my priority:)
 
TracyNicole said:
I agree with Ro about husband’s goals being first. At the end of the day, my husband subscribed to the idea of happy life, happy wife as do many men I know. What I’ve been noticing is that what I determine happiness to be and his definition are actually different.

If I complain or make demands, it seems like he tunes it out however when I frame things for him so that he can understand why it’s important I get an entirely different response. He needs concrete goals to work towards and many of what he shares with me is ultimately for the improvement of our family. When I think of it, if his goal is my happiness...his goals are my priority:)
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Riiiiiight. That’s what I was getting at too.

We all know Ro’s goal is to make money through wife school so she can be a SAHM. However she has effectively gotten her husband to buy in. He has created the website. He responds to emails and sets dates all under the guise of being the movement’s leader. Bruh he is not the true leader. We all know it’s Ro but she probably has fed him the: you are such a great husband and father. I know that it was your dream to spread your wealth of knowledge to others. I think through your actions what you’re doing for Black people is amazing. Lol. But in actuality she has used Him to accomplish HER GOAL but she shifted it to being his goal.

A friend of mine gave an example of this earlier. There was two houses he was interested in. She liked one house. IOh think about how this house will benefit you. I know you’re a country boy you need this house to have enough space for xyz and it will give u so much peace knowing by having the master bedroom far away from the kids so you can properly rest. You work so hard for our family. You deserve this. However he wanted another house. Of course the other house was nice too but instead of saying oh this is the house I want not that one she stayed on the premises of this house (that I secretly want) will better help you accomplish your goals. Now the focus on helping him accomplish his goal....but really your goal is prioritized just indirectly.
 
This is what I’m thinking this looks like in my life. This is what I want:

-Weekly Dates: Honey, I know Work has been so stressful lately I know you would like to relax. Let’s go to xyz together (with your money) without DS to make u feel unwind. Ima stick to stuff he likes to do like sports and comedy at first and see where it goes. Weekly dates is a need of MINE. He can unwind in other ways but ima shift it by doing things he likes to do but in a date manner.

Him to pay for my nails and hair: Get his credit cards in my name. I know baby you get so worried when u need to handle business and you’re out the country. I’ll make sure everything is handjed while you’re away with your card. Then ima slide this in I know you said you love for me to look good baby. I can’t wait to get dolled up to look good for you. And brag on how well my husband takes care of me but the initial thing I want is my idea.

Stay at home- Focus in how I did this for you. I’d do anything to be a better wife for you. I cook and clean to give you a peaceful environment but truly I quit to give me a refresher and not be a slave anymore.

Suggestions? Ways you could apply?
 
TracyNicole said:
I agree with Ro about husband’s goals being first. At the end of the day, my husband subscribed to the idea of happy life, happy wife as do many men I know. What I’ve been noticing is that what I determine happiness to be and his definition are actually different.

If I complain or make demands, it seems like he tunes it out however when I frame things for him so that he can understand why it’s important I get an entirely different response. He needs concrete goals to work towards and many of what he shares with me is ultimately for the improvement of our family. When I think of it, if his goal is my happiness...his goals are my priority:)
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I keep seeing this In different texts about healthy successful marriages, that a mans motivation or reason is his wife’s happiness.
 
Zuleika said:
Surely as married couple, we have a joint account? Especially if a woman is a stay at home mum? So with something like that, I would give him a heads up that I will be purchasing a play set for the kids as I think it’s necessary to keep them stimulated and occupied. All of that having to convince him it’s his idea is exhausting and unnecessary for such a trivial item such as children toys. It tells me that the man in this scenario not only holds, but also controls the purse strings.

The way all of the above examples are framed makes it seem like the whole marriage is about the man and that his happiness and peace is all that matters.

The kids being in a better school district should be a joint goal with both parents wanting what's best for their kids. Why would one need to convince her husband that the kids deserve good education? Surely that's his desire and priority too?

Having to convince a man that your family needs their own home/get on the property ladder, or the importance of children being in good schools says that he is living for now, and he is not considering what is important for the future for his wife and kids. Yet his own needs and desires are given precedence.

There is negotiating/discussing and there is begging. The stuff described above is begging.




This subservience is false and damaging. It sets women up for a lifetime of begging. ( @hopeful bumped her old thread the other day that touches on women begging in relationships. I think it applies here.) Why must his goals come first? Is he more intelligent? Does he have access to more information? There are two people in a relationship. It is foolish for one to avoid discussing things and creating shared goals and dreams.

What is described shows me a family that will fail. Under the guise of "recognising strong male leadership" Ro is encouraging and awarding tyrannical powers to potential incompetent and selfish despots.

You will create better goals if you dream them together. You will achieve them faster if they are for both of you. Like I said above, there is difference between negotiating and begging.
Click to expand...

I get what you're saying

My husband is very humble. His parents were poor. His sisters and brothers live in trailers or at home. Him buying a house is not important. Just as long as it's a roof over our head is the goal to him. Even if I beat it with a dead horse he will never understand ownership vs renting. He does not care. That's not his goal. His goal is to have a place to stay. I went ahead and did my goal which was home ownership but I feel because it was what I wanted not him....he drags his feet. He doesn't take pride in it as much. On the other hand, my friend pointed out how he would have more space to bring his children, more space to do farming, he could hand out with his friends in the yard and grill, and etc. Both men didn't care about home ownership but my way of doing it said that my goals are important are yours are stupid. Her way of doing it was that your goal (your new goal which is really my goal) is very important and you deserve this.

School districts is subjective. Many men don't see the importance or even know what is a quality school. My husband thinks if it looks nice it's a nice school. He doesn't know or care to look up test scores or statistics. That's all me. We live in a good neighborhood so we are straight. Goal accomplished...good school. To get him to buy in and move to another place even though we have a perfectly nice home here means to get him to believe this idea is his all along. "Oh baby I know how much education is to your family. You went to a great school and you wanted DS at a comparable school. Have u ever thought about doing xyz?" And casually setting out information, realtors, grants, and etc his way without me doing it directly shifts his thinking to thinking it was his idea.

Playset. Many men would say this is unnecessary of a purchase. $800 on a playset? Naww we can take them to the park. We could use this on something else. However, if you shift his thinking to how it will benefit him (more sleep and peace) a man will more likely buy in and then brag to his boys about how he came up with it later.
 
I just find it hard to believe that Ro's husband pushed her to do this movement to "save Black America". lol However, I bet he feels that he did lol. And she benefits directly from it. Keeping him feeling like he is leading even when he really isn't, improves his desire to care for her more, improves his respect from others, and makes her very desirable to him as one that really helps to perpetuate his goals...but the goals were really hers, to begin with. Now I don't think men need to be constantly manipulated into always doing what the woman wants him to do, but I think in certain situations this is key. You have to know when to hold and when to fold them.
 
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