Who Should Pay for the First Date?

[MzLady78]

I'm sure this has probably been asked before, but I don't feel like searching, LOL.

Last night I had a guy tell me that he found it very unattractive that I thought he, as the man, should pay. We've talked alot on here about guys wanting the benefits that come along with dating, but don't want to put in the effort and to me, this is an example. Now I'm not saying that I'll never pay for date, I will and I have in the past. But this is the first time I've ever had this be an issue. I tried to make plans for us to go out a few times and he did admit that this was part of the reason that he always put it off.

Now, we've decided that we're just gonna be cool for other reasons so ultimately it doesn't matter, but I'm really interested to know what you ladies think about this.

 

[Soliel185]

If someone asks me out then I expect them to pay for the meal/whatever.

I bring $$ just in case he turns out to be a total douche and I need to walk out and grab a cab or something.

Me treating or us going Dutch is reserved for relationships and dates past the 2 week mark....IMO

 

[Starian]

I'm of the mind frame that on the first date it's whoever did the inviting. Usually that's the man, so...

But he just sounds cheap and stingy as hell. Who puts off a date for the anticipation of having to pay for it?

 

[MzLady78]

If someone asks me out then I expect them to pay for the meal/whatever.

I bring $$ just in case he turns out to be a total douche and I need to walk out and grab a cab or something.

Me treating or us going Dutch is reserved for relationships and dates past the 2 week mark....IMO

This is exactly how I feel.

 

[MzLady78]

I'm of the mind frame that on the first date it's whoever did the inviting. Usually that's the man, so...

But he just sounds cheap and stingy as hell. Who puts off a date for the anticipation of having to pay for it?

When he told me this, I was in complete disbelief.

Funny thing is that we hang out at the same bar and I've seen him buy rounds of drinks for his boys and stuff but he NEVER offered to buy me one. Ever.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

MzLady78, I know the feeling... as of late a lot of guys are really playing into that, the girl should offer to pay or go dutch... TO ME that's NOT courtship...

My thing is, I am not that type to be like let's go to this expensive place, yadda yadaa... A walk in the park is fine by me, followed by a local cheap resturant would be cool.... I know times are tough out there, and I dont want a guy to be breaking bank just to see if there is a connection...

These new millennium men are a mess...

 

[Divine_Order]

Any guy that I date can safely assume that he will be paying for the first and all other dates to follow. On occassion, I wouldn't mind shelling out some cash...but it would be because I feel it would be a nice gesture, not because he felt it necessary. I hate cheap and stingy men.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Um no. Man asks, man pays. It doesn't have to be expensive. Men have lost their minds...

 

[MzLady78]

MzLady78, I know the feeling... as of late a lot of guys are really playing into that, the girl should offer to pay or go dutch... TO ME that's NOT courtship...

My thing is, I am not that type to be like let's go to this expensive place, yadda yadaa... A walk in the park is fine by me.... These new millenuim men are a mess...

Exactly. The funny thing is we weren't even talking about dinner or anything, we were talking about going to the friggin movies! It kept coming up that we both wanted to see the Samuel Jackson movie and the Pacino/DeNiro one so I'm like well, what's up, let's go. He always had some excuse and as it turns out, he resented my expectation that he pay.

 

[MzLady78]

Any guy that I date can safely assume that he will be paying for the first and all other dates to follow. On occassion, I wouldn't mind shelling out some cash...but it would be because I feel it would be a nice gesture, not because he felt it necessary. I hate cheap and stingy men.

You know, I think this is why I need a man older than myself and by older I mean like 10+ years. Because my experience has been all the dudes that I go through this with are either 30 like me or maybe 2, 3 years older.

I'm sure there are older men who are like this, don't get me wrong, but it's been overwhelming the younger guys.

 

[MzLady78]

Um no. Man asks, man pays. It doesn't have to be expensive. Men have lost their minds...

Girl, I took my damn self to Legal Seafood Sunday night and spend almost $100. I don't need a man to take me somewhere nice. But you're giving me grief about a $10 movie? WTF??

 

[Divine_Order]

You know, I think this is why I need a man older than myself and by older I mean like 10+ years. Because my experience has been all the dudes that I go through this with are either 30 like me or maybe 2, 3 years older.

I'm sure there are older men who are like this, don't get me wrong, but it's been overwhelming the younger guys.

Yep I tend to date older men (not Anna Nicole older, maybe a few years on me). My current SO is the same age as me, but has old skool values. He was raised by his grandmother and grandfather, so needless to say...he's the perfect gentleman.

So guys our age with old skool courting values are still out there, we just have to sift through all the cheap knucleheads to get to them.

 

[Makenzie]

If someone asks me out then I expect them to pay for the meal/whatever.

I bring $$ just in case he turns out to be a total douche and I need to walk out and grab a cab or something.

Me treating or us going Dutch is reserved for relationships and dates past the 2 week mark....IMO

Exactly.

Girl, I took my damn self to Legal Seafood Sunday night and spend almost $100. I don't need a man to take me somewhere nice. But you're giving me grief about a $10 movie? WTF??

Good you recognize lameness upfront. It saves you so much time, energy and heartache. And sometimes even $.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

When he told me this, I was in complete disbelief.

Funny thing is that we hang out at the same bar and I've seen him buy rounds of drinks for his boys and stuff but he NEVER offered to buy me one. Ever.

Steve Harvey was talking about this on his show once. His conclusion was that 'in his day' men wanted to impress women, whereas nowadays men want to impress other men.

It also sounds like dude was looking for some free booty. All these low expectations having chickens givin up *** without even getting a drink of water are killin the game maynnnnn.

 

[MzLady78]

Yep I tend to date older men (not Anna Nicole older, maybe a few years on me). My current SO is the same age as me, but has old skool values. He was raised by his grandmother and grandfather, so needless to say...he's the perfect gentleman.

So guys our age with old skool courting values are still out there, we just have to sift through all the cheap knucleheads to get to them.

Girl, that's all I'm doing these days is sifting. This ---- is ridiculous.

 

[Divine_Order]

Steve Harvey was talking about this on his show once. His conclusion was that 'in his day' men wanted to impress women, whereas nowadays men want to impress other men.

It also sounds like dude was looking for some free booty. All these low expectations having chickens givin up *** without even getting a drink of water are killin the game maynnnnn.

PREACH!!!!

 

[dlewis]

Before marriage I never paid for a date. I pay for date now because I'm the only with money because I manage the money.

I just wanna say that I think women get the short end of the stick alot. If a man wants to date you, it just seems like he should be the one paying for the dates until marriage. I can't even wrap my mind around the woman paying for the date.

Recently one of my younger first cousins called me on a friday night to see what I cooked. He said he was gonna bring his friend over to meet me. HE BROUGHT HER OVER TO MY HOUSE TO EAT, his first date with this girl he bring her to my house for a free meal, like I got money to be feeding people I don't know. I told her infront of him that this should be her last date with him, if he couldn't cough up the money to take her to a decent resturant, she was wasting her time. Dh was like "Dee just stop, young peope do thing differently"

He called me the next day and said he had hit that.

 

[MzLady78]

Steve Harvey was talking about this on his show once. His conclusion was that 'in his day' men wanted to impress women, whereas nowadays men want to impress other men.

It also sounds like dude was looking for some free booty. All these low expectations having chickens givin up *** without even getting a drink of water are killin the game maynnnnn.

I know that's right.

I'm like am I trippin? I didn't think I was, butI'm like let me get some 3rd party feedback.

 

[Zaynab]

Before marriage I never paid for a date. I pay for date now because I'm the only with money because I manage the money.

I just wanna say that I think women get the short end of the stick alot. If a man wants to date you, it just seems like he should be the one paying for the dates until marriage. I can't even wrap my mind around the woman paying for the date.

Recently one of my younger first cousins called me on a friday night to see what I cooked. He said he was gonna bring his friend over to meet me. HE BROUGHT HER OVER TO MY HOUSE TO EAT, his first date with this girl he bring her to my house for a free meal, like I got money to be feeding people I don't know. I told her infront of him that this should be her last date with him, if he couldn't cough up the money to take her to a decent resturant, she was wasting her time. Dh was like "Dee just stop, young peope do thing differently"

He called me the next day and said he had hit that.

I know. I feel bad for women these days because men are just low balling more more now. But its because some chicken head slut-bucket is out there allowing him to do so and taking his little crumbs

Mz- HE should pay for the first date and honestly any and all subsequent dates beyond that. I firmly believe that if a man wants to be with a women, bad enough, he'll borrown $50 bucks to take her out if money was an issue. Dutch and you paying comes IMO LONG after you have been dating, long after the 'talking' stage and still then, I'm not cool with it but I knwo things are different now from when I was dating. But some basic ground rules should apply.

If that is the reason he's been putting off the date, do not talk to him anymore, do not stop at go. Don't even be "cool" with him. Men do for who they want, when they want. Not to say its you or a personal slight towards you but just as you said he will buy his boys drinks, can't buy a lady he's interested in a friggin meal?

Refer to "Why men love w(b)itches" and "he's just not that into you"...meaning men will do what they want for who they want, when they want, go above and beyond if they want to. He's a buster that he even said that to you

 

[LivingDoll]

Girl, that's all I'm doing these days is sifting. This ---- is ridiculous.

I know that's right...I'm tired of wading through mud.

 

[MzLady78]

Before marriage I never paid for a date. I pay for date now because I'm the only with money because I manage the money.

I just wanna say that I think women get the short end of the stick alot. If a man wants to date you, it just seems like he should be the one paying for the dates until marriage. I can't even wrap my mind around the woman paying for the date.

Recently one of my younger first cousins called me on a friday night to see what I cooked. He said he was gonna bring his friend over to meet me. HE BROUGHT HER OVER TO MY HOUSE TO EAT, his first date with this girl he bring her to my house for a free meal, like I got money to be feeding people I don't know. I told her infront of him that this should be her last date with him, if he couldn't cough up the money to take her to a decent resturant, she was wasting her time. Dh was like "Dee just stop, young peope do thing differently"

He called me the next day and said he had hit that.

Damn.........

@ the bolded, I'm at a point where I refuse to settle. The fact that is was even an issue is crazy.

But we established last night that because of his last relationship, he has very negative opinion of women in general, that we're all the same, and I believe this is one of the many ways that it manifests itself. The time we've spent together in total adds up to less than a day, yet somehow I get lumped in the every other woman.

I told my girl you know what? Surely there's someone out there who will think I'm special and will want to spend time with me and will have no problem spending money to do so. If not, hey, I guess that solo trip to Legal's was the first of many.

 

[Divine_Order]

Girl, that's all I'm doing these days is sifting. This ---- is ridiculous.

It will get better There are PLENTY of good ones out there!

 

[GodsGrace]

Before marriage I never paid for a date. I pay for date now because I'm the only with money because I manage the money.

I just wanna say that I think women get the short end of the stick alot. If a man wants to date you, it just seems like he should be the one paying for the dates until marriage. I can't even wrap my mind around the woman paying for the date.

Recently one of my younger first cousins called me on a friday night to see what I cooked. He said he was gonna bring his friend over to meet me. HE BROUGHT HER OVER TO MY HOUSE TO EAT, his first date with this girl he bring her to my house for a free meal, like I got money to be feeding people I don't know. I told her infront of him that this should be her last date with him, if he couldn't cough up the money to take her to a decent resturant, she was wasting her time. Dh was like "Dee just stop, young peope do thing differently"

He called me the next day and said he had hit that.

Well I guess I must be old then, cause I've never thought that way, and I'm glad you said something to her D, she might have thought that was cute or something (which she might have since she let him get that). How you gon take somebody on a date to somebody else house for free food? No sirree Bob.

 

[MzLady78]

I know. I feel bad for women these days because men are just low balling more more now. But its because some chicken head slut-bucket is out there allowing him to do so and taking his little crumbs

Mz- HE should pay for the first date and honestly any and all subsequent dates beyond that. I firmly believe that if a man wants to be with a women, bad enough, he'll borrown $50 bucks to take her out if money was an issue. Dutch and you paying comes IMO LONG after you have been dating, long after the 'talking' stage and still then, I'm not cool with it but I knwo things are different now from when I was dating. But some basic ground rules should apply.

If that is the reason he's been putting off the date, do not talk to him anymore, do not stop at go. Don't even be "cool" with him. Men do for who they want, when they want. Not to say its you or a personal slight towards you but just as you said he will buy his boys drinks, can't buy a lady he's interested in a friggin meal?

Refer to "Why men love w(b)itches" and "he's just not that into you"...meaning men will do what they want for who they want, when they want, go above and beyond if they want to. He's a buster that he even said that to you

Okay!!!

You know how many drinks I've gotten from guys that I ONLY see/talk when I come to the bar, guys that are strictly platonic?

Yet you're "feeling me" and I can't get a drink or taken out on a date?

*Throws up the deuces*

 

[MzLady78]

I know that's right...I'm tired of wading through mud.

I feel you, girl.

 

[dlewis]

Damn.........

@ the bolded, I'm at a point where I refuse to settle. The fact that is was even an issue is crazy.

But we established last night that because of his last relationship, he has very negative opinion of women in general, that we're all the same, and I believe this is one of the many ways that it manifests itself. The time we've spent together in total adds up to less than a day, yet somehow I get lumped in the every other woman.

I told my girl you know what? Surely there's someone out there who will think I'm special and will want to spend time with me and will have no problem spending money to do so. If not, hey, I guess that solo trip to Legal's was the first of many.

There is . And you'll be glad you didn't settle when he comes along.

I seriously don't know what I would do if I was dating now.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

That's it... I think he is playing to see how you will respond... will you buckle and offer to pay.... shoo, I would talk to him about going to see movie, if no offer to go as a date, go see it BY MYSELF, see how he reacts to that...

 

[dlewis]

Well I guess I must be old then, cause I've never thought that way, and I'm glad you said something to her D, she might have thought that was cute or something (which she might have since she let him get that). How you gon take somebody on a date to somebody else house for free food? No sirree Bob.

Girl I was hot and he was over there looking like "I wonder if she gonna hit me again". She was looking scared to.

 

[LivingDoll]

Well I guess I must be old then, cause I've never thought that way, and I'm glad you said something to her D, she might have thought that was cute or something (which she might have since she let him get that). How you gon take somebody on a date to somebody else house for free food? No sirree Bob.

I never thought that way either.

I'm thinking that she was flattered that he took her to meet family...she sounds young & dumb.

 

[Zaynab]

Well I guess I must be old then, cause I've never thought that way, and I'm glad you said something to her D, she might have thought that was cute or something (which she might have since she let him get that). How you gon take somebody on a date to somebody else house for free food? No sirree Bob.

These little chicken wing head girls these days don't care, she prolly thought it was cute because he brought her around his folks and they fed her like she was family.