Why Wasn't I Good Enough?!

[LovelyPiratess]

Another example of listening to what a man has to say....if he says he doesn't want a relationship, don't stay hoping he changes his mind. I've seen this scenario played out wayy too many times.

 

[aribell]

^^^I agree in a sense because I have been there before asking why not me...but here is the thing. It never helped.

...

Its true what they say, one man's trash is another man's treasure. Just because it was a problem for him doesn't mean it will be a problem for others.

You have to decide for yourself what you want to change in yourself and not for a man. You have to want to change yourself because you personally know its a problem.

Yeah, I don't know that asking would help in a general self-improvement sense. General "relationship issues" should be worked out through communication, and if someone breaks up with a person without even trying to work it out, that doesn't speak well to that other person. But it's the compatibility stuff that you can't really help. And where you're just not compatible, there's nothing wrong with you, you all just don't fit.

I do think, though, that we expect too little after giving our hearts. I don't think it's a good thing for women to learn how to sleep with men, spend time with them, care for them, then get up and just brush them off like dust on their shoulders when he moves on. There *should* be some serious feelings associated with that. The thing about Jenn in the op is that she hasn't become hardhearted--that's good. But she needs to guard her heart next time around.

 

[mischka]

Damn, I'm mad I missed this post because I want to reply before I read the whole thing. The thing about friends with benefits is where the feelings get hurt. I think it's one thing to say well I'll still keep fcking with you no strings attached even though I want a relationship. Then you're setting yourself up for failure. But I'm not gonna let the dude off scott free other, because for most women, if they knew up front there were concrete reasons why you weren't feeling her like that and you were actively discounting her - which is in some ways devaluing her worth - if women knew that they wouldn't consent to the fwb, I think. And I think it's deceptive for a dude to straight up be like "dude you could never be my gf" and treat her like that feeling isn't there. Women need to just assume that's how a guy feels every time he gives some reason why he can't commit to her.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I agree with you guys...closure is when you can see them, hear from them, speak to them and feel nothing and know that what happened between you to holds no emotional pressure or stronghold over you.

Thats closure at its best.

 

[sky_blu]

Been there, done that. Don't think closure is overrated though...

A few years ago, I was a "Jenn" too. I thought what I had would lead to a relationship even though he said he wasn't ready. I still think he's my perfect match but as with all good things they must come to an end. He started dealing with someone else (in which I was very hurt) and I didnt talk to him for a year. We ended up speaking a year later and we picked up right where we left off yet. He was still dating her off and on, but when we started talking they were off. He apologized with how everything went down, told me his regret story, and left everything up to me. All I wanted was my apology. I got it and decided to end things that time myself. I don't have any unanswered questions. Im satisfied, content, and I won't be "Jenn" again because I've learned my lesson....at least I hope so.

 

[mischka]

The worst thing is that she still didn't get the truth --- unless he reads his blog.

I think she would have found all the answers she really needed with just a little quiet time and introspection. I'm serious about that, too. Sometimes, we have to think about what we really want, and we have to evaluate if the steps we're taking right now are actually leading us in the direction of our goals, or if we're headed down a dead end street, ignoring the signs.

I really like this thread because usually I WANT to be Jenn but I have too much pride to give in. There have been guys that I really liked and when things didn't work out I was baffled and hurt and did feel like "what's wrong with me?" And the urge does come to confront them and find out what happened but this thread shows that what you'd get is likely to be really hollow. It isn't really going to help. Dude is a coward... even after they are done he is still beating around the bush instead of just telling her "you're judgmental and that rubs me the wrong way." It makes me upset that women are often going to go into relationships trying to be desirable and please their partner and the guy has the luxury of being like "yeah I don't like this about you bye" and runs off and never owns up to using her in the meantime.... and the girl is hurt at the end. Meanwhile we have other women side eying each other, telling each other if you can't hang on to a man at any cost then something is really wrong with you.

Damn it all to hell *gif of dude storming off camera and throwing a shirt back into the room*

 

[LovelyPiratess]

I agree that dude should have straight up tell her what was wrong with her but in reality, do we (as women) want to know that truth? I know for me, I would not want someone to point out all my flaws that made me a terrible girlfriend.

I think the best type of closure is the one where you can go and find someone who will accept you, flaws and all.

 

[aribell]

I think the best type of closure is the one where you can go and find someone who will accept you, flaws and all.

I like that. I think another thing about this phone call is that the woman ends up viewing herself purely through the lens of this one man. Who said he's the all knowing, all wise one who can tell her her worth? It implicitly exalts him to a position that he's unworthy of. There are definitely men who will think she's just wonderful.

He said she was judgmental. Maybe he's morally suspect, you know? Maybe the things he couldn't share were things that he shouldn't have been doing or things that rightfully should have been judged. Just because he wanted someone who would, I guess, accept those things in his life doesn't mean that there was something wrong with her for not finding them acceptable. That's an example of why giving him the power to tell her what is and is not good about her is a bad idea.

 

[mischka]

I really WOULD like to know what a guy didn't like about me. But then again, I am always fascinated by people's reactions to me in general. I would love to know what everyone thinks about me. ME ME ME!!! Tell me what you think about me!!! Well, I can't see myself, you know, someone has to tell me something

Instead, I never ask. I just figure, well, he didn't think I was the one for him and it's better that he ran off or whatever. Then, I usually assume that it's because I'm ugly and fat, so I go wash my hair and go to the gym later Rejection hurts no matter what.

 

[libertysince05]

I think he did. He did owe her truthfulness. If he spent that much time with her such that it was clear that there was something romantic between them, then I feel that it's at the least common courtesy to give a simple, truthful reason why things aren't working out.

I feel like women have been forced to figure out how to maneuver around a lack of honesty in dating. Like, a "you have to outfox the fox" type of mentality. I feel that women definitely should be smart, but still, I don't think it's too much to ask for a man to act like an adult, own his choice, and say why he made it. And not on a blog, for goodness sake! That's just cowardly, imo.

Agreed 100%
I feel he wasnt honest in the beggining and he certainly wasnt honest in the end.
I hate that in order to get to the relationship we're made to play games as if we were back in secondary school.

My heart cries for jenn. In her defense, perhaps some of u are misconstruing her question for weakness, but in actuality I know very few women who ask the main source for closure instead seek out words from their gfs or random strangers on blogs. Her actions takes gall. Just playing devils advocate. At the end nobody wants to feel undesirable or unfit to be ones gf and had things ended on her terms she, would have the satisfaction of knowing she held control in this situation. I love the gal pal rebuttle its him not you, but its truly a flaw in both parties. there's is something in you or him that doesn't mesh...and whatever this factor is him or you are not able or willing to see past it.

Completly agree with this.
Some are saying she gave him 'power' or 'satisfaction', i wish they would explain how she did this, when in reality he was the one left floundering at the question. He had to look into himself, just like she did into herself; furthermore its possible that to get to the point to ask something like this you're probably detatched from the situation and feel that the truth is more important than pride or what other people might think or say (i know i've been there).

I really like this thread because usually I WANT to be Jenn but I have too much pride to give in. There have been guys that I really liked and when things didn't work out I was baffled and hurt and did feel like "what's wrong with me?" And the urge does come to confront them and find out what happened but this thread shows that what you'd get is likely to be really hollow. It isn't really going to help. Dude is a coward... even after they are done he is still beating around the bush instead of just telling her "you're judgmental and that rubs me the wrong way." It makes me upset that women are often going to go into relationships trying to be desirable and please their partner and the guy has the luxury of being like "yeah I don't like this about you bye" and runs off and never owns up to using her in the meantime.... and the girl is hurt at the end. Meanwhile we have other women side eying each other, telling each other if you can't hang on to a man at any cost then something is really wrong with you.

Damn it all to hell *gif of dude storming off camera and throwing a shirt back into the room*

 

[Zuleika]

Some of the comments:

**De-lurking for the 1st time**

Basically she asked you for an exit interview and you half-assed it. No bueno. If you were forthcoming on the real reasons why she wasn’t good enough, then maybe she would have seen it as a lesson learned and apply it to the next dude, so she wouldn’t make the same mistakes twice. A lot of people are not self-aware, especially in relationships. So you only hurt, not help the situation by not telling her. Crazy to think she could repeatedly do the same thing moving forward with dudes in the future and end up getting axed for something she’s not aware of. It’s very frustrating knowing you f-ed up but not knowing HOW you f-ed. Btw, this happened it to me… dude asked what happened… and I told him straight no chaser.


Slim Jackson says:
May 9, 2011 at 8:18 am
Sometimes men just enjoy the company of women without wanting all the responsibility. It’s kinda like that Little Brother line:

I want a girl when I want a girl. And when I don’t want a girl, I want a girl that understands that.

Also, I take people for their word. If you tell me you’re just kicking it, then I expect that you’re just kickin’ it. At that point you’ve made a verbal agreement.

Lady Ngo:
When sex, love and all that other crap are involved you gotta be 100% clear with your words AND your actions. You can’t tell me you don’t want a relationship, then treat me as if we’re in a relationship, and expect me not to renege on catching feelings. That just not logical.


Cap'n Crunch says:
May 9, 2011 at 2:35 am
I was all set to complimentary you on having the tough conversation but actually you threw the whole thing twice. First, you said you thought she’d judged the things you had going on in your life and decided you couldn’t be in a relationship with her. You should have let her go then. You can’t “play house” with someone for SEVEN months and expect feelings not to get involved.

Then, instead telling her why you didn’t want to be in a relationship with her, you let her think she wasn’t good enough for you. It seems like you judged and categorized her because you thought she’d judge and disqualify you. No wonder why she was unsatisfied with your response.

 

[Zuleika]

Brittany says:
May 9, 2011 at 7:17 am
She wasn’t “amazing enough” to be your girlfriend but she was amazing enough to **** and whatnot? That’s some bullsh*t.


Slimuel L. Jackson says:
May 9, 2011 at 7:19 am
It’s life.


Dr. J says:
May 9, 2011 at 12:14 pm
Men give themselves all types of reasons to not be at fault for some things. I’ll be the one to keep it real. Women have endorphins and oxytocins. Once you start having relations, they can’t help but catch feelings unless they got a chemical inbalance. And isn’t that odd, that you would have relations with someone and your body’s reaction to letting someone inside of you releases hormones of affection. After all what can come of a little s*x other than a kid or a life threatening injury?

This my point. I really disagree with a lot of the dudes here today. That’s cool though. For starters you know that women are wired in a way to grow feelings for the man they sleeping with on a regular basis. Men don’t peep it because we sleeping with multiple women, but a woman might only be sleeping with you, or you’re her #1 and those other guys is just to pass the time. Another thing i’m seeing here a lot today is about she never said nothing… don’t give me that BS, people have non-verbal communication too. And you know it, if not then you are reducing yourself to caveman status. Pick your position. Most dudes know that the chick is developing feelings, or they have overwhelming evidence to suggest that she is and they just be n*ggas and don’t do nothing about it. Later they’ll raise a “she’s passive” card. Nah son, keep it trilla.

If NOT, if you are like, nah she wasn’t giving me no signs whatsoever then you should have concluded that something was wrong with her. If you thinking to yourself, “This chick going to let me hit for 7 months and she don’t want nothing” something usually wrong with the chick. That really only works for breezies and women who say they focused on their career and all that means is high class lose women. Don’t try me on this paragraph either because I can go on for days about women who have s*x-only relationships and something wrong with them.

Oh and shenanigans on this story, wasn’t only a physical relationship. Why this chick feel like she can even talk to you this way? You said quality time but only in the bedroom, you didn’t say all we did was have s*x. Y’all probably had small talk here and there or spent what would have been the equivalent of playing WWF for hours with each other. You guys probably had deep conversations about something and that made her start liking the way you think because it obviously couldn’t be because she was like, “I want you to be my boyfriend because you come over here and blow my back out and then leave without even the decency to take off your Jordan 9s.”

 

[Zuleika]

Comments:

cynicaloptimist81 says:
May 9, 2011 at 1:14 pm
Slim (and all other men) need to admit that the reason they dish out statements like “I don’t want a relationship right now” to women is because they know full well that if they said “I don’t want a relationship with you…ever”, they’d no longer be able to have s.ex with her (in most cases)…which is ultimately what they want to do…have s.ex with her when he wants to…the ability to chill with her is just an added bonus.

It’s not about not hurting her feelings. It’s about being able to get what you want out of her without feeling like a complete jerk…since you kinda told her the truth.

Lame. Lame. Lame.

The “Jenn’s” of the world are wrong, yes…and so are YOU.

 

[mischka]

That argument that women automatically and involuntarily fall in love with every penis they encounter makes me (but other than that I did like that dude was calling out the OP's cowardly ways)

 

[LovelyPiratess]

Just to play devil's advocate: Ladies, when you stop talking to a man, do you give him a reason why? I've read many times where the ladies here will just stop answer a man's phone calls because of XYZ.

 

[LovelyPiratess]

Comments:

cynicaloptimist81 says:
May 9, 2011 at 1:14 pm
Slim (and all other men) need to admit that the reason they dish out statements like “I don’t want a relationship right now” to women is because they know full well that if they said “I don’t want a relationship with you…ever”, they’d no longer be able to have s.ex with her (in most cases)…which is ultimately what they want to do…have s.ex with her when he wants to…the ability to chill with her is just an added bonus.

It’s not about not hurting her feelings. It’s about being able to get what you want out of her without feeling like a complete jerk…since you kinda told her the truth.

Lame. Lame. Lame.

The “Jenn’s” of the world are wrong, yes…and so are YOU.

this is the truth. That's why I think FWB situations are not such a good idea.

 

[nappystorm]

Been there, done that. Don't think closure is overrated though...

A few years ago, I was a "Jenn" too. I thought what I had would lead to a relationship even though he said he wasn't ready. I still think he's my perfect match but as with all good things they must come to an end. He started dealing with someone else (in which I was very hurt) and I didnt talk to him for a year. We ended up speaking a year later and we picked up right where we left off yet. He was still dating her off and on, but when we started talking they were off. He apologized with how everything went down, told me his regret story, and left everything up to me. All I wanted was my apology. I got it and decided to end things that time myself. I don't have any unanswered questions. Im satisfied, content, and I won't be "Jenn" again because I've learned my lesson....at least I hope so.

I broke off contact with my dude for 5 years. We got back in touch and had a similar talk. I didn't get an apology (he's like that) but I did get to vent and get alot of things off my chest.

I won't be Jenn again either. Over the years, I realize that some relationships just aren't meant to be and it doesn't mean that there's something "wrong" with one of them.

 

[nappystorm]

Dr. J says:
May 9, 2011 at 12:14 pm
Men give themselves all types of reasons to not be at fault for some things. I’ll be the one to keep it real. Women have endorphins and oxytocins. Once you start having relations, they can’t help but catch feelings unless they got a chemical inbalance. And isn’t that odd, that you would have relations with someone and your body’s reaction to letting someone inside of you releases hormones of affection. After all what can come of a little s*x other than a kid or a life threatening injury?

This my point. I really disagree with a lot of the dudes here today. That’s cool though. For starters you know that women are wired in a way to grow feelings for the man they sleeping with on a regular basis. Men don’t peep it because we sleeping with multiple women, but a woman might only be sleeping with you, or you’re her #1 and those other guys is just to pass the time. Another thing i’m seeing here a lot today is about she never said nothing… don’t give me that BS, people have non-verbal communication too. And you know it, if not then you are reducing yourself to caveman status. Pick your position. Most dudes know that the chick is developing feelings, or they have overwhelming evidence to suggest that she is and they just be n*ggas and don’t do nothing about it. Later they’ll raise a “she’s passive” card. Nah son, keep it trilla.

If NOT, if you are like, nah she wasn’t giving me no signs whatsoever then you should have concluded that something was wrong with her. If you thinking to yourself, “This chick going to let me hit for 7 months and she don’t want nothing” something usually wrong with the chick. That really only works for breezies and women who say they focused on their career and all that means is high class lose women. Don’t try me on this paragraph either because I can go on for days about women who have s*x-only relationships and something wrong with them.

Oh and shenanigans on this story, wasn’t only a physical relationship. Why this chick feel like she can even talk to you this way? You said quality time but only in the bedroom, you didn’t say all we did was have s*x. Y’all probably had small talk here and there or spent what would have been the equivalent of playing WWF for hours with each other. You guys probably had deep conversations about something and that made her start liking the way you think because it obviously couldn’t be because she was like, “I want you to be my boyfriend because you come over here and blow my back out and then leave without even the decency to take off your Jordan 9s.”

I like this guy

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I used to think men play games. Now, I just think they remain true to themselves and no one else until they feel its right for them.

If the ball is in his court...
He will date you, be excited, you do something he doesn't like, then he's ready and will move on.

This is why I am soooo adamant about myself and every women delaying sex until you feel you have a guy that wants you for more than a good time (mainly already in a committed relationship that is positively progressing and marriage definitely in the foreseeable future). Sex complicates relationships. I don't know ANY women that can maintain a friends with benefits relationship with a man for an extended period of time (beyond 3 months).

These days, men are out for self. You have to be smart about what stage a man is in his life. Its not hard to figure out either. We women just tend to believe if we go with the flow, don't demand too much, and in time, he'll realize you're the best thing to happen to him. FAIL!!!

Don't give these men power he don't deserve. MAJORITY OF THESE GUYS DO NOT HAVE YOUR BEST INTEREST AT HEART. Protect your garden

The better option...
Tell him you're looking for a committed relationship, leading to a relationship and you're not giving it up until you're in a safe and loving relationship. This will eliminate majority of potential heartbreak. For those that stay around after this, "listen" to their actions and look for consistency between words and actions. If he starts talking about space, not being ready, or anything along that line in the relationship, you decide to continue or give him space so he can figure it out. Typically, with space, he'll come running back once being a bachelor isn't fun anymore which doesn't take too long.

 

[Zuleika]

I like this guy

I like that post too. I like that he didn't suck up to the OP (Slim) He told the truth.

 

[mischka]

The thing that bothers me is it's still requiring for the woman to be the one constantly conceding. You can say "I won't sleep with you until we're in a committed relationship." And if the dude is a scumbag, he'll be like, ok I'm your boyfriend and play the role for awhile but after he gets tired of hitting it, if he don't like you, he's still out. Then what happens, you probably end up feeling even MORE insecure because now you have trusted where you shouldn't have.

Dudes are just creeps and I am uncomfortable with the idea of using sex in a tool of a power struggle. Why can't a guy just be upfront with his wants and expectations? Instead of circling everything around trying to figure out a way into your pants.

Men need to be accountable for their actions and their deceptions. Unfortunately, I can't really see any way to avoid being deceived by a guy who is determined to deceive you, though I do agree that by forcing the issue of abstaining, you will weed out at least some. It's going to take being a really good judge of character at the end of the day, not any kind of strategy or war tactics.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

^^^That's why it's not about delaying sex. Its about weeding out the bad from the good. And you have pay attention to his actions and words. I prefer the wait till marriage approach because thats a definite that he's there for the long haul but to each their own.

If you want sex for sex, do it but know you can't do it for but so long without getting in your feelings.

If you looking for a relationship and you have a history of men hitting and quitting, delaying is your best options. You are more objective with the peen clouding your judgment.

 

[nappystorm]

I like that post too. I like that he didn't suck up to the OP (Slim) He told the truth.

I do too. Slim either is a douche or either he's just extremely stupid not to see his part in this. There are plenty of people I know will let me get over because of their feelings for me but I have enough character not to take advantage of someone just because "I can".

 

[BeautifulFlower]

All truth...men play dumb for convenience. They know whats up. Women do not just get hook out a dude because of peen. Its peen mixed with quality time with me liking the way you think and the way you make me feel. All that is a lethal weapon for ANYONE (men or women). But thing that makes it burn is if the peen was good and he bounces.

Dr. J says:
May 9, 2011 at 12:14 pm
Men give themselves all types of reasons to not be at fault for some things. I’ll be the one to keep it real. Women have endorphins and oxytocins. Once you start having relations, they can’t help but catch feelings unless they got a chemical inbalance. And isn’t that odd, that you would have relations with someone and your body’s reaction to letting someone inside of you releases hormones of affection. After all what can come of a little s*x other than a kid or a life threatening injury?

This my point. I really disagree with a lot of the dudes here today. That’s cool though. For starters you know that women are wired in a way to grow feelings for the man they sleeping with on a regular basis. Men don’t peep it because we sleeping with multiple women, but a woman might only be sleeping with you, or you’re her #1 and those other guys is just to pass the time. Another thing i’m seeing here a lot today is about she never said nothing… don’t give me that BS, people have non-verbal communication too. And you know it, if not then you are reducing yourself to caveman status. Pick your position. Most dudes know that the chick is developing feelings, or they have overwhelming evidence to suggest that she is and they just be n*ggas and don’t do nothing about it. Later they’ll raise a “she’s passive” card. Nah son, keep it trilla.

If NOT, if you are like, nah she wasn’t giving me no signs whatsoever then you should have concluded that something was wrong with her. If you thinking to yourself, “This chick going to let me hit for 7 months and she don’t want nothing” something usually wrong with the chick. That really only works for breezies and women who say they focused on their career and all that means is high class lose women. Don’t try me on this paragraph either because I can go on for days about women who have s*x-only relationships and something wrong with them.

Oh and shenanigans on this story, wasn’t only a physical relationship. Why this chick feel like she can even talk to you this way? You said quality time but only in the bedroom, you didn’t say all we did was have s*x. Y’all probably had small talk here and there or spent what would have been the equivalent of playing WWF for hours with each other. You guys probably had deep conversations about something and that made her start liking the way you think because it obviously couldn’t be because she was like, “I want you to be my boyfriend because you come over here and blow my back out and then leave without even the decency to take off your Jordan 9s.”

 

[TamedTresses]

I do too. Slim either is a douche or either he's just extremely stupid not to see his part in this. There are plenty of people I know will let me get over because of their feelings for me but I have enough character not to take advantage of someone just because "I can".

Yeah...Slim is a douche. I know a couple douche bags just like him too.

 

[Zuleika]

Yeah...Slim is a douche. I know a couple douche bags just like him too.

 

[MuseofTroy]

These situations can be avoided if women stop having sexual relations with men who are not making a commitment to them. The modern view of sexuality has really hurt women when it comes to relationships and dating. Most of us are not equipped to have casual sex. We need to value ourselves enough to walk away even when it’s not convenient if the guy we are dating will not step up to the plate. We sell ourselves short and SETTLE by allowing men to classify us as f-buddies. When a man wants to downgrade you to that of a screw buddy that should tell you right then and there he isn’t worth your time and doesn’t value you as the gem. Basically you are a cum dumpster to satisfy his sexual urges without any of the commitment or responsibility. We can talk all day about this issue but each woman needs to determine her own value and conduct herself accordingly.

 

[LovelyPiratess]

I like this guy

I read the blog pretty often and what's ironic is that Dr.J is the one who would typically write posts like this and Slim is the level-headed cool one.

 

[UrbainChic]

Just to play devil's advocate: Ladies, when you stop talking to a man, do you give him a reason why? I've read many times where the ladiies here will just stop answer a man's phone calls because of XYZ.

Guilty as charged. Not everyone deserves a long drawn out explanation, especially early on. I've known you for a month and now I've disappeared. You know what that means? It means I'm not into you, and if you can't figure it out you're probably retarded so you should KIM anyway.


That whole dialogue annoyed the hell out of me, and its not the male blogger that annoyed me. Its miss Jenn calling him up that I found all kinds of funky. My biggest problem with this Jenn girl, is not that she asked, but how she asked.

I've been rejected before, I'm not new to that song and dance at all, hell I 've got the routine memorized but I'm sorry honey-- my self worth and value as a human being does not come from a man.A man just like any other of the 3 billion men on this planet is really going to deem me worthy of love? Nuh-uh. It is not a matter of "am I good enough for him" but "are we good for one another?"

by asking "Why wasn't I good enough" she is implying that she needs to know why she was not worthy of his commitment, when it is not ever a matter of worth. Unless homegirl has crazy low self esteem I just don't see asking that kind of question as 100% genuine. Asking " why wasn't i good enough" in my opinion smacks of trying to make him feel bad and guilting him for choosing not to be with her.

We all choose who we want to be with, and sometimes we miscalculate and think we have a great match when the partner in question does not agree. It happens, its called dating.

What homegirl should have asked is "Why do you think we didn't work out" or something along those lines about why the relationship never materialized. Even then, the feedback you get may not even be that helpful. For example I may define being social completely differently than someone else does, so if homeboy is like " you go out too much" that same amount which is too much for homeboy could be "you never want to go out" for the next guy because these things are relative. So even when you seek feedback, you need to take it with a grain of salt.

This is why the question needs not to be " what is wrong with me?" or "why aren't i good enough" but more " what wasn't working in this relationship (or in this case nonrelationship)?" When you ask the first question you end up with more ammunition to give yourself a complex, deem yourself unworthy of love and hate yourself. When you ask about the relationship you get feedback on where conflict arrises and you can reflect on how to manage it in the next relationship. Using my example from before about going out too much, when you look at that feedback from the relationship lense, you can realize that you need a partner who understands and has similar social habits.

Haven't you ever seen crazy homeless people with no teeth in love with one another? They work because they match, its is not a matter of who is good enough or not good enough. I mean okay I may say to my best friend "Oh Most-recent-date-guy is a loser because he smokes pot all day" but in reality we don't work not because he is a loser and i am gods gift to earth, we don't work because we have incompatible lifestyles. Tommorw he may wake up and find love with the marijuana princess of his dreams and I can go find my happily ever after with someone who enjoys looking down on drug use all day with me. It isn't REALLY about who is worthy or not. Its about a good match.

Jen girl has some serious self esteem problems if she is asking about her worthiness. But we all should have seen that from the fact that she was allowing herself to be in a half relationship for all that time when its obvious she wanted more. Getting by on emotional scraps and hoping she could grow on him or con him into a relationship with time.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

This is I am saying...you're color box don't have magic fairy dust...he not mesmerized.

These situations can be avoided if women stop having sexual relations with men who are not making a commitment to them. The modern view of sexuality has really hurt women when it comes to relationships and dating. Most of us are not equipped to have casual sex. We need to value ourselves enough to walk away even when it’s not convenient if the guy we are dating will not step up to the plate. We sell ourselves short and SETTLE by allowing men to classify us as f-buddies. When a man wants to downgrade you to that of a screw buddy that should tell you right then and there he isn’t worth your time and doesn’t value you as the gem. Basically you are a cum dumpster to satisfy his sexual urges without any of the commitment or responsibility. We can talk all day about this issue but each woman needs to determine her own value and conduct herself accordingly.