Would you stay engaged to a guy for 9+ years?

[prettyFine]

I know this girl from my old hometown who has been engaged since the dawn of time. I met her in 2001 and she was already engaged for a couple years then. She's still engaged now...it doesn't look like a date has been set. Last time I asked her about getting married, she said she and her fiance were saving up for the wedding because they wanted to pay for it themselves. She seems like she's fine with it, but I don't know.

I myself wouldn't be having all that. I'd have to end it at year two if it even got to that point.

Thoughts?

 

[Determined22]

Wow, 9 years? Ain't no way I could do that. She's foolish for allowing him to string her along all these years.

 

[tocktick]

No, I would not. Since I only want a simple outdoor wedding, in the case that future DH and I had to save, I think it could be done within 1-1.5 years if we pooled our incomes. I would never want to start a marriage in serious debt. I do not see the point of having a wedding way beyond your means, when what really matters is the marriage itself and not just simply getting married.

With that said, I do not believe the reason they're still engaged after almost a decade nono is purely because of financial reasons. Someone is stalling and/or is not very serious at all. Imo, when you ask someone to marry you, you both then discuss a date and set one very soon and then begin planning.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

While it's possible to be happy waiting 9 years, I'll liken that to keeping me on layaway too long and take myself off the shelf.

I never had an 'engagement' period. I just went ahead and tied the knot.
Everyone found out, but we told them the wedding will come later.

 

[Highly Favored8]

I know some one who waited 15 years and they just got married NO, this is not the expection b/c her hubby still has his side piece! Why the Fudge did they get married anyways!

Now to answer your question this is how it goes for me.

Man asks me to marry I say yes or no. Also, the engagement ring must be on my finger the same day he asks for my hand in marriage.

I say 6 months-1 year for the wedding or court house wedding. I seen this done just recently in 4 months. No excuses no b.s. I am the woman, he found me wifey, he finds a good thing. JMHO

HECK NAW! I would not wait 9 years however, like I said I seen people wait longer.

 

[Lucie]

I really hope this man doesn't ditch her and marry someone immediately. What takes 9+ years to do? Is he an indentured servant or something? Even they had to work for 7 years to get freedom! WTH?!!!

 

[ThickHair]

No way would I wait 9 years...and I'd probably sue HIM for false advertisement. Somebody in the relationship is being made the fool of.

She can't sue for "false advertisement", (s)he are free to walk at any time.

 

[Nyssa28]

Nope. That's part of the reason why I want a DW.

 

[Blaque*Angel]

NO WAY!!! The guy obviously is not serious

 

[glam-]

I really hope this man doesn't ditch her and marry someone immediately. What takes 9+ years to do? Is he an indentured servant or something? Even they had to work for 7 years to get freedom! WTH?!!!

at indentured servant.

But, I agree, that is way too long. She is playing the fool, but now her pride won't let her walk away- because she feels that would be admitting that she palyed the foo.

 

[Vanity1]

I have known some people like this and they were only engaged in the woman's mind. They would buy their own ring and everything.

 

[Kimiche]

NO WAY. I don't understand it. I have a (kinda) friend from back home (we stay in different states) in this same situation. It's kinda why I don't talk to her much. She and her 'fiance' started dating almost two years before me and DH started dating. I have been married for almost 9 years, we dated for 1 1/2 years before that.


I got tired of talking to her because she would always talk about getting married, all the while asking if I was still married. It's like she was calling me just to find out if we were still together. Now since having babies back to back she asks if we really f*** that much. Talking about we must stay constantly F***ing. It's like its always something.

WTF? I understand why you got tired of talking to her. She needs to stay out of your business like that and get some of her own business. She's very envious of you and instead of using her time to find someone else, she's all up in your business.

 

[MD_Lady]

Nah. Even for people where this is the "real" reason for a long engagement, I don't understand putting your desire for a certain type of wedding ahead of your desire to be someone's spouse. You might want all sorts of bells and whistles to have a wedding, but you only need a license, a licensed officiant, DH, and the number of witnesses required in your state to get married.

 

[Supervixen]

I'm torn. On one hand, I feel like HELL NAW! What makes YOU so special as to wait for 9 YEARS!!

But on the other hand, if we're in LOVE...like truly in LOVE, who cares? In 9 years, alot of folks have dated, gotten married, had a baby, divorced and haven't spoken to each other in 5 years, yet we're still together and going strong. That says something...

I'm still torn, I think it's just what the OP's friend is willing to accept.

 

[Supervixen]

I have known some people like this and they were only engaged in the woman's mind. They would buy their own ring and everything.

YEAH!!!! I've seen this too.

 

[sunnieb]

No. He's just stringing her along with that lame excuse. My dh and I were married 15 years ago at the courthouse. We were young, in love, and broke.

Dh told me that we can have a ceremony for our 20th anniversary, but if it doesn't happen I'm fine with that. I guess I "settled" on the marriage and not the big wedding.

This woman needs to move on. The sad part is that she will miss the man she should be with and marry because this current guy has her on lockdown. Maybe she needs a copy of that "Rules" book.

 

[JinaRicci]

I wouldn't do it.

If it works for both of them, well... There is an excellent book though- Bridal Bargains- secrets to throwing a fantastic wedding on a realistic budget-that is just so amazing- maybe you can reco. IF that really is her only reason for waiting 9 years, why not give her a nudge. Unless they're waiting for the wedding & the $1M dollar house too.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Okay something isn't right about this.

So the only thing keeping them from getting married is the wedding? They have no idea what marriage is about if the wedding is seen as the most important aspect of the marriage. They could have gotten married at the courthouse and spent the last few years or so saving towards their future instead of some wedding.

This goes to show how confused this generation is about what marriage is. Too many people get married for the title AND the wedding.

 

[Ms Red]

Nope. Not happening.

 

[JustKiya]

My aunt-in-law was engaged for ten years.

He wouldn't marry her until she agreed to move out of her mothers house. And yes, he was willing and ready to fully provide for her.

He finally dumped her, found a new woman who was willing to be a grown up, and got married, all within a year.

Sometimes, it's not the dude being a dumbarse.

 

[Makenzie]

9 years? How much money do they need to get married? Please. They can go to city hall, a nice restaurant with a garden, a friends lovely home etc. Many options to having a small but beautiful inexpensive wedding.

After 9 years it is so not about the money.

 

[Makenzie]

My aunt-in-law was engaged for ten years.

He wouldn't marry her until she agreed to move out of her mothers house. And yes, he was willing and ready to fully provide for her.

He finally dumped her, found a new woman who was willing to be a grown up, and got married, all within a year.

Sometimes, it's not the dude being a dumbarse.

Where did she want them to live after the wedding? With her mother?

 

[JustKiya]

Where did she want them to live after the wedding? With her mother?

Yup. And no, this isn't a young gyal - she's 40 if she's a day. I don't think she really wanted to be married - she just wanted some peen around that was semi-legitimate.

But then, considering he was sleeping on her mama's dining room floor, maybe she was avoiding the peen, altogether, and he was her beard.

My in-laws are - odd.

 

[Makenzie]

Yup. And no, this isn't a young gyal - she's 40 if she's a day. I don't think she really wanted to be married - she just wanted some peen around that was semi-legitimate.

But then, considering he was sleeping on her mama's dining room floor, maybe she was avoiding the peen, altogether, and he was her beard.

My in-laws are - odd.

I understand.

 

[fattyfatfat]

sorry, but I would have kicked his butt sooner than that? 10 years...gosh!

Nope, would not do it. If there is no date set within 1 year then he probably was not serious about the proposal. I know people who have wedding dates 3 years out, but it's booked and they are making payments to the catering hall.

DH had a friend who was engaged for about 10 years. They never did get married. In fact, the guy ended up cheating on her in year 10 (and she stabbed him over it).

 

[Jade Feria]

No. He's just stringing her along with that lame excuse. My dh and I were married 15 years ago at the courthouse. We were young, in love, and broke.

Dh told me that we can have a ceremony for our 20th anniversary, but if it doesn't happen I'm fine with that. I guess I "settled" on the marriage and not the big wedding.

This woman needs to move on. The sad part is that she will miss the man she should be with and marry because this current guy has her on lockdown. Maybe she needs a copy of that "Rules" book.

That's the same thing I thought!!

My aunt-in-law was engaged for ten years.

He wouldn't marry her until she agreed to move out of her mothers house. And yes, he was willing and ready to fully provide for her.

He finally dumped her, found a new woman who was willing to be a grown up, and got married, all within a year.

Sometimes, it's not the dude being a dumbarse.

Oh my damn! It's so crazy to hear these stories about men who wont marry one woman but turn around and marry another with the quickness. And of course, the story of your aunt in law.

To everyone else - no, they don't live together. They both work, and they don't have any kids. I don't know...the whole situation perplexes me.

 

[HiBeautiful420]

Do they really wana get married? Some couples go their entire relationship together but don't marry bcuz they have been there and done the marriage thing already.

For example I have friends that have been together for over 12yrs & are still boyfriend & girlfriend. They are happy & it works for them.

Then I have a friend that has to marry whoever she is dating within 2yrs of the relationship or she walks. She has been married 3 times. She is 28. Has 5 kids with 3 babies daddies.

I guess my point is people should do what's best for them. Marriage doesn't mean you will be together forever

 

[sunflower]

My aunt-in-law was engaged for ten years.

He wouldn't marry her until she agreed to move out of her mothers house. And yes, he was willing and ready to fully provide for her.

He finally dumped her, found a new woman who was willing to be a grown up, and got married, all within a year.

Sometimes, it's not the dude being a dumbarse.

Are we related? I have a aunt who was a girlfriend for almost 13yrs. We all thought it was her boyfriend that kept putting off marriage but come to find out it was her. He finally had enough and dumper her butt after 13yrs together. He married some other woman 6 months after he dumped my aunt and he seems to be happy. My aunt had a child with this man as well. I guess she did not want to be married but he was not playing that.

 

[sunflower]

Do they really wana get married? Some couples go their entire relationship together but don't marry bcuz they have been there and done the marriage thing already.

For example I have friends that have been together for over 12yrs & are still boyfriend & girlfriend. They are happy & it works for them.

Then I have a friend that has to marry whoever she is dating within 2yrs of the relationship or she walks. She has been married 3 times. She is 28. Has 5 kids with 3 babies daddies.

I guess my point is people should do what's best for them. Marriage doesn't mean you will be together forever

I know many people like that. It seems that every time I see or talk to them they are either getting divorced or married. As you said marriage does not mean forever.

 

[sunflower]

I know this girl from my old hometown who has been engaged since the dawn of time. I met her in 2001 and she was already engaged for a couple years then. She's still engaged now...it doesn't look like a date has been set. Last time I asked her about getting married, she said she and her fiance were saving up for the wedding because they wanted to pay for it themselves. She seems like she's fine with it, but I don't know.

I myself wouldn't be having all that. I'd have to end it at year two if it even got to that point.

Thoughts?

Maybe they do not want to get married but just do not want to say so. I would not wait that long if I truly wanted to get married. I would hate to think that someone in this relationship is being stringed along.