Why Happy People Cheat?

[LostInAdream]

I kept saying that he cheated in the Lemonade and 4:44 threads but a lot of women on here were in denial about it. It’s like they couldn’t accept it. They insisted the albums were not Bey and Jay’s personal lives but more so an artistic pursuit and representation of society in general. Naw.. he cheated on Bey. The rawness of Lemonade touched me and I instinctively knew what she was trying to say. It confirmed my feelings about what went down in that elevator.

I didn’t know what to think but I went to his concert Monday night and he said 4:44 was the hardest song he ever wrote. He seemed out if it as he was performing it, like the thought of his family gone would’ve been unbearable.

 

[Evolving78]

I can see Jay Z cheating on Beyonce because he is immature. He figured if he go the girl at the top of the food chain, he could have anyone. Then you find women who are more than happy to say he cheated on Beyonce with them. It probably was the biggest boost to their ego. If he cheated he was low key about it because I never heard any rumors or saw any pics. The man kept a low profile. ow I really would like to know if Rachel was the one he cheated with. Solonge was trying to peel his head off, and was so passionate about it. Something occurred at that party that set her off.
You can tell by Beyonce music she was trying to be everything she thought he wanted. She broke out whatever shell she was in as time went on with them. She was trying to be that sexual person he wanted which came through in her music and video. His ego wouldn't allow him to be faithful.

That was hurtful. And you could just see all of that playing out. Just being human.

 

[movingforward13]

I didn’t know what to think but I went to his concert Monday night and he said 4:44 was the hardest song he ever wrote. He seemed out if it as he was performing it, like the thought of his family gone would’ve been unbearable.

I never bought a Jay-Z album before that one. 4:44 and OJ prompted me to. I wish ManyFacedGods was on iTunes. I love that one as well.

 

[Fine 4s]

Now I wanna listen to all the songs. Didn't care before. Now it's juicy lol
Sales will go up maybe? Smart marketing if that's the case.
Anyway....maaaaaaaaaan, if nukkas outchea cheating on Beyonce's it definitely ain't me....it's you!

 

[movingforward13]

I kept saying that he cheated in the Lemonade and 4:44 threads but a lot of women on here were in denial about it. It’s like they couldn’t accept it. They insisted the albums were not Bey and Jay’s personal lives but more so an artistic pursuit and representation of society in general. Naw.. he cheated on Bey. The rawness of Lemonade touched me and I instinctively knew what she was trying to say. It confirmed my feelings about what went down in that elevator.

I think people couldn't accept it because ---- Beyonce. Who would cheat on BEYONCE??? She is sexy, talented, well desired and wanted by the masses.... but he couldn't "see" her... to the point she had to ask "Why can't you see me? (the woman everyone else sees) Everyone else can."
The thing about cheating though- it isn't about the spouse. It is about the cheater. Something within- a void needed to be filled. Something was missing within. He confirmed that in his interview and in his songs. Unfortunately cheating isn't only for the cheater, it happens to the cheated. His selfish decision affected him, her, and everyone attached.

"There will always be someone prettier...
There will always be someone richer...
There will always be someone smarter...
There will always be... do you want to give up what we have for someone else?"

 

[movingforward13]

Beyonce said this though- he said this too. They are healing. They have made tremendous strides... I am rooting and clapping for them- most people can't come back from this. They did this together- this is really amazing to see it unfold. I have only heard of this from Legends.
Most people sweep cheating under the rug and that rug gets big as hell from all the ish under it. Unhappy marriages, even if they stay together.... no healing. Anger, resentment...

This though- complete opposite- they.get.it. HE gets it... "Healing in real time..."

 

[Fine 4s]

"There will always be someone prettier...
There will always be someone richer...
There will always be someone smarter...
There will always be... do you want to give up what we have for someone else?"

Say this one more time! But if you're not satisfied inside and unfulfilled you might just keep looking. It's a big planet lol
One thing though....no one knows who Beyonce REALLY is. We only see the illusion. He can't SEE what everyone else SEES because he ain't got THEIR eyes nor share their experience of her. So, getting Beyonce may have been like a trophy to J?
Remember how people thought of Halle B? Now it seems like people just assume she has an issue. I've heard negative assumptions all up and down about her...when B starts to lose that status maybe the masses will throw her to the wolves too....

 

[movingforward13]

https://www.msn.com/en-us/music/cel...y-might-not-be-together/ar-BBGiZaq?ocid=ientp

I believe it.

 

[jerseyhaircare]

I think happy cheat due to boredom and opportunity.

 

[PeaceFlow]

There are two types IMO

The hobby cheater - Never intends to be faithful in the first place so it's doesn't really matter what is going on in the relationship or marriage, he/she will always be open to outside excitement. The compartmentalize their dalliances as completely separate from whats going on in their relationship.

Bad times cheater - Generally go into relationships intending to be faithful. Only seriously get tempted by someone else if things are very bad. Communication, lack of affection, lack of emotional support, resentment etc..

I think anyone has the potential to be swayed under the second circumstance (especially if married for 40 years). Just because of the human need for love and affection and to be listened to. We are human at the end of the day. Thats why communication and working though problems is so important.

Hobby cheaters though... its a way of life for them and theyve often done that consistently since being a teenager. No point trying to work them out, tis simple - they don't intend to be with one person even though they like having a main woman/man.

 

[CoilyFields]

I always say, humans will do anything if circumstance meets opportunity.

I agree with the categories of hobby cheater and circumstantial. I think circumstantial is more common but can lead to it becoming a hobby if there are no consequences.

And not to be a debbie downer (or shade anybodies family)...but there is no way we can be assured that our DH's/brothers/cousins etc. aren't cheating because they're good guys and we know them. Guys who are super "up-right" would have more reason to hide their actions to preserve their reputations. The verbal rejection of cheating =/= the absence of the action...cognitive dissonance is real. We experience it regularly in life...it's just uncomfortable for us to admit someone can be a "good person" and still do a bad thing like cheat. Because we want to categorize people as either only "good" or only "bad".

I know too many great "faithful" husbands/boyfriends who have propositioned me or hinted around. And I know some men who everyone in the world would SWEAR would never cheat...who have a whole girlfriend on the side. I've been exposed to the underworld of cheating and I don't see marriage and relationships the same anymore.

I feel like in this stage of my life I've accepted cheating as a "more likely than not" scenario...and I'm not sure what that implies for my future marriage...

 

[jerseyhaircare]

I always say, humans will do anything if circumstance meets opportunity.

I agree with the categories of hobby cheater and circumstantial. I think circumstantial is more common but can lead to it becoming a hobby if there are no consequences.

And not to be a debbie downer (or shade anybodies family)...but there is no way we can be assured that our DH's/brothers/cousins etc. aren't cheating because they're good guys and we know them. Guys who are super "up-right" would have more reason to hide their actions to preserve their reputations. The verbal rejection of cheating =/= the absence of the action...cognitive dissonance is real. We experience it regularly in life...it's just uncomfortable for us to admit someone can be a "good person" and still do a bad thing like cheat. Because we want to categorize people as either only "good" or only "bad".

I know too many great "faithful" husbands/boyfriends who have propositioned me or hinted around. And I know some men who everyone in the world would SWEAR would never cheat...who have a whole girlfriend on the side. I've been exposed to the underworld of cheating and I don't see marriage and relationships the same anymore.

I feel like in this stage of my life I've accepted cheating as a "more likely than not" scenario...and I'm not sure what that implies for my future marriage...

Unfortunately, it's very easy to cheat. All my friends in long term relationships (10+) have a story of infidelity. One where the wife cheated, the other when the husband cheated. Both couples decided to power through and they are still together.

When I think about what I can take, I honestly feel I would rather forgive my husband if I ever found him cheating than divorce and start new. As long as it was not a full fledged relationship, that would be hard to handle. As a woman, I see how easy it is to cheat-I'm propositioned daily at work and at the gym and there is a world of men who would love to date a married woman-either because they see it as a challenge or they believe it would be less complicated since she has more to lose than him.

Marriage is hard because our sexuality doesn't die with the addition of a ring-you can suppress it for a while, but it will eventually rear its ugly head. Nothing looks better than something new.

 

[movingforward13]

I always say, humans will do anything if circumstance meets opportunity.

I agree with the categories of hobby cheater and circumstantial. I think circumstantial is more common but can lead to it becoming a hobby if there are no consequences.

And not to be a debbie downer (or shade anybodies family)...but there is no way we can be assured that our DH's/brothers/cousins etc. aren't cheating because they're good guys and we know them. Guys who are super "up-right" would have more reason to hide their actions to preserve their reputations. The verbal rejection of cheating =/= the absence of the action...cognitive dissonance is real. We experience it regularly in life...it's just uncomfortable for us to admit someone can be a "good person" and still do a bad thing like cheat. Because we want to categorize people as either only "good" or only "bad".

I know too many great "faithful" husbands/boyfriends who have propositioned me or hinted around. And I know some men who everyone in the world would SWEAR would never cheat...who have a whole girlfriend on the side. I've been exposed to the underworld of cheating and I don't see marriage and relationships the same anymore.

I feel like in this stage of my life I've accepted cheating as a "more likely than not" scenario...and I'm not sure what that implies for my future marriage...

Great post- this is how I feel.

 

[syze6]

Nothing looks better than something new.

Sadly, enough when the newness wears off that person is back to square one. My guy friend was having an emotional affair with this girl. At that point they weren't seeing each other just texts and talking. Both were married and he swore about the chemistry and connection yadda...yadda. I told him the reason those things are so great and strong is because you guys are not in a real relationship.

So every conversation is good conversation, commonality is mostly always present. You guys have respect for each other in a sense because that trust has not been broken. You guys don't know the real you... like your spouses do. So I'm sure your fantasies about each other are off the chart. He said he used to couldn't wait for Monday to come so he could talk to her during the week while at work and going home. I told him to just grow the hell up already.

What will continue to blow my mind is women who were married and cheated on, turn around and entertain someone's husband. I will never understand it.

 

[ChasingBliss]

I always say, humans will do anything if circumstance meets opportunity.

I agree with the categories of hobby cheater and circumstantial. I think circumstantial is more common but can lead to it becoming a hobby if there are no consequences.

And not to be a debbie downer (or shade anybodies family)...but there is no way we can be assured that our DH's/brothers/cousins etc. aren't cheating because they're good guys and we know them. Guys who are super "up-right" would have more reason to hide their actions to preserve their reputations. The verbal rejection of cheating =/= the absence of the action...cognitive dissonance is real. We experience it regularly in life...it's just uncomfortable for us to admit someone can be a "good person" and still do a bad thing like cheat. Because we want to categorize people as either only "good" or only "bad".

I know too many great "faithful" husbands/boyfriends who have propositioned me or hinted around. And I know some men who everyone in the world would SWEAR would never cheat...who have a whole girlfriend on the side. I've been exposed to the underworld of cheating and I don't see marriage and relationships the same anymore.

I feel like in this stage of my life I've accepted cheating as a "more likely than not" scenario...and I'm not sure what that implies for my future marriage...

This entire post is EVERYTHING!
I would never swear by ANYman. And he shouldnt swear by me either. Remaining faithful is a constant active job whether we realize it or not.

 

[syze6]

This entire post is EVERYTHING!
I would never swear by ANYman. And he shouldnt swear by me either. Remaining faithful is a constant active job whether we realize it or not.

Yep...I remain faithful to my husband because I have made a choice to do so. That is not to say that I have not had admirers and circumstances in my marriage where I feel certain things. In spite of that I choose to be faithful to the person I made a commitment to. That commitment has nothing to do with him as a person, but everything to do with me as a person.

There are times in a relationship where the people fall short and are not the partner you thought you had. There are disappointments, ups and downs. A person has to make a conscience choice in spite of all those things to stay committed that person. It may not be easy at times, but it really is up to that person to do so. There will ALWAYS be someone different, smarter, handsome, pretty and so on. New chemistry will always trump old chemistry.

One has to decide if they want to cheat or not cheat. I think cheaters don;t ever consider that the other person has the same opportunities and admires as them. The other person just makes a decision to not engage in such opportunities.

 

[jerseyhaircare]

Yep...I remain faithful to my husband because I have made a choice to do so. That is not to say that I have not had admirers and circumstances in my marriage where I feel certain things. In spite of that I choose to be faithful to the person I made a commitment to. That commitment has nothing to do with him as a person, but everything to do with me as a person.

There are times in a relationship where the people fall short and are not the partner you thought you had. There are disappointments, ups and downs. A person has to make a conscience choice in spite of all those things to stay committed that person. It may not be easy at times, but it really is up to that person to do so. There will ALWAYS be someone different, smarter, handsome, pretty and so on. New chemistry will always trump old chemistry.

One has to decide if they want to cheat or not cheat. I think cheaters don;t ever consider that the other person has the same opportunities and admires as them. The other person just makes a decision to not engage in such opportunities.

That's nice, but the premise of the article is not should you cheat. It's looking to explain the reason behind cheating that does not include "I hate my spouse." We know cheating is bad and shouldn't be done, but it is done all day everyday. Just looking into the thought process behind those who chose to go down that pathway.

 

[hunnychile]

This is one of my favorite articles! I really loved the viewpoints it provided into the world of cheating. I don't believe in sexual possession and have questioned it from the moment I began dating so my viewpoint is not common, but I think there is a real, deep human thread to be examined here if we can get past the narrative/viewpoint of the spurned spouse and examine the motivations for the spurn-er, but I an interested in relationship counseling so I view most of this stuff with a certain level of distance.

 

[CoilyFields]

That's nice, but the premise of the article is not should you cheat. It's looking to explain the reason behind cheating that does not include "I hate my spouse." We know cheating is bad and shouldn't be done, but it is done all day everyday. Just looking into the thought process behind those who chose to go down that pathway.

I think I follow what @syze6 was trying to say here.

Every chemical reaction that attracts you to another person is still active while you're in a relationship, it's a matter of you choosing to ignore it, or not.

I'll take it a step further and say that weather you ignore it or not is based on "risk vs. reward" rather than dissatisfaction with a spouse.

Now dissatisfaction can be a huge factor in deciding that cheating is worth the risk, but most of the time, it's the reward of physical fulfillment outweighing the risk of being caught that prompts the action.

There are fewer risks socially for men and they are not socialized to believe that fidelity is the truest expression of love. We as women in America have raised cheating up on a platform of "WORST VIOLATION EVER". Men don't see it like that (for themselves lol). And once you do something the first time, it's much easier to continue doing it. So you don't need a "reason" beyond feeling an attraction and having an opportunity to fulfill it.

 

[jerseyhaircare]

I think I follow what @syze6 was trying to say here.

Every chemical reaction that attracts you to another person is still active while you're in a relationship, it's a matter of you choosing to ignore it, or not.

I'll take it a step further and say that weather you ignore it or not is based on "risk vs. reward" rather than dissatisfaction with a spouse.

Now dissatisfaction can be a huge factor in deciding that cheating is worth the risk, but most of the time, it's the reward of physical fulfillment outweighing the risk of being caught that prompts the action.

There are fewer risks socially for men and they are not socialized to believe that fidelity is the truest expression of love. We as women in America have raised cheating up on a platform of "WORST VIOLATION EVER". Men don't see it like that (for themselves lol). And once you do something the first time, it's much easier to continue doing it. So you don't need a "reason" beyond feeling an attraction and having an opportunity to fulfill it.

There's more to it then that. Some people aren't looking for sex outside of marriage, just intimacy. That's why emotional affairs are so powerful. Some use it out of boredom, some in order to boost their self esteem, some to help redefine/find themselves. Cheating, even just emotional, is hurtful to the person being cheated on, but it is good to know the 'why' behind action-because that can actually help you to find an alternative behavior.

 

[ChasingBliss]

That's nice, but the premise of the article is not should you cheat. It's looking to explain the reason behind cheating that does not include "I hate my spouse." We know cheating is bad and shouldn't be done, but it is done all day everyday. Just looking into the thought process behind those who chose to go down that pathway.

Ok here's my raw opinion about this type of person. They are DANGEROUS! Nothing will keep them from infidelity. They dont need a reason other than, they are attracted. No moral base holds them back. No empathy of "what if this were me" holds them back. They do what they want. There is nothing anyone can do to facilitate change in this behavior, or even to suggest alternative ones.

People like this live for their own personal drives. Now this may sound harsh but the tricky thing is....many people like this dont come across on the surface as being this selfish and self serving. They may use intelligent and emotional rationale to explain their behaviors in an effort to keep the relationships they have. But if you have the gift of removing the rose colored glasses and seeing raw selfish behavior for what it is ..even if it wrapped in a "nice and good person" package...you will save yourself a lot of heart ache. Happy cheaters need to be left alone...not figured out.

 

[jerseyhaircare]

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