bLackButtaFly
Well-Known Member
I totally agree. Nobody is getting 24hr access to me w/out a ring attached, that's just the way I feel about it.
me and and SO and moving in together...but my mom and a prophet say it will fail
- Thread starter PanamasOwn
- Start date
I totally agree. Nobody is getting 24hr access to me w/out a ring attached, that's just the way I feel about it.
lizjoseph
New Member
LOL! I love that line!! "No one getting 24 access to me"! LOL!! Too funny. I like it!
Nefertiti0906
Well-Known Member
MrsQueeny
Well-Known Member
Girl preach on it. That is the quote of the month!!! Q
PanamasOwn
New Member
you guys gave me alot to think about...Im still not sure what route I am going to take... this will def. not be an overnight thinker....
MrsQueeny
Well-Known Member
Good for you. The fact that you took the time to post and get input shows you are wise young lady and you really want to make the best decision. We can be a little harsh at times but know it is all in love and we really want the best for you.
Q
princessnad
New Member
[Sorry, this is long but I feel strongly because a few months ago I was in a similar dilemna... so read if you are interested]
Well, it could be because I'm young. It could be because I'm in a similar situation as you are (and it turned out quite fine), but I have to DISagree with most of the ladies on here.
I think that if you were really that religious, you wouldn't have been doing the motions of living with him in the first place (sleeping there and doing all your daily activities). I urge you to think about what your true feelings are about your spirituality/ religious stance.
I, personally, realized that I am just not that religious and there is no reason for me to force myself to live in accordance to rules with which I really don't agree. If you had a problem with pre-marital sex, you should have thought about that as it pertains to all the activities that you took part in before and not only as it relates to moving in/ "shacking up". So first think about this and make a decision. If you believe in the Christian religion, you are fooling yourself to think that God supports you living with a man. If you truly find nothing wrong with living with this man, then maybe you should take some time to re-evaluate your religious views.
I really, really hope I don't offend anyone. :covereyes I hope it is ok for me to speak frankly. I think that Christianity can only be hurt by people who claim to follow it, when truly in their heart they feel differently. This is in no way an attack on the stregth of your religious convictions. I am just challenging you to either crap or get off the pot.
Anyway, my story is that my family is all very religious and conservative. My SO bought me a ring and he also wears one on his wedding finger, but we don't consider ourselves engaged because we don't have a date and we don't plan on getting married soon. I want to be at least 2 years into med school before I get married and I am about 3 years away from that. (Plus he wants to give me a bigger rock!
)
I wanted to move to NY and we both know it is expensive living here. Since he was established financially, we decided it would be smarter for me to move in to save both of us money. Of course my family is against it, but I realized that I don't really have the same views as they do.
erplexed It makes financial sense to move in and I know that there was no way that we were going to break up. We have had many conversations about the right time to tie the knot and I don't feel like I am being led on. His parents are fine with the situation and I am very close with them. In fact, we go to his parent house and sleep over when we visit.
We have been living together officially for 7 months but we were unofficially co-habiting 3 or 4 months before that. We knew it would be fine and I am soooo happy with my decision. I am taking expensive courses, living in a very expensive city and saving for extremely expensive application process.
We decided to work smart instead of working hard. We made sure things were all together (meaning no one was dependent on their parents) even though I still have so many more years of school. But obviously I don't want to marry right now. Our families would have a problem with such a permanent decision. This way we live together (something we were doing before) and still get to save money. If we work out (which we are positive that we will), there is no problem. If there is a problem and somehow we change over the years, there is no messy legal divorce that we have to go through.
Basically, my advice is to analyze your own views. You can't make your decision based on views that aren't your own. Do you really have a problem with sex before marriage? If so, don't act contrary to your beliefs and listen to the advice of these ladies. If you look into yourself and you really don't have a problem with co-habiting, live smart instead of working hard. You will have time to focus on studies instead of killing yourself over money. It goes without saying that you have to make sure you are BOTH on the same page and you know you guys are the ONE for each other. I hope you gain clarity in all of this and I am rooting for you. I know how you feel.
Well, it could be because I'm young. It could be because I'm in a similar situation as you are (and it turned out quite fine), but I have to DISagree with most of the ladies on here.
I think that if you were really that religious, you wouldn't have been doing the motions of living with him in the first place (sleeping there and doing all your daily activities). I urge you to think about what your true feelings are about your spirituality/ religious stance. I, personally, realized that I am just not that religious and there is no reason for me to force myself to live in accordance to rules with which I really don't agree. If you had a problem with pre-marital sex, you should have thought about that as it pertains to all the activities that you took part in before and not only as it relates to moving in/ "shacking up". So first think about this and make a decision. If you believe in the Christian religion, you are fooling yourself to think that God supports you living with a man. If you truly find nothing wrong with living with this man, then maybe you should take some time to re-evaluate your religious views.
I really, really hope I don't offend anyone. :covereyes I hope it is ok for me to speak frankly. I think that Christianity can only be hurt by people who claim to follow it, when truly in their heart they feel differently. This is in no way an attack on the stregth of your religious convictions. I am just challenging you to either crap or get off the pot.
Anyway, my story is that my family is all very religious and conservative. My SO bought me a ring and he also wears one on his wedding finger, but we don't consider ourselves engaged because we don't have a date and we don't plan on getting married soon. I want to be at least 2 years into med school before I get married and I am about 3 years away from that. (Plus he wants to give me a bigger rock!
)I wanted to move to NY and we both know it is expensive living here. Since he was established financially, we decided it would be smarter for me to move in to save both of us money. Of course my family is against it, but I realized that I don't really have the same views as they do.
erplexed It makes financial sense to move in and I know that there was no way that we were going to break up. We have had many conversations about the right time to tie the knot and I don't feel like I am being led on. His parents are fine with the situation and I am very close with them. In fact, we go to his parent house and sleep over when we visit.We have been living together officially for 7 months but we were unofficially co-habiting 3 or 4 months before that. We knew it would be fine and I am soooo happy with my decision. I am taking expensive courses, living in a very expensive city and saving for extremely expensive application process.
We decided to work smart instead of working hard. We made sure things were all together (meaning no one was dependent on their parents) even though I still have so many more years of school. But obviously I don't want to marry right now. Our families would have a problem with such a permanent decision. This way we live together (something we were doing before) and still get to save money. If we work out (which we are positive that we will), there is no problem. If there is a problem and somehow we change over the years, there is no messy legal divorce that we have to go through.
Basically, my advice is to analyze your own views. You can't make your decision based on views that aren't your own. Do you really have a problem with sex before marriage? If so, don't act contrary to your beliefs and listen to the advice of these ladies. If you look into yourself and you really don't have a problem with co-habiting, live smart instead of working hard. You will have time to focus on studies instead of killing yourself over money. It goes without saying that you have to make sure you are BOTH on the same page and you know you guys are the ONE for each other. I hope you gain clarity in all of this and I am rooting for you. I know how you feel.
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Princess4real
Well-Known Member
They are going to blame you if he doesn't finish school.
If they don't want him to get married and you two do it anyway, the parents may never accept you. Do you really want to be married to someone who wanted you two to wait, but you did it because you have where else to go and your friends are married or living with someone. Please don't do it until he can take care of himself.
Princess4real
Well-Known Member
Tee
Active Member
OP, you have been given much advice in here. All I will add is do what you think is best for you. No one has to live with it but you. I pray you use wisdom in your decision.
I am not one to preach to anyone. We all know what He wants us to do; but how many of us do that all time? None, because his word says none of us are without sin. But you know this is not a decision God would bless.
Now, with that said, I did exactly what you are thinking about doing. I didn't pray to God about it because his Word tells me that is not his way. Instead I asked for his forgiveness and mercy. I was in a situation I couldn't remain in. I did what I thought was best for me at the time. We moved in together. I end this by saying, 11 years in March, we are still living together as husband and wife. So please use wisdom in making your decision lady.
I am not one to preach to anyone. We all know what He wants us to do; but how many of us do that all time? None, because his word says none of us are without sin. But you know this is not a decision God would bless.
Now, with that said, I did exactly what you are thinking about doing. I didn't pray to God about it because his Word tells me that is not his way. Instead I asked for his forgiveness and mercy. I was in a situation I couldn't remain in. I did what I thought was best for me at the time. We moved in together. I end this by saying, 11 years in March, we are still living together as husband and wife. So please use wisdom in making your decision lady.
Tee
Active Member
As far as him not being the man for you PERIOD. Well, you need to do your own praying about THAT issue. I wouldn't take anyone's word for it period. If God has SHOWN you that he is the husband to be - then you be comfortable with what God has shown you. If he has really shown that to you - you will be certain.
As for the cohabitating...
Ok, I'm just going to be blunt. But, I do this with love ya know?
I wasn't gonna say anything until you said you prayed about it. That made it an issue to me. I mean if you were just doing this just because you wanted to - I'd have nothing to say about that but implying that God may have shown you it was ok....I don't know about that.
If you're praying to God, I do not believe that he would just up and tell you it's okay to move in with each other prior to marriage.
Believe me, I've screwed up. I had sex a few times last summer before we got together and it was difficult to stop even though we were engaged and all that. Our wedding isn't scheduled officially until next Spring but because he wants to cohabitate we will have a small ceremony in March to make things legal and pleasing to God.
You don't have to save up and wait to have some big grandiose wedding. You can have a private small ceremony. And still renew your vows at some huge wedding later or just have a huge reception later when you can afford it. But don't convince yourself that God is behind this decision...I mean...at least I don't believe the God I know would be.
I didn't read the whole thread and I dont plan to either. But, I agree with this post. Way to go Ad on speaking the truth in love. This is what I always try to do.
bLackButtaFly
Well-Known Member
So do I! Butterfly I hope you don't mind if I "borrow" it
Good advice ladies!
Feel free.
PanamasOwn
New Member
well I came to the decision that I need to do this...I am not perfect, nor am I without sin..but the only thing I can do is pray for God's mercy and hope that he blesses us to be married in the timeframe we have set. I thank you ladies for all your support and advice....
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