I am the opposite. DH and I were together 5 years before we married and we just celebrated our 15 year anniversary in April.
Although we were in a relationship 5 years he only slept over 2 times that I can remember. We were always together but he always had to leave and go back to his place. We would vacation together but back at home once the clock struck 1/2 it was back to his place - we rarely hung out at his place. To this day DH still talks about how I used to kick him out of my apartment regardless of the weather.
Although we were together 5 years before we married, we were always making plans about the future together. Not just comments but actual written plans. We kept separate finances, assets, etc until the day we got married. Even borrowing funds required written contracts - he is 10 years older than I but was surprised the 1st time he offered and I whipped out a contract for both of us to sign. I also did not accept expensive gifts from him until we got married - and explained that it was a cultural thing but we do not accept certain gifts until we were married.
My mom told me one thing - never start a relationship different from how you want to continue. That meant that I never cleaned up after him, randomly cooked when I felt like it, expected a fuss made on my special day and took no crap. I actually told him he can hire a maid to clean, cook and do his laundry cause I would NEVER do it. Well I cook and clean now but he does all our laundry
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The first time we had an argument and it came up that this was not working out I was serious and told him once it is said that we are through there was no turning back - I don't go back to failed relationships. He has never said that not even in the heat of anger and we have had some whoppers - we are both hot tempered opinionated people. None of this BS wiffle waffling - that just means that they don't respect your time.
It can work but we have to mean business and stand up for ourselves.