When you get discouraged, remember: A LOT can change in a short amount of time!

These are beautiful stories. I appreciate the ladies that were kind enough to share their stories. Bottom line keep a positive attitude be proactive in going after what you want and reap the results. This is my motto for 2011.

Thickhair and Natural in atl can you clarify on what your mindset was during the time before you met your husbands or future husbands? I swear a lot of this depends on what your mindset is like before you can attract a like minded person. If you feel like you have nothing to offer someone and generally don't feel good about yourself people can sense that as well.
 
This is so very true. A friend of a friend was 29 and quite sad that she hadn't met anyone yet, well she met someone and within 9 months dude proposed to her and following that they got married. When ppl are ready to get married they will. The older you are the more you have an idea as to whether or not you are compatible w/ someone to marry them. I honestly feel the older you are that within 6 months, you have a good idea if you want to be w/someone or not. If marriage is the goal, there is no need to be wasting time w/ someone whose goal and timeframe is not in line with yours.
 
Thanks for this thread. I'm 38 and not a man I want in sight. I let it go to God finally about 2 months ago because it was REALLY driving me crazy and making me so sad. :nono: Now, I'm in a much better place, I'm enjoying my life and I gave it to God.
 
VelvetRain said:
Thickhair and Natural in atl can you clarify on what your mindset was during the time before you met your husbands or future husbands? I swear a lot of this depends on what your mindset is like before you can attract a like minded person. If you feel like you have nothing to offer someone and generally don't feel good about yourself people can sense that as well.
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I knew what I wanted and I let the guys know up front, that I was not looking to, "kick it" with no one. FH let me know right away that he was looking for a wife and if I was not seriously marriage minded then it wouldn't work. We were very casual and since we are in a LDR we have had indepth talks about everything under the sun, from our favorite collection as a child to how we wanted to raise kids and where we wanted to retire. I also told him that I wanted to be #1 in his life. This was possible because he didn't have kids.
 
VelvetRain said:
These are beautiful stories. I appreciate the ladies that were kind enough to share their stories. Bottom line keep a positive attitude be proactive in going after what you want and reap the results. This is my motto for 2011.

Thickhair and Natural in atl can you clarify on what your mindset was during the time before you met your husbands or future husbands? I swear a lot of this depends on what your mindset is like before you can attract a like minded person. If you feel like you have nothing to offer someone and generally don't feel good about yourself people can sense that as well.
Click to expand...

The bolded sentence is exactly right. My mindset was all about having fun and I enjoyed conversations with many dudes b/c I wasn't desperate for a relationship. My friends and I would go to events and befriend guys all the time and were not concerned about a "love connection". We were just open to connecting with men on any level. This carefree, light and easy conversation was very attractive to men - we would usually get hit on eventually during the conversations, even though that wasn't our goal.

I was also bettering myself at the time (and continue to) - I attended church regularly and worked in a ministry (most importantly I was growing my relationship with God), I was in an MBA program that I loved, I volunteered every other weekend with women in rehab for drug/alcohol addictions, spent quality time with friends, enjoyed trips with friends/family and had a busy full-time job. That said, I was very confident and knew that I was a great catch and deserved a great catch as well.

Overall, my mindset was all about meeting new people, having new experiences and creating a life that I enjoy and at the same time was not so full that I couldn't fit in time for someone special.

I just asked my fiance what my demeanor seemed like when he met me and what attracted him to me. He said:

- you seemed very upbeat, positive (he said this was the #1 most attractive thing about me)
- you came across as free spirited and almost adventurous like you were open to new/fun things
- you seemed like you were very well rounded, and have been exposed to a lot of different things
- you seemed professional, which was attractive

Hope that helps!
 
I am so glad glib started this thread. I have been doing a lot of reading over the past couple of weeks and just talking to a few of my guy(platonic) friends about this stuff. The general consensus with them and what you ladies have relayed proves that when men are ready truly ready to settle down and come in contact with a like minded woman who truly has stuff going for her, kind, genuine etc. they act pretty quickly or within a reasonable time frame of marrying that person.

For the past two years I have truly felt like a complete arse for wasting 4 years of my life in a dead end relationship that of course went nowhere. Thank god I have wised up and never plan to find myself in that position again.
 
I have one! A dear friend started seriously dating someone in May of 2010. He proposed on Christmas morning 2010. And, he came correct with a gawgeous ring and a very creative proposal. He also promised to buy her a new house and told her to sell her house and bank the proceeds into her own private account for her to keep! (this is following a very tough 7 year relationship that never resulted in marriage for her.) OH....she's 40! :lol: And, this is her FIRST marriage. So....age ain't nothing but a number. I was inspired by her story as well!
 
I'm so glad you started this thread. I needed the encouragement. Both my friends are with their intended husbands.

I'm like the only one out in the middle of nowhere. The only thing I know and has been confirmed; that when my husband do show up it will happen so fast my head will spin. I can't wait for this to happen.

When things are right, God moves quickly and accurately, there is nothing left to question.

I do agree if you are ready for marriage, men know and you will attract men who are also ready for marriage. I noticed that I'm getting alot more attention from men, since I decided to become a wife.
 
Wow Glib Gurl - This was an on-time message for me. Thank you so much!

On 12/30/10, I broke up with my boyfriend who has been my love and my best friend for 10 years. We were high school sweethearts and had been talking marriage since college. He told me in 2009 that he would be proposing in 2010 but the proposal never came. But that wasn't even my biggest issue. He had not been treating me very well this past year; my parents noticed it and my godmother noticed it and told me that I deserved better. I kept all of my feelings about the relationship to myself and cried silently in my room often. A few times during the year, I prayed about the situation and while crying expressed that I was afraid that I would never be with anybody else and that I would be all alone.

Well on 12/30/10, I had a talk with the Lord and asked Him to forgive me for my lack of trust in Him. I dried my eyes and made a decision to end the relationship that day. I wanted 2011 to be my fresh start.

I went over to his house and let him know that the relationship was over. He then admitted that people had been constantly asking him when he was going to propose; he was waiting for the right moment to propose to me but that moment never came for him. He says that he's not against the institution of marriage but he's not ready to be married now. He then told me that I deserved better.

So at 26 years old, I am truly a single woman for the first time in 10 years. I don't know what the future holds but as long as I have God on my side, my future will be very bright. I'm going to enjoy my life as a single woman, have a social calendar, meet new people, make further strides in my career, and most importantly work on my relationship with the Lord. I don't need to worry about when and where I'll meet my future husband. I don't need to go out looking for him - I believe he will find me at the right time.

Thank you to all that shared your wonderful love stories!
 
This is for the shout out to those approaching forty and beyond. I had all but given up, even tried the Christian site Marry Well, and the post we had a while back of the guys that we personally know and hooking them up with LHCF ladies. My mindset change started five years ago. I decided to better MYSELF, go back to school, grow my hair and enjoy life. It was hard because we are relational creatures but I became happy single but never resigned myself to single hood. Fast forward to May 2009 met a new single gent at my job as a Teacher's aid who also attended my church. He was picking up his son from High School and i hesitated to say hi and be friendly but went over to him anyway thinking nothing of my friendliness. I automatically assumed he was married or divorced and just said a friendly Christian hello! *** He said that's when he "heard the bell chimes go off." Said, he was weak on his feet and said a little voice said, "Thats your wife!" He stayed in prayer about me until Jan 2010, and worked up the courage to ask me for a correspondence on a snowy Jan. night after a prayer meeting we both attended. I said sure we can start talking as friends only. He handed me 2 CDs he had made just for me:grin: Fast fwd late April 2010 he proposes marriage and by July 31,2010 We's Married NOw!!!! SO Never give UP Ladies! Oh Im 44 and up until this time marriagable men have alluded me. God is good!:yep:
 
Choclatcotton said:
This is for the shout out to those approaching forty and beyond. I had all but given up, even tried the Christian site Marry Well, and the post we had a while back of the guys that we personally know and hooking them up with LHCF ladies. My mindset change started five years ago. I decided to better MYSELF, go back to school, grow my hair and enjoy life. It was hard because we are relational creatures but I became happy single but never resigned myself to single hood. Fast forward to May 2009 met a new single gent at my job as a Teacher's aid who also attended my church. He was picking up his son from High School and i hesitated to say hi and be friendly but went over to him anyway thinking nothing of my friendliness. I automatically assumed he was married or divorced and just said a friendly Christian hello! *** He said that's when he "heard the bell chimes go off." Said, he was weak on his feet and said a little voice said, "Thats your wife!" He stayed in prayer about me until Jan 2010, and worked up the courage to ask me for a correspondence on a snowy Jan. night after a prayer meeting we both attended. I said sure we can start talking as friends only. He handed me 2 CDs he had made just for me:grin: Fast fwd late April 2010 he proposes marriage and by July 31,2010 We's Married NOw!!!! SO Never give UP Ladies! Oh Im 44 and up until this time marriagable men have alluded me. God is good!:yep:
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Beautiful story Choclatcotton! This gives me hope! I will be 37 this year with no prospects in sight it seems. Reading all of you ladies stories really gives me hope! Thank you!:yep:
 
LovelyLouboutin said:
I needed this today.
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Ditto.

I know this was meant to encourage those looking for love, but I'd like to say Glib this REALLY comforted me. When you said that your friends got pregnant soon after getting married, it gave me hope. My DH and I have been trying for a baby for a while and I've been bummed about it because I'm getting older and no kids yet.

I'm going to picture myself making the announcement in a few months because I WILL get pregnant in 2011 :)
 
Thank you Glib for starting this thread...

I went with my heart and feelings on ending it with my ex, I know that their is someone better out there for me. Until then I will pray about it and enjoy what life has to offer me.

Ladies thank you for those beautiful stories of you finding love.

I believe there is someone for everyone and like someone else said just like you are praying for that person that person is praying for you and God will make it happen for you to meet that person....

This just reminds me of when I met my first love it was just something about that moment where I eyes met and it just felt like WOW, even though him and I aren't together I remember that as if it was yesterday. I haven't had that moment with any other man, but I believe it will happen.
 
Glib Gurl said:
*taps foot impatiently*

:giggle:

Can't wait to hear your story as well!
Click to expand...

Sorry ladies...I have very little free time between new boyfriend and my son...which is a good issue to have in my opinion...but anyway...here goes:

Last December, after 15+ years apart, I reconnected with my college sweetheart. We dated and lived together through my last three years of college. We broke up after I graduated. We always kinda sorta stayed in touch, but we decided to take it a step further this time and start dating again. He's always been very fond of me and has loved me like no other man...faults and all. This past June, I found out I was carrying his child and we were happy about this....I thought. Around the same time, he was changing professions as well...we are both teachers.
The pregnancy was progressing, he had landed a new job outside of education, and things were progressing nicely until he was laid off from his BRAND new job this past August. After losing his job, he flipped the script on me and decided that he no longer wanted me to "be pregnant." :perplexed I was baffled. This was coming from the man that has loved me unconditionally half of my life, my family loved him, and he'd do anything for me...up until now. I let him know that I would NOT abort my child. Not only did he want me to have an abortion, but he wanted me to fully fund it and find someone else to take me to have it done. He wanted no parts in this at all. I told him that if this child died, it would be at God's hands and not mine. With that said, around the end of August, he walked out of my life with me being 12 weeks pregnant. To this day, I have not heard one word from this 43 year old man again. As far as I know, he still thinks I'm carrying his child. :perplexed I was devastated, shocked, heartbroken, and confused. :sad:

I vowed at that point that I was DONE with men and relationships forever. "If I couldn't get the man that had loved and respected me half my life to treat me with respect, then no other man would ever love me."---my words. I was so upset with the way he did me that I did end up losing the baby at 14 weeks into the pregnancy. (that's another story being that I have issues with recurrent miscarriages..all I needed was an ounce of stress).

I spent the first weekend after I lost my baby grieving. I ventured over to Craigslist to laugh at some of the stupid things men post in the personal ads just to get a laugh (me and one of my best friends used to do this all the time):look:. While doing so, I came across a one line profile with no pic. I read it and my son needed me so I walked away from my laptop and came back to it an hour later. The one line profile was still up. I read it again and decided to respond. There was nothing spectacular about what the guy said, but for some reason it drawn to his ad. I wasn't looking for a relationship at all, but I'm always up for making friends and didn't expect anything from it. I emailed him and the next morning I had a return email from him. We got to know each other through email for about a week and then decided to exchange phone numbers..he sent me his number. A few days after he sent his number I called him. We talked for another week through email and phone and finally set up a friendly outing. I made it clear to him that I was only looking for friends and he was fine with that.

I had to cancel our first face to face meeting because my babysitting plans fell through. I informed him that I would try to get a babysitter in the next few days so that we could meet. He told me not to worry about it. Just wait until the next weekend my son is with his father and we could meet then...those were his words. Well, that was two weeks away and he said it didn't matter to him. Told me that he really liked me and that he was willing to wait two more weeks to meet me. At that point he also told me that he was only interested in meeting me and I didn't have to worry about him meeting anyone else in between that time..because I had given him my blessing to do so if he felt inclined and didn't want to wait on me for two weeks...lol!

So our first email was exchanged September 12 and our first date finally took place on October 2...and we've been in heaven since that date. I have dated a lot of men in my life and have been in love a few times. I can honestly say that NO MAN that I have ever dated in my life has shown me the love, respect, and commitment that this man has shown me in the past four months. He has opened up his heart, his home (we don't live together), and everything that defines him to me in the past four months. He treats me like a queen, makes me feel like a queen and for the first time in my life, I feel like I am a queen that has met her king. I have no worries, concerns, unanswered questions, nor doubts about him as a person, my boyfriend, and my future husband.

I can go on and on and on about how wonderful he has been to me and what a blessing he has been in my life in the short time we've been together, but I've already dominated this post with a million characters...lol. But just know that when a man is ready, he is really ready. It's just a matter of meeting him when he's ready. And for the first time, I have met a man that is ready for marriage, family, and happiness....

I apologize for being so long winded, but I just really didn't know how to condense it..even though I left out a lot of the good stuff in an attempt to shorten it. But just when I had given up on men and I had every right to after what my ex put me through, God laid out a different plan for me. I was adamant about never having another intimate relationship in my life and I was fine with my decision, but God let me know that He's in control..not me. :yep: God knew that I was done with men forever, so he had to take me and show me that the decision was not mine to make...
and I just turned 41 the beginning of this month and he's 40. He's never been married, has a really decent job, owns his home, has a 17 year old son, is a wonderful father, believes in God... very handsome, tall, articulate, and puts my needs above his own all the time. Told me he loved me first, keeps his fridge and pantry stocked with my goodies...never calls me by my real name...only refers to me as "Luv" or "Beautiful"....refuses to go to bed until he has called me to "hear my voice"....responds to my text messages in a very timely manner (small thing I know, but ladies some men just don't get it), always answers when I call his phone (small thing here as well, but still)...wrote me a poem and framed it on our first date and signed it with both our names on the back of the frame...and the list goes on.
 
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foxxymami said:
Ditto.

I know this was meant to encourage those looking for love, but I'd like to say Glib this REALLY comforted me. When you said that your friends got pregnant soon after getting married, it gave me hope. My DH and I have been trying for a baby for a while and I've been bummed about it because I'm getting older and no kids yet.

I'm going to picture myself making the announcement in a few months because I WILL get pregnant in 2011 :)
Click to expand...

Please keep the faith. You will become a mother when God wants you to become a mother. I had to realize this as well. Before I gave birth to my son, I had six miscarriages with a still birth as well. I wanted to be a mom so badly and kept trying and miscarrying. I was determined to make it happen. After the last loss before my son was conceived, I gave up on trying to ever have a child because I couldn't just couldn't bear losing another baby. At 35, I became pregnant and had him at 36...AFTER I had given up on ever being a mom. And now my blessing from God will be 5 years old next month. :drunk:
 
I got married at 49 to a wonderful awesome man. We've been happily married for 11 years. Don't let a number make you think it's too late!!
PS....he is 7 years younger than I am :lick:.
 
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Glib Gurl, this thread is so inspiring. Thank you. I think as long as we continue going out and putting ourselves out there, there is hope for all of us regardless of age.
 
^^^^^^^^^ I agree! What a beautiful thread with such positive and uplifting stories about life, love and newfound motherhood!
 
deltadreamland said:
Please keep the faith. You will become a mother when God wants you to become a mother. I had to realize this as well. Before I gave birth to my son, I had six miscarriages with a still birth as well. I wanted to be a mom so badly and kept trying and miscarrying. I was determined to make it happen. After the last loss before my son was conceived, I gave up on trying to ever have a child because I couldn't just couldn't bear losing another baby. At 35, I became pregnant and had him at 36...AFTER I had given up on ever being a mom. And now my blessing from God will be 5 years old next month. :drunk:
Click to expand...

Your story is so profound and miraculous. I can't imagine what it must have been like to experience what you did. But, I love your happy ending. Congratulations on your beautiful blessing. I know you must love him to PIECES!
 
deltadreamland said:
I ventured over to Craigslist to laugh at some of the stupid things men post in the personal ads just to get a laugh (me and one of my best friends used to do this all the time):look:...........
Click to expand...
Another Craigslist hookup, LOL that is where I connected with my FH, he answered my ad. :)
 
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