First date and the guy didn't even offer to pay...

[princessnad]

Good to read your update. I often wonder if the rules are just a little too strict for real life and real people. I am trying to get out of that mindset myself.

Naw. I think like she said, he was emotionally scarred and emotionally unavailable for 3 months.

When he was ready, I'm sure he showed true interest and pursued.

You never know when a man is going to get over their "distrust and discomfort" with the whole female gender. No point in chasing him until he figures out he is ready. Have fun with and date other people in the mean time.


Their is no rule against that between "friends", right?



Either way, she still was following the rules, She waited for him to contact her:

.... but if I never had calm down, patiently wait for him to contact me and spend more time together I would have never gotten to where I am now.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

If you bothered to look at the dates you would have found I posted this over a year ago and got my answer..what sort of question is that..

To the people still supplying good advice a year on thank you, but this was sorted 11 months ago...
But since people are really keen I shall provide an update, I usually don't come on this part of the forum anymore so I was REALLY suprised to see this thread still going I came here because I was looking for one year anniversary ideas for the same guy. I have been in a relationship with his guy for nearly a year (One year on the 21st). I'm very happy and he does treat me so hopefully it will stay as strong as it is now.
I discovered three months into the relationship that he didn't pay for our first date because he wanted just to start off as friends as first, he admitted he was attracted to me but his last girlfriend nearly broke him into pieces and as a result was wary of our gender, seeing some of the coments on this board I don't blame him.... but if I never had calm down, patiently wait for him to contact me and spend more time together I would have never gotten to where I am now.
I have learned that if a guy doesn't pay on the first date it doesn't automatically mean he's not into you, there is no firm set of rules to govern how you live your love life, and you must do what you feel is right for you.
Don't just drop a man you find attractive because of a certain rule, give him a chance to prove you wrong.

**Again ladies one year ago question..enough

Chiba i see you haven't changed in the last year

 

[Rastafarai]

he admitted he was attracted to me but his last girlfriend nearly broke him into pieces and as a result was wary of our gender, seeing some of the coments on this board I don't blame him....

No she didn't.


*SMDH*

 

[Serenity_Peace]

Chiba, perhaps you've made a very valid point. "The Rules" expect way too much from women. And as it turns out as you say, he was "that into you." However, from your update it seems that you did indeed follow one cardinal rule: you waited for him to contact you, which I still think is very smart. Why waste your time on a guy who doesn't show interest. It's just waste of time. At any rate, the women on the forum do mean well. Try not to take things too personally.

 

[Chiba_revolution]

To be honest I did have a look at the rules and I tried to follow them in the start, but I couldn't keep it up. I felt it went against my personality, and if a guy was going to not be interested in me it would because of who I was, not who I pretended to be. I started to appear cold...

However, from your update it seems that you did indeed follow one cardinal rule: you waited for him to contact you, which I still think is very smart.

Yes, I agree that appears to be the only rule I followed, but I saw this more of a common courtesy. I just didn't want to bother him, not that I wanted him to chase me. However, if the the rules work for some people that's great, but they weren't for me.

Chiba i see you haven't changed in the last year

Je Ne Sais Quoi, I would like to say thank you. I believe I have changed a lot in the last year, but my misplaced anger was because of my lack of understand. I was grateful for your help.
(First love made me a little crazy)

 

[gabulldawg]

Hopefully OP is getting the relationship she wants and isn't settling for less than she deserves.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

To be honest I did have a look at the rules and I tried to follow them in the start, but I couldn't keep it up. I felt it went against my personality, and if a guy was going to not be interested in me it would because of who I was, not who I pretended to be. I started to appear cold...



Yes, I agree that appears to be the only rule I followed, but I saw this more of a common courtesy. I just didn't want to bother him, not that I wanted him to chase me. However, if the the rules work for some people that's great, but they weren't for me.


Je Ne Sais Quoi, I would like to say thank you. I believe I have changed a lot in the last year, but my misplaced anger was because of my lack of understand. I was grateful for your help.
(First love made me a little crazy)

Chiba it's all good Ultimately, i'm glad you were able to figure things out and you were able to get your man. You are a spitfire!!

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Hopefully OP is getting the relationship she wants and isn't settling for less than she deserves.

I don't get the impression Chiba is settling for anything lol. I hope she is getting everything she desires as well. Hell, please wish that for me now and hopefully it will come true this year

 

[kayte]

I don't get the impression Chiba is settling for anything lol. I hope she is getting everything she desires as well. Hell, please wish that for me now and hopefully it will come true this year

Neither do I.
For him to have opened up with some thing that was so hurtful and devastating like that meant there was some measure of trust and caring to begin with for the OP and for you OP to have gotten that info meant you had to have had some confidence in yourself to believe it wasn't
personally a reflection ON you.....
He was smart to start slow ..friendship is a major foundation
and OP was thoughtful to care ..not calculated like the Rules
for desired out come,but a restraint premised on true caring
for the other person's well being

Sounds like a lot of maturity,honesty, respect and trust
between two caring people who are growing into somethng special
that's real intimacy...

I admire by her own admission that the OP is not a :"Rules" woman
but her "own woman"

I learned a lot from you...OP thanx


and
Happy Anniversary to you both

 

[Theresamonet]

If you bothered to look at the dates you would have found I posted this over a year ago and got my answer..what sort of question is that..

To the people still supplying good advice a year on thank you, but this was sorted 11 months ago...
But since people are really keen I shall provide an update, I usually don't come on this part of the forum anymore so I was REALLY suprised to see this thread still going I came here because I was looking for one year anniversary ideas for the same guy. I have been in a relationship with his guy for nearly a year (One year on the 21st). I'm very happy and he does treat me so hopefully it will stay as strong as it is now.
I discovered three months into the relationship that he didn't pay for our first date because he wanted just to start off as friends as first, he admitted he was attracted to me but his last girlfriend nearly broke him into pieces and as I result was wary of our gender, seeing some of the coments on this board I don't blame him.... but if I never had calm down, patiently wait for him to contact me and spend more time together I would have never gotten to where I am now.
I have learned that if a guy doesn't pay on the first date it doesn't automatically mean he's not into you, there is no firm set of rules to govern how you live your love life, and you must do what you feel is right for you.
Don't just drop a man you find attractive because of a certain rule, give him a chance to prove you wrong.

**Again ladies one year ago question..enough

DUH!!!!!

That was the point. You came and posted here for advice a year ago...caught an attitude with everyone who tried to give you any...then ran off to read "the rules" and never came back to say you ended up with the dude after all. Calm down.

 

[vevster]

I'm not sure what's wrong with me so I'll try to explain. I met this guy he's cute, funny and we share similar interests. We met at a club and have been txting everyday for a month untill we went on our first date on Friday.

We went to the cinema, pub and even Mcdonalds
But not once did he offer to pay for anything he didn't even buy me a drink. I dunno...I was expected to be spoiled a bit. And another thing it's like I'm doing most of the chasing, I had to arrange the first date, I had to tell him how I feel first and even had to start asking him about a second date.

I don't get it, he says he really really likes me but it feels like I'm doing everything. I've even told him about this and he still thinks that I am going to arrange the second date.

Is he not that interested? Shy? Clueless? Immature? Opinions please he's making me mad. And I'm I wrong to feel a little resentful that he didn't even pay for anything?

**He did walk me home though**

I bolded the problems......

 

[Chiba_revolution]

DUH!!!!!

That was the point. You came and posted here for advice a year ago...caught an attitude with everyone who tried to give you any...then ran off to read "the rules" and never came back to say you ended up with the dude after all. Calm down.

You have written basically the exact same thing in both posts, except in the second quote you elaborated on what happened as if to make a bigger point..

I have already said thank you to the people who gave me advice, and got quite defensive because I misunderstood what the posters were talking about in terms of rules that was obvious. I have apologised to people who have helped me, and remain very grateful.

I wouldn't have thought anyone would care much how my relationship turned out so no I didn't update. I forget sometimes how tight knit of a community this forum is, and I am very happy because of it.

However, neither of your post were helpful or funny. I am not planning to start an arugment on my favourite forum, and tarnish this board. So out of respect for this forum, I shall ignore your posts from now on.

 

[Chiba_revolution]

So..today is the 21st and Joe is taking me out to dinner on Saturday night, I have an exam on Saturday morning so I can't go anywhere at the moment.
It's strange I actually got my anniversay gift ideas by reading this board... some favourite dvds... and a pair of Wolverine boxers

Nice little final update

 

[coconow2007]

sorry didn't see the original date on this post - so disregard......

 

[Chiba_revolution]

I need to change this title... actually changed OP to update