First date and the guy didn't even offer to pay...

DragonPearl said:
He is really not into you. Stop trying so hard to have a relationship with him and stop wasting your time.

If a man is not into you, unless you're the queen of seduction (and I doubt you are, it takes skills most American are not aware of), there is nothing you can do.
Click to expand...

Is there something we should know? I want to be the queen of seduction!:lachen:
 
redRiot said:
Is there something we should know? I want to be the queen of seduction!:lachen:
Click to expand...

Lol.

Disclaimer: I AM NOT A SEDUCTRESS, but I have encountered a few seductresses, and I have watched them weave their web like spiders around their preys. Quite fascinating actually... :look: They are patient and have a keen understanding of the male psyche. Imo, it takes a certain mindset to be a seductress. Lack of morals also helps. lol. Just so you know, seduction is a mind game. It's not about giving the best blo job.

Good primer: The Art of Seduction
http://www.amazon.com/Art-Seduction-Robert-Greene/dp/0142001198

Fascinating book about history's famous seductresses, not for the faint of heart: Seductress: Women Who Ravished the World and Their Lost Art of Love (Paperback) by Elizabeth Prioleau

http://www.amazon.com/Seductress-Wo...=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1231987615&sr=1-1
 
Last edited:
At 25 he knows exactly what he is doing, or what he is not doing. By you making all the plans, going out with him, and then making arrangements to get together again, he knows he doesn't have to do anything. You even confronted him about this and it hasn't moved him. Therefore, you should let it go until his ACTIONS start saying he is interested.
 
He really doesn't seem to be into you at all. Sorry, you shouldn't have to do all those things. He should be doing them, but since he's not, don't call/text him again. I would say drop him, but I don't think you'd even have to go that far. He's not even "with" you.
 
Cichelle said:
So stop doing everything. Go on enjoying your life. If he really really likes you, he'll start doing something.
Click to expand...

Ditto! I agree.

Some men are not affectionate, but they will let you know when they're into you; and sweetie, he's just not into you. And even if he was, he obviously doesn't know how to treat a lady. Do you really wanna settle for a man like that? You know you deserve better than that! :yep:

Je Ne Sais Quoi said:
Sounds like you are doing everything all wrong. My biggest advice to you is "stop being the man in this relationship". Stop chasing this guy and you will save yourself a lot of headache. Let him chase you. Stop texting him so much, stop talking to him all the time. STOP MAKING HIM A PRORITY when you aren't.
Click to expand...

Double Ditto!
 
DragonPearl said:
Lol.

Disclaimer: I AM NOT A SEDUCTRESS, but I have encountered a few seductresses, and I have watched them weave their web like spiders around their preys. Quite fascinating actually... :look: They are patient and have a keen understanding of the male psyche. Imo, it takes a certain mindset to be a seductress. Lack of morals also helps. lol. Just so you know, seduction is a mind game. It's not about giving the best blo job.

Good primer: The Art of Seduction
http://www.amazon.com/Art-Seduction-Robert-Greene/dp/0142001198

Fascinating book about history's famous seductresses, not for the faint of heart: Seductress: Women Who Ravished the World and Their Lost Art of Love (Paperback) by Elizabeth Prioleau

http://www.amazon.com/Seductress-Wo...=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1231987615&sr=1-1
Click to expand...

Thanks! Alright let's see what kind of trouble I can get myself into.:yep:
 
Chiba_revolution said:
I'm not sure what's wrong with me so I'll try to explain. I met this guy he's cute, funny and we share similar interests. We met at a club and have been txting everyday for a month untill we went on our first date on Friday.

We went to the cinema, pub and even Mcdonalds :lachen:
But not once did he offer to pay for anything he didn't even buy me a drink. I dunno...I was expected to be spoiled a bit. And another thing it's like I'm doing most of the chasing, I had to arrange the first date, I had to tell him how I feel first and even had to start asking him about a second date.

I don't get it, he says he really really likes me but it feels like I'm doing everything. I've even told him about this and he still thinks that I am going to arrange the second date.

Is he not that interested? Shy? Clueless? Immature? Opinions please he's making me mad. And I'm I wrong to feel a little resentful that he didn't even pay for anything?

**He did walk me home though**
Click to expand...

How old are you and the guy?
 
Kim, it's just an ego trip for him. When a man is into you, he will fall all over himself to do for you and to be with you. How it starts is how it ends. If he does nothing for you now, what is he going to do for you later? Run like the Diva you are. When the right one comes along (and he will) he will brake his neck trying to woo you.
 
:perplexed Oooo doesn't so good! With me still being wet behind the ears in this "dating game" which I no longer want to play. I went on my first in June 2008; I was a sucker many times. I thought I was being courteous offering to pay all the time. The thing is the few guys I did go out with would never turn my offers. They would never say "Oh no! I couldn't let you since you got me last time" or anything like that. So I would end up sometimes paying for date 1, but def paying for 2 and 3. They were just so happy that they found a sucker williing to pay for every date. They would say things like, "I like you because you're different, you are not a gold digger like these other females out here." Obviously this didn't last more than three dates when I started to feel used due to my kindness, because whenever I told them I didn't have any $$$ there was no date. They would eventually stop calling me anyways and I had spent $$$ on them for nothing. Took me a whole yr of doing that before I finally learned that women should not be paying all the time or at all. My father and other male family members broke it down to me. 1) You don't have to pay a man to pursue you. 2) Let the man be a man and pay. 3) Only offer pay sometimes only AFTER you have entered a serious relationship. I learned from my long-married (all over 25 yrs) female family members that none of them had to pay for any date until they were in at least far into a serious, committed relationship as for casual dating the woman's $$$ among other things should be off limits. After all I am just a poor part-time worker and full-time student and these guys had full-time jobs (or so they told me). I will not be dropping a single dime on any date in 2010 (only maybe for the tips):yep:
 
Last edited:
Chiba_revolution said:
I'm not sure what's wrong with me so I'll try to explain. I met this guy he's cute, funny and we share similar interests. We met at a club and have been txting everyday for a month untill we went on our first date on Friday.

We went to the cinema, pub and even Mcdonalds :lachen:
But not once did he offer to pay for anything he didn't even buy me a drink. I dunno...I was expected to be spoiled a bit. And another thing it's like I'm doing most of the chasing, I had to arrange the first date, I had to tell him how I feel first and even had to start asking him about a second date.

I don't get it, he says he really really likes me but it feels like I'm doing everything. I've even told him about this and he still thinks that I am going to arrange the second date.

Is he not that interested? Shy? Clueless? Immature? Opinions please he's making me mad. And I'm I wrong to feel a little resentful that he didn't even pay for anything?

**He did walk me home though**
Click to expand...

Nope..a woman needs to feel 'taken care of'...this dude made not one effort to show you he is THE MAN OF THE HOUSE. You paid for your own movie ticket, Mickey D's and the pub drink? He had no explanation for his shoddy behavior? Bubbye...
 
softblackcotton said:
:perplexed Oooo doesn't so good! With me still being wet behind the ears in this "dating game" which I no longer want to play. I went on my first in June 2008; I was a sucker many times. I thought I was being courteous offering to pay all the time. The thing is the few guys I did go out with would never turn my offers. They would never say "Oh no! I couldn't let you since you got me last time" or anything like that. So I would end up sometimes paying for date 1, but def paying for 2 and 3. They were just so happy that they found a sucker williing to pay for every date. They would say things like, "I like you because you're different, you are not a gold digger like these other females out here." Obviously this didn't last more than three dates when I started to feel used due to my kindness, because whenever I told them I didn't have any $$$ there was no date. They would eventually stop calling me anyways and I had spent $$$ on them for nothing. Took me a whole yr of doing that before I finally learned that women should not be paying all the time or at all. My father and other male family members broke it down to me. 1) You don't have to pay a man to pursue you. 2) Let the man be a man and pay. 3) Only offer pay sometimes only AFTER you have entered a serious relationship. I learned from my long-married (all over 25 yrs) female family members that none of them had to pay for any date until they were in at least far into a serious, committed relationship as for casual dating the woman's $$$ among other things should be off limits. After all I am just a poor part-time worker and full-time student and these guys had full-time jobs (or so they told me). I will not be dropping a single dime on any date in 2010 (only maybe for the tips):yep:
Click to expand...

Better to learn now than later. I'm sorry you went through all that, but you're definitely wiser now!!! :yep:

Glad you had a good father and other male relatives to tell you about the game.
 
Wake up! You're in this thing by yourself!! When a man is truly attracted to a woman he will go out of his way to study her and attempt to fulfill her ever desire. Men are natural hunters but when the thing he's chasing plops itself at his feet, the thrill of the chase is gone. You should be mad at yourself for not recognizing your true worth. Why should he pay for anything when he knows you're so desperate to be with him that you will settle for whatever treatment he dishes out. No he is not interested because you're not giving him anything to be interested in. He's not shy. Otherwise, he would have stayed home. He isn't clueless but a clever, heartless manipulator. He's definitely immature because a man not male, as he is, would not toy with the affections of a woman he's clearly not interested in. Bottom line: move on and the next guy that comes along, let him do the chasing and remember, you're the prize you've been searching for, not him. An excellent book to help you discover your worth is: Secrets of an Irresistible Woman by Michelle McKinney Hammond. It's EXCELLENT!! Know that you are a beautiful creation of the Almighty God and behave as such. Peace and love to you sister.
 
Chiba_revolution! :hiya:

Single women of ALL ages really should revisit "The Rules" and "He's Just Not That Into You" no matter how experienced they think they are.

Let me share my dating story:

So I'm back on dating websites, trying my luck again. Came across this dude's profile. We have an incredible amount of things in common. It's almost scary how much our profiles align. Based solely on his profile, he's an attractive, educated, successful man. So, I "winked" at him. Instead of responding by sending me a message, he winked back. (Not looking good.)

So I took a chance and sent him a message. I kept it short and to the point, not divulging any additional personal information, but simply letting him know that I enjoyed reading his profile and that it seemed that we have a lot in common. He responds back (2 days later) suggesting that we exchange phone numbers for a chat and leaves his number. Now, I didn't want the ball in my court, so I sent him a message back with my phone number, hoping that he'd call me! I was hoping that he'd chase me, since I had already laid the foundation for the chase in the beginning. The ball, again, was placed squarely in his court. No call for 1 week. So I ended up emailing him. (Wrong Answer!) I asked if he had changed his mind and didn't want to chat. He responded by telling me that he had been busy and trying to get through the week. (Translation: I didn't want to call you because I'm just not that into you.) So, I left him alone. I felt that if he was serious about calling me and us having a chat, he would have done so. Finally, I heard from him on Friday afternoon. He sent me a message. NO PHONE CALL. In his message, he asks me if I'm available to get together this weekend. (WRONG ANSWER!) I responded to his message that I'm unavailable and busy all weekend. He has not responded, though I see that he has been active on Match.com, so I'm sure he received my message and is just choosing not to respond.

I'm done with that and on to better things. And to think that the title of his profile is something like, "Ladies, only respond if you're serious! No games!" Yeah, right!!! :hardslap::hardslap:

So it doesn't matter how old or experienced we are, sometimes we could use a swift kick in the rear when failing to listen to that inner voice that often tries to warn us.
 
You stepped outside your role as a woman..you can't be the chaser and then think you will get spoiled..I have learned that the hard way..its like good works in comparison with God's grace..you can work until the wheels fall off but you won't see anything
 
Why do people do this? I HATE that ish...Why start a thread and never come back
Click to expand...

If you bothered to look at the dates you would have found I posted this over a year ago and got my answer..what sort of question is that..

To the people still supplying good advice a year on thank you, but this was sorted 11 months ago...
But since people are really keen I shall provide an update, I usually don't come on this part of the forum anymore so I was REALLY suprised to see this thread still going I came here because I was looking for one year anniversary ideas for the same guy. I have been in a relationship with his guy for nearly a year (One year on the 21st). I'm very happy and he does treat me so hopefully it will stay as strong as it is now.
I discovered three months into the relationship that he didn't pay for our first date because he wanted just to start off as friends as first, he admitted he was attracted to me but his last girlfriend nearly broke him into pieces and as a result was wary of our gender, seeing some of the coments on this board I don't blame him.... but if I never had calm down, patiently wait for him to contact me and spend more time together I would have never gotten to where I am now.
I have learned that if a guy doesn't pay on the first date it doesn't automatically mean he's not into you, there is no firm set of rules to govern how you live your love life, and you must do what you feel is right for you.
Don't just drop a man you find attractive because of a certain rule, give him a chance to prove you wrong.

**Again ladies one year ago question..enough
 
Last edited:
Chiba_revolution said:
If you bothered to look at the dates you would have found I posted this over a year ago and got my answer..what sort of question is that..

To the people still supplying good advice a year on thank you, but this was sorted 11 months ago...
But since people are really keen I shall provide an update, I usually don't come on this part of the forum anymore so I was REALLY suprised to see this thread still going I came here because I was looking for one year anniversary ideas for the same guy. I have been in a relationship with his guy for nearly a year (One year on the 21st). I'm very happy and he does treat me so hopefully it will stay as strong as it is now.
I discovered three months into the relationship that he didn't pay for our first date because he wanted just to start off as friends as first, he admitted he was attracted to me but his last girlfriend nearly broke him into pieces and as a result was wary of our gender, seeing some of the coments on this board I don't blame him.... but if I never had calm down, patiently wait for him to contact me and spend more time together I would have never gotten to where I am now.
I have learned that if a guy doesn't pay on the first date it doesn't automatically mean he's not into you, there is no firm set of rules to govern how you live your love life, and you must do what you feel is right for you.
Don't just drop a man you find attractive because of a certain rule, give him a chance to prove you wrong.

**Again ladies one year ago question..enough
Click to expand...

Good to read your update. I often wonder if the rules are just a little too strict for real life and real people. I am trying to get out of that mindset myself.
:)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

CaramelPrincezz
Foot Massage On The First Date?
Replies
16
Views
312
Kerryann
Kerryann
S
Letting him pay your cab fare
2
Replies
51
Views
1K
Mortons
M
MzLady78
Who Should Pay for the First Date?
2 3
Replies
67
Views
1K
WhipEffectz1
WhipEffectz1
B
Dating more than one guy........
Replies
15
Views
316
cocosweet
cocosweet
envybeauty
Dating -- who pays? when?
2 3
Replies
83
Views
1K
cuteazz1
C
Back
Top