When you get discouraged, remember: A LOT can change in a short amount of time!

I met DH at a super market. My previous relationship was five years long and was going absolutely no where. After a few unsuccessful connections, I decided that I would no longer be looking for a man and I would be eternally single (and I was perfectly fine with it). Like the other ladies said, I enjoyed life, held great conversations with nice guys I would meet along the way, etc. One day I met my FH in the grocery store. During one of our early conversations he told me that I would be his wife one day. I was still in the mindset of never getting married so I backed off. We kept in touch over the phone, and would meet from time to time, but nothing progressed because of my fear of getting hurt. Then he moved out of state and during a phone conversation he shared how he truly felt about me. I was touched. We started a LDR and would talk on the phone like high schoolers till 2-3 in the morning. He then decided to move back to my home town to be with me. I picked him up from the airport and he was wearing a three piece suit. He surprised me by proposing at the airport. Technically, we didn't even get to do the traditional relationship thing. We just celebrated 6 years of marriage in April.

Life is amazing in that it appears one way today and tomorrow, something totally unexpected and wonderful could happen. I met him at the same grocery store that I would go to several times a week. I did nothing differently, God brought him to me.
 
What a wonderful story n vizion. Your story is proof that it's not necessary to go looking for a man. The bible relays he that finds a wife finds a good thing. We as women have to position ourselves to be found and to be that good woman. You evidently did just that. Ladies just stop looking! When you go looking is when you always find or end up with someone who is not good for you anyway.
 
n_vizion said:
Life is amazing in that it appears one way today and tomorrow, something totally unexpected and wonderful could happen. I met him at the same grocery store that I would go to several times a week. I did nothing differently, God brought him to me.
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n_vizion beautiful story. A friend and I was discussing this the other day. About why women feel the need to do more to attract a husband. When it's time it's really you just doing the things you normally do everyday. Nothing extra! So thank you for this! Definitely confirmation from the Lord.

I will say a woman should always be prepared as in looking/smelling good, etc. But that's something a woman should do everyday (as much as possible) anyways.
 
lushcoils said:
Not always. Some of us have to look, some of us don't. Do what works for you.
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Of course do what works for you. Not knocking that. However if you keep doing the same thing over and over and not seeing results is the equivalence of insanity. It's all related.
 
MarriageMaterial said:
n_vizion beautiful story. A friend and I was discussing this the other day. About why women feel the need to do more to attract a husband. When it's time it's really you just doing the things you normally do everyday. Nothing extra! So thank you for this! Definitely confirmation from the Lord.

I will say a woman should always be prepared as in looking/smelling good, etc. But that's something a woman should do everyday (as much as possible) anyways.
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Exactly. Thank you. If you are intent upon going out in public looking like something buckwheat pooped out don't be complaining you don't get male attention. Look presentable and respectable.
 
Glib Gurl said:
I have a bunch friends who went from being uber-single to happily married in less than a year. All were in their 30s.

One had just gotten out of a relationship with the man she thought was "the One." Then, two months later she met a new guy randomly at a happy hour. Within 5 months they were engaged. Within a year, they were married.

Another friend met a guy on match.com. She was actually only a member for a hot minute and then decided to cancel her subscription. When doing so, she responded to his email simply by saying, "Look I'm cancelling my membership, but if you want to contact me, here's my personal email address." Within 4 months, they were engaged. Within the year, they were married. By their 2nd anniversary, she was pregnant.

I have two other friends who got married in their mid-30s. All were pregnant by their third anniversary. In fact, one of them just had baby No. 2.

So, take heart, my sisters. Your whole life can change in a very short period of time. So enjoy the now :yep:
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Amen, amen, and amen again! This is so true. My hubby reminds me of this every time I complain about my job situation. The year we started dating, I was hanging out, traveling, dealing with sorry guys and not really caring. He and I went out on 1 date, and in a little over six months we were engaged. We've been married going on 5 years and have two of the most beautiful kids :rolleyes: (I know, I'm very biased). It seems like just yesterday, I was single and losing any and all hope of meeting anyone or ever having children. It seems like the blink of an eye.

I know I keep saying it, but I'll say it until it hits home. Explore your passions, you know those things that other people might think are weird (for me, it was starting martial arts training at age 32) I didn't meet anybody worth dating doing that, but my husband thinks that is one of the coolest things about me. Your interests and passions make you who you are. So many people don't explore outside of the mundane because they think it will make them nerdy, weird, "crunchy," crafty, whatever. But someone out there is going to think it's the bee's knees, and that someone is going to like you for the real you. :: steps off soapbox ::

P.S.--enjoy being single and childless while it lasts!!!!!!!! :lachen:
 
Cherokee-n-Black said:
Amen, amen, and amen again! This is so true. My hubby reminds me of this every time I complain about my job situation. The year we started dating, I was hanging out, traveling, dealing with sorry guys and not really caring. He and I went out on 1 date, and in a little over six months we were engaged. We've been married going on 5 years and have two of the most beautiful kids :rolleyes: (I know, I'm very biased). It seems like just yesterday, I was single and losing any and all hope of meeting anyone or ever having children. It seems like the blink of an eye.

I know I keep saying it, but I'll say it until it hits home. Explore your passions, you know those things that other people might think are weird (for me, it was starting martial arts training at age 32) I didn't meet anybody worth dating doing that, but my husband thinks that is one of the coolest things about me. Your interests and passions make you who you are. So many people don't explore outside of the mundane because they think it will make them nerdy, weird, "crunchy," crafty, whatever. But someone out there is going to think it's the bee's knees, and that someone is going to like you for the real you. :: steps off soapbox ::
P.S.--enjoy being single and childless while it lasts!!!!!!!! :lachen:
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I like your whole post, but especially the part in bold.
 
My interests and hobbies were all very girly and I did them and enjoyed them: knitting and raising houseplants. I joined the clubs and even went to the conventions. They are all women and/or old people. :giggle: They never helped me find anyone and no one cares about them. :lol: I still like them and do them, just saying, me at the African Violet Society of America's annual convention http://www.avsa.org/NationalConvention.html :giggle: didn't help my dating life at all, though I don't doubt hobbies have helped others.

What did help was me going out with the intention of finding someone and working on smiling at people and trying to talk to them. That helped a lot.
 
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EbonyEyes said:
Wow Glib Gurl - This was an on-time message for me. Thank you so much!

On 12/30/10, I broke up with my boyfriend who has been my love and my best friend for 10 years. We were high school sweethearts and had been talking marriage since college. He told me in 2009 that he would be proposing in 2010 but the proposal never came. But that wasn't even my biggest issue. He had not been treating me very well this past year; my parents noticed it and my godmother noticed it and told me that I deserved better. I kept all of my feelings about the relationship to myself and cried silently in my room often. A few times during the year, I prayed about the situation and while crying expressed that I was afraid that I would never be with anybody else and that I would be all alone.

Well on 12/30/10, I had a talk with the Lord and asked Him to forgive me for my lack of trust in Him. I dried my eyes and made a decision to end the relationship that day. I wanted 2011 to be my fresh start.

I went over to his house and let him know that the relationship was over. He then admitted that people had been constantly asking him when he was going to propose; he was waiting for the right moment to propose to me but that moment never came for him. He says that he's not against the institution of marriage but he's not ready to be married now. He then told me that I deserved better.

So at 26 years old, I am truly a single woman for the first time in 10 years. I don't know what the future holds but as long as I have God on my side, my future will be very bright. I'm going to enjoy my life as a single woman, have a social calendar, meet new people, make further strides in my career, and most importantly work on my relationship with the Lord. I don't need to worry about when and where I'll meet my future husband. I don't need to go out looking for him - I believe he will find me at the right time.

Thank you to all that shared your wonderful love stories!
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Wow, your story touched me. I was in a similar situation, thanks for sharing!
 
I can definitely attest to this and this thread helped me when I was single. I was in a relationship with my ex for five years and at the end of the five years, with no commitment in sight, I decided to end it and look for someone who wanted more. My ex wasn't abusive or anything, just was not ready commit and we were heading in different directions. It really hurt to leave him and I honestly thought I wouldn't meet anyone else. Ever. I spent a few months dating losers and being in a different city from my family and friends, in the evenings I would get so lonely. I eventually gave up on dating completely. I started working out, looked after my hair, bought a new wardrobe and made an effort to make new friends. I got comfortable and gained weight while I was with my ex which made me feel even less hopeful about meeting someone new. But I decided that there was no point in hating my self - then I'd just be fat and miserable! Might as well be fat and fly!

I met my new SO on eharmony, after I had pretty much given up on online dating. I checked my emails one day and replied straight away when I saw his profile. Things have been so different with him. From day one he's treated me like a princess. He wont even let me catch the train to visit him - he drives three hours to pick me up from where I live so that I can visit him. We've talked marriage etc and we have a time frame set. A few months ago I was ready to give up on men. I was ready to be single forever. Now I'm talking marriage with the most caring, sincere, cute guy in the world (IMO - but I'm biased lol). I hope this doesn't sound like bragging but the feelings of giving up on love are so fresh to me that I want single ladies to know that there are great guys out there, of all races ( we talk a lot about not finding good black men, but they do exist) who will treat you like the queen you are. Things can change very quickly! It just takes that one chance encounter or meeting to change the rest of your life.
 
I just emailed a friend saying I was discouraged about some things. I sign into LHcF and this is the 2nd thread that shows on my screen. I'm taking that as a sign! :)
 
PositivelyBeautiful said:
I can definitely attest to this and this thread helped me when I was single. I was in a relationship with my ex for five years and at the end of the five years, with no commitment in sight, I decided to end it and look for someone who wanted more. My ex wasn't abusive or anything, just was not ready commit and we were heading in different directions. It really hurt to leave him and I honestly thought I wouldn't meet anyone else. Ever. I spent a few months dating losers and being in a different city from my family and friends, in the evenings I would get so lonely. I eventually gave up on dating completely. I started working out, looked after my hair, bought a new wardrobe and made an effort to make new friends. I got comfortable and gained weight while I was with my ex which made me feel even less hopeful about meeting someone new. But I decided that there was no point in hating my self - then I'd just be fat and miserable! Might as well be fat and fly!

I met my new SO on eharmony, after I had pretty much given up on online dating. I checked my emails one day and replied straight away when I saw his profile. Things have been so different with him. From day one he's treated me like a princess. He wont even let me catch the train to visit him - he drives three hours to pick me up from where I live so that I can visit him. We've talked marriage etc and we have a time frame set. A few months ago I was ready to give up on men. I was ready to be single forever. Now I'm talking marriage with the most caring, sincere, cute guy in the world (IMO - but I'm biased lol). I hope this doesn't sound like bragging but the feelings of giving up on love are so fresh to me that I want single ladies to know that there are great guys out there, of all races ( we talk a lot about not finding good black men, but they do exist) who will treat you like the queen you are. Things can change very quickly! It just takes that one chance encounter or meeting to change the rest of your life.
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Great and positive story. There are men out here who are the best men all of us have dreamed at being with. You just have to be that great women in the first place to be found by that best man. You positioned yourself and was found by one of the good ones. You didn't go looking:yep::grin:

If you have the mentality that they are no good men out here guess what? That is all your going to find and attract. I like your attitude and spirit because it reminds me of where I am at this point in my life. Single, trying to get healthy, losing weight, becoming more social etc.
 
VelvetRain said:
Great and positive story. There are men out here who are the best men all of us have dreamed at being with. You just have to be that great women in the first place to be found by that best man. You positioned yourself and was found by one of the good ones. You didn't go looking:yep::grin:

If you have the mentality that they are no good men out here guess what? That is all your going to find and attract. I like your attitude and spirit because it reminds me of where I am at this point in my life. Single, trying to get healthy, losing weight, becoming more social etc.
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needed to read the bolded...not that I think there are no good men out there I just tend to think I wont find any of them but I'm always faithful in everyone else's relationship Kinda as if i'm preparing myself just in case I dont get what I want...hate to be disappointed but after reading this I need to drop that mentality Thanks:yep:
 
stephluv said:
needed to read the bolded...not that I think there are no good men out there I just tend to think I wont find any of them but I'm always faithful in everyone else's relationship Kinda as if i'm preparing myself just in case I dont get what I want...hate to be disappointed but after reading this I need to drop that mentality Thanks:yep:
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stephluv I was like you, especially the bold. I had to reset my mind to think that about myself. It was like I was putting everyone else ahead of myself. I have a totally different mindset, I'm just patiently waiting for the time. But I do keep myself busy so I won't think about not being with someone.
 
I needed this today. I have been seeing someone for 9 months, who has decided to tell me he is not ready for a relationship, but wants to continue seeing me... confusing!

Today I got the strength to walk away. It's a shame because we got along so well, and didn't argue. However a couple weeks ago alarm bells started ringing when I found out he still has regular contact with his ex.

Thank you for this thread and your stories ladies. Hopefully I'll be able to contribute a happy story one day :)
 
Girls keeps confessing positive things over your life. Do NOT allow yourself to speak negatively about yourself or your future! When there is no sign of anything happening, keep hoping on in faith.

Like my pastor says you don't prepare for stepping into your suddenly. You just get out of the boat!
 
Thanks for these wonderful stories, ladies. I really needed to read these. I'm only 25, but have been feeling like I'm may end up living as an old, lonely cat-lady due to all of the male disappointment that I have been experiencing. This thread reminds me that I shouldn't think like that. Everything will happen in due time when God is ready for me to have it! :yep:
 
I've been feeling kinda down recently but this thread has encouraged me. Thankssss so much for your stories!
 
Ebony Majesty said:
I needed this today. I have been seeing someone for 9 months, who has decided to tell me he is not ready for a relationship, but wants to continue seeing me... confusing!

Today I got the strength to walk away. It's a shame because we got along so well, and didn't argue. However a couple weeks ago alarm bells started ringing when I found out he still has regular contact with his ex.

Thank you for this thread and your stories ladies. Hopefully I'll be able to contribute a happy story one day :)
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Ebony Majesty I wrote about a guy I was seeing who wasn't ready as well....he's behaving VERY diff. these days but I met someone else so...go out and meet as many new-news as you can, you got the goods so use it! Make THEM an option and enjoy dating!
 
Wanted to bump this thread with an update. In Feb I finally let go of this guy I had been on/off with for 4 years. For the first time ever, I had no one and I let my self-esteem suffer. After 2 months of self-pity, I decided it was time for a new me. I started going to the gym, doing more girly stuff, getting more involved with church, volunteering, but I was still single.

Then, in August out of the blue here HE comes. Single, good job, no kids, regularly attends church, and good looking. No matter what we are doing, we are cracking each other up.

THINGS CAN CHANGE QUICKLY. Don't lose faith...
 
A wonderful and very encouraging thread - thank you for all your inspiring stories ladies. I really don't know what the future holds in regards to a relationship, but I am determined that I should "get right" and enjoy my life regardless. I'm going to get out there and really make a go of my life. I get it - things will happen on time and on God's schedule and I want to ensure I'm ready to grasp new opportunities when they present themselves.
 
I want to encourage the over 40's and 50's out there. It's not too late for us either. Trust God and He will do it!

After waiting years for her old boyfriend to marry her, my 51 yo gf married her new husband this summer (after a 6 mo courtship). Then, she encouraged me to contact my ex bf (who's been trying to get back with me for 9 years).

I don't usually condone going back to an ex, but sometimes we are our own worst enemy. After her wedding, I called him and he let me know right away that he has been praying for the day that I become his wife. Needless to say, we will be the next ones walking down the aisle. :-)

I thank God for giving us this second chance!
 
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